Chapter 1

Elrohir

I can sense my father's presence behind me even before I see the reaction on my twins face. Elladan is instantly still and silent and has found something particularly interesting on the floor and is staring intently at it.

"Which one of you is responsible for this latest stunt?"

I hold a hand up before my brother can speak, knowing that I must take the full credit for this one. "It was I father." I turn to face him and see what has stunned Elladan into silence. Elrond is not happy. In fact I think this is the unhappiest and most annoyed I have seen him in several decades. At least with my brother and I.

"Follow me." He turns with a sweep of his robes and I can do nothing but meekly follow him up the steps and into the house. I risk a glance back at Elladan, who still hasn't moved from his spot at the bottom of the steps and who is looking equally grim. I think I may have over-stepped the mark this time.

I enter father's study just in time to see him dismiss a group of Imladris' warriors and take a seat at his desk. I close the door and stand in front of him.

Neither of us says anything for a moment and I am torn between admitting to this latest prank and begging forgiveness or waiting for him to speak but therefore allowing his anger to build up. Before I can make a decision however, he makes it for me. "What do you have to say for yourself Elrohir?"

"I am sorry father." It's inadequate, I know that, but I know of nothing else to say that will begin to quench the anger which I know is about to be aimed at me. Something I have not experienced in several hundred years and not something I care to repeat again soon. Somehow I know that not even humour is going to get me out of this one.

He turns and faces me and a shiver of fear courses through my body at the expression on his face. "You are sorry?" He almost smiles, and I am not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing. "Do you have any idea of the implications of your latest stunt Elrohir?"

I shake my head and for the first time in my life find myself wordless in front my father; only this is a different Elrond to the one I am used to.

"Then you are not aware of the perilous position this haven is currently in?" You are not aware of the increased warg and orc activity in and around our border of late?"

I nod "Yes father, I am aware, I did not think."

Not the right thing to say. His nostrils flare and he bangs his fist down on the desk in front of him. "You did not think?" I flinch, instinctively shrinking back away from him and I can see from the deep breath he takes that he is struggling to contain his anger. "Due to this prank Imladris is now without several of its warriors. Warriors that I am sure you realise are vital to our safety at the moment."

I nod again. I look at him pleadingly, "I am sorry."

He turns back to the window behind him and I take the momentary reprieve to compose myself.

"I never thought I would say this Elrohir, but at the moment I am embarrassed by you and your actions." He turns to face me "You are my son and you must know certain behaviour is expected of you because of your station."

I nod "Yes Ada."

He sits at his desk. "I do not know if you are aware of this but I have always tried to be slightly more tolerant of your actions than your brother. Elladan is after all, to a certain extent, my heir and knows that he will eventually be a leader to those who dwell here, but you….."

I almost flinch at his words. The very words that have plagued me since I was very young; words that I had never thought would be uttered from my father's mouth. I had always feared that my father saw me as not having much purpose, a spare son if you like. Elladan has been prepared for his role as heir since before our majority, his extra lessons in lore and diplomacy have given him a good foundation to the skills that will be vital in the future. I on the other hand have often felt as if I have been left to flounder with no real goals or guidance from anyone.

I do not know if it was done consciously but father always seemed to have favoured my brother. He always ensured that my twin was the first to progress through each stage of schooling and then warrior training, while I continued along with most of the other elflings. Many a day was spent watching the two of them sparring whilst I sat on the sidelines waiting for Glorfindel to take pity on me and take me off somewhere.

I blink back to reality and realise father has stopped speaking and is looking at me; his brow furrowed at the expression on my face and I quickly correct it to a look of neutrality.

He's getting impatient with me now "Are you even listening to me Elrohir?"

I nod "Yes Ada."

"What did I just say?"

I feel my cheeks flame and I cannot look him in the eye, "I do not know father."

"That is it. I am getting so weary of this Elrohir. Seeing as though you have no interest in behaving like my son I will treat you like one of the guards instead. You will report to Glorfindel first thing in the morning and you will take the place of one of the warriors laid up due to your prank."

"But father, I cannot..."

