A
word to the wise:
This is a misguided sequel to 'This Is
Horrible.' I recommend you read that fic first, and possibly view
my DeviantArt later this week for sketches of all characters.
They're horrible. I promise.
Af Liction was alive. Not emo, but alive.
The government was tired of him. After he'd stopped crying like a fucking girl about the death of emo, he'd kind of stopped talking all together, which was great, except he was a test subject.
So they let him go. Yes, just released him back into the mainstream. Brought to you by the same guys who invented the Patriot Act, the discontinuation of habeas corpus, and Dick Cheney.
He's a bus zombie, you know. They instated him after he was found teething on Carl Rove's brain-meat.
Yum. Meat.
"This is fucking horrible!" Af screamed at nobody in particular. "I look like a fucking hobo and emo is dead! I'm so outrageously depressed! Someone give me a plot point!"
Just then Johnny C. ran by, wielding an oversized hack saw covered in blood, which everybody was sure not to notice. Except Af. Because he's somehow become the hero of this little charade.
"I will take vengeance on juu!" screamed Af, flailing wildly and falling on his back. "You horrible goth-vibe-spewing, gratuitous-death-scene-inducing guy person, juu!"
Af sat up quite suddenly. The gay clown from Yu-Gi-Oh walked by and abducted a small boy, but nobody noticed. Fuck yeah, crazy bastard…
"Blazing dookie," Af wondered aloud. "I've had an epiphany. Woopdeedoo."
He stood up, brushed himself off, and walked directly over to Nny's place. It was only a cut scene away, after all.
-CUT-
Ah, what a great interlude! You should have seen it! It was all, 'Let's have a cut scene! Okay! SWEEEEt!' And then we were back, and I was talking about it-
"GUY WHOSE NAME I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW!" Af screamed. He's doing a lot of that for a guy with a chunkable lung. "YOU MADE MY LIFE SO EMO THAT IT DOESN'T EVEN COUNT ANYMORE! YOU KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND, SOME RANDOM PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW, AND THAT ADORABLE LITTLE EMO BUS! I'M DOING A LOT OF SCREAMING FOR A GUY WITH A CHUNKABLE LUNG! FIGHT ME, PERSON WHO WILL INEVITABLY KILL ME BECAUSE I'M OC AND HE'S NOT!"
Nny came out of his uber-goth house. It was scary and goth-y and had dead things in the yard.
"Fuck you," Nny said. He turned around and went back inside.
Af's head exploded. There was gooey emo all over the place. And it began to spread…
Little emo chunks started crawling into people's cereal bowls and becoming absorbed into their flesh. The outside of Nny's house pulsated with the insatiable lumps of Af that had not been able to crawl away, as rock beats paper, and goth always pussifies emo, so it was kind of in an ethereal submission hold.
And it wanted Nny's sex. Heck yeah. I guess everybody in this fandom does, even the straight, male OC's.
'Hmmm, being dead is uncomfortable,' Af's ghost reasoned. 'I also can't eat tacos anymore, which is upsetting. Not really depressing, but upsetting. It'd be depressing if there were no more tacos in the world, but seeing as there is taco-goodness to enjoyed, I suppose there's still hope.'
Oh, fuck.
All the little pieces of Af that had been spread over the world and into the intestinal tracks of all its people suddenly ripped free of their fleshy prisons, causing thousands of people to suffer intestinal hemorrhages and die, but Af's head reformed itself like Majin Buu from Dragon Ball Z, which is the worst serialized anime to date.
"I see now!" exclaimed Af. "The difference between being an unbearable emo fucktard and being a goth morbid-being is seeing that, no matter how fucking annoying everything in the world is, if you sit around getting depressed about it, you'll never change anything!"
"Senseless killing is the answer," said Nny, who was back for the second time for no apparent reason and to provide gratuity to the story.
Yup. All the little fangirls. Rock on.
"That's your second epiphany this story," said Plot Enforcer, a rather over-sized beefcake wearing bondage. He was meant to personify angst, but angst is gay, so hence the get-up. "This fic is over quota. My chaps are itchy."
"Oooooooh sploodge-monkies," Af murmured, eyes as big as flying saucers. He turned and ran. Very fast. Because that is just one scary fucker you don't want to mess with.
