Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, simply borrowing the characters.

Closure

Chapter 1: Envelope

It's been five years. Five years. It's only two words with nine letters. I never grasped the concept of dubbing down time like that. To say only those two words doesn't give the person the realization of the time behind it. There are so many occurrences that can happen between those two words. You can find yourself married to someone, finding successes in a job, or having life changing moments. There are also negative connotations to this as well; you could perhaps get divorced to the spouse, lose the job, or well... die.

I sit in a small pew inside a church located somewhere in Tokyo-3. I had to smile to myself at the realization of just where I was right now. I have seen horrible things in my young life. Things that would make you question every single fiber of a belief system. Yet here I sit in the pew, looking at the center alter behind a well lit mosaic window of the Resurrection. I would come to this place and stare at the window for hours. I never think about the meaning behind it, nor do I stare at it because I share the belief. It just seems almost comforting to come into a place with so much... faith or hope. It's one of those words that I'm looking to explain the meaning. It must be the quiet that makes me so attracted to this place. My apartment is quiet, but it doesn't hold the same feel. It's just something, something I can't begin to explain.

"Good morning, Shinji." I turned my head to the voice that now echoed through the building. It was an elderly priest, the caretaker of this church.

I smile and nod as I turn my head to look at the mosaic window again. I could feel the air rush beside me as the priest sat down in the pew. My eyes turned to him just as he knelt and made a sign of the cross. His eyes were closed and his fingers entwined, his elbows rested on the top of the pew in front of us. I could see his mouth moving in silent prayer, giving praise for the day. I sat up against the pew and blew out a short breath. He definitely personified what someone would look like if they have devoted their whole life to religion. His graying hair shone white in the small beam of light coming from the ceiling. His face and hands were wrinkled and had several liver sports. His eyes however still shone of youth and kindness. A person who has had seen his own personal hell and lived through it. He slowly lifted himself from the kneeling position and sat down. His head turned toward my direction. An understanding smile spread across his face.

"Regular like clockwork", he says as a smile.

"It's the only place where I can get some quiet time."

"See... I would believe that the first time around. Now it's been going on for a month?"

"If you want me to leave..." I begin with a smirk on my face.

"Oh no. Not at all. It just seems... ironic that the warrior who fought against the Angels would be in a building where they are seen in such high regard."

Old man was sharp. His facial features always in a smile, his comment showed no malice behind it. The man knew about my history. The several times I've been there I've told my story. I told it for the sake of telling it. I wasn't looking for some sort of acceptance. I've given up on that, I've learned my lesson from my father. I became renowned throughout the world in my involvement as an Evangelion pilot, but I stayed true to my nature and kept under the radar. I made sure not to get into any interviews or any of the sorts. Of course after two years of dodging everything, the media lost interest in me. Last I heard they dubbed me insane or a modern day hermit. A 15 year old child fighting monsters in a giant mechanized humanoid, of course I'd be the last to have mental problems.

The last I saw something pertaining to me was in a revised historical textbook. I saw all the code names for the Angels, along with the pilots who fought them. I saw my name next to Unit 01 with a small picture of me standing in the hand of the giant beast.

The priest slowly stands and pats me on the shoulder. I look up to see a metal cross on a black string necklace. I stare at it for a moment then grab it as he lets go of the string.

"What's this for?" I ask, not being accustomed to getting gifts.

He doesn't answer me; instead I could see in his eyes that he wants me to take it. I grab the metal cross just as he lets go of the string. I close my hand around the metal cross, feeling the cold sensation against my palm. I let my fingers dance around the string until they reach the clasp.

Silence spreads through the church as I unclasp the necklace and put it around my neck. I hook the two ends and let the metal cross fall to my chest. I thank him for the gift as he walks down the aisle into the back section of the church. The silence spreads again; I'm alone in here now.

"Do you think I would be welcomed into heaven for killing its messengers?" I asked out loud, looking at the reflection of myself on the metal cross.