He cuts me off. "You can and you will. Maybe this is what you need to grow up a bit Elrohir. You are almost six hundred years old, how much longer will you continue to behave like an elfling who knows no better?"

"I am not ready. I have not even been out on a practice patrol yet, you cannot make me."

"Cannot make you? Watch me!"

I am stunned into silence. He cannot be serious. I have barely progressed to the last phase of training yet and he is expecting me to take part in a patrol?

"Get out. I have nothing more to say to you at the moment and have no desire to even look upon you."

I sit there for a moment in shocked silence and stare at my father's back. When it appears that he is serious I quietly stand and leave the room. As I return the empty hallway I lean back against the door and take a deep breath, trying in vain to stop the tears that I can feel welling in my eyes. I distantly hear and sense my brother approach and cross to the other side of the hallway, hiding behind a pillar as he passes behind me up the stairs. I am unable to face even he at the moment.

Once he is gone I turn blindly down the hall and out into the fresh air. Without really noticing where I am going I head for the dense forest that borders our home and stumble into the undergrowth. Minutes later I collapse in front of the nearest tree and finally allow the tears that have been threatening to fall.

Elrond

I am still at the window, trying to stop the trembling coursing through my body and to also suppress the anger that has caused it. I am still amazed that one of my sons would take a prank so far but I am even more shocked and disappointed at myself for the words I said to him.

I instinctively know I may have damaged my son's spirit irreparably with my outburst and berate myself for doing so. Elrohir is definitely the meeker of the twins; always so eager to please those around him and willing to do anything for anyone. His gentle nature is one of the things that makes him so loved by friends and family and I shudder to think that I may have damaged his carefree spirit and broken his heart with my words.

I see movement by the side of the house and turn in time to see him stumbling blindly, alone, towards the nearby trees. I am torn between running after him to apologise and take back the words I said but the anger at the situation he has put me in has not quite died and I am unable to do this.

I instead turn and sit down heavily on the window seat, resting my elbows on my knees and burying my face in my hands. I look up sharply as my door opens and am about to tell the intruder to leave when I see that it is Glorfindel. He has apparently heard the argument from his study next door and has come in to do what he does best; calm me down. However I know that another needs his presence at the moment.

He perches on the desk in front of me. "I take it you had words with Elrohir?"

I nod and meet his gaze. "I think he has realised the consequences of his actions."

He arches an eyebrow at me. "What did you say to him?"

I close my eyes briefly. "Some things that he needed to hear" and some he did not, I add silently.

Again the eyebrow arches. "I said that I was embarrassed to be his father and that he should think long and hard about what type of a person he is and the person he wants to be. I asked him if he forever wanted to be known as a joke."

Glorfindel winces at what I say and I know that I am not alone in thinking I was too harsh. "Where is he now?"

I wave my hand blindly towards the window and the trees beyond and he says nothing more to me before heading in the direction of my son.

Elrohir

I hear footsteps approaching and quickly hide behind the tree I was leaning against. I do not know who it is but know I do not feel ready to face anyone at the moment. As I skirt past the tree and head back out of the forest I am called from behind.

I turn and see Glorfindel approaching me warily and I quickly wipe at my face with my sleeve, knowing it is useless as he is bound to know the reason behind my turmoil.

"Are you well?" He places a hand on my shoulder.

I nod briefly; still not trusting my voice. He sees through me and leads me to sit on one of ornately carves benches in the courtyard. The concern in his eyes as we sit almost undoes me again and I have to turn away from him.

"I just spoke with your father."

I nod again and stare at my hands, unwilling or unable to open myself up to him yet. I notice for the first time that they are shaking and I clench them together to try to still the tremors. Glorfindel has noticed, however, and he covers my hands with his own.

"He regrets some of the things he said to you Elrohir. He would be distressed to see you so upset."

"He's right Glor. I took things too far today."

"Aye, you did child." He turns my face towards him, "but it is done and we both know you cannot undo that which has already been done."

I shake my head. "I do not know what to say to him. What to do to make it up to him."

