A Reflection Of Your Touch
Silver eyes stared listlessly back at him from within the confines of the mirror, a shaky breath escaped past his chapped lips and steamed the surface for only a moment as he leant in closer.
His face seemed gaunter today, the hollows beneath his eyes more defined by the shadows that lined the underneath of them.
Where had the face he had always known gone? He didn't recognise this shell that stared back at him where his own reflection ought to be, no matter how many times he visited the mirror he could never recapture the face that he had once saw in his own reflection.
I waited for you today, but you didn't show…no no no
He wondered where the tears were, he'd become so used to their presence as they clung to his long lashes that he felt their loss instantly when he realised they weren't there. Funny that how he had always been emotionless and now he longed for the sorrow that had warped his features into a mask of the pain he felt.
With the emotion gone he felt empty inside.
Sorrow had been the only emotion he allowed himself to feel now; cold emotions he could savour and let consume him. Warm emotions only lied with the promises they held yet did not deliver…though the lies were beautiful they were still lies just the same, he couldn't handle another beautiful lie.
"I love you; I want my life to be with you"
He recalled the words so softly spoken in his ear, how happy they had made him. They had been uttered with the most honest sincerity that he had instant believed them.
I needed you today, so where did you go?
He closed his eyes savouring the moment when the darkness came and his face was lost to him, he lost himself in a world of his own making behind his closed lids. He reached out and traced a hand over the cool pane and could instantly feel warm fingers ghosting over his own.
A part of him wanted to stay in the darkness behind his closed lids, just wanted to feel the sensations rather than see what he wanted to see. But he needed to see him, if this was all he could get them he would willingly take it.
Slowly he opened his eyes lifting his gaze to lock with the green orbs that stared out at him behind his own reflection.
You told me to call, said you'd be there…and though I haven't seen you are you still there?
His face was just how he remembered it, open and honest and the gaze was so loving that it tore at what was left of his heart. He leaned back feeling the warmth and watched as the arms in the mirror wrapped about his torso, the other was shorter than himself but tall enough to rest his forehead upon his shoulder.
He fit so well along his body, like they were two pieces if the same whole that effortlessly clicked together.
So many emotions hit him at one as he watched those long dark lashes flutter softly closed, watched how he leaned further into the shoulder as though he could absorb the warmth that was there.
He looked so peaceful like that, so serene with the lines of worry that had plagued his face smoothed out in a contented expression. It made him look younger made him look as though he had never bared the responsibility of an entire population upon his shoulders.
I cried out with no reply, and I can feel you by my side
A small sob rose and died in his throat before it could fully form, his eyes trained on the mirror he raised his slender hands and watched as they rested upon the smaller hands of the raven haired teen.
His ears picked up the softest of sighs and he blinked back the sudden moisture that sprung to his eyes.
He dropped his hand listlessly back to his side, it burned and ached and he couldn't stand the feeling of it. It wasn't enough; it would never ever be enough for him.
He wanted more, so much more and he didn't want to give into the reality of what he knew. Here in this room he fancied he could have it all, everything he yearned for could be his…he could see it so beautifully reflected back at him.
So I'll hold tight to what I know, you're here…and I'm never alone
He wanted to speak, wanted to utter the words that he had never been able to say…but he could never get them to make it past his lips. His companion suddenly looked up as though reading his thoughts, a small smile touched his lips and in that moment he knew that he knew what it was that he could not say…that he had known it all along.
He'd been brought up thinking petty emotions like love were a weakness, and although it had been the one emotion to cause him the ultimate pain he did not resent the fact that he had felt it.
This image of perfection nestled so comfortably against his body had wormed his way into his heart, had filled his days with love and happiness that someone like him should not have been allowed to feel…but feel it he had and he would not change that for anything in the world.
He may have been an arrogant bastard to many people, but to the raven haired teen reflected at his side he had been a tender lover.
And though I can not see you, and I can't explain why
These were the moments he treasured, the sanctity he found here was what got him through the days when he thought he might falter…if he didn't have this then he had nothing.
There it was the reality that this was all he had left.
He didn't want to admit it, he'd tried to deny it for so long, but he never believed it…he wasn't stupid he knew what had happened, knew that this obsession of his was his way of dealing with the pain…with the loss.
After all the reflection was another lie…a beautiful lie…but a lie none the less.
Such a deep deep reassurance, you've placed in my life
For these blissful minutes he spent watching the one he loved cling to his form as though he would never let go, it warmed his heart if only for a short amount of time.
Sometimes he could never force himself to leave, felt he would go mad if he couldn't stay here and just savour the moment.
He would have to leave soon, go back to the stark reality that was his life but at the moment he was content to stay were he was. He watched as small fingers trailed down his arms, how the elegant digits threaded through his own as though they had been made to fit there.
