Chapter 18: Humble Beginnings

Disclaimer: Pffft. I don't own Gundam Seed Destiny. Otherwise this shit would be canon and Athrun would be a bigger manwhore than he already is.

Warning: Mentions of sexual stuff, strong language. The usual.

Heyyyyyy guess what? I've decided to write a prequel, at the start of Kira and Athrun's relationship. Yep. I'm not sure how soon it will be out, but the first chapter is already underway. Until then, here's a little teaser~

"Care to join us, dinosaur drawers?"

Kira finally regained motor functions, his brain finished processed the scene before him. Mmmmmkay.

"Uh…"

"Wha…Kira?" Shinn panted, sitting up on his elbows and looking around Athrun. "Why…are you in your pajamas?"

Kira looked down and then rubbed the back of his head. "Erm, sorry. I just…I remembered our conversation at the beach and…thought you were in trouble."

Athrun quirked a brow and turned back to Shinn. The younger man frowned in confusion, but then his face showed recognition. He leaned back slightly, ignoring Athrun's expectant expression. "Oh, right. I'll uh…tell you about it later. Although…you could've just called."

"Yeah, why did you come storming in here during the middle of the night?" Athrun asked.

"I…just wanted to…" Kira began but trailed off. He honestly had no idea why he felt the need to drive all the way over here so late. Was it instinctual fear based on their recent experiences? They were all still shaken up from the hospital incident, with Rey and the child molester coming after Shinn, so there was a reason to feel anxious. Did Kira honestly fear for Shinn's life, and fear Athrun would actually hurt him? Or perhaps he wanted to be more involved in their relationship. Maybe he just wanted to take that next step because he was tired of feeling left out and lonely. Lacus and Cagalli were a little love nest, and these two were going good except for the impending doom of Athrun's explosion…

"Kira! Come back to earth!" Athrun was saying, waving his hands in front of Kira's face. When did he get off the bed to stand in front of him? Was he still…?

"Um, s-sorry. I'll uh, just go now." Kira stammered, blushing and trying to ignore the full view he was receiving. He was having a hard time controlling his own feelings at the moment, but just wasn't ready to step forward.

"No, wait. You came all this way for a reason." Athrun said, reaching out to take Kira's arm. He looked back to Shinn, who was still on the bed sitting up and watching them. "Are you two going to explain what this is all about?"

Athrun's serious expression made Kira nervous all over again. "Did you, I mean, have you…" he began, then ducked his head and leaned forward a little. In a small, uneasy voice, he asked, "Have you exploded yet?"

Athrun blinked. Tilted his head to the side. "…are you asking if I had an orgasm? That's why you drove all the way over here?"

"N-no! No, no, that's not what I mean. See, Shinn and I have been talking about getting you to blow your shit and—,"

"Ohhhh, now I understand. I was really worried about you for a moment there, Kira." Athrun cut in, letting go and sitting on the bed. "Well, we had our little fight, got it all out, and then…we fucked." He shrugged.

Shinn covered his face and fell back onto the bed. "This is so awkward you guys." He mumbled.

"Wait…you fought?" Kira asked, concern in his voice and the way he bunched his eyebrows.

"Not a bad one. Shinn instigated, trying to get me angry. But we made up, so everything's fine."

"It's no big deal, Kira. I'm fine." Shinn added after seeing the brunette's wary expression.

Athrun once again glanced from one to the other. "You were that worried about him?" he asked in a low voice.

Shinn saw the muscles bunch up again in Athrun's back, could feel the strain as he watched, and heard the hint of distrust in his voice. He reached out and gently laid a hand on Athrun's shoulder, who tensed but remained still.

"I'm not…some animal. You have to trust me. Both of you." He all but growled.

"We do…" Shinn whispered soothingly.

"Obviously you don't."

"I'm sorry. I should never have brought it up." Kira said quickly.

Before Shinn could add anything, Athrun spoke up again. "Why are you acting like this?" he looked at both of them, measuring their expressions and reactions. They were careful, hesitant, like he was a bear out in the wild they happened to stumble upon and were trying to retreat from. He knew what they thought of him because of how cautious they were being. It just made him angrier, knowing they didn't trust him and wondering what went wrong.

He wished things were back to how they were, when they first met.

Athrun looked over at the other pilot in the lounge, stretched out on the couch as they waited for the battle to begin. The kid was a pain in the ass, disobedient, immature, and young. Very young. But he had potential as a pilot…and a person. He smiled, thinking he could grow to like this kid if given the chance. He received a nasty look in response, which he just shook off.

Athrun sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, resting his elbows on his knees. Kira and Shinn were still silent, watching him closely. He remembered the tension and resistance Shinn put up in the beginning, how rocky and turbulent their relationship was at first. He wanted to give up multiple times, but something drew him to the boy.

