Chapter 17 Love triangle

"Honda San!" Yuki cried out as she entered the house. Tohru thought nothing of flinging her body into his arms and kissing Yuki as Arisa, Saki, and Kyo trailed behind her. She didn't see the crushing look of agony and disbelief painting Kyo's face with all the drama of a broken heart. In Tohru's mind she had done nothing wrong, she loved both Kyo and Yuki. She had never been dishonest in her motivations; she didn't understand that either boy might object to the other taking certain liberties with her person.

In actuality Tohru was giddy with happiness. She was a woman now and she had both the men she loved at her side. She was feeling invincible. With her arms around Yuki's neck and her eyes gazing adoringly into his she felt her smile stretch from ear to ear.

"Oh Yuki-kun!" She breathed, "it was magnificent. The light from the flames lit up the sky like a false dawn! And Kyo was so surprised to see me!" She turned to Kyo and for the first time she sensed something was wrong. His face bore a look of distress and she realized he was in pain. Her arms fell from Yuki as she rushed to Kyo. She reached for him only to have him smack her arms away. She gasped as he looked at her and she saw the betrayal burning in his eyes.

"K-K-Kyo-kun?" She whispered questioningly.

"Look, if you want to be with that damn rat then… I understand!" He fell to his knees his face falling into his hands. "He can give you everything you need… far better than I ever could." His voice trailed off to a whisper. He refused to look up. Tohru turned her panicked gaze to Yuki his face was strangely impassive. She realized that she would get no help from him.

"Kyo, please, what's wrong? Please Kyo," she whimpered, her voice catching as the last of the euphoria left her and the familiar feeling of panic settled in her stomach. She realized that Hana and Uo had discreetly disappeared leaving it to her to fix whatever was wrong. "Kyo, why are you hurting?" Her arms reached around him and she held him tightly, he tried shaking her off but she clung to him. "I just got you back, I will never let you go again! Tell me what is wrong!"

"Idiot I love you!" Kyo shouted; he glared angrily at her, his eyes sparkling with tears.

"Then why are you upset? What is wrong with you?" Tohru shouted through her own tears.

"Because I can't play these games!" Kyo challenged, "either you love him or you love me! I will be happy for you Tohru, I really will, but…" He gulped and inhaled raggedly before continuing, "but I need to know- who do you want to be with?" Tohru read a guarded hope in his eyes. She turned to look at Yuki who was also eyeing her with the same hope. Tohru looked away to gather her thoughts, the entire time she never relinquished her hold on Kyo. She was sure if she let him go he would run away from her and she knew that she could never bear it.

Being abandoned.

Again.

"I love Kyo kun." She began guardedly. "For as long as I can remember I have loved him. I have loved him with all that I am in the most hidden secret places of my heart. When mom died I was alone. I was not wanted and… not needed. I was alone in this world. I took dinner alone and I slept in a tent alone and the world kept on moving forward but I was still, and so alone. Then Kyo came, and Yuki too. I suddenly had a family. You were all so in need of me. I found home in your love. But I love Yuki too! Yuki watches out for me. He keeps me safe from the loneliness. Kyo gives me warmth and Yuki gives me sanctuary. I cannot choose because I love you both. I know it's different, I understand that I am being greedy, that what I want is more than I have a right to ask." Her chin came up and she stood, her eyes locking with first Kyo's, then Yuki's, her hands went to her hips and she spread her legs defiantly.

"But I love Yuki! I love Kyo! I want the three of us to always be together. I want to laugh with you both! I want to touch you both! I want us all to live together and eat together and make love together! I want us all to stay together always! Because I will not live in a world without Yuki-kun! I will not live in a world without Kyo-kun! Yuki and Kyo are my everything, and so I will not choose!" Her chest was heaving with defiant ire as she awaited the boy's response. Yuki flopped to the floor and began laughing softly. Kyo shot an irate glare at the other boy, he picked up a shoe and pitched it at Yuki who dodged it easily.

"Kuso Nezumi! What's so damn funny!" He snapped. Yuki raised shining eyes to Kyo.

"Baka Neko," he laughed, "this is all your fault!" Kyo leapt to his feet, his hands curling into fists.

"How is this my fault!" He shouted. Yuki just looked up at Kyo from his position on the floor.

"You're the one who told her it was okay for her to complain, you told her to stand up for herself and ask for what she wants. Well she's not only asking, she's demanding. She wants both of us." Kyo could only gape at Yuki's mocking smile.

"And you're okay with this- with her- with both of us!" Kyo couldn't seem to close his mouth. Yuki's smile shrank into a lazy mocking grin, the one he wore every time he kicked Kyo's ass.

"I love Tohru. I want to be with her no matter what. Furthermore, I know she loves me too." Yuki's eyes dropped and his voice became more introspective. "One's such as us are seldom offered love like hers. If Tohru says she loves both of us, I know her heart is big enough that it's true." His eyes returned to Kyo, in them Kyo read a challenge, "but I will nurture the love she has for me. One day she will love me more, until then, I will bask in her love and warmth for as long as I have breath in me." Kyo looked to Tohru who still eyed him with fire and hope. He sighed.

"No one can love the cat. I have always been the outcast, I have always lost to that damn rat!" His arm shot out and he pulled Tohru into his embrace, his lips mere inches from her cheek as he gazed into her eyes. His own orbs were the color of lava flowing in rivers beneath the earth, the color of Kyo's passion. "But this time it will be different. I have tasted paradise in your arms sweet Tohru, there is no way I'm going to lose!" He sealed his vow with a fervent kiss. Tohru's body sagged against him with relief. She pulled away moments later to gaze adoringly into the cat's eyes.

