Elliot's POV

I'm married, I'm married, I'm married, I'm married. That is all I think when my eyes are glued to the wonder that is Olivia. I can't believe I let myself fall in love with her. No, loser you didn't let yourself, you did everything in your power to keep from falling in love with her, but it didn't work. I guess that is why they call it falling.

"Knock it off Stabler!" She groans from her desk. Not even looking up from her computer monitor.

"What!?" I say bouncing back into reality.

"You know what. Stop it." She says with smirk.

"I can't help the fact that you are beautiful." You're married. You're married.

"Well, you can help," She gets up from her chair and leans over her desk, "Your foot rubbing up against my leg," and sits back down.

I smirk at her, "Oh my! Was that your leg? I thought it was the desk."

"Jackass." She says under her breath, and continued to type up her DD5. "Still my foot, Elliot." She says when my foot rubs up against hers again.

I look up from my monitor. "How embarrassing," I say but do nothing to stop my leg from rubbing against hers.

"Elliot--cribs, NOW." She says in one of her, 'I mean business' tones. F, I'm in trouble.

EOEOEOEOEO

"Elliot. What the hell? We can't be doing this shit." She says with one arm clutched tight around her stomach, and the other flailing around.

"I know, and I'm sorry…but," I take a second and rub my hands on the back of my neck, "You're so beautiful, Liv."

I can't help it! I don't know what has gotten into me lately. My tongue has a mind of its own these days. I feel like I'm in movie that Jim Carey movie, Liar Liar, and have no control over what comes out of my mouth.

"Elliot," She says softly and cocks her head to the side, "We can't, you can't…we can't be..."

This is starting to become a routine now. She tells me how wrong this is, and how she can't do this anymore, but some how, every time we end up tangled in the sheets…or paperwork... Ha ha…yeah…I'm married.

I take a step closer to her; I can see it right away. Her eyes are red like fire, and she wants me, and my God do I want her. The closer I get to her the tighter my pants get. I cup her jaw with one hand and slide the other around her waist.

In the 18 years I have been married to Kathy, never have I ever gotten an erection just by looking at her. Olivia on the other hand, Jesus Christ, I think about the woman and I'm standing tall. Imagine how I feel when I actually see her, smell her, make her laugh…

"Mmmm…" She moans against my mouth, and I snake my hand under her shirt and cup her breasts. Our bodies are pressed so hard against each other I think I might break her.

I thought that once Olivia and I actually…ummm sealed the deal, that I would get over it. I wouldn't have these feelings for her anymore. I actually thought that once we were together I wouldn't be so hard up on her…pun intended.

How wrong I was. Its worse, a hundred times worse, now that we have slept together, I have those images in my head. Olivia, naked, panting, screaming my name, her body shaking beneath me, sweaty, sticky and begging for more.

"Elliot," She moans softly, "This has to be the last time."

She says this every time and clearly it's not working out. We first slept together 3 months ago, and every single day since then. Not one day has gone by that our bodies have not been connected. I can't get enough. I have never had such amazing sex in my life, not even close.

I mean…seriously, it's wild and hot…and God... Well, you've seen my partner; she's a babe, and a fox. We have talked about this, and it is something we don't entirely understand, why is it so hard to say no? Why can't we keep our hands to ourselves? We are we drawn together like a stupid moth and that damn flame?

I'm married!

"Ohh my God, Liv…" I moan as she strokes me tenderly through my dress pants. I place my hands on the zipper of her pants, and for the first time ever, she stops me, and pulls my hand away.

My eyes bug, and I can't believe she just denied me. She stops kissing me and pulls away, "I'm sorry, Elliot…it's just…I can't do this anymore." She takes a good long look at me, and I know she sees the hurt in my face, and I can tell she is sorry. I also know she is right, and she knows she's right. She also knows that I know she knows she's right.

She smiles at me and walks out the door.

I'm married.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEO

"You're home for dinner." My wife says surprised, "Of course, because not one of our children is able to make dinner tonight." She huffs.