Shinn moved closer, wrapping his arms around him. "I don't want this to ruin the moment. That was…the most beautiful thing I ever experienced. You…you are awesome." He whispered.

The bluenette wanted to say something sexual and witty. Wanted to badly.

"I messed things up again, didn't I? Maybe I should just stay away and let you guys have your space. Sorry, again. I didn't mean to…" Kira mumbled and backed out of the room.

"Wait, stay here for the night. You should get some rest." Shinn told him. Athrun remained still and silent, going through everything in his mind. He was smart enough to keep himself level-headed, but even the responsible ones needed to give in to their instincts every once in a while. He wasn't sure how to fix this.

Kira started shaking his head. "I don't know…"

"Just take a guest room. We can talk everything over in the morning. I don't want you driving back this late." Shinn replied.

Kira finally nodded, looking at Athrun for a moment before he went into the next room. Shinn brushed some hair out of Athrun's face, who touched Shinn's hand, leaning back into him. Shinn smile and curled his finger in the other man's hair, remembering how much of a brat he used to be. He would purposely get on Athrun's nerves just to watch him get all huffy and preachy, for the excitement of seeing him one day snap. He also enjoyed the restraint he showed, and the strength he possessed when being pushed to the boundaries.

Shinn slammed him against the lockers, smirking slightly at the display of dominance. It was short-lived as he was pushed back and shoved to the ground, with Athrun on top with that smug look. He growled, flailing with his fists as he scrambled to switch their positions. A crowd was forming to watch their little sparring session, and he couldn't have them think he was a weakling or coward.

He also didn't want anyone to know how much he enjoyed being this close to the superior officer. Being able to touch him like this, and be touched, filled a hole inside of him. Athrun's persistence completed him in some way, despite how annoying and painful it got to hear him constantly lecturing him. But that was the thing, he was always teaching him.

Shinn never realized how important those lessons were until now. He knew he was drawn to the older man from day one. He was stronger, better in every way. Instead of seeing him as a role model, he was made into competition. Shinn wanted to be him, desperately wanted what he thought the man had. He got so frustrated when he couldn't live up to his own expectations, let alone Athrun's. He felt like he was never good enough. But to achieve the unattainable? That was a feat not many could boast of.

"I meant what I said. I mean, I thought I was the king of the bedroom, but you…you made it more than I ever knew it could be." Shinn whispered again.

"Flattery to calm me down?" Athrun asked half-heartedly.

Shinn frowned. "No. I love you. I love everything you are. Can't you tell how jealous I was—and still am—of the power you have? You have so much control, and you always have a plan. I always wanted to be like you, but was too much of a prick to admit it."

Athrun finally faced him. "Really?" He was genuinely surprised to hear those words, even though deep down he could tell it was the truth.

Shinn nodded, nuzzling his neck. "It's not you I'm afraid of. I trust you. I just still have my own issues. Kira knows that and just wants to protect me. It's kinda noble."

"And typical. He's always trying to protect someone like it's his calling." Athrun commented. "But I understand. I just thought maybe it would be different with me."

"If it helps, I'm closer to you than anyone. I've never given so much of myself to someone else the way I gave it to you. If anything, I trust you the most."

"So why do we still fight—," Athrun began but was silenced with a kiss. Shinn grabbed a fist full of Athrun's hair and captured his lips, proving that actions spoke louder than words.

Kira paced in the bedroom beside them, worrying about his own actions. He was running around like headless poultry, getting in everyone's way, making a mess of things. Shinn was lucky Athrun had so much self-restraint and wasn't some hothead like Yzak Joule, or else Kira could be arranging a funeral right now. He should have never said a word to the kid, never even come over. Why did he come? He kept going back to that, to the feeling he had all day, nagging at him in the back of his mind, and how he felt when he finally recalled the conversation and decided to rush over. What did he expect to find or do? What was the point?

Now he just succeeded in ruining another moment for the two. He sat down on the bed, sullen, and hung his head. He wanted to talk to his sister or Lacus about this, but they were in their own little world of lesbian love. Plus, he would probably just end up messing up their relationship as well. He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

Who did that leave him with? He was alone, a third wheel, a distraction. After a moment tears dropped down to the floor, and he realized he was crying. It had been a long time since he last cried, and for much different reasons. War was almost a sanctuary compared to this, because at least then he had a purpose, he was needed, everything was clear. But when it came to love, Kira Yamato was no less coordinated than an awkward turtle making awkward babies (1).

The door creaked, alerting him to someone's presence. Quickly wiping away the tears, he glanced up to see Shinn standing in the doorway.

"Hey." Shinn said softly.

"Hey." Kira replied.

