Notes: Hi! This is the Epilogue—I truly hope you enjoy it. (Sorry it's a bit short.) Thank you to everyone who has read this story, and please know that it is you who keep me going.
Disclaimer: ER has made my heart break into a million tiny pieces. That has nothing to do with the fact that I don't own the show or its characters, but I just had to say it anyway.
"Don't run, J.J, you're going to hurt yourself!" Ray called after his five-year-old, knowing full well that all the admonitions in the world couldn't tame the mischievous streak in his blood. At times it drove him crazy, but despite the frustration, it was the quality he most loved about his son—the twinkle in his intense, green eyes was enough to melt his heart.
Hearing his father call after him, J.J. slowed down just enough to make it look like he was listening. His Mum had given him one-third of the flowers to take to his uncle's resting place, and he was going to be the first to put it there. J.J. had heard so much about his Uncle Jamail that he sometimes felt as if he were there with them. He was only five, but the thoughts that ran through his mind were of a much deeper nature. Reaching the tombstone that read 'Jamail Rasgotra. Loving son, brother, and friend.' J.J. kneeled on the ground and gently placed the flowers on top of the smooth marble. Seeing his Mum and Dad slowly walking toward him from a distance, and knowing that now was the only time he and his uncle could have a private conversation, J.J. began.
"Guess what, Uncle Jamail? I started preschool yesterday and you know what the kids call me? They call me 'Jay,' just like you! They think one 'J.' is enough." He smiled.
"Me, Mum, and Dad went to a soccer match on Saturday and we got to sit really close to the field—it was so much fun! We had food and cotton candy, and Mum told me that in Britain you and her used to play soccer and that she would beat you. (I don't think that's true.) I asked Dad if I could play next year, and he said yeah." A glow lit up his face at the thought of running onto the field to the sound of applause just like the players he had seen.
J.J. was stirred out of his daydream by the sound of his parents' footsteps; he quickly rose from the ground as they reached him. Seeing the newly-acquired grass stains on her son's khakis, Neela couldn't help but vent in frustration, "Joshua Jamail Barnett, can you go anywhere without getting dirty?" J.J. hung his head and looked down at his shoes the moment Neela furrowed her eyebrows.
"Sorry, Mum. I'll be careful." He looked up into her eyes with the most brilliant puppy-dog face he could muster, and Neela couldn't stop a smile from slowly spreading across her own face. Shaking her head, she ruffled his soft, dark-brown hair and mentally chastised herself for being so weak. Her son was quite the charmer. I wonder who he got that from? she thought while stealing a glance at Ray, who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts as he stared at the name engraved in stone in front of him.
Neela took her place next to Ray and stood with J.J. in front of her, her hands on his shoulders as she thought of the brother she so dearly loved. What would he say if he saw the three of them now? I told you so? In his letter to her he had said, I know this is going to sound weird, but you two…you're going to be happy, Neela, I can feel it. And he was right. Neela had never been happier than in this point in her life—Ray was still her best friend, and she was incredibly grateful to have found a husband in him. Not a day went by when she didn't look at him and secretly thank God that he was hers forever. Neela didn't know it, but Ray secretly did the same every night before he draped his arms around her. And J.J.? She liked to call him her 'little light'. The moment she first held him in her arms and placed a kiss ever-so-lightly on his fingers, she realized that this was what life was about. Ray and Neela's love had become complete.
J.J. was a rolling ball of thunder and she loved it. He was playful and mischievous, a mixture of Ray and Jamail's personalities. He was bright and articulate, a trait that Ray said he got from Neela, but that Neela said he got from her grandfather. But most importantly, he was caring and affectionate toward those around him—something Josh was known for—and it was this that allowed him to get away with things that five-year-olds normally didn't get away with. The light in his big green eyes—a characteristic that Josh, Jamail, and Ray shared—lit up the room as if to announce his presence. Anyone seeing him for the first time could tell that he truly was a combination of Ray and Neela—the light olive skin, Neela's warm smile, and Ray's disarming looks all served to make him the cutest five-year-old on this side of town.
Personality-wise, J.J. was clearly his Dad's main man. The best part of Ray's day consisted of putting on one of his many classic albums and teaching J.J. how to play the easy parts on the guitar. The pride in his heart at hearing those notes played back to him was enough to make his chest swell. When he and Neela had first brought J.J. home, he was more than frightened at the enormous task ahead of them. What if he made a mistake? What if he didn't know what to do? But over time, Ray had overcome his anxieties and learned to enjoy every moment. He never thought he'd say it, but he loved being a father.
"Dad, when are we going to visit Grandma in Philadelphia so we can take flowers to Uncle Josh, too?" Just as with Jamail, J.J. had heard so much about his Uncle Josh that he felt as if he had known him forever, and he was eager to tell him all the latest news from preschool.
"Soon, I promise." Ray smiled down at J.J. and clasped his shoulder. He looked over at Neela and found that she was smiling at the two of them, giving a light nod to signal that she was ready to go. Taking her hand in his own, he led Neela and J.J. away from the place where a little part of each of their souls was left to be with Jamail. Jamail had taught them to live life to the fullest, to enjoy every moment, and to always keep those you hold dear in your heart. There was no other lesson Ray and Neela lived more fully.