Disclaimer: Fan. Fiction. Fanfiction. Get the connection?
Healing by hidden truths
Hermione Granger ran from the room, her heart breaking, tears threatening to spill from chocolate eyes.
Her boyfriend struggled after her, buttoning his jeans as he closed the door to the room of requirement behind him, blocking off the conversation to the woman inside.
"Mione, wait!"
Hermione's heart skipped a beat at the nickname, and intense anger and hatred flowed into her.
"No Ron! I did wait! And even though you said you understood, that it didn't matter! You didn't like it, and so you went and slept with… with some SLUT!"
"It's not my fault! Don't blame this on me Granger!"
"Oh so it was Parkinson's fault that you had sex with her?"
"No, it's yours!"
"MINE? And how pray tell; is my boyfriend cheating on me, my fault?"
"If you hadn't been so bloody frigid…"
"You know something Ron? I was waiting for a special night, with a special person. And I'm fucking glad that you showed your true colours before I made the mistake of thinking you were that person!"
"Oh so who would ever take you? YOU ARE NOTHING! You should be honoured that I even considered-"
"Honoured? Yeah right! What do you think you are; God's gift to women?"
"At least I have a life! Your a buck toothed, bushy haired, know it all, who hides behinds books 24/7-"
"At least I can read! You're just a stupid little red haired boy, with too many freckles and a brain the size of a-"
"YOU'RE JUST A MUDBLOOD FREAK!"
Hermione stopped mid sentence, and took a step towards him, her eyes cold. "Yes Ron. I'm the Mudblood freak. But I'm no longer your Mudblood freak. And you have no idea how good that feels."
And with that she turned on her heel and walked away.
Professor Remus Lupin was doing his rounds of Hogwarts castle, when he came across some students out of bed. He stopped before the edge of the corridor, and listened for a second. He was about to step out from behind the corner when he recognized the voices. I wonder what Ron and Hermione are fighting about now? He thought as he heard Ron yell out 'Mione'. Remus had never really supported the whole 'Ron and Hermione' thing, he thought that (personally) Hermione deserved someone better, someone who would understand her, and could challenge her… someone who she could talk to, without having to explain everything. Someone more mature than the boys who goggled after her. No, Hermione deserved someone who would love not only her body, but her mind, and how kind she was, how understanding, compassionate, smart, loyal, funny and brave. (He pointedly ignored the fact that his heart was screaming 'Me! PICK ME!!!')
He turned back to the heated conversation upon which he was… listening. He didn't eavesdrop. He heard only what he wished to, it just so happened what he heard rather shocked him.
"No Ron! I did wait! And even though you said you understood, that it didn't matter! You didn't like it, and so you went and slept with… with some SLUT!"
Ron slept with someone? How dare he hurt Hermione!
"It's not my fault! Don't blame this on me Granger!"
"Oh so it was Parkinson's fault that you had sex with her?"
Parkinson? Of course, the Slytherin that has a different boy for everyday of the year…
"No, it's yours!"
Hermione's… Don't even try to pin this on her!
"MINE? And how pray tell; is my boyfriend cheating on me, my fault?"
"If you hadn't been so bloody frigid…"
RESPECT HER DESCIONS! I wouldn't be so bloody keen either if you're always like this Weasley…
"You know something Ron? I was waiting for a special night, with a special person.-"
I'm special Hermione… No. She deserves much better. Much, MUCH better…although it's not exactly hard to do better than a werewolf though is it…
"-And I'm fucking glad that you showed your true colours before I made the mistake of thinking you were that person!"
"Oh so who would ever take you? YOU ARE NOTHING! You should be honoured that I even considered-"
Take that back! She is everything! She is so much better than you, Hermione is amazing, beautiful, smart, funny, loyal, and understanding, which is more than you'll ever be able to say!
"Honoured? Yeah right! What do you think you are; God's gift to women?"
Most likely…
"At least I have a life! Your a buck toothed, bushy haired, know it all, who hides behinds books 24/7-"
Buck toothed? Where did that come from? Hermione has a gorgeous smile. And what's this about bushy hair? Not since she was thirteen! Now it's beautiful, how it falls in waves and curls… And perhaps if she had something other than your face to look at she wouldn't 'hide behind books' so often…
"At least I can read! You're just a stupid little red haired boy, with too many freckles and a brain the size of a-"
Pebble? How about Ants tooth?
"YOU'RE JUST A MUDBLOOD FREAK!"