I bow my head, not out of guilt, or shame, but out of sadness because I would 100 times rather be with Olivia, than here, at home with my wife. If I had only known the kids would not be joining us for dinner!

Did Olivia really mean what she said? Is it really over? Is she really never going to be with me again? The mere thought make my heart pound, and my blood boil. I don't think I can go on with out her. I don't think she knows how much I love her.

"Elliot!"

"Huh?"

"I asked you if you had a good day at work today." Kathy says rolling her eyes.

"Oh, yeah…uh sorry. Tough--"

"Case. Yeah I know." She finishes for me, and sits down.

"You have to get out of that unit, Elliot. It's tearing you apart. You are never home anymore, and even when you are home, you're always thinking about work."

Wrong…thinking about Liv. God, I'm such an asshole.

"Elliot," She says pulling my hand in hers, "I think this job is ripping us apart."

I nod my head, "Yeah…I think you're right."

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOE

It's just after midnight and I can't believe that Olivia has not called me yet. I thought for sure that she would have caved by now, and I would be lying beside her in bed, naked.

Kathy and I are lying in bed. She's reading one of her romance novels, and I'm going over some work files. Honestly though, I keep rereading the post it note Liv left on one the papers.

I finished the file.

You're welcome…

Actually you can thank me later…

I smile remembering the day she wrote it, and yes, of course I thanked her for it. Over and over again. I feel myself begin to get hard just thinking about that night…

I quickly look over at my wife, and I immediately deflate. What is wrong with me? She's my wife; I am I so…turned off?

I don't want to make love to my wife…

I'm about to give myself a pretty nice pity party, but it is interrupted when I hear my phone beep, indicating a new text message. I jump towards my phone. I know who it is, and it's about damn time.

------

From: Liv

I thought you'd be here by now…

Tues Jul 14, 12:16 am

-----

"Ah…Kath. I have to go…" I say, shutting my phone not wasting anytime to text back.

I get out of bed, and quickly change.

"Funny, I don't remember you ever getting sent into work via text message."

"Yeah, well things are changing." I mutter, trying hard not to smile. I'm so excited that Liv text me I don't even care about what Kathy thinks.

EOEOEOEOEO

I open her door with the key I possess. She is walking out of the bathroom when we see each other. The smile on her face is undeniable. My pants get tight the moment she smiles at me. I take 5 long, fast steps towards her and forcefully grab her by her arms and push her into the wall.

My mouth falls upon hers, and I hear her moan loudly as I grab her and push her up against this wall. Her hands are already on my belt undoing it as fast as she possibly can.

"I thought we weren't going to do this again?" I ask. I feel her gently rub me through my boxers and I tear off my shirt, and then hers. I run my hands up her shirtless body. Her skin is like silk, it sends my hands on fire, no my body on fire.

She quickly pulls away, "Ohhh kay. Then what are you doing here?" She says defensively.

I smile at her, "Proving you wrong," I say when I slam my lips back on hers. I walk her backwards towards her bedroom. I push her down on the bed, and she opens her thighs to accommodate my body.

"Well," She says with a seductive smile, "You have a lot of proving to do."

My hands move towards her shorts and slowly pull them off. "Oh, I intend too." She's not wearing any panties. My mouth goes directly towards her heating center. Her hips instantly rise off the bed. Yup, just as I thought, she was not expecting that.

I'm about to make her scream my name when her phone goes off. I lift my head to see her roll her eyes, "You have got to be kidding me." She huffs and stretches her arms to answer her phone.

"Benson." She answers.

I decide not to play nice; I don't stop my tongue from moving inside of her. She jerks her hips up, and gives me the look of death. It only makes me smile, and quicken my pace.

"Oh...uhhh," She moans, and I know she wants to kill me, she's about to come, and she's on the phone with our boss! "Yeah, we'll be right there." She hisses into the phone, "Ah yeah…I'll call him and tell him we have to come in." She says with extra emphasis on the 'come' part and she does, right into my mouth.