I got up and tucked the cross under my shirt. I flinched as the cold metal hit against the skin on my chest. I zipped up my jacket and walked toward the two giant wooden doors. I turned around briefly to see the priest standing next to the center alter. He was seeing me out as he lifted his left arm and waved. I responded with my right, however I didn't wave. I just let my hand stay up, feeling the wind rush through my fingers as I opened the door. I was immediately assaulted by large rain drops and the view of a decimated building across the street.

The final battle, the fight with the Eva series to be more precise, was the last days that I would be a pilot of an Evangelion. That day is particularly etched into my soul. As I look down at my hands and see the familiar scars in between my hands, it was there physically too. I remember distinctly being crucified up in the sky, all the series around me. Everything was being prepared for the final judgment. Then I remember laying in the sands of a beach surrounded by destruction. I could see the sky, disfigured and discolored. All around were the remnants of the Eva series. Next to me laid the Second Child. I could remember the rage flowing through me as I slowly sat up and straddled her. I couldn't control my hands as they went around her neck. Tighter and tighter, I tried as hard as I can to kill her. I wanted her to die. I began to cry and squeeze, begging myself to stop. Then I felt it, her hand came up and caressed my cheek. I pulled back and just started bawling.

"I feel sick..."

I awoke in a hospital bed. The bright florescent lights hurt my eyes; I covered them with my left hand and noticed the IV drip taped to my wrist. I followed the tube and was met with a different array of machineries. The incoherent beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound penetrating the silence in the room. I noticed the bandages wrapped around my hand. I looked down and saw the similar on my right. I tried to talk; the only thing that came out was a small rasp and a coughing fit. My throat was dry. A nurse entered the room and looked at me in disbelief. She ran out and I stared at the door with what I believe was a pretty annoyed expression. I needed to know what was going on. I didn't need some nurse coming in and freaking out. In this situation, freaking out should have been my reaction. The door opened again and an older man with a white lab coat walked into the room. In his hands, a medical chart and a disbelieving look on his face.

"Shinji Ikari?" He asked.

I nodded and lower my left hand onto my stomach. I could tell that I lost a lot of weight. I was preparing myself to hear the worst possible news.

"I... this is remarkable. I don't know how else to tell you this but you have just woken from a six month coma. I... well... we didn't expect you to gain any consciousness to tell you the truth".

Evidently this doctor had really bad bedside manners.

"...what... happened?" I managed to let out as I let out a stream of violent coughing. The nurse runs to my side and adjusts the bed. She gives me a glass of water and I try to inhale it all.

"We found you in the entry plug. You were unconscious and badly injured. We brought you straight to this hospital and managed to save you from your injuries. All your ribs were fractured, your hands were badly cut, your shoulders and back inhibited scratch marks and some strange abrasions. We kept you stable, you slipped into a coma. We didn't think you would wake from it".

"A regular miracle..." I mutter to myself as I lift my right hand. I use my left to unwind the bandages around them.

"Wait...!" The doctor tries to stop me but its two late. I see the marks. I know exactly what how I got them.

"So it did happen…"

"Sir?"

I looked at his look of confusion; I could feel a small well of anger rise in me.

"The Eva series, the spears, Adam... Third Impact! Didn't it happen?"

"Um... sir, you defeated those creatures. Your Unit went berserk and destroyed everything. It went berserk after you saw Unit 02..."

I sat there trying to ingest everything. I know what I saw. I know for a fact that Third Impact had happened. I was so sure of it. I was on the beach. I was literally crucified in the sky. How else would I get these marks on my hands?

"We found you after the battle along with Unit 02. We took the pilot of 02 about the same time as we did with you".

"Where is she?" I asked instantly, there was no way this doctor would know anything. I would have to find someone with rank to find out exactly what happened.

"She woke up a week ago. She demanded that she go home immediately".

"Then I have to go now". I pitifully tried to push my legs off the bed. The nurse had more then enough strength to keep me back. After six month of inactivity it was evident that I would need some sort of physical therapy to get back to normal. I tried though, I really did. I wanted to go see her; I wanted to see if she was okay. I wanted to ask her if she went through the same thing as I did. I wanted to badly. However the next sentence I heard made me stop in my tracks.