… He didn't just say that. He did. OH HE'S SO DEAD! I'M RIPPING OUT HIS THROAT! I'LL… Grrr… Woah, down Moony, heel boy. But still… I wish I could just… tear him limb from limb?! Yeah, pretty much…
He stopped this happy thought as Hermione's voice floated back to him.
"Yes Ron. I'm the Mudblood freak.-"
Don't even think that!
"-But I'm no longer your Mudblood freak. And you have no idea how good that feels."
Remus heard footsteps and felt his stomach tighten at the fact that she was single, and then scolded himself thoroughly. Bad Remus! No, she's a student! She won't be in two weeks, she graduates soon… It won't matter. She won't want to be with us…me, or you, so just back off Moony. Ah… but you wouldn't give her a chance to prove yourself wrong, would you? No… I wouldn't. And even, if by some impossible miracle that she did feel that way… I wouldn't do that to her. I couldn't ask her to throw away her life, just for me… You are either, very generous, very stupid or very cowardly… I'm heading towards the second two…
Remus ignored the slightly annoyed wolf and stepped out into the corridor. Ron was still standing there, when Remus tapped him on the shoulder, trying to hide his hands, which were curled into fists. Ron jumped at the contact and turned around, relaxing slightly when he saw Remus.
"Professor Lupin!"
"Mr Weasley." Oops, he hadn't intended for his voice to sound that cold; or menacing.
It seemed the red head noticed as well. "Been taking lessons from Snape, Professor?"
"No. I just happened to have heard a rather… disturbing conversation a few minutes ago."
Rons face flushed in anger. "Yeah I'll say! How dare she? I mean-"
Ron suddenly found himself at wand point, although Remus couldn't even remember drawing his wand.
"I think you misunderstand me, Mr. Weasley." Remus said coolly.
Ron scowled at him and Remus lowered his wand, but didn't put it away.
"A week's worth of detention Weasley. And forty points from Gryffindor and Slytherin. Tell Ms Parkinson to get back to her common room. I'm taking you to McGonagall."
Ron's face had turned a nasty crimson, but he nodded and went into the room of requirement, returning a few minutes later with a scowling Pansy Parkinson, who looked distinctly ruffled.
Remus felt him self frowning at her and said coldly "back to the Slytherin common room Ms Parkinson. Now." He added forcefully when she hesitated.
The girl shook her head of glossy black hair and stalked off in the direction of her common room, muttering something about 'bloody werewolves!'
Remus scowled after her, and then turned to Ron.
"Come with me Weasley." It seemed the days were over when the two of them had been on first name basis, the thought seemed to flicker through Ron's head as well for he said just as they reached McGonagall's office, "Oh come on Remus! You can't tell me you didn't mess around a bit during your school days!"
He was suddenly faced with a very angry Professor Lupin. "First of all; don't call me Remus. You have lost all of my respect that you had once had. You are just another student to me now, Mr. Weasley, even if you are friends with my best friend's son. And somehow I doubt that friendship will last much longer once Harry finds out what you did to Hermione. And second of all; no, I did not 'fool around'. I would've given anything to have one girl look at me the way Hermione used to look at you. And as far as I'm concerned, she deserves better than you anyway."
And with that he opened the door to McGonagall's office and stalked in, a rather annoyed and angry Ronald Weasley following him.
Hermione walked away from the red head behind her, trying not to break out crying or start running. She would not show any weakness, not in front of him. Not after this. She made it around the corner and then broke into a run, not caring if she was caught out after hours. She was tempted to go see Harry, but it was past one in the morning, and she doubted he would understand much. In fact she wasn't sure what he would do. Probably either yell, run after Ron (wand drawn), or take sides with Ron and end their friendship. So she decided to just wander around before heading to the Head Girl's rooms. She decided to head to the grounds. She walked through the corridors (tears still streaming down her face), before coming into the Entrance hall. She had turned the corner before she realized that someone was there.
"Ooohhh! The head girlsie is out of bedsie!" cackled Peeves as he swooped down to float next to Hermione.
"Hi Peeves." Hermione said meekly as she stopped to talk. She had learned that it was best to be polite to the poltergeist. She had respected him ever since he had helped get rid of Umbridge. And he wasn't that bad…
"What's the matter?" asked Peeves in a singsong voice, after noticing her tears.
"Hmm? Oh. Boy problems." Hermione answered wiping her eyes.
Peeves nodded solemnly and asked "Ah, so is it the Weasel? Or is it Potty wee Potter?"
