Camping for Dummies, Part I
Season: Ten
Gen, J/S, OC Pairing
Summary: Cassie, John, Nyan and Melissa try their hand at camping, but nothing goes as planned.
A/N: This is the sequel to "Painting and Dating for Dummies", so it's probably be best if you read that first.
"I knew this was a very bad idea," Cassie muttered under her breath as she tried to keep up with the guys' grueling pace through one of Colorado Springs' most popular forests.
They'd been hiking, with what seemed like 50 pounds of food and other junk on their backs, for two hours, and John had not shown one sign of knowing where he was going. Melissa had suggested earlier that they call the ranger's office while they still had cell phone service, but John – and Nyan, by association – would have nothing of it.
Her only consolation was that, with Melissa's help, she'd managed to convince them that fishing wasn't necessary in order to fully enjoy the whole camping experience. They could fish next time, she'd told them. Or never.
Cassie glanced up at the dark sky and shook her head: It was going to rain before they found the campsite. And their car was easily miles away. Great. Blowing a tuft of auburn hair out of her eyes in exasperation, Cassie huffed with disdain, "Men."
Melissa chuckled at her side and nudged her, saying, "Tell me about it. I thought I was supposed to be leading this hike to the campsite, anyway."
"Yeah, sorry about that," Cassie replied. "I think I might've accidentally challenged his manhood or something, when I asked him why he had the map. You know how he is."
"Ah." Melissa nodded and then turned contemplative. "He's definitely a bit of a conundrum, isn't he?"
Cassie looked to the taller woman and shrugged noncommittally. 'Conundrum' didn't even begin to describe John. "John's just… guarded."
"Guarded?" Melissa laughed at Cassie's choice of words. "That's definitely one way of putting it. Sometimes it's hard to read him; other times, he's like an open book." She glanced ahead at John as he angrily stomped through the brush. "But something tells me he has the capacity for immense vulnerability."
"He does," Cassie agreed. "I really think he does."
Melissa nodded and glanced away, effectively ending the conversation. For all of her own guardedness, Cassie saw through Melissa's wall of defense and observed a vast amount of self-doubt. They were perfect together, it seemed, though it was apparent that neither was willing to admit that yet.
As she glanced ahead at Nyan, who was quietly trying to placate John and his not-so-quiet grumblings, Cassie smiled. Perhaps Melissa and John weren't the only ones who needed to admit some things. The time spent with Sam and the guys the weekend before had really opened her eyes to what she'd been denying for a long time.
On cue, following that little epiphany, the clouds opened up, expelling large, cold drops of water, and drenching Cassie in places she didn't even know existed. Just as she'd predicted, this trip was quickly descending into Disaster Territory.
"OK, OK," John bellowed at Nyan, who took a cautionary step back and glanced at the ladies apologetically. John followed in suit and sighed, his eyes never meeting the girls' gazes. "I think we're officially lost."
Cassie clucked her teeth unconsciously – a habit she'd gotten from her mom – and Melissa grinned mischievously, before she fished in her pocket and retrieved her cell phone. "I've got the ranger's office on speed dial, along with a very handy GPS monitor!" she shouted. "What say we give them a call?"
The wet trees whipped by at a speed that would've been comical, had it not been for the fact that their sharp branches occasionally slapped one of the guys in the face every time there was a bend in the road. Even Cassie and Melissa, who were safely – and relatively dryly – sitting in the cab of the ranger's rundown truck (it was the only one left when they called) fell victim to the elements. With windows that wouldn't quite roll up and a heater that wouldn't stay on, they were nearly as miserable as the guys outside.
"It's a mighty good thing you called me when you did," the ranger hollered over the rain for the third time in as many minutes. "You guys were way off track!"
He was a squirrelly fellow in his late forties who insisted they all call him Bo, and he'd driven at least five or six miles off of the designated hiking trail to find them. Off-roading, he'd explained, was strictly prohibited. However, they were willing to make exceptions during storms.
"Well, we really appreciate you coming out to get us in this weather!" Cassie cried back.
"Oh, don't mention it!" Bo returned. "This is what I signed up for, ya know? Came all the way from Arkansas for good, ol' Pike National Park."
