Disclaimer: I still don't own Stargate SG-1. I only play with the people...on the planets...and the Gate... but I don't own!!
…Back on Planet, um, P3X-747. Yeah…
"Don't you understand?" pleaded Ahya. "This is important! It's vital that these people be allowed to change back to their original form."
"We are not responsible for that," the elder responded grimly. "These people, this SG-1, they have trespassed on Ogun's sacred land and must deal with the consequences."
It was two hours after they had arrived on P3X-747, and Ahya had made very little progress with the leader of the natives. Daniel wasn't too worried about that, despite the fact that he could follow very little of the conversation – he knew from experience how long negotiations could take. Unfortunately, it didn't seem that Ron was going to be making headway any time soon.
"But SG-1 didn't know they were on sacred ground."
"That is nothing to do with us. Ogun's word is law. His word says that all trespassers must be punished – and so they are."
"But what about me?" Ahya argued. "I have not been changed, and I am from the same place as SG-1. Why would Ogun not obey his own rules?" He had gone too far.
"It is not your place – nor ours – to question Ogun's will!!" the elder roared. "You and the dog will return to your homes, and never bother us again!!"
"No!" Ahya snapped. "We will leave you in peace – indeed, never to return again – only when SG-1 has been returned to their original forms!!"
The village leader scowled and advanced upon Ahya. Daniel leapt in between them, his teeth bared as he growled his displeasure at the action. The elder stopped short, hesitant to antagonise an animal with human intelligence.
"You say you will leave, never to return?" he asked Ahya.
"Daniel, settle down," Ahya murmured. "That is correct," he said to the elder.
"Then we will show you the writings," muttered the elder, clearly displeased at having to back down.
"First, we must contact our people. They will need to send the rest of SG-1 through. Then, once they are back to normal, we will leave, and not return." Ahya didn't think he'd have to work very hard to get Daniel to agree with the arrangement – and would have even less trouble convincing General Hammond.
"Fine. My warriors will escort you to the Travelling Ring."
As they left the village, Daniel whined softly and nosed Ahya's hand. What's going on? he tried to thought-project. Amazingly, it seemed to work.
"The elder has agreed to show us "writings" that will – hopefully – tell us how to get you back to normal."
What's the catch? Daniel thought darkly.
Ahya seemed unaware of Daniel's suspicions, though, and continued the journey back to the Stargate in silence. Once there, Daniel once again dialled home and Ahya quickly relayed the request for the rest of SG-1 to get back to the planet. In a matter of minutes, Jack, Teal'c and Sam were back where their own special nightmare had begun.
"I swear," grumbled Jack. "After all the indignities I've suffered, first think I'm gonna do when I get home is drink lots and lots of beer. Then I can blame the whole thing on drunken hallucinations."
Sam grinned to herself, and didn't bother pointing out that he'd then have to fill out paperwork with a hang-over. All she wanted to do was shower (alone, thank you very much!) and sleep. Maybe eat some pizza. Or have some steak. Lots and lots of meat. That sounded really good right about now.
"Daniel Jackson. Do you believe Dr Ahya has worked out a favourable solution to our current problem?" Teal'c asked.
"Yeah, Teal'c. I do. Ron's a good guy. I don't know what he agreed to exactly, but you guys wouldn't be here if he didn't have at least a chance of getting us back to normal."
…Three hours later…
"How much longer is this going to take?" Jack demanded. "I'm so bored! And I don't trust these guys."
"They don't trust us either, Jack," Daniel pointed out wearily. "Just let Ron work things out."
Twenty minutes later, and Daniel was starting to question whether or not there was anything useful in the scraps of parchment the elder had given Ron, when said doctor jumped up happily, grasping the notebook in which he had been taking notes.
"Yes! I've got it!! Sorry about the wait, chaps – the condition of these things is dreadful, all smudged and spilt on, but still quite priceless as historical documents… but anyway, we need to go back to the device that switched you to start with." He turned to the watching elders.
"We need access to the altar," he said firmly.
"Very well," the elder said. "Warriors! Take them to the altar. Be wary of treachery."
The warriors shook their spears and shields in salute and tried to herd Ahya and SG-1 away.
"They're taking us to the altar now," Ahya explained calmly when SG-1 refused to budge. "Unless you want to stay like this, I suggest you go with us."
Jack glared at Ahya and the natives of P3X-747. "I'm flying," he said with a note of finality, and began to flap his wings. The assembled warriors aimed their weapons at him.
"No!!" Ahya yelled. "He will get there much faster by air. Now, please, clear a space for his wings."
At a nod from the elder, the warriors crowded back, and Jack was able to take off. Daniel, Sam and Teal'c meekly followed Ahya and the native warriors on the ground.
"What took you guys so long?" Jack joked as the earth-bound procession made its way into the clearing. Ahya immediately began to clear more moss away from the altar, uncovering as he did many more gems that were inlaid into it. Constantly referring to his notes, he pressed several of them into the stone, and passed over others.