Hermione smiled a bit at Harry and Ron's dreaded nicknames. "Weasel"
"What did he do?"
Hermione shook her head and said "I don't want to talk about it."
He frowned. "Well too bad, it's not good for humans to block up. Come on, tell old Peevsie. Spill or I'll call Filch on you!"
She shook her head
"You'll feel better for it." He added kindly
She looked at him, and suddenly was pouring it all out to the poltergeist, who just hovered next to her, listening. When she was done, Hermione gave a little sniffle, looking away from the floating chaos wrecker. She half expected him to soar away, screaming it over the school that Hermione Granger had been cheated on.
But instead she… felt? a hand upon her shoulder. Hermione repressed a shudder. Peeves' hand wasn't cold and eerie, like it was with the ghosts. That was what she had expected. What she hadn't been expecting was for Peeves' coloured, yet translucent hand, to be almost… warm.
He smiled kindly at her, a touch of mischief brewing in his near transparent eyes. "Can I throw him down the stairs?"
She laughed and wiped away the lone tear travelling down her cheek. "Go for it Peeves." He grinned manically and swooped away, but not before he heard the girl below.
"And thanks."
Minerva McGonagall had not seen Remus Lupin this angry in a fair while. In fact the last time she saw him this angry, a man had been killed. But Pettigrew had had it coming, especially after he had started a rumour that Remus had been the traitor to the Potters, after Sirius' name had been cleared. It had taken Harry practically yelling at a man in Diagon ally because he wouldn't serve Remus to squash that particular rumour.
But now he was furious, and it was quite apparent why, after he explained what he had walked upon. She herself wasn't very fond of one Ronald Weasley at the moment. And add that to the feelings she was sure Remus had for Hermione… well. Ronald Weasley was probably lucky it wasn't the full moon- with or without the Wolfsbane potion.
McGonagall had sent him back to Gryffindor tower, after taking a further twenty points and expressing her disapproval. Teachers didn't usually meddle in the affairs of the students, but this was a special case. Hermione Granger was everyone's favourite student, even Snape's! (Although he would never admit it)
Remus was pacing the office, seething.
"And then he had the audacity to think I agreed with him! After what he did! I ought to-" he made a sudden movement with his hands, which were curled into fists.
McGonagall spoke before he could continue his ranting.
"Remus please calm down! Yes, I heard what Mr. Weasley did. It's Miss Granger I'm worried about. Would you please go and find her? I would go but… well I don't think I would be able to handle it as well as you could."
Remus nodded and started to the door, but he turned as McGonagall spoke again.
"Make sure she is alright Remus. And then escort her to her dorm please?"
Remus nodded again and made his way out of the room, and started heading towards the Library. After all, he was looking for Hermione Granger.
He was just about to walk out into the Entrance Hall when he heard talking.
It was Hermione and Peeves. He watched as the poltergeist said something and Hermione laughed.
She is so beautiful when she laughs. And every other time you look at her? Yes, but especially so when she laughs... or smiles. I wish I could make her smile…
Remus shook his head as Peeves swooped away, and he watched as Hermione made her way out onto the grounds. He waited a second and then followed her.
Hermione smiled as she walked out of the castle. Peeves was right. She felt better for letting it out, although she still needed to think. She made her way along the edge of the lake stopping every now and then to look out across the vast expanse of water, smooth as glass. There was a half moon that night, and the stars were dim in comparison.
Is that what I am? Hermione thought as she sat down under a beach tree a few metres from the lake shore. Am I dim in comparison to other woman? Is there something wrong with me? Is Ron right? Is there no man who would love me for me?
Remus followed Hermione, a few meters behind her. She stopped every now and then and he froze, not wanting to alert her to his presence just yet. When she sat down under the beach tree he walked out of view, but still close enough that he could see and hear her. She started talking after a second, but it seemed that she didn't realize she was talking out loud. "Is that what I am?" she said quietly, looking up at the sky. "Am I dim in comparison to other woman? Is there something wrong with me? Is Ron right? Is there no man who would love me for me?"
Remus felt as though his heart would break when she said these words. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her. And when she started crying he felt his heart shatter. And without thinking he walked forward and sat down beside her, pulling her into his arms.
Hermione only realized she was crying when a tear hit her hand. She looked at it and began to cry harder, all of her frustration, anger and betrayal coming out in the form of droplets. She felt someone sit beside her, and was about to look up to see who it was when they drew her into a hug. All defences she had collapsed and she went limp in the strangers' arms. She breathed in and smelt parchment and books, and rain on dry earth. She became aware that they were talking, and she zoned in on his voice.
