-1Title: 12 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
Warning: Hints of Yaoi and mild drinking and smoking.
Rating: T
Prompt: When I close my eyes.
Music: HYDE- Evergreen
A/N: I'm depressed, so expect the Angst in this. Please Read and Review? I'd really like a review.
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12 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
"You know, I thought that we'd always be together, that we'd always have this kind of love that could overcome any obstacle. The kind of love that would last until our death beds, until we took our last breath and we would die in each other's arms. I know, it's a stupid, Romeo and Juliet kind of thing, but we were young then. I thought that what we had was deeper than puppy love, was deeper than just hormones.
I thought we really meant something to each other.
Heh, it seems I was right. At least, on my side. Otherwise, why would I see you every time I close my eyes? Why would I see you, resting so peacefully next to me when I dream. I don't know if it's what you felt, but it has been my vision ever since that Christmas. Ever since you died."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 13, 2006
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"I had that dream again. Of the night you died. We were driving in the car, on our way to the Christmas party. It was such a simple goal, just going for a drive. The roads weren't slick or anything, even though it had snowed last night. It was going to be fun, we would go up to that cabin in the mountains with all our friends, and we'd have such a great time. Maybe even sneak in a little romance, we did have a room all to ourselves. You just didn't happen to see the black ice on the curve.
You know, they never got that piece of metal removed from my back. It hurts sometimes, when the weather gets cold. They told me you got metal in you too, that that was what killed you. I don't really remember though, all I remember is the blood, and the screams. I remember you were looking at me when I passed out, but it hadn't looked like you. You'd seemed so different, almost vacant. Were you dead then?"
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 14, 2006
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"It seems with each passing day my dreams get stronger, that I remember smaller details. You know, you were wearing a black muscle shirt. I still remember arguing with you about wearing it, saying it was too cold, but you had just kissed me and patted me on the cheek. "I'm fine Cloud, you worry too much."
I also remember telling you to wear your seatbelt. But you didn't want to do that either. I was wearing mine. It's what saved me when we went off the side of the mountain.
You were always so stubborn."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 15, 2006
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"Today's the 16th, that's the day we set up our Christmas tree just 3 years ago. I remember because I had wrapped you up in tinsel and laughed at you until we ended up on the floor. I don't remember much from that point, but I know we did things, and kissed a lot. I remember how soft your lips were, and how I'd tangle my hands in your long brown hair. It took us 3 hours to make the tree, because you kept interrupting with a kiss or something else.
I put up the tree alone this year, but I swear I felt the ghost touches of your lips and hands. I know you were there, and all I'd have to do to see you was close my eyes and let you do the rest. But it seems, that each time I try to recall you, you become a little fainter. Why won't you come back clear to me?"
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 16, 2006
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"Axel's throwing another Christmas party this year, the first one since you died. You should see what he looks like, he grew out his hair and spiked it. He also got those tattoos he was always saying he'd get. The braggart. I'm not so sure if I should go, you know, without you. I normally spend Christmas alone, I've kind of stopped liking parties. Besides, I'd have to go on that road. They still haven't put a guard rail where we went off. Someone might get hurt there."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 17, 2006
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"I know it's early, but I visited your grave. I know you aren't there anymore, your spirit is with me, but it's nice to pay respects to the body that I had loved and had loved me so fiercely. It seems with each passing day toward Christmas I can feel you getting stronger, but more distant. Even when I close my eyes I can't see more than an outline. I feel like I'm losing you, if only I could see your face one more time…"
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 18, 2006
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"My councilor advised me to go to Axel's party. She said it would be good for me, would help me get over you. I don't want to get over you, not as long as I can feel your presence. I won't move on, because I'm happy where I am. You're happy aren't you? Staying with me? Or do you want to go to heaven? Please tell me if you have to go, I'll understand."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 19, 2006
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"The 20th. Wow, it's been a long time. You remember how things used to be this close to Christmas right? I know you'd be in the mood more than usual. Christmas was your time of year. I can still remember that time I bought you that cute little Santa costume. You made me wear it instead, it didn't fit too well though. I still have the picture you took of me in it, I look so stupid.
Last night I dreamed of you again. All I have to do is close my eyes and I'm surrounded by your warmth. It's so much stronger now, I'm sure I can smell you…"
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 20, 2006
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"I accepted Axel's invitation to the party. I hope you don't mind? I know I usually spend Christmas with you, but I miss the parties, and I can revisit the site of the crash. Sorry if it sounds like an excuse. But I'll still see you in my dreams right?
Oh and guess what? I've started smoking. I know you used to smoke a lot, and told me not to, but I'm addicted. I don't know how those little white sticks calm me down, but it works. It's better than drinking right? I drank a lot when you first died, even got arrested several times."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 21, 2006
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"The Weather Channel says it's going to be a white Christmas. It's supposed to snow tomorrow. That will be nice, maybe if we're lucky we can go snowboarding. There's a run not too far from the cabin Axel's renting. That is if we aren't too drunk from all the eggnog. You used to like eggnog didn't you? I think you did…or maybe that was Axel, I can't remember. Damn, maybe I'm forgetting more things than I thought I was…"
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 22, 2006
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"It actually snowed today, the TV was right. It snowed a lot too, at least 8 inches. Axel's already called and told me to pack snowboarding gear, we're going to go up and board a while. It should be fun. I can't remember if you snowboarded, or if you drank eggnog. My memory is fading fast, and I haven't felt you for a while. I'm worried. Are you leaving me? I hope not.
I won't go snowboarding if you don't want, I won't even go to the party. If you want to stay home and have the same Christmas as every year I'll just close my eyes. I love you, just let me know what you want."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 23, 2006
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"I'm not going to take my diary with me to the party, so I'll just leave this entry now in the morning and talk to you when I get back. I hope you don't get too lonely while I'm gone, you can come with if you like. Remember, I love you always."
- The Diary of Cloud Strife, December 24, 2006
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Cloud Strife, Age 23, died yesterday on his way to a party with his friends in the mountains. Eye witnesses say that there was another man in the car, a brown-haired man of the same age in the passenger seat. One witness had this to say: "The other guy seemed all blurry-like, and he kept touching the blonde guy on the shoulder, as if to get his attention. Then, just as they were going around this one curve, the brown-haired guy got all sharp and focused, and the blonde guy just closed his eyes. They went sailing off the side of the mountain."
Despite several reports of Cloud being in the car with another man only one body was found. Reports show that a similar occurrence happened three years ago when Cloud and his friend, Squall Leonheart, sailed off the road in the very same spot. Cloud had survived the accident with only moderate injuries, but Squall had died when a piece of metal had lodged it's way into his skull. Some witnesses are claiming that the missing man was Squall's ghost.
Police are still trying to figure out what exactly Cloud had died from. Though the crash was dramatic, Cloud suffered no severe wounds, and no reasonable explanation of his death.
-The Townsman Courier, December 25, 2006