Soda's POV:

Slamming a door behind you isn't half as satisfying when you can't hear the slam. It's like crying in the shower. I still slam doors, though.

I hoped, as I leaned against the freshly slammed door, that Darry wasn't mad enough to follow me into my room. Part of me knew from the look on his face when I'd told him I hated him that he wasn't angry at all; he was hurt. I'd never said anything like that to Darry before. I sure meant it, though.

My gut gave a sudden jolt as I paced the floor in my bedroom. I'd always hated getting angry; it gave me a stomach ache. Add a few shots of whiskey and I wasn't feeling so hot.

For a moment I thought about going to get a cool glass of water and retiring to the bathroom, but didn't want to give Darry anything else to badger me about. I took a deep breath in through my nose and swallowed hard, telling myself that I would not be sick. My stomach gave another jolt and this time an awful taste filled the back of my throat. Apparently my body didn't give a hang that I'd already decided not to puke.

It was only by the grace of God that I made it across the room to the window. Throwing it open, I managed to get my head outside before the contents of my stomach spewed across the backyard. I closed my eyes, relishing the breeze on my sweat-soaked face.

Ponyboy was there, at some point. He mercifully handed me a few aspirin and a glass of water. I could have kissed him, if I wasn't worried about puking all over him. He mopped the sweat off my brow as I swallowed the pills, looking so much older than I'd ever seen him before. My stomach jolted again, but this time from guilt. I hadn't really thought about what my disappearing act would do to Pony.

I reached up and caught his wrist, stopping him from fussing at me. Once I was able to focus enough to meet his eyes, I made a fist and circled my chest. Sorry.

Pony shook his head as he took me by the elbow and guided me towards our bed. There was something patronizing in the way he pushed my shoulders to get me to lay down and started to untie my shoes.

Kicking his hands away, I sat up feeling a fresh wave of anger heating my cheeks. I sloppily stuck my thumb under my chin with a quick move forward then folded my arms and rocked them.

"You're not a baby?" Pony demanded, his hands furiously racing with passion. "Then stop acting like one! You had everyone worried about you all afternoon and turned up drunk! And then to say something like that to Darry…"

Pony let his arms drop to his side. The look on his face let me know that he was disgusted with me, just like Darry had said our parents would be; just like Darry himself was.

Just like I was starting to be.

My stomach gave a massive flip, and I found myself hanging out of the window again as what was left of my lunch evacuated my body. I felt Pony's footsteps pause by the door before he left me alone again.

As I finished retching and gasped cool mouthfuls of the damp night air, I realized that no one had even thought to ask me what I was upset about.

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