"Shhh, its ok Hermione… Everything's going to be fine.…"
Hermione felt her heart thud faster as she realized who was holding her. She had always respected Remus Lupin, and ever since third year she'd had a crush on him. She had tried to squish it with boyfriends, study, helping Harry, study… but it had always been there. She had never told anyone, although she thought that Ginny knew. She didn't want anyone to think she had a 'childish crush'.
She looked up at him and shook her head. "No," she said, "It won't. He was right! No man is ever going to love me and respect me. I just want to be normal! I want what Harry and Ginny have! Mr and Mrs Weasley, Tonks and Kingsley, Merlin even Luna has Neville! I just want someone to love me…" and with that fresh tears started another race down her cheeks.
Remus smiled down at the witch in his arms. "Never think that you aren't loved Hermione. I am fairly sure that everyone who knows you has a special place in their heart for you."
Hermione shook her head slightly. "It's not the same. I know Harry loves me, he's like my brother, and Ginny's like my sister… I just… I had hoped that he was the one, you know? And then he…"
"I know what Mr. Weasley did Hermione." said Remus, moving slightly so the two of them could sit comfortably. "And quite frankly, I think he's an idiot for giving you up."
Hermione gave a weak smile, but her eyes were still wet.
"But what if he's right? What if I never find anyone who will love me for who I am? What if-"
Her tears were running faster down her cheeks now, and Remus couldn't stand it. His denial snapped.
"What if the person who loves you the most is sitting right here with you, but he's to afraid to tell you he loves you for fear of rejection and the fact that he's a werewolf, not to mention your teacher?" Remus stood up, pacing in front of Hermione, who was sitting looking up at him with wide eyes, still shining from earlier tears.
"What if he went through pain so much worse than the full moon every time you leave his classroom? I've tried to squash this feeling, please believe me when I say I have, but it just won't go away! And I don't think I want it too!"
Hermione stood as well, stepping closer to him.
"Remus…"
"No. It's fine. I know what you're going to say, I mean… I'm nearly twenty years older than you, I'm poor, not to mention I'm a werewolf!"
Hermione grasped for his hands. "You don't remember that night, do you? The night we found out about Sirius and Wormtail? What do you remember about that night?"
Remus frowned in thought, wondering what this had to do with anything.
"Not much. I can vaguely remember seeing the moon, and then… someone yelling? And then… someone was calling out 'Professor Lupin' but I assume that was Madam Pomfrey when I was waking. But it didn't sound like Madam Pomfrey, it sounded like…" He looked at her and she smiled sadly, nodding.
"Me. It sounded like me. After you transformed, the others all stepped away, but I stepped forward. I was never scared of you Remus, and I never will be."
He shook his head, although he was uplifted by the thought that she didn't think him a monster.
"You don't need to be afraid. I do, I'm a coward."
"Why do you need to be afraid Remus? What are you scared of?"
He looked to her, noticing how the stars shone overhead, and how their light lit up her face, highlighting the tear tracks on her angelic face.
"Of hurting you."
Hermione stared at him.
'No one else was ever worried' she thought. 'No one else ever cared that much. No one else told me they loved me.'
"You could never hurt me Remus." She said after a few moments. "You wouldn't let yourself."
"It doesn't matter! You deserve someone better than me, someone you own age, someone smarter than me, someone braver than me"
Hermione looked at him, her chocolate eyes meeting his hazel ones evenly.
"You're the kindest, smartest, bravest man I know, Remus Lupin."
He shook his head, leaning closer, as she did the same. "If I were brave I would kiss you now. If I were smart, I wouldn't be about to give into these feelings…"
He looked like he was about to pull away, their mouths inches apart. But he looked into her eyes, and saw the same feelings reflected in his own.
Want... Need…Love?
He gave in, and leant down, as she leant up. And their lips connected with a jolt of electricity. Their mouths fit each others perfectly, and he pulled her tighter to him, deepening the kiss when she didn't pull away.
It was bliss. He had wanted to do this since the beginning of sixth year, although he hadn't recognized it then. He brushed his tongue carefully along her bottom lip, and she opened willingly for him.
She felt his tongue massage her own, and it sent shivers down her spine. She had never felt so… complete. It was cliché, she knew. But she also knew it was true.
And she also knew something else – her heart had healed.
Love wasn't a lie- it's just a hidden truth.