"Quick, we must be uber-out-of-character and do the fusion dance so our unlimited non-canonical powers will smite this fucking queer!" announced Nny, who seems to actually be participating in a verbal manner this time around.
"Yeah, why is that?" asked Af, who should stop reading the fucking narration before he dies. SERIOUSLY.
"Um…Saskatchewan," Nny replied.
So they did that horribly messed up little dance from Dragon Ball Z and transformed into AFNY, whose name is all in caps, and derives power directly from the growing pool of horrible fanfiction written about MarySues, noncanonical love affairs, and anything involving the word "love." Like that last line. He was also a cool goth/emo super rocking sex star mega god with no respect for "THE SYSTEM" and an unquenchable blood lust that made everyone within reading range want to give themselves to him endlessly.
It was just that wrong.
A battle of epically mundane proportions ensued, in which some random people ran around all scared-like, it rained sewing needles and chopsticks, a gratuitous amount of exposition occurred, everybody acted constipated for a bit, ANFY was mistaken for one of those 10,000 new Pokemon, and he subsequently blasted everyone in the face with his eye lasers.
Yeah, ANFY has eye lasers. They're way cooler than Cyclops's, though, because Cyclops is emo, which has already been altogether raped and pillaged. Eye lasers and head explodey: What more can you ask for?
"Psychic powers," ANFY said, the annoyingly out-of-character portion of his excessively luscious entity ripped away as Af found himself rabidly inclined to comment on the narration.
Stupid OC bastard. He's got an empty tube of toothpaste in his head where his brain should be. Or a lemur. Those things are on craaaaack.
Plot Enforcer, while mostly dead, came over and leered down at Nny and Af, who were kinda just hanging around, looking all dazed and disinterested.
"Should we…I dunno…" Nny began, looking over at Af and waving his hand vaguely.
"It's really more your area," Af said.
"Yeah, but…" Nny said, eyeing Plot Enforcer skeptically. "I don't think it's really safe…"
"So I should do it?" Af countered.
"You are an expendable Original Character," Nny pointed out. "Plus, you're an emo pussy, and I'm delightfully goth, so I win."
"Ah, fuck…" Af groaned, getting up slowly.
The closer he got to Plot Enforcer, the more hopeless and forlorn Af felt, until he was so desperately despondent that he couldn't stop twitching. He even started foaming at the mouth, which was really funny, especially when the foam got all pink and shiny.
"AaaaaaAAAAAAAAARGH! IT BURNS MY EMO!" Af screamed, his lung dislodging miraculously and flying at Plot Enforcer.
"Ohes NOOOOOOES!" wailed Plot Enforcer, falling to his knees and making little grabby motions at the sky. "Now my angry emo-esque rantings, overly tight punk wardrobe, and utter frustration with existence will never be more than an angry, poorly developed plot bunny! Fierce, dangerous, pathetic, fucked up, people freaking every day!"
The intense energy of bottled-up angst made Plot Enforcer expand ten-fold, until he was just a gigantic, swollen, angst-filled balloon. With one well-placed stab to the gut from Nny with a pair of handy scissors, hammered in with the flat of a shovel for good measure, and because driving scissors through someone's spine through their stomach wall is good fun, Plot Enforcer exploded. Which was great, because it meant that it let everyone's brains not do that thing where they swell and bleed out into your cranial fluid, killing you via headache.
Which would be a pain-in-the-ass way to die.
"Stupid bastard," Af said. "Trying to say he's emo. Fucking gay emo."
"You realize how that sounds?" Nny asked, handing Af the pair of scissors he'd fished out of Plot Enforcer's icky juice puddle.
"Yup, and I don't care!" Af laughed manically, chopping off all his annoying emo hair. "Oh my God, and all these years I thought the world only existed on the left side of my body!"
And then Nny bludgeoned him into an unconscious state with a shovel. And killed a cavorting pack of happy Girl Scouts wearing bear hats.
Nny in a bear hat is awesome.
"No one in this fandom laughs manically but me," Nny glared down at Af's motionless body. "But I'll let you live, because I find these hats joyful and pleasing, and I anticipate a sequel that doesn't suck. And if it does…you'll be the one to pay, narrator…"
And then a Broadway musical company danced around and sang happy songs. Such happy, corn-and-potato songs they sang.
The sun ate them.
Oooh, shiny. Yeah. Like eye lasers.
HATS! wOOt!
That was horrible.
x.x