A/N: The new chapter story I promised! Started out as a songfic (surprise, surprise) – Trisha Yearwood's The Song Remembers When. Let me know what you think! By the way, I had originally written this in third person, but there's going to be smut and I like writing that better in first. So maybe I'll just write in first from now on… anyway, if you see me mix up my "persons" (switching from first to third or something), it's just cuz I didn't catch it when I went thru and fixed before I posted. XO, Kinsey
Disclaimer: Only my overactive imagination belongs to me!
Dedication: to my Rachel who's on SPRING FRICKING BREAK this week (so look for lots of updates on Threads and Unrequited love or I will withdraw her Chris privileges so she can concentrate), and my new buddy bandbfan24 (who just flat-out rocks with her ego boosting reviews)!!
"I love this song," I say to the young blonde girl behind the counter, smiling at the memories it brings up.
"Oh, me too. It's a good one! I haven't heard it forever," she responds. She hands me the receipt from my bank deposit and a sucker for the six-year-old girl clinging to my leg.
"What do you say, Kelli?" I quiz my daughter.
"Thank you," she replies politely.
Looking into my daughter's deep cerulean eyes, I can remember exactly where I was the last time I heard this song. I smile at the memory of Kelli's dad – my best friend, protector, all around knight-in-shining-armor-love-of-my-life. Anytime I think of the man who gave me Kelli, I'm filled with mixed emotions – sheer joy: I loved him so fiercely and passionately. Sadness: he's gone and Kelli will never know the amazing man who gave her life. Anger: anger that he didn't want us more; didn't want us enough to stay. And lastly guilt: that I didn't tell him about Kelli before it was too late.
I
was standing at the counter
I was waiting for the change
When I
heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted
match
Had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken
in my heart
Later at home that night, I'm sitting on the couch talking to a couple girlfriends over instant messenger when my daughter climbs up on the couch next to me.
"Mommy," Kelli begins.
"What, Babe?" I respond.
"Tell me about Daddy," she requests.
I sigh. This is a pretty typical request from my inquisitive brunette. Maybe she should be a detective someday.
"What do you want to know?" I ask; same as always.
"What did he look like?" she asks back. I tell Rachel and Shari that I'm going to put Kelli to bed and I sign off the instant messaging program and close the laptop. When I put it on the coffee table, Kelli climbs into my lap.
"Kellibean, you have tons of pictures of your daddy," I remind her, stroking her light brown hair, still damp from her shower.
"I know, Mommy, but it's different when you tell me," Kelli says, snuggling against my chest.
"Okay," I sigh softly. "Well, your daddy had the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Just like yours," I whisper. That's Kelli's favorite part of the story.
"What else?" Kelli asks.
"He had brown hair."
"But it was darker than mine," Kelli supplies. I've told her this story so many times, she could probably tell it to herself. In fact, some nights, I find her in her room telling her dollies about their daddies.
"Mhm," I respond.
"What about his hugs, Mom?"
"Your daddy's hugs were the safest place in the whole wide world. When he hugged me, I knew he'd never let anything bad happen to me," I whisper, the tears beginning to build. That's my favorite part. Also happens to be the part that makes me cry.
"I feel like that when you hug me," Kelli says.
"I'm glad, Kel. You'd feel that way when your dad hugged you too," I say.
"But he's in Heaven, right?"
"Mhm," there's the guilt again.
"Momma?"
"Yeah?" I ask, trying to choke back the tears.
"What was my daddy's name?" my baby questions.
"Elliot."
