A/N: Whee! Look at me! I'm a useless disclaimer!

Poised and ready for battle, Jacob and Edward stood facing each other. With his top lip curled up in a snarl, Jacob held behind his back a weapon that he claimed would rid of him of the vampire once and for all. However, if Edward was in the least bit afraid, there was no one way a person could tell. Cold, calculating, Edward critically eyed the werewolf that was holding one hand behind his back and the other was curled into a fist. The moon cast shadows that bleached the visible skin, and as a breeze began to make the grass dance, Jacob made the first move – it landed.

Edward froze.

Jacob laughed manically.

Trailing finger along his chin and face, he pulled his hand away and saw the faintest stains of blood.

"Did you . . ."

"Die, Vampire!"

The wind died down and silence reigned supreme. Suddenly, Edward reached for his pocket and pulled out a small rectangular piece of cloth and started wiping his face. Jacob could only watch in horror as Edward didn't even seem fazed by his attack.

"Why aren't you writhing in pain?" Jacob screamed at him, "Screaming in agony? Begging me to finish you off because the pain is too unbearable?"

"Because you hit me with a steak, idiot."

"Exactly! So why? Why aren't you dead yet?!"

"It's a steak. A piece of meat."

"But it said in the book-"

"What book?"

"Dracula . . ."

"Wow . . ."

"What?"

"You really are a stupid mutt. That was a wooden stake, not a steak – made out of meat. And you really didn't read it, did you?"

Silence.

"I know you can buy the audio book for five dollars at Wal-Mart."

"S-Shut up! I'll be back later to finish you off, Vampire!"

"Sure you will."

"Bastard!"