Shinn entered the room and closed the door, coming to sit beside him on the bed. "Look, I appreciate what you did, really I do. Athrun and I have been through some rough times lately and you've always been there to look out for me. When everyone said you were protective I never really believed them, but now I know for sure. You care about the people around you and will do anything for them, even if it means sacrificing yourself for their own happiness. It means a lot to me, because I've never had that before. Now I have you and Athrun, along with Cagalli and Lacus…so many people are looking out for me and care about me. I guess I just wanted to thank you, and that there's no need to worry."

Kira smiled weakly. "Thanks." He muttered, voice groggy with sleep and sorrow. "I just…" he paused, tightly closing his eyes.

"What is it?" Shinn asked, leaning toward him with a concerned expression.

"I feel like I don't belong anymore. With anyone. Everyone is so happy with each other, but I have no one." The brunette broke down.

"That's not true. You have us. You have me." Shinn replied softly, kissing his cheek. "You can come to me for anything, Kira. I want to return the favor for everything you've done for me."

Kira sniffed, wiping away more tears. "It didn't use to be this way." He began. Shinn knew a story was coming and laid a hand on Kira's shoulder for encouragement.

"Athrun and I…we were in love. It was chaotic at first, because of the circumstances, but it was love. He wasn't as rough or wild as he is now, but much the same as he always was. Even as childhood friends we adored each other, and nothing could tear us apart. It's not that I don't trust Athrun, but I know him. I know him so well…or at least I used to. He's beginning to change. It's not your fault, but he's built up this confidence which sometimes scares me. I think the reason is because I don't know what he's changing into. During the wars…I was so torn. I had to fight him, yet I loved him. He was my friend, and we almost killed each other. Going through that certainly changes a person, but I'm afraid our relationship changed too much over this course of the last war. We're just not the same people."

"Kira…I know it's not my place, but I think you should talk to him about this. I don't know what he was like in the first war, or when he was younger. I know him now, and sometimes it scares me too, but I still love him. I don't want to be the cause of your separation. I want you to be a part of this." Shinn told him.

Kira turned to him. "Really?" he asked breathlessly. Shinn nodded and was quickly embraced in a hug. He chuckled and they fell backward. Shinn wrapped his arms around Kira, rubbing his back, as the other man cried into his chest.

"I don't want you to be alone either, Kira."

Athrun listened on the other side of the wall. He wasn't sure how to feel about what was said. He knew he was different now, he could feel himself changing. Maybe it was the last war, or maybe it was just a part of him inside that was finally letting go and giving him something else to hold onto. He felt bad about how he was treating Kira, though, because it was true that they were drifting apart. He was right, it didn't use to be like this.

But that was before Shinn came into his life. That was before everything he knew and cherished was torn away from him, completely destroying the worldview he once had. His eyes were finally open, his heart and mind were willing to accept the painful truth. Shattered, he was reborn.

But what was he reborn as?

Cagalli sat up in bed, thinking something wasn't right. Beside her, Lacus rubbed her eyes and made an attempt at speech. Cagalli's face was scrunched together as she tried to discover what the tingling feelings she felt meant. They usually had something to do with the boys and their mischief.

"Honey what's wrong?" Lacus murmured groggily.

"My shenanigans senses are tingling." She replied in a serious manner.

"You're what? Oh, that. Just go to sleep, they can't be up to something this late at night."

"But I can feel it Lacus."

The woman sighed and turned over, leaving Cagalli to worry in the dark. She contemplated getting her phone out and sending some text messages, but realized Lacus was probably right. It was late, so what kind of trouble could they be getting into? Then again, this was Kira, Athrun, and Shinn. Trouble was their motto. It was their theme song. Snatching her phone, she texted her brother because he was the least likely to get mad at her for waking him in the middle of the night.

"Cagalli. Leave them alone." Lacus moaned when she saw the phone light.

"I'm just making sure Kira is okay. You know how he gets." Cagalli replied, staring at her screen.

"He's probably sleeping. Like you should be. Now."

Cagalli looked over and smiled at Lacus, then laid down to cuddle with her. "Alright, alright." She said, setting her phone down on the nightstand. They settled in, drifting off to sleep, when Cagalli's phone alerted them to a new text message. Lacus groaned and pulled the pillow over her head, while Cagalli eagerly grabbed her phone to see what Kira said.

"Oh…my…gundam." She breathed.

"What is it now?" Lacus asked grumpily.

"Athrun and Shinn had sex. But Kira was freaking out so went over to check on them and walked in during the middle of it."

Lacus sat up quickly, staring at the phone. "Oh my…"

-Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! I thought I finished this chapter and already uploaded it, but when I was checking today I realized it was unfinished! Anyway, I'm still going to continue this until...a resolution presents itself. Look for a crack side-fic for this, as well as the prequel! Any questions, comments, ideas, etc are welcome.

(1)Yes, that's a thing. Cookies to those who know it.

Don't forget about my Gundam site or the idea I had for the end of The Blood of Love! Peace-