Stifling a smile, Melissa nodded. "Oh, absolutely. You guys must see a lot of this then, right?"
Bo nodded and nearly put them on two wheels in order to stay on the track at such a high speed. From the back, John swore loudly. "Every season, we get at least one hot shot who's so busy trying to impress his girlfriend that he completely disregards the map." Bo glanced back at John's glowering form and smiled. "I take it he's the one responsible for your little misstep?"
"Actually - " Cassie began in agreement, but Melissa cut her off.
" – it was a group effort," she finished. "Cassie here kinda suggested that John lead without a map, and it all spiraled from there." Melissa shot Cassie a knowing look and shrugged.
"Hmmph." Cassie crossed her arms. So John wouldn't be the only one taking the fall this time.
When she glanced back at Bo, he was eyeing her suspiciously, before squealing, "You do know the value of a good map, don't ya?!"
Cassie swallowed and nodded vigorously. "I do now!"
"Good." Bo nodded, satisfied by her enthusiasm. The lodge could be seen up ahead. "You guys can rest up at the lodge tonight, and start out again – WITH A MAP – tomorrow morning. The storm should be clear by then, and the only thing you'll have to worry about is a little mud. Your car will be safe on the other side of the park."
Both women inwardly groaned at the prospects. There was no way they were going out there again. Not any time soon. Even Melissa, who was by all accounts a pro by Cassie's standards, looked positively opposed to the idea.
"Did he just suggest what I think he suggested?" John shouted through the cab window as Bo parked the truck in the gravel driveway and stepped out. The rain, for the moment, had stopped. "Why, in the name of all that is sacred and true, would we want to go out there again? Mud or no mud! He must've been joking!"
"I think he was serious," Nyan responded as he gingerly stepped down.
Hopping out of the truck with his pack and the towels Bo had given them in tow, John took off his plastic tarp and tried to shake the remaining droplets off like a wet dog. He hated, hated, HATED being wet. After eyeing Bo as he sauntered into the lodge, John turned back to the group. "Tell me you guys don't wanna go out again tomorrow. Please."
Melissa and Nyan shook their heads slowly as they, too, took off their tarps and dried off. He'd be getting no arguments from them.
"No way," Cassie supplied. "Besides, if we're lucky, the cavalry should be coming any minute now."
"Cavalry?" Nyan asked, his eyebrow raised to the sky a lá Teal'c. "What do you mean?"
Sharing a knowing grin with Melissa, who really didn't even know the half of it, Cassie merely shrugged. "Oh, nothing."
John rolled his eyes and grunted in annoyance as it clicked. "You didn't."
"I did," Cassie confirmed. "After Melissa called the ranger."
"Oh man!" John stepped back as if wounded. "Why?!"
Cassie frowned and put both hands on her hips, fed up with his eternally disgruntled behavior. He was acting like a big baby, and she was sick of it. "Because something told me that we'd need their help after you nearly led us right back to Denver. And, as it turns out, we do. The car's on the other side of the park, and we need a ride to some place dry. Sam's place is the obvious choice. She said she'd take us to pick up the car in the morning."
Having been lost up until that moment, Nyan's eyes grew impossibly wide at that revelation. "Sam? S-Sam's picking us up?" John grunted again in frustration. This day was just getting better and better.
Cassie smirked at the look of fear that graced his normally calm features. "Yes. Sam and Teal'c." Nyan seemed a bit calmer once he realized that Teal'c was coming. Cassie didn't fail to notice the irony that Nyan seemed to fear Sam more than Teal'c. At any rate, they were their only chance for a good night's rest, free of camping and rain and Bo from Arkansas.
Cassie leaned against the truck alongside Melissa, and for a few moments, the four of them descended into exhausted silence.
Suddenly, two headlights appeared over the small hill that led back to the city. At the same time, Bo and his buddies came out to check on their group. Cassie recognized the vehicle as Daniel's Durango – Sam must've borrowed it, considering her little Volvo wouldn't be able to fit them all comfortably.
As it approached, Bo's posse drew nearer defensively. They clearly weren't expecting anyone. However, as was expected, once the car stopped and they saw who was inside, they were all smiles and waves. Cassie and John rolled their eyes at the men's behavior.