"She went back to Germany..."

That happened exactly five years ago.

I stepped down the flight of stairs and onto the sidewalk. My shoulders tensed and my body shivered. The wind blew the cold air making anyone want to seek any form of warmth. I began to walk, wishing that I had stayed in the church just a bit longer. This end of the city was newly renovated. Some of the construction equipment was still here, some of the lots still held materials used for the buildings. It was a good feeling to see this city begin to thrive, especially, after being responsible for its sole destruction.

I saw my apartment building and began to quicken my pace as a particularly large gust of cold wind rushed against me. It was getting colder and colder as the winter months began. You could almost see the difference between the years. I quickly went through my jacket's pocket and found the key to the front door of the complex. I fumbled with the key, trying really hard to put it into the slot and turn the lock. When I did that I burst into the lobby and closed the door quickly behind me. I shivered and unzipped my jacket. My keys in my hand, I walked toward the elevator.

"Good morning, Mr. Ikari". The man in the security desk said. I lifted my hand up in greeting and walked to the elevator. I pressed the button and waited for the elevator. I could hear the dings of the freight moving down the floors until it finally chimed to the bottom. I got on and hit the number seven. The repetitive elevator music hit my ears as I leaned against the back of the elevator. I let out a sigh that I was holding as the elevator chimed to my floor. I got out quickly and made it down the hallway to the left of the small elevator lobby. Walked down four doors, I stopped at the one with the numbers 706. I unlocked the top and bottom locks and walked inside.

It was a small studio apartment. A kitchen and bedroom connected with a bathroom and a balcony. I took off my shoes and threw the keys on top of a nearby dresser. It was dark when I closed the door behind me. I could see the hue of red blinking off a wall. I walked to the light and saw that my answering machine recorded a few messages. I hit the button and walked to the refrigerator. I opened the door as the first message began to play.

"Shinji, it's me Hikari. I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight. We haven't seen you in a month. I was... well we being Touji, Kensuke, and well me... want to see you. We know you've been in a rut, and we think that a night on the town will help... we miss you... please call us back or show up at least... its the bar to.."

The message ended and the other one began.

"Hey, it's me again. It's the bar by the small convince store that we used to shop. You know where it is. Please come, Shinji. We really miss you".

The message ended and the machine let loose a loud beep as I lifted the jug of orange juice and took a swig of it. I felt bad. I should probably go; I didn't see them in such a long time. After my career ended as a pilot I went back to school, I slowly learned that school wasn't what I really wanted to do. I dropped out after a while. For a few months, I did nothing. I became chronically depressed and stayed inside a lot. I lived off the pensions from Nerv. The pilots received a lot of perks. We gained free living almost anywhere and a monthly salary. Though Nerv doesn't technically exist publicly, there was a branch that survived that took care of the sole needs of the pilots. This branch was created due to the fact that they have no idea what effects, both physical and psychological, the events could have on us. The government found it that we should be comfortable. This also involved the pilots keeping some form of contact with the branch. When I didn't respond to any messages or showed up to any scheduled physicals, they came looking for me.

They found me, in a fetal position on the floor of my living room. I was naked, thin, and barely alive. I was brought into a hospital yet again. They looked after me for a week. The doctors diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress syndrome and chronic depression. They made sure that I was giving the proper medications and was forced to attend some psychiatrist sessions. I went to two sessions before I gave up entirely on going to it. I had promised that I would keep in contact, and I did say the medication was working. I didn't need them to give me some medicinal cocktail and stay in some mental ward in a chemical coma.

I walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Inside was filled with prescriptions for antidepressants, mood elevators, and some other forms of medications. I've been taking the stuff for 4 years now. I grabbed two bottles, placing one near the sink and opening the other. I took two pills out and put them on the counter. I grabbed the other and did the same. I put the bottles back and closed the cabinet. The mirror whirled into view, I could see myself. I had let my hair grow; it was up to my shoulders. I had also grown a stubble of a beard. I smiled to myself, if only I tied my hair I would look like Mr. Kaji. My shoulders are broader; