The True Meaning of Strength

By Byakuhisa4eva

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach...If I did, Byakuya and Hisana would still be together and happy.

Byakuya sometimes wondered what his life would be like if his beloved wife had never moved on. Would she have found her sister, Rukia, if she had never caught the illness that killed her? Would this unknown sister of hers bring the joy into Hisana's eyes that he never brought, no matter how hard he tried? Hisana...

He had loved her more than he had loved any other, more than his parents, and his friends. He was willing to do anything for her. Byakuya wanted her by his side no matter what. When he addressed this to the Kuchiki elders, they immediately refused for the two to be married. A noble and a woman from Rukongai. It was unheard of, and it would bring considerable damage to the Kuchiki's untainted reputation. But Byakuya hadn't cared. He didn't care that he would be scorned by the other nobles, or that he was setting a bad example for the shinigami to come. All he cared was that Hisana was by his side.

He was aware of how selfish he was being. But as a noble, he was used to getting his way. From the moment he met her to the moment she died, she was always first and foremost in his life. And she still is. No matter how many years passed, or how many time the elders brought up the suggestion of re-marrying, Byakuya refused to listen. Hisana was his one and only love. His first and his last. No one could take her place in his heart.

Because of his status, power, wealth and looks, he could have had more than half the women in the Soul Society to bend at his will. None of it mattered to him. He would have thrown away everything to be with her, to see her smile, no matter how broken. She was different. She didn't spend hours in the bathroom trying to make herself look presentable, or doll herself up in layers and layers of expensive silk. Unlike the other women of nobility. They painted their faces with make-up until you couldn't even tell who they were anymore. They flirted aimlessy with him, hoping he would at lest spare them a glance. Byakuya paid absolutely no attention to the hopeless flirtations. He only had eyes for her.

It didn't matter how many jewels and silks the women of nobility wore. In Byakuya's eyes, Hisana would always outshine them in every which way. She had a gentle sense of beauty. Her large, endless doe-shaped eyes entranced him. Her quiet demeur, her gentle touches, her soothing voice, everything about her entranced him.

During their wedding ceremony, the nobles of other families looked Hisana up and down with scorn, talked behind her back, and often did things to hurt her on purpose. When Byakuya watched his wife being tormented and mocked by the other nobles, he had half a mind to use Senbonzakura on them and send them straight to the fourth division. But he couldn't. Nobles didn't lose their tempers. It completely opposed to the way he was brought up. All he could do at that point was watch helplessy as his wife took every insult and offense with as much dignity as she could muster. Byakuya had always admired her for that.

He had loved her. Hisana. Loved her above everything. He supported her decisions, no matter what the cost. But he could tell that she didn't love him the way he loved her. Each smile, each kiss, everything about her broke his heart little by little. Her smiles were always sad. When he looked into her eyes, all he could see was a endless hole of sorrow, guilt and pain. Byakuya hated that. Each time Hisana came back from her search in Rukongai, her eyes betrayed a look of despair. Byakuya was starting to dislike this unknown sister that his wife so tirelessly searched for. Because of her, his wife was dying, little by little. Not only in body, but in spirit too. Because of this sister, Hisana drowned in a little more of her guilt each passing day. And he couldn't do anything to help her. All he was capable of was reassuring her every night that her sister would someday be found.

As he lay by her bedside in her final moments, all he wanted to do was to call out to her. Tell her not to leave, to keep fighting, to stay by his side. But he couldn't. A Kuchiki didn't do such things. They accepted them without a fight. Because a Kuchiki is strong. Byakuya sat by her side, and held her hand dutifully, and stayed with her to her last breath. He didn't cry, or weep. Because he was taught that emotions were for the weak. But that wasn't true. Emotions were for the strong. The weak would be over whelmed by them, and were so easily blinded by them. The strong could hold those emotions, without giving in. Because Byakuya had fallen in love, he had learned through their marriage, the true meaning of strength.

It didn't matter how many hollows he could defeat in a single blow, or how early he had acheived bankai. Because that wasn't true strength. To bear the feelings of guilt and sorrow Hisana had lived with, and still be able to smile, was true strength. Byakuya knew that no matter how powerful he became, the strength he had was meerly a mask. A mask to hide his pain. To have a reason to hide his spite at not being able to save even the one he cared for most. What Hisana had, was true strength. And he could never match that.

I'm sorry I couldn't return the love you have given me Byakuya-sama...

He was sorry that he couldn't give her the happiness she deserved.

But being with Byakuya-sama for the past five years...was like a dream come true for me...

For him, being with Hisana, even for a little while, was like a dream. A dream he never wanted to wake up from.

Byakuya-sama...

And Byakuya Kuchiki never knew, that Hisana had loved him too.

We should not shed tears

It is only a surrender of the body to the heart

It is only proof

That we are beings

That do not know

What to do with our hearts...