CHAPTER SIX: BEGGININGS

Although I cannot remember when J was born, I do have memories of us as little children. When she was about three years old and I was five –we lived in England— mum had to take J to some special doctors. It's not that she was sick, it's just that she wouldn't speak.

"Mrs Lawliet, the results are back," said the aged doctor. "And…" Louise urged him expectantly, cradling a wide-eyed toddler in one arm while the other held on to the hem of her blouse.

They knew what was wrong right away. They said she was born with a defect, like she was missing something.

"Mummy, what are voco-vo… um"

"Vocal chords?"

"Uh–huh!"

"They are these tiny strings that you have right here," Louise touched a point in her son's throat, "When they move, your voice comes out."

"I get it! So that's what J is missing!"

"Exactly. That's why she can hear us but she cannot talk."

"Can't we just give her some new ones?"

Louise gave him a sad smile. "I'm afraid it's not that simple, baby…"

One thing was for sure, she was never going to have a voice of her own, or so they said. Time passed and I think J realized there was something very wrong with her because she got broodier every day. It must be frustrating, I imagine; to understand everything around you –which she did— names and concepts, meanings… and not be able to say a thing about it. I realized at once she desperately wanted to.

So I tried to help her.

She was pretty reluctant at first, tried to ignore me, but I kept trying to catch her interest.

"Hullo, J!" said the small boy enthusiastically, "want to play a game with me?"

The three-year-old in front of him nodded, tossing her bowl-cut, dark hair. "Okay then…" L continued, getting rather excited himself, "Here are the rules: You have to imitate whatever I do, no matter how silly or simple it may seem, got it?" The toddler nodded again, this time eyeing her brother suspiciously. She was no fool, but L was not easily daunted.

"If you manage to win, you'll win a great prize, one that'll last you forever! But I warn you; it's a very long game and you have to win the whole thing to get the prize. You still want to play?"

J nodded again, a rare sparkle in her eyes. She loved a challenge and her brother knew it.

I tested my theory in the guise of a game which I played with her. I had seen J laugh and cry silently before so I thought that if she could do that I might, just might, be able to make her speak –in a way. In the game I had her imitate me blowing out a candle, then shushing someone, then frosting a window with our breaths, then hissing like a snake, then sneezing, then coughing… we kept at it for hours. Some of it even made her laugh, further proving my point. We tried different sounds, each one harder than the last; growling, clicking her tongue, trilling it into a drumroll, tutting…

It had been weeks since L had first proposed that game and he decided it had been long enough. There was however, a problem: He did not know how to get her to take that last step, the hardest. L meandered through the ample, sunlit halls of their home, licking a lollypop and lost in these very thoughts.

Where was the girl anyway?

He wandered out into the yard and found a small, hunched-over figure in the middle of the grass, clad in a pale yellow dress and caramel baby boots. J crouched on the green, prickly carpet, extending a chubby hand at the bushes in front of her.

"What are you doing?" L squatted beside her, lively lamps probing her expression. J onlu pointed at the bushes, staring intently ahead. "There's something in there?"

J nodded viggurously.

"What is it?"

She frowned at him.

"C'mon, tell me! What is it?" L pressed, deepening his sister's scowl. "Okay, then what does it sound like?"

J looked back at him in dispair. Then, she curved her fingers into claws and growled.

L decided to play dumb. "What's a 'grrr'?"

J tried a different sound. She pursed her lips, then breathed an "a" into a "u". "Mau!" she uttered again and again.

"There you go!" said L, "But I still don't understand what a 'mau' is…"

J was getting more exasperated by the second. She waved her arms, spamped her feet and screamed silently as frustrated tears streamed down her pale cheeks. L did his best to remain unfazed.

"Why won't you just tell me what it's called, silly?" he insisted.

Till one day I found a way. The game ended.

"Cuh… cuh-ahh…"

It had taken them hours and a great many tears. The furry thing in the bushes was long gone but at least J was trying to say its name.

"That's it… tell me what it's called!"

"Cah… Caaahhhh-tt-t…"

"What?"

"Caaht… Cat!"

L could harldy contain his grinning, a coy thumb pressed to his lips. "Oh, so it was a cat… " They couldn't stop there, he knew it. L pointed at a tree. "And what's that?"

J told him, barely struggling this time.

"And that?"

She told him again… and again, and again as L pointed to different objects in the garden. Each word cost her a little less effort than the last.

"And who am I?"

J turned her large and very now very wet eyes at him, a big grin across her face.

"L!" she said, "brothhh-er!"

J took to speaking more frequently than I predicted. The more she learned the faster she seemed to do so. Not even a week had gone by before we were all able to talk to her… She was just fluent all of a sudden. I mean, of course she didn't have a voice per sé, but she could whisper the words, use her lips and tongue to mold the sounds.

"Brother, where are we going? Mum won't tell me," J whispered, loudly as she could, hanging on to her brother's hand as they walked home from preschool.

"We're moving," L replied simply, feeling but not showing he'd miss his current home.

"Moving where?"

"Somewhere far away… somewhere daddy's getting a good job," his voice held only a tinge of sadness.

"We won't ever come back here?"

"Oh we'll come back to visit I guess… but we're going somewhere different, somewhere special."

"Are the people nice there?"

"I dunno, J, I just don't know…"

J frowned up at him, "What are you talking about? Big brother knows more than mummy or daddy; big brother knows eveything!"

L chuckled, blushing slightly, "Someday I will…"

When we moved to Japan about a year later we went to live in a country-side house by a lake. We were homeschooled at the time and J was happy for the new challenge that was learning Japanese, we both were. She… she actually learned it faster than I did, I have to admit. Even after we moved to Canada the year after that, she still spoke to me mostly in Japanese. Mum and dad didn't like it.

Canada? Oh… well, um… In Toronto –it was— we had a large house with many rooms and— Uhh… Mr Wammy, can we continue tomorrow? Oh, no, no… I'm just— I think I'm just a bit tired, is all…

Thank you! Good night Mr. Wammy.

Of course, I'll continue tomorrow…

A/N: sighs okay... okay this took me FOREVER, I know... ugh... i had to do chemistry reinforcements in vacation and I just entered my senior year. The workload is driving me CRAZY. I actually had finished writing this in some random notebook about a week ago but only had time to pass it to PC format this afternoon.

Please forgive my delay and I'm sorry if it's a bit confusing! Simultaneous narrations are a first for me not to mention it's terribly difficult to write a long monologue for L and still keep him in character! 3 (hope I did that well enough... any reproaches please tell me!)

Anywho, the next two or three chapters are going to be somewhat like this but I'll try getting them in faster... nn¿ grumbles at chemistry homework

Please R&R

- Shiva