She hangs up and throws a pillow at me, "Jerk." She hisses and pulls me out from between her thighs, "We have to go…soon."

"Ah…soon…how soon?" I ask while she is doing nothing to get out of the bed.

"Soon…so make it fast." She says knowing exactly what I'm thinking.

I kiss her hard, and wiggle my fingers inside of her to make sure she is right where I want her, and she is. I grab her hips and pull myself into her. She is already panting, and sweat begins to build on my forehead.

There is no time to make her beg, make her squirm, we have to get right to it, and that's what I do. I plow into her fast and hard. If I didn't know her the way I did, I swear I was hurting her. Her screams and extreme wetness let me know that I am in fact definitely not hurting her.

"Oh my God, Elliot." She screams as my body humps her repeatedly. We cum instantaneously, our bodies conjoined each of us holding on, not wanting to break our connection.

When our high wears off, we get up and quickly change and run out the door.

EOEOEOEOEO

We've been trying to break our suspect for over 3 hours. I'm tired and want nothing more than to lie down and fucking sleep. With Olivia by my side, of course.

My eye lids close for about 30 seconds before my office phone rings bringing back to reality, "Stabler."

"Oh…you're there." She says in shock.

"Are you checking up on me, now?" I ask. How sneaky to call my work phone, and how lucky that I actually got called in.

She doesn't say anything, "What if I was on scene, Kath? Then what?"

She sighs, "I don't know, Elliot. You're pulling away from me…" She says in a low voice.

I know. I know I am. Of course I am. I'm not in love with her anymore, hell--I don't think I was ever in love with her. At least not in the way that I'm sure I'm in love with Olivia.

"I'm sorry…" I say and when I see Olivia walk back to her desk I know I have to get off the phone, "I have to go. I'll talk to you later." I say quickly and hang up, not waiting for a reply.

I give a guilty smile at Olivia, and I know she knows who I was just talking too.

Why do I feel guiltier talking to my WIFE when Olivia is next to me, than when I'm next to my wife and talking to Olivia?

I lean back in my chair and stare at Olivia, and she does the same, 'I'm in love with you,' I mouth.

'I know,' she mouths back with a toothy smile, 'I'm in love with you too.'

EOEOEOEOEO

"Casey?" I ask as I tap on her open door.

She lifts her head up from her computer screen and smiles, "Elliot. What brings you here?"

"I um…need a lawyer." I say sitting down in front of her desk.

"A lawyer? For what?" She asks with a surprised look on her face.

"Divorce."

"You need a divorce lawyer? Why?"

I sit in silence waiting for it to click. When I see her lips make a perfect 'o' I know she understands what I'm trying to say, "Yeah…"

"Wow. I'm sorry, Elliot. Geez, I didn't even know you were having problems." She sits back in her chair, "You've been so happy lately…" She adds.

"Yeah," and if you knew why...

"Ok, well... I'll make some phone calls and let you know."

"Thanks, Case…and can we keep this just between us?" I ask, I don't want the whole department knowing my business. Plus, if they know that me and Liv are both single---well, they will be able to put two and two together.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Later that night, while Olivia sleeps naked beside me, I imagine my life with out her…and God damnit, for life of me I can't. I can't do it. I can't do this to her anymore either. To lie about our relationship at work is one thing, but to dishonor her and sleep next to another woman is another.

Olivia is my life, Olivia is also like my unofficial wife and it's about time I admit that. Kathy is going to be pissed, and I'm going to hurt her, of course I am, I already have. But when I think of the alternative…I can't hurt her, I can't hurt Olivia. I don't want to hurt her. I want to be with her, forever. And if that means giving up my wife, consider it done.

Am I horrible? Or just terribly in love?

…Yup, that's what I thought too…just terribly in love!

a/n: i'm having writers block w/ Strength and Comfort Of a Partners Touch... please don't make me feel anymore worse (than i already do) and ask when they are going 2 be updated b/c i just don't know... xtreme sad face hopefully this block will pass!