"Funny, Jack," growled Daniel, but as Jack was in a much better mood for having flown for a bit, he wasn't actually offended. Jack opened his mouth to respond, but his playful banter was interrupted by Dr Ahya's soft voice.
"OK. Um, now you each need to be in contact with the altar." SG-1 crowded around the altar, making sure to have paw, claw, hoof and wing-tip touching it. "Daniel, you were the one that set the device off, am I right?"
Daniel nodded once, shortly.
"Right. Then you should be the one to press the button again." Ahya looked over at the assembled warriors. "Please stand back," he said in an authoritative tone. "I don't want you to be caught in whatever might happen."
Following his own advice, he made sure he was standing a very respectful distance away from the altar. "OK Daniel. Whenever you're ready."
Daniel was more than ready. He immediately pressed the button that had gotten them into this mess and was immediately assaulted with the same searing white light and breathtaking pain that had occurred before.
Hope this worked, was his last thought before darkness took him.
"Jack?" Daniel groaned as he sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Everything was fuzzy. "Did it work?"
"Urk," was Jack's reply.
"Daniel? How do you feel?" Ron Ahya's gentle voice broke in.
"Like I've been hit over the head with a sledgehammer," was the archaeologist's reply.
"I'm sure that will pass," laughed Ahya. "But to answer your question: it worked."
"Whoo-hoo!!!" came Jack's infinitely more enthusiastic response.
"Now you must leave," said one of the warriors. "Or we will kill you."
"Right," said Ahya hastily. "Um, guys? We have to leave now."
"Whaddya mean, 'we have to leave now'?" Jack snarled. "I want some payback!"
"That was the deal," Ahya explained, trying to keep calm. "I was allowed to return you back to normal, and in return we were to leave this planet and never come back. Besides, you're unarmed and outnumbered. They're not. Do you really want to start a fight right now?"
"Right," Jack mumbled. The four Earthlings and sole Jaffa began their way back to the Gate.
"Besides," Daniel chipped in as they walked. "Technically, it's the Tok'ra who wanted us here."
"… That's a very good point, Daniel," Jack agreed. "And I say we give them a favourable report, hmm?"
"Sir?" Sam looked at Jack uncertainly. "A favourable report?"
"That's right, Carter. A favourable report. They want this planet so bad, I say we let them have it."
…Back at the SGC…
"Colonel O'Neill! Welcome back!" Hammond greeted cheerfully. "I trust everything is back to normal now?"
"Oh, yes sir," Jack replied. "I can't wait to give the Tok'ra my report!"
Hammond paused, unused to seeing his cynical 2IC in such a chipper mood. "Right. Well, you know the drill. Infirmary."
"Yes sir!" Jack walked down the corridors, humming merrily away to himself. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c exchanged glances, and smiled conspiratorially. Ahya decided he didn't want to know.
That night, after a day of playing catch-up properly with Daniel, Ron Ahya went back to his work outside the SGC, having declined an invitation to work there. He just didn't think he could handle what Daniel assured him were "common-place occurrences" like the one he had helped to resolve.
…A few days later…
"Ugh!!" was the universal cry of the SGC. Well, actually, it was only two sergeants and an Airman, but they made enough of a fuss.
"This coffee is decaf! And there's no sugar!" Sergeant Walter Harriman bemoaned during the night watch. "Ugh!!"
"My wrench! Where the hell's my wrench?!" yelled Sergeant Sly Siler. "And what's this slimy gunk on the rest of my tools? Ugh!!"
"Why am I the one to clean up after SG-1?" griped Airman Jefferson. "They made the mess! Ugh!!"
Four very satisfied people ate their desserts in silence.
…Sometime during the following week…
"SG-1. Please report to the Briefing Room."
Daniel, Jack, Sam and Teal'c walked in to find three members of the Tok'ra. Two were highly agitated, and – Jack noted smugly – looked ready to blow a fuse. The third was holding a box in his hands, and looked deeply disgusted. Behind them, Hammond looked like he was desperately trying to suppress a smile.
"Colonel O'Neill," said the one holding the box. "Do you know the meaning of this?" He tipped the box, and out spilt three rodents – a chinchilla, a spotted paca and (ew! thought Jack) a naked mole rat.
"Nope. Sorry. Why would I know anything about rodents?"
"These are the Tok'ra who went to the planet you designated P3X-747. I was there also, and saw them being transformed into these…these…creatures. Your reports mentioned only human natives – they did not detail any technologies found on the planet."
"Well," Jack said easily. "We didn't really get the chance to explore the entire planet. Easy for us to have missed something. If that's all, sir?" This last bit was directed at Hammond, who merely nodded.
SG-1 turned and left the Briefing Room. They made it to the – mercifully empty – elevator before three quarters of them began laughing fit to kill.
Ah, sweet revenge.