"There is nothing you can do but give him time, he will come round. He is already beginning to regret some of the things he said to you."

"He said that I am an embarrassment."

He shakes his head emphatically at that and places an arm around my shoulders. "That could not be further from the truth, your father was just speaking in anger, he did not mean what he said. You know he is proud of you."

I shake my head. "Not at the moment he is not. You did not hear what he said to me."

"He has told me some of it and I know that he is deeply regretful of some of the words spoken. You just need to give him time to calm down."

We sit quietly for a moment as my brain whirs with some of the thoughts that have plagued me subconsciously for years, thoughts that have been thrust to the foreground of my mind with my father's words. Doubts about my worth and doubts about my place in my family.

I look at Glorfindel helplessly and as if reading my thoughts he pulls me against his chest.

"You know he is sending me on a patrol tomorrow?" I say against his chest and feel him nod, "I bet right now he would even be glad if I did not make it back alive."

He pulls back abruptly. "Elrohir! Never say that." He places a hand on either side of my face, looking at me for a moment and I can sense him trying to connect with my mind. I resist for a moment unwilling to let him see my deepest darkest fears but he is insistent and I eventually let him in, closing my eyes at the feeling of sudden light-headedness that sweeps over me.

He pulls back after only a minute or so and I see tears welling in his eyes. "How long have you felt like this Elrohir?"

I shake my head.

He meets my eyes. "You are upset Elrohir and your thoughts are not clear. Your father loves you; you must trust me on this. I don't know what has planted the idea that you are inferior in his mind but nothing could be further from the truth."

I look at him doubtfully "It is true Glorfindel, you of all people know this."

"What?"

"Do you not remember all the times in my youth when Adar and Elladan were sparring together and you found me watching them from my rooms. Do you not remember the hours they spent cloistered together in father's study? He spent so much more time with Elladan than I. I was a mere afterthought to him, something to squeeze in between his more important work."

His gaze went vacant for a second, and he is apparently remembering something, before his eyes became clear once more and meet mine. "Aye Elfling I do, but this does not mean anything."

I would laugh if I did not feel like crying again, I had not cried so much since I was an elfling. I meet Glorfindel's gaze again. "It is odd but I have become so accustomed to it over the years that it did not seem to matter so much, until now." My gaze wanders to behind Glorfindel and I see father staring out of his window at us, our eyes meet briefly before he abruptly turns away. "Now father has made his feelings clear."

My face is suddenly yanked to the right and I find myself looking at Glorfindel again. "Please Elrohir, you are speaking nonsense. Yes, your brother was given more training and preparation in his youth, but as you say this was in order for he be ready to rule over Imladris one day, it was never meant to demean or exclude you."

"Then why is that exactly how I felt?" The tears are building anew and I let him pull me against his chest again. We sit there for several minutes before I am aware that another has joined us; my twin is sitting on the other side of me and I do not need to look at him to see the shocked expression on his face. Glorfindel turns me over to him and Elladan immediately wraps his arms around me, confusedly meeting Glorfindel's gaze over my shoulder. I turn into the comfort of my twin and give in again to the tears, this time not even bothering to hide the tremors that are racking my frame. Elladan responds by pulling me closer, somehow instinctively knowing that I just need him.

I pull away eventually and take a deep breath as I lean back against the bench. I close my eyes as the movement brings to my attention a headache that is beginning and I feel Glorfindel place a hand against my forehead. "You should both go to your rooms, you look exhausted Elrohir and should rest for a while."

Elrond

The twins have still not appeared at the dinner table and I am about to raise my concern to the others present when the door opens and Elladan steps quietly into the hall. He does not meet anyone's gaze and seats himself next to Glorfindel.

He meets my gaze dispassionately. "Elrohir is not feeling well so will not be joining us this eve."

"What ails him?"

He looks at me incredulously for a moment, as if amazed I would even ask that question. "He has a headache my Lord."

I wince inside at that expression and know that Elladan has been apprised of the situation and is as upset with me as I am with myself. "Do I need to check on him?"

He looks at me sharply and I feel a twinge of alarm at the panic in his expression "Nay Ada, I sat with him until he fell asleep."