Melissa glanced from Cassie to John to the car, and back again. "She must be charming them."
"Yeah, she does that a lot," John muttered as he casually walked up to the passenger side of the SUV and rapped on the window. It rolled down, and instead of being glared at by Teal'c's normally impassive form, John found himself face to face with a very un-Teal'c-like, petite woman, who seemed to have made herself quite comfortable snuggled against the seat.
"Hello!" she greeted loudly.
"Hello," he parroted, not sure how else to respond. So this was Vala. It was bad enough Carter was the one picking them up, but now she had The Rebel with her.
It was going to be a long night.
"Change of plans," Carter was explaining to Cassie and Melissa, as Nyan stood a considerable difference away. "Daniel let me borrow his car, so he and Murray took mine and went to grab some dinner. They're going to meet us at my place." She beamed at Cassie's disheveled appearance. "Nice timing, by the way."
Cassie grimaced and retorted, "I learned from the best," and then turned to Melissa. "Sam, this is Melissa. Melissa, Sam."
"Nice to meet you, Melissa!" Sam greeted and motioned to Vala. "Melissa, Cassie, this is Vala. Vala, I see you've already met John. And the guy over there who looks like he's going to break into a sprint is Nyan." Sam turned to Vala then and raised her eyebrows. "I told you about him."
"Yes, you did." Vala's eyes widened in acknowledgement. Yes, he definitely looked terrified of Sam. It made her wish that she'd been present for The Talk all the more.
"Hop in guys!" Sam ordered. "It looks like it's going to rain again, and traffic's gonna be a nightmare."
The group complied silently, with both Nyan and John's focus being solely on getting their bags in the back of the vehicle. Sam caught sight of Bo and waved him over. He and a shorter friend of his gladly returned to the car.
"What else can I do for you two lovely ladies?" Bo asked as he bowed his head.
Sam ignored his utter lameness and eyed his battered truck. "We really appreciate you finding them, Bo. Now, what do I owe you for the damage?"
Following her gaze, Bo turned to the truck and then stared back at her in amazement. "Oh, that? That's no problem! It happens all the time! The State'll take care of that next week."
"No, really," Sam insisted. "It looks like it took a bit of a beating. How about I write you a check - "
"No, ma'am," Bo interrupted. "I won't have nothing of any of that. Listen, you hurry on home before the storm starts again. Trust me, the truck will be more than taken care of by next Thursday."
"Alright." Sam sat back and put the car into gear. "Thanks again!"
"Yes, thank you!" Cassie and Melissa called in unison from the middle seats.
Sam bent forward as if to go, and then stopped suddenly. Slowly, she glanced back at the guys, who were both sulking in the very back, and narrowed her eyes. "Do you guys have anything to say to Bo?"
"Thank you," Nyan mumbled.
"Yeah, thank you," John added under his breath.
Sam smiled back at the rangers and nodded one final time before she pulled up to the edge of the clearing. In the rearview and side view mirrors, as she turned the car around to go back the way they came, the men could be seen – all four of them – waving enthusiastically.
"Boy," Vala noted after a bout of silence. "Those men must really love their jobs."
"Indeed," Sam replied distractedly as she glanced at the guys in the back.
Vala turned back to the girls as Sam cranked up the heater, and smiled. "I bet you guys can't wait to get showered and warm! And for dinner, I think Daniel and… Murray… are picking us up some Thai, though Daniel and Sam were thinking of - "
" – Italian," Sam finished as she pulled onto the highway.
"Italian!" Vala exclaimed. "I must say I was a bit torn, considering the Italian cuisine is most satisfying. Still, there's something about Thai that really hits the spot. You both like Thai, right? I'm not sure if Daniel was planning on getting a whole lot of pasta. Do you remember what he said, Sam?"
Sam shrugged, while Cassie and Melissa stared dumbly at the exuberant woman, and said, "I think they're going to get enough to feed everyone. There should be plenty of food. You know Cameron heard about our little impromptu shindig, so he's stopping by, too."
"Oh, great! It'll be a party." Vala lightly slapped Sam on the shoulder. "You certainly are becoming quite the hostess these days, you know."