"I love you Kyo kun, never doubt it!" Kyo smiled softly at her. So what if she loved that damn rat, she loved him too, needed him. No one had ever needed him before.

I will not live in a world without Kyo kun!

Kyo never imagined he could be loved that much. And after all, the rat wasn't all bad. Kyo looked at him. He seemed healthy. He was the only member of the family brave enough to defy Akito and come out to see him.

"Kuso Nezumi, I guess Akito didn't find out about your last visit, you look well." Yuki looked away, the shadow of shame burning in his eyes. He said nothing. Kyo looked to Tohru questioningly. Tohru bit her lip looking from Kyo to Yuki. She laid a gentle hand on Yuki's shoulder, leaning into him.

"Akito almost killed Yuki, Kyo. She beat him within an inch of death." Kyo's face went white.

"Yuki…" He couldn't bring himself to say he was sorry aloud. Yuki nodded, reading the apology in the cat's eyes.

"Were it not for Tohru you would be awaiting my successor to the spirit of the rat. Akito broke my ribs and pierced my lungs with the bone. She left me to die in a pool of my own blood all night. Hatori did what he could but they all thought I would die. Ayame tried to take his own life by overdosing on narcotics." There was a note of wonder in Yuki's voice. "I will never understand why he wanted to die with me."

"Because Ayame has always wanted to regain the connection that could have been with Yuki-kun. With you gone he could never make it up to Yuki for abandoning him that one time. Ayame-san loves Yuki-kun. He will never abandon him again. Ayame will follow you even to death to show you his love." Tohru read something in Yuki's eyes then, it was like a light turning on, a wall crumbling down. Yuki gasped aloud, his hands gripping his chest. He fell to his knees as Tohru's words washed over him in icy waves.

"Kuso Nezumi!" Kyo gasped in concern as Yuki fell to the floor.

"Yuki!" Tohru cried falling to his side her hands on his shoulders. Yuki couldn't breathe, he felt his bronchial tubes swelling and he gasped for air. His heart. It was Huuuurting! Tears gushed from his eyes and he gasped a strangled sound. When the first one came he couldn't seem to stop. Kyo's eyes shot to Tohru's in panic as he too fell to his knees next to his cousin. She smiled at Kyo through her own tears. Kyo had to struggle to fight back his own as the wrenching sobs were torn from the rat-boy's chest. They were low, guttural, primal, and spirit rending. Kyo well knew them for they were the same sounds he had made when his mother died. They were the same sounds his soul made when he allowed Akito to lock him up, they were the same sounds his heart made when he awoke to the knowledge that Tohru was gone. In that moment he envied Yuki's ability to let go, to release his pain. Kyo felt in that moment that he would never release his own and it would suffocate all light within him until he became the dark monster the family took him for. He knew for a surety, that one day his darkness could even put out the light Tohru shined upon him with her love.

Yuki was trapped in swirling sensations of grief and relief and such a bright and forgiving hope. His parents had sold him to Akito. His brother had abandoned him to abuse and torture by an insane god. He knew for certain that he was utterly alone in this world. He could depend on no one until Tohru came, and then there was only she who could be counted upon to care for his heart.

But with Tohru's explanation of his brother's inconceivable act of life it was as if everything wrong between them was made small by comparison to his brother's final act of love. Yuki understood then what he could never have accepted before. Ayame loved him. And with that acceptance came the understanding that he, Yuki Sohma, loved Ayame. They were brothers and though Ayame was insane and even scary in his conceit at times, Yuki understood he would never have to be alone in the world again.

The understanding, the grief of so much wasted time, the relief of not being alone and having his brothers love and the hope of a brighter future was too powerful all at once for him to process. So he struggled for breath and wept. Tohru wrapped an arm around his shoulders, a warmth enveloped him, he recognized it as her essence combining with his. His raspy breaths eased and he gained control as she soothed his soul with her warmth. Yuki also recognized another warmth mingling with his own; it was very different than Tohru's but not unpleasant. It was strength and heat, and pride, and a passionate and zesty glory in life. It was not unlike- his lavender eyes shot to Kyo's. Kyo had his hand on the rat's shoulder, his orange eyes wide as he felt Yuki's relief and despair wash over him. There was a saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes. Tohru was doing something, a mind meld or something and he felt himself struggling to give the rat support as he felt the boys despair ebb and flow in his soul.

As Kyo experienced the totality of Yuki's spirit meshing with his own, as he felt his own will lift up to offer support to the boy he had so long considered his enemy, he understood at last that Yuki had not lived the pampered favored life he had always thought he had. In a way Yuki's pain was a mirror to his own. In that moment Kyo was forced to release the hate he had held onto for his entire life. He understood that he would never hate the rat again. The two boys looked into each others eyes and they felt something akin to heaven as the chains of hatred that had so long clasped their souls in heavy shadows rusted, broke and lifted from them. It was a special magic born of love and healing, perhaps even the greatest and only true power on the whole of the planet. It was the magic of connection one human to another and the power of forgiveness.

Tohru had done this. The two boys smiled at each other and as one turned to Tohru and wrapped her in their warm and loving embrace. It was such an embrace that they could not help but half hold onto each other. This they did, and there was no awkwardness in it, no competitive spirit to vie for the arms of the woman they both loved. It was a priceless moment in which the three basked in the glow of the gift provided to them by a very special girl. By the woman they both loved. Tohru took the shattered and broken remnants of their empty dreams and sundered souls and pieced them back together with love. Unconditional and all encompassing. It was a moment Kyo, and Yuki, and Tohru would never forget.