After
taking every detour
Getting lost and losing track
So that even
if I wanted
I could not find my way back
After driving out the
memory
Of the way things might have been
After
I'd forgotten all about us
The song remembers when
After I get Kelli all tucked in, snug as a bug in a rug, I climb into my own bed and try to go to sleep. My efforts are worthless. I toss and turn in the queen sized bed. I just can't get comfortable. Kelli and I have had the "tell me about dad" conversation a million times, but for some reason, tonight, I just can't get Elliot out of my head. Maybe it was the song I heard in the bank. I remember the first time I heard the song with Elliot. It had been the third day we'd been working undercover in Montana. We'd gotten up that morning and Elliot had declared it a great day to explore our new home. We loaded up the black GMC Envoy (nothing like being undercover) and headed for the scenic Bitterroot Valley. I called Dana, our boss while we were working undercover with the FBI, to tell her what we were doing. About thirty minutes into the trip, we were lost. Elliot assured me he knew exactly where we were. Right. He'd been to the big sky state as many times as me. Which was zero. I knew he was wrong, but that arguing would be futile, so I sat back and cranked up the radio. I knew we'd be driving for awhile.
The first song that had come on was an 80's pop song that I loved when I was in high school. I belted out the words at the top of my lungs.
"I'm gonna keeeeeeeeeeeeeep on looooooooooooooovinnnnnnnnnnn' youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, cuz it's the only thing I wanna doooooooooooo," I held my hand in front of Elliot's face like I was holding a microphone. He just stared at me. I took my microphone back and kept singing. "IIIIIIIIIIIIII don't wanna sleep, IIIIIII just wanna keep on lovin' you!"
"Benson, you're insane, you know that right?" he asked.
"Yeah yeah. Jeez, Elliot. Lighten up. Not like we're lost or anything."
"We're NOT lost, Liv. Your singing annoys me," he snapped.
"And I MEANT. Every word I said. When I said that I love you I mean that I love you forever!" I sang. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and he was grinning. Yeah. I annoyed him. Right.
"You're my best friend, you know that, right?" he asked, serious all of a sudden.
"Yeah, why?"
"Just felt like telling you."
"Okay, weirdo."
He smiled and shook his head, looking away.
The chorus came back on and I could see his lips moving. I held my fist up to his face again. "Belt it out, El. You know you want to."
He grinned slowly before opening his mouth. "I'm gonna keeeeeeeeep on looooooooooovin' youuuuuuuuuu, cuz it's the only thing I wanna doooooooo." I collapsed into a fit of giggles against the window and for a moment, totally forgot that we were lost somewhere in the Rocky Mountains.
We were rolling
through the Rockies
We were up above the clouds
When a station
out of Jackson played that song
And it seemed to fit the
moment
And the moment seemed to freeze
When we turned the music
up and sang along
"Hey, wait a minute. We have one of those GPS locator things!" I point to the button on the dashboard. I push it, and a voice resonates through the vehicle.
Onstar, this is Jess, how may I assist you?
"We're lost," I said.
"We're not lost," Elliot responds.
Okay, let me take a look.
"We are lost, Jess," I told the voice.
She laughed. Is your husband with you?
"Yes," I lie. That was our cover. We were a young married couple.
Husbands never think they're lost.
"You must have been doing this job for a long time," I said.
Not really. Been married six years.
I laughed. "Only been about a year for me," I say.
"The longest year of my LIFE," Elliot teases.
"Now, Jake. You don't mean that, honey," I said.
"Yes, Katie. I do," he laughed.
Okay you two. Don't make me turn your car around.
"You can't… do that. Can you?"
She laughs again. No, Jake. I can't. But if you go another six miles, and head west, you'll be on I-15. Where are you headed?
"Well, we were out exploring. We just moved here," I lie. "But we came from Jackson."
Okay. When you get to I-15, I'll give you directions back to Jackson.
"You are a lifesaver, Jess."
That's what I'm here for Katie. Thanks for choosing Onstar.
Before I'd known it, we were back home. Elliot had sworn to me that if we went out again, we'd take a map. So much for flying by the seats of our pants.
I sigh heavily, and roll over, praying one last time that I can get some quality shut-eye before I have to get Kelli to school and get myself to the office. When I roll over, there he is. I know it's my imagination. He hasn't been there for a long time. But sometimes, I think God sends him to me and helps me fall asleep. Which I finally manage to do, imagining myself wrapped in Elliot's strong embrace.
A/N: So whaddya think? Gonna love it as much as The Pond? I think I already do. R&R! XO, Kinsey