A Seriously PO'd Sniper Instructor

by Spirit of a Child

A.N: Don't call me a copy cat. Even though I did kinda copy the Cat. Fraidycat, that is. I don't want to copy her stuff, but here's what I think would happen if our favorite FBI ASG (ASGAwesome Sniper Guy) ((Which was invented by Sushi Chi and SyberiaWinx)) found out about my little stories. Sorry Fraidy, the concept completely belongs to you. I take no credit except what I personally wrote myself.

I sat at the laptop, pondering what else to write. The doorbell rang. I got up, cursing uninvited guests and writers block. But when I opened the door, my head almost fell off.

"Is this name omitted Blvd? Home to-" Agent Ian Edgerton checked the paper in his hand, "Spirit of a Child?"

I nodded mutely.

He raised his eyebrows at me, "Can I speak to her?"

I swallowed, "Yer already talkin' to her".

He blinked, surprised, "You? You can't be her, you're just a kid. You're what, 15?"

I pursed my lips at him, "13, actually".

He blinked stupidly, "13?" He said incredulously.

His eyes narrowed, "A 13-year-old wrote THIS?!?!?"

He pulled out a cluster of papers and stuffed them in my hands.

I looked down at them.

—()()()—()()()—

Hunter

by Spirit of a Child

I own nothing. Not even this laptop. Grrrr.

Warning: Slash

Summery: I usually follow my instincts, I usually follow them more than my common sense. I am the bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda.

What else would you expect?

edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge edge

I didn't read any farther, "Um...yeah, I wrote that. Do ya have issues with the format or something? You coulda just PMed me about it if ya do".

He shoved me angrily, "I have 'issues' with the entire thing!! Do you know how humiliating it was when everybody read this?"

My face lit up, "People actually read it?????" I shrieked with delight, forgetting that my life was at risk.

He shoved me again, "Yes, they did!! The poor kid wouldn't look me in the eye for days, everybody snickers when I walk into a room, and Amita uses every chance she has to insult me to hell and back. Why in the hell did you write that?!?!?!?" He had me pinned up against the wall, enraged. I swallowed.

"Um...What do ya want me to do about it? I can't let my readers down? What about Sushi Chi and Syberiawinx and Set() and Nevair and MaeLace and Schuyler Lola and HumanEmotion and LuvNumb3rs even though I'm not sure whether she actually likes it or not!!!"

He seemed to be starting to calm down slightly. He put me down. I straightened out my collar so I wouldn't be showing too much cleavage. His breathing evened out and he unclenched his fists. He sighed and closed his eyes. He opened them back up, "Write me something that won't humiliate me and the poor kid. I don't know what, just write something" he said quietly.

I blinked guiltily at him, "I'm sorry they laugh at you. I'm just trying to please the readers and unleash a torrent of-" I stopped there, not sure if I wanted him to hear the rest.

His eyes narrowed to slits, "Unleash a torrent of what?" he said, his voice dangerously quiet.

I swallow nervously, "Nothing...um, just a torrent of nice reviews" I tried to smile believably. I failed. He leaned casually against the wall, the only clue to his uncontrollable rage and ire was that his teeth were slightly clenched.

"Come come, There shouldn't secret between friends" he said dangerously.

I blinked, "We're friends?"

He took a step towards me, I took a step back. "Tell you what, if you tell me what you wanted to unleash, I'll let you survive the next five minutes. How does that sound?"

I swallowed nervously, "Um...sounds good to me".

He took another step towards me, I took another step back, "So?" he said.

I looked down at my feet, "I just wanted to unleash a torrent of edgermphmphmfanmphmtion" I muttered.

His eyebrows went even higher, "What was that?"

He was still walking slowly towards me, so I grabbed the doorknob and said, "I wanted to unleash a torrent of Edgerlie slashfics!!!" I yelled and threw myself out the door and sprinted off like a demented jackrabbit. I hadn't gotten far before I tired out.

"I spend too much time in front of the computer" I muttered.

"Yes you do" came the voice of the now not my favorite ASG.

I turned around. Glancing around like a trapped animal I whimpered. He took a step towards me and I realized that he didn't have a gun. So I took my chances and rammed against him. Me being considerably younger than him I managed to wind him slightly, giving me a chance to escape. I ran back up to the house and shut the door, locking and dead bolting it. I shut all the window shades and locked all the rest of the doors. I grabbed the laptop and the cord and ran upstairs to my room, locking the door on that too. I began typing frantically at the next chapter of "Hunter", racking my brain for ideas. I suddenly had an inspiration and began banging at the keyboard. There was a loud knock on the door downstairs. I began to shake and type harder and faster, resulting in me having to go back and correct numerous mistakes. Almost done. I typed the last words and save it, exiting out of WordPerfect12. I got online as fast as I could and on to fanfiction. I heard the locks on the door begin to break and I urged my retarded DSL to hurry up. I save the file as a document and rush to stories. I heard the door break open and I hurried even faster. I hear him searching for me downstairs. I went to the Chapters\Content part of Stories and selected the file. He started coming up the stairs. I muted the computer. I click the button and it paused. This document has been added as Chapter Seven of the story Hunter it reads in little green letters at the top. I sighed with relief. I exit out and close the laptop. My doorknob jiggles and the door comes open. I have never seen him this mad before.

"It's too late" I said, relieved, "I've already updated it".

But he still looked triumphant, "Well I predict that this is the last time you will be updating it". I swallowed and hid behind my bed. He grabbed me by the collar and I couldn't help but imagine myself in the place Amita that was in Chapter Four. I whimpered.

"Can you really get away with killing me?" I asked, actually curious. He smirked mirthlessly at me.

"Who said I was going to kill you?" he said quietly. I whimpered again. He dropped me.

"Get the laptop and a few changes of clothes" he snarled. I blinked stupidly.

"What?" I said. He shoved me again.

"You heard me. Now move" he said impatiently. I suddenly realized what he was going to do with me.

"I know you aren't going to kill me but kidnaping me isn't much better" I snorted.

He snarled, "Just do it, dammit!!" I got up and stuffed some clothes in a bag, then grabbed the laptop. Then I turned.

"Why should I go with you?" I said angrily. He pulled out gun and pointed it at my head.

"Because I don't make empty threats" he said simply. Four and a half hours later I was sitting in the back seat of his SUV as he crossed the North Carolina border into Tennessee. Having never been to Tennessee before, I peeked out the window. It looked the same as NC. Boring. I pulled out the laptop as quietly as I could and turned it on.

"I can hear that" he said, "And unless you have a satellite provider you can't go on the internet". I grunted.

"I can still type" I said, muting the computer. I typed random things and played Pinball and Solitaire. I noticed it was dark. Suddenly he pulled into a parking lot. I looked out the window. It was some shitty motel. I looked at him.

"Are you serious?" I snorted. He gave me the 'I will kill you if you don't shut up' look.

"Yes. I am. I'll take the couch. Now get out" He unlocked the doors. I grabbed my stuff and got out. If I hadn't been tired and cranky I would've made a run for the office. But I didn't. After we got in the room he threw his stuff on the couch and pointed me into the small bedroom. I grumbled and went in. I sat on the dirty bed and opened the laptop. Then I noticed something. Outside on the motel's cheap sign it said We have free WI connections. I smirked and waited.

After a while he went to sleep. I turned the computer on and checked the connection. It didn't have a password. So I went on and immediately PMed Sushi Chi.

A.N: Don't call me stupid. I don't like that. I went to a lot of trouble to let you know about this. I'm hoping that he'll let me go. Hoping really hard. Help!!!

TBC