We can not separate, cause your part of me, and though you're invisible…I trust the unseen
He clenched his hands and watched as his reflections fingers clung to the smaller ones in his grasp.
He raised his opposite hand and threaded it through his platinum locks watching as they fell softly forward into his eyes, his lover liked how it did that…said it gave him instant appeal.
So many mannerisms which had been deemed inappropriate by his family yet had been loved by his small lover.
Sometimes he cursed the very loins that had brought him birth, wanted to hurt his own mother in ways that no son should have felt about his own flesh and blood. It had been her fault…her stupid need to prove her worth to the dark lord had cost him…her only son…everything.
He hoped that she rotted in Azkaban until the end of her days.
I cried out with no reply, and I can't feel you by my side
"I love you" the words sprung for the first time past his lips, they tasted like the sweetest nectar upon his tongue…if only he had known earlier that he could actually say them…that he could actually feel them.
He'd been too obsessed with his built in ideals to just let his heart merely feel, had tried to use logic in the face of something that had no reason…it just simply was.
The words had been far easier to say than he had expected, it hadn't taken force to finally say them, and they had left him as naturally as a breath of air.
But like many things he did…the words too had come too late.
So I hold tight to what I know you're here…and I'm never alone
He watched in fascination as a smile of pure joy lit his lovers face, how the green eyes sparkled with such happiness as though he had been given the greatest gift in the world. It was harder to make out the expression through the sudden blurriness that was affecting his vision.
Ah the tears that he had noted missing previous had decided to return.
He welcomed them like a lost friend, he relished in the feel of them as they burned his eyes, they were a testament to the fact that he could feel…that he wasn't the automaton that everyone perceived him to be.
That he too had a heart which could break.
That's what he saw here every time, he witnessed the daily breaking of his heart whenever he came here yet it still did not deter his routine…he needed this, needed to watch himself fall apart.
The tanned hand that was coiled firmly within his own broke free and he watched it make its way to his face, a single tear was caught and he watched his lover bring the wet finger tip to his lips and kiss it.
We can not separate; cause your part of me
It was such an intimate gesture that it once again pulled at his heart strings, a pain clenched in his gut and the sob that had never fully formed finally broke free from his lips, it was flavoured with all the bitter heartache that he felt.
God how he wanted that lie…wanted it with an intensity that still had the ability to frighten him.
If only things had been different, if only the dark lord had never existed, if only his family had not taken it upon themselves to follow such a madman into chaos…so many what ifs that he could not erase.
No matter how many times he wished it, it would not bring him what he wanted most.
And though you're invisible, I'll trust the unseen
He closed his eyes once again, he could feel those glorious hands touching his skin trying to rid him of his pain…could feel the hot breath against his neck and he leaned further back into the warmth, he didn't want to open his eyes, he didn't want the moment to end.
God he wanted the arms to encircle him, wanted to collapse in that embrace and feel it comfort him like it had always done…he'd give everything he had, everything he was just to be able to drown in the sweetness that was his lover.
"Draco"
I cried out with no reply, and I can't feel you by my side
He refused to open to his eyes, just a moment longer, he needed just a moment longer…if he opened his eyes then the fantasy would crumble, the reality would be there for him to confront and his heart would break even more.
"Draco" the voice was more persistent now.
He slowly opened his eyes, his reflection was still there standing as solitary as it had been when he had first looked at it, he could see the saddened blue eyes of his headmaster reflected back at him over his shoulder and lowered his gaze.
"You should not spend so much time here Draco, many wizard has gone mad from the mirror of Erised" Dumbledore said softly, he moved forward coming to place a hand on the shoulder where his lovers head had rested mere moments ago.
You're here
"Harry would not want you to be this way"
Draco nodded, he understood what they were all saying but they could never understand the pain he felt…the one person who had deemed him worthy of love had been taken from him before his time.
"I will be moving the mirror Draco, you do not need it to see what your heart can already show you when you close your eyes" his headmaster said and Draco turned away from the reflection that stared back at him.
"Goodbye Harry" he whispered softly as he followed the older wizard from the room, he turned one last time and looked at the mirror and for a moment he thought he saw a flicker of green eyes and a loving smile…then it was gone leaving an empty reflection in its wake as Draco closed the door softly behind him.
And I'm never alone
I've been having the most tremendous writers block recently, but this kind of came to me when I was sat in front of an empty word document contemplating the modifications to my next 'When Veela's Collide' chapter, then 'Never Alone' by Barlow Girl started playing on my i-pod and this was what happened, its probably not any good but I thought I'd post it anyway see what kind of response it got.
Anyhow review, criticise, ignore whatever as long as you stopped by long enough to read the authors notes I'm happy.
Angel-Wings
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