I had this idea while listening to my Health teacher prattle on about alcohol today, and he happened to mention the phrase "hold your liquor". That has always reminded me of Nicholas D. Wolfwood from Trigun, but for some reason I thought it very funny to make a fic where Soubi gets Ritsuka drunk.

I'm weird like that.

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"V-vodka?"

Ritsuka stared at the bottle in apprehension. This certainly couldn't be legal.

ONE DRUNKEN KITTY

Soubi had bought the vodka for reasons unbeknownest to Ritsuka, but now he was offering the boy some.

"Why?" Ritsuka had demanded at first. After all, it was probably only a sad attempt to trick him out of his ears. Who did that Soubi think he was, climbing through Ritsuka's window at midnight with alcohol?

But Soubi had denied every suspiscion, and he was so convincing that Ritsuka had dismissed any further notion.

"But you have to admit," Soubi said with a coy smile, brushing his lips across Ritsuka's cheek, "I have tried everything..." he surprised Ritsuka by quickly nipping at his earlobe.

"Yeah," Ritsuka said, pushing Soubi away with a blush. "So why should I drink any?"

"Cause you'd be a fun drunk," Soubi said, twisting Ritsuka's ear between his fingers. "And goodness knows I could use a little entertainment."

"So I'm your entertainment, now, am I?"

"You've always been my entertainment, Ritsuka," Soubi told him, with a soft kiss. "Always."

---

Turns out, Ritsuka was just as entertaining as a drunk as Soubi had thought.

"D...Dobi..." Ritsuka slurred, giggling insanely for no reason. "It hawt in here..."

Soubi watched, his eyebrow raised, as Ritsuka threw his shirt out the open window. Soubi had drank more than Ritsuka, and yet, was primarily unaffected. He could hold his liquor just fine. Ritsuka, it appeared, could not.

"My leggsiz hawt tooooo, Dobi..." And off went his pants.

Soubi couldn't say he wasn't enjoying watching Ritsuka strip, but he feared that what Ritsuka would surely remove next might push him past the limit he had firmly set for himself. And sure enough, when Ritsuka reached for the waist of his boxers, Soubi had to jump to his feet and pull Ritsuka's hands away.

"S... Dobi... my wee wee is hawt!" he whimpered, kicking his feet so that Soubi was holding him in midair by the arms. Soubi gulped, wanting more than anything to take them off of Ritsuka himself. He jumped when he felt Ritsuka's hands pulling at the shirt on his own chest.

"Are yoo hawt do, Dobi?"

"I... I'm fine, Ritsuka," Soubi said, setting him down. He was starting to regret giving Ritsuka alcohol at all. He might lose control. He stared down at his exposed chest, watching the buttons from his shirt flutter over his skin in the light breeze from the window. He took a deep breath. There was nothing he could do except wait until Ritsuka sobered up, and hope that he wouldn't do anything rash.

That hope came in vain, for when Ritsuka pulled his shirt at his shirt again, it fell to the floor, and he fell to Soubi.

Soubi knew he shouldn't, but it was just too easy. Ritsuka tasted intoxicatingly like the vodka, and Soubi couldn't help but ravish him. It was wonderful to finally run his hands over the flesh of the boy, something he'd wanted to do for so long. Ritsuka didn't object, his barely functioning brain seeming to like the new concept of "tongue kissing".

Soubi pulled off his own clothes, and shoved Ritsuka to his bed. As he straddled him, Ritsuka finally spoke:

"You bastard, you're trying to screw me, aren't you?"

Soubi jumped away in shock, pulling Ritsuka's blanket over his exposed manhood. Ritsuka sat up, grinning and scowling simultaneously.

"I got you good, didn't I, bastard?"

"Ritsuka..."

"I told you not to mess with my ears!"

He grinned malevolently.

"Fooled you, huh?"

"I..." Soubi hung his head in shame. "Yes."

"I can hold my liquor just as well as you can, Soubi," Ritsuka said, blushing as he looked at the man covered only with a blanket. "Just... just so you know."

Soubi bit his lip with a wicked smile. He could hear the tension in Ritsuka's voice.

"What's the matter?" he said, crawling to Ritsuka, deliberately letting the blanket slide. "Am I... turning you on?"

"No!" Ritsuka said, blushing. Soubi had never tried to seduce him while naked before. He himself was barely covered, as it was.

"Oh, Ritsuka..." Soubi said, kissing him full on the lips. "I don't need liquor to take your ears."

He didn't.

Those ears were his. Ritsuka didn't even resist.

---

"I hate you..." Ritsuka mumbled the next morning. Regardless of how well they could handle alcohol, the hangovers hit them with the force of a typhoon.

"Feh..." Soubi whispered back, ruffling Ritsuka's hair, snuggling deeper under the blanket with his little lover.

He'd learned one thing: he sure liked vodka.

OWARI

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A/N: You likey? Yeah, me likey, too.