Dear Readers,
This is a poem I wrote today. I was sitting in the school chapel, listening to Narnia music and meditating on what to write (I like writing in places like that, with music playing--I find myself more connected to God that way), when this came to me. The words just flowed, with me hardly thinking about what to write next. Divine inspiration? Say what you like, but I believe that that's what it was. It's a very Easter-themed poem...as you'll see. It may be hard to understand; I'm not really sure--I understand it, but that's because I wrote it. It might be more effective to read it more than once. A lot of the stuff in it are not my own ideas--they were inspired by my pastor's sermons, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, William Wordsworth (and the rest of those Romantic poets), the Psalms, Jesus' parables, etc. It just all came together in that one moment. The title...it makes more sense when you read it, and if you have a good knowledge of the Gospels. Be warned--one of the reasons it may not make a lot of sense at first is because it's loaded with paradoxes (thanks to the influence of the Romantic poets!!) So, just keep that in mind, and I think anyone can figure it out. Please review, I appreciate feedback. If you have any questions, also feel free to ask in your review or by PM-ing me. I just want to make sure people understand this--or else there was no point in my writing it. God bless, and Happy Easter!
Best Regards from a Bookworm,
Miss Pookamonga ;-P
"Why is tonight different from any other night?"
"Because once we were slaves, and now we are free." --taken from an old Jewish Passover tradition
Redemption
Let my heart not stray from You
To run free from my bondage would only imprison me
There is no hope for me in chains
From whence should I gain help?
Running will place me
Where I am small
And rather than be enveloped in Your Love
I would be isolated
Nothing would consume me
With its Emptiness
Vacant would the space be
Lost, full of Emptiness
I would have no hope, nowhere to run.
Nowhere to hide
From the dark void that threatens
To swallow me whole
In its vacuum of existence
Yet I still run
Away from You
Why?
I ran from the light that makes me feel
My Being
That fulfills me
I run from the Water that drenches me,
Drowns me in its Life
From the fields and the flowers
From the eternal celebration of blossoming
I run to the cliff
I plunge over
Falling downward
Spiraling
To the dark Ocean below
There the water chokes my life
Extinguishes my Light
There, I cannot drink it
Though it be everywhere
I yearn for it
I look up from beneath
And see the Surface
Flowing, flickering slivers of silver, golden Light
I flail
Reach toward it
But farther I fall
The thin sheet of waving glass above me
Separates me from You
From my True Self
Where am I to go?
This Ocean is a Desert
Empty and dark
I see the Light
But can have none.
I feel like a grain of sand
Lost beneath the churning waves
Blown across the endless dunes
Of Conformity
The Light is fading
The Darkness is encroaching upon me
Save me!
You, who Love me though I ran
You, whose Light ever shines for me
Though I shield myself from it
Deny that it is there
Deny that it exists
When it does not exist,
But IS
I am small compared to the Sun
To the Sea
To the Wood
To the Vastness that You Are
Bur You do not swallow me
You wrap Yourself around me
You grab me, imprison me in Your Grasp
So tightly that I can never escape
Never let me go
Ever
You never do.
I pull, I struggle, I scream
I kick, I try to get away
I plunge myself into turmoil
But You hold me only more tightly.
When I see that I am drowning
Starving myself
I cry for You
The false gifts float before me and
Mock me
Mirages in the dust
Illusions in the heat of my delusion
My cries meet Emptiness
They fill with cold water
That I cannot drink
But still, You hear me
And You run
Towards me,
I, who ran from you
You dive off that cliff
You race into that Desert
You plunge into that Ocean
Descending the Depths to find me
And You search
You listen intently to my helpless voice
When I ignored Yours, calling for me.
You push deeper and farther
Until You find me
You grab me once more,
In that Grip that never had let me go
And you pull me to the Surface
You carry me to the Oasis.
But all the while, Your candle was burning
The flame never ceasing
Until the fire has worn its way to the bottom
And in a whiff
You were no more but smoke.
O, Spot of Time
When You saw me for me
I lamented the loss
Of You, falling
Lifeless
Below the pillars beneath the ground.
Where did you go?
You have left me to find me
No, to help me find myself.
You gave Your Light
To my extinguished Lamp
So that I might shine.
You were gone
But, how can You be?
Even when I drowned in Nothingness,
You were still drowning me in Your Life
Because the Sun still shines above
The Desert
And The Ocean
So, in Your Absence
You are Present
Still encompassing us
Although we could not see.
Then, in a burst of Power
Something
Great
Beautiful
Out of the Dark
Appeared a flickering Light
Growing ever stronger
Carrying the Light needed for us to Live
More than enough to sustain us.
We cry for joy
For the Light blinds us
We are in the bliss of Blindness
Through which we can see
You take the Light and light our candles
You draw Water for us to drink
In extinguishing Yourself,
The Light now shines ever stronger
For more to draw upon
To light the Way for many.
Past, Present, Future
They are all One
The Act never ends
Continuing for me, the soul that strayed
For us, who have drowned ourselves
In the Desert
Time matters not
In the Gulf of Your Love
You never began
Nor will You end
Your arms were always around us
And forever will be.
The Light is always there
Glowing stark white against the Darkness
Shutting it out.
Why should I run from You?
Why did I push You away
Say I wished You were dead?
Then You died
To bring the Light back to me.
Why? I will always ask
Why for me
The one who ran
Who ignored Your Voice
Who ran from Your Gaze
Thrashed in Your Arms
Why bring it to me?
Why listen to my Evil Demand?
I left You alone
Not You to me
You were always there.
And I cry for guilt
For Wanting the answer
Why save me?
I know I asked
And I am always asking
And You are always listening to my pleas
Saving me from bringing about
My own Death
From throwing away
My feather-light heart
Reviving me
At Your own cost.
But You stop me
Push me into the Light
Willing me to walk forward
Why?
You hold my hand
Guide me, though I cry.
Erase my guilt
Love me
Encompass me in the Open Space
Where I am but a grain of sand
But one that will foster a flower
One that You watch endlessly
Day and Night
And though I am small
When I run to You
Here, I have Something
Something surrounds me, protects me
I am alone
But together
One with You
And in my losing myself
I am found
In You.