Clearly taken aback by so much excitement, Melissa didn't know what to say. All she could do was sit there with her mouth slightly open, poised to speak, though she had no opportunity to get a word in edgewise. Cassie had no intentions of trying.
"So, Melissa," Sam began, "how'd you get mixed up with this motley crew?"
"Oh, John and I met in a philosophy class last year," Melissa explained. "And I actually met Cassie and Nyan a couple of weeks ago."
Vala turned around again and gaped. "You're the astrophysicist-slash-engineer!"
Melissa blinked and nodded, utterly confused. She had absolutely no idea how this woman could've known that.
"Yes, yes I am," she answered as she turned to Cassie. Cassie, however, had suddenly found the passing scenery to be quite enthralling.
"Daniel's told me all about you!" Vala explained.
Melissa laughed. "Uh… Who's Daniel?"
"Oh, brother," John moaned to Nyan. "You cannot be serious."
"Don't look at me," Nyan replied. "That's all Cassie."
"Me!" Cassie exclaimed. "I merely made a simple observation, and everyone happened to agree with me."
"OK, I'm totally lost here," Melissa announced.
Sam nodded and turned to Vala. "Yeah, me too. What's going on?"
Catching Cassie's warning glare, Vala merely shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing. They just…" She stopped, unsure of how to proceed.
"Vala?" Sam pressed, momentarily in shock. "Are you speechless?"
"A little bit," she admitted quickly, "yes."
Frowning, Sam returned her gaze to the road in resignation. If they weren't going to tell her what they were talking about, she wasn't going to force it.
"Hey Sam?" Cassie asked a while later. "Isn't Jack in town this weekend?"
Sam could feel Vala's eyes on her as she stared at the road, and shrugged to both herself and the knowing glance Vala was giving her. "Something came up yesterday, and since he was down here last weekend, it was kind of hard to justify another trip."
"Oh," Cassie said flatly. She recognized Sam's calm and almost dismissive tone for the façade that it was. Whether she admitted it or not, it was clear that Sam had gotten rather used to Jack's twice-monthly visits to Colorado Springs.
The thing was, Jack had been pretty scarce for about a year or so after his promotion. The trend continued until about five or six months ago, when he suddenly started coming back every other weekend. Cassie knew that Daniel, Teal'c and Sam were all happy to see him after such a long absence, even if they pretended like it didn't matter one way or another.
Vala turned around, having accepted Sam's silent decision to go no further with The Jack Discussion, and Cassie and Melissa inwardly flinched at her energy once more. "Have you met Cameron, Cassandra?"
"Uh…" Cassie thought about it. "Once or twice, I think."
"Yeah, you've met him, Cass," Sam agreed. "When you and Jenny came over a few months ago, and he dropped off some documents for me to sign."
Cassie rolled her eyes as the memories came back to her. "Oh yeah, I remember now. Jenny just would not shut up about how cute he was, how hot he was, how chiseled he was. Seriously, Sam, I'm just glad Jenny was out of town last weekend, because if she had seen Jack, Daniel and Teal'c, she probably wouldn't have survived the trauma."
The women laughed, until Melissa innocently piped up, "Who's Teal'c?"
The laughter stopped immediately, and for a few seconds, tense silence followed. Then, almost without missing a beat, Sam chuckled.
"'Teal'c' is just an old nickname Murray got while he was in the Academy," she explained. "But he refuses to tell us what it means."
Vala and Cassie laughed nervously in concert, and Melissa nodded in understanding. "Yeah, my cousin is the same way. When he went through the academy, his call sign was 'Lovelorn,' and he hasn't lived it down ever since."
"Your cousin's an airman?" Sam asked.
"Oh yeah. He used to work in Cheyenne Mountain, until he was transferred to some international post in Australia."
At that information, Sam's ears pricked up. For some of the Atlantis contingent, a cover story with just that amount of obscure and illogical ambiguity had been used. "Really? I've worked at Cheyenne Mountain for about ten years," she said. "What's his name?"
"Evan Lorne," Melissa said. "He's a major, I think. Though he might be up for promotion in a few years. You know him?"
Sam merely nodded, and grinned at how small the galaxy could be sometimes. "Yeah, I do."