I nod again and cannot help but meet Glorfindel's concerned expression from next to me. "I suppose it is well, he does need to be out early in the morning."

I am again at my window the following morning as the warriors set out on patrol; the changeover between the two guard units happens smoothly and they are soon saddled up and ready to go.

I see Glorfindel approach my son as he leads Ruunya onto the courtyard. He appears to be trying to waylay the fears my son is surely feeling but after a quick hug and a hand laid on his shoulder for support he is up on his horse and ready to leave. I ignore the fact that he looks to be at least two hundred years younger than the rest of the warriors and instead turn back to the work on my desk.

I am interrupted moments later by Glorfindel trailing behind an annoyed Elladan

"Father you cannot be serious?" Elladan starts, gesturing to the window. "This is insane, he's going to be killed!"

I look up at my enraged son. "He needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions Elladan."

"Consequences yes father, but not what you are suggesting. We have carried out pranks for longer than I can remember Ada, some far worse than this so I do not understand why you are punishing him so severely."

I sigh and begin to question that myself but I cannot go back on my threat now. "Elladan, you and Elrohir are more than five hundred years old, you are old enough to understand what is and is not important when it comes to running this realm. The prank that he played has laid up seven of our warriors that we cannot do without at the moment. What do you suggest I do? This way he will learn the consequences of his actions."

"You are going to kill him father!" Elladan says furiously. "He is right about you, you have always hated him!" With that he turns and storms out of the room.

I look at Glorfindel incredulously. "What? Where did that come from?"

He doesn't answer me, his gaze is still drawn to the now closed door.

"Glorfindel you will tell me what is going on?"

He looks at me. "Elrohir and I had a talk yesterday. It seems your words to him have only served to confirm some fears that have been building in him since he was an elfling."

I sink into my chair, my mind thinking furiously over what I said yesterday. "Words. What words?"

He sits also. "The words about treating him differently from Elladan because he was not your heir."

My heart sinks. I said that? No…..I know I said some fairly harsh things to him but I would never have said that.

"I didn't say anything of the sort," however suddenly I am not convinced.

He raises an eyebrow at me "Apparently he has always thought it was so, he has always thought Elladan was your 'favourite'."

I stare at him in shock "And he has felt like this for years?"

My seneschal nods at me sadly "It appears so. He has said that it was just the norm after a while, something he accepted."

My heart lurches again. Why was a not aware of this? I had never consciously treated any of my children any differently from each other. I love them all dearly. I know I spent more time with Elladan in his youth as this was vital for his development, but I didn't know Elrohir was overly aware of this or that it bothered him so much.

Tears spring to my eyes. This had been going on for years. My son had been living with these fears and insecurities about himself since his youth and I didn't know. I wonder if Celebrian did, she always seemed to spend a lot of time with Elrohir.

Suddenly something clicks and I realise just how much extra time I had spent with the older twin. Why hadn't I included Elrohir? There would have been no harm in him proceeding at the same rate as his brother, but at the time it had seemed more important for him to enjoy his childhood. I felt bad enough that Elladan had to start his weapons and lore studies so much earlier than the other elfings and I thought it would benefit Elrohir to progress at the normal speed. How did I not realise how that would make him feel?

Glorfindel has been watching the play of emotions over my face while I have been thinking. "You were not aware of his feelings were you?"

"No! Were you?"

He nods again. "I wasn't aware of how deep or ingrained these feelings were, but I used to seek him out when you and Elladan were busy. I often found him curled up on the window seat watching the two of you together on the training fields, and I would take him to the meadow where we would have our own training session," he almost smiles at this memory.

My breath almost stops at his words and I feel tears well in my eyes. "Why did you not tell me?"

"I did not know it bothered him that much in truth, and I thought Celebrian would speak to you if she thought it was becoming too much of a problem."

I stand up abruptly. "I must speak with him." I turn to the window just in time to see Elladan plodding back into the house alone, the warriors already having disappeared out of sight. It would have to wait for now but I intended to have a good long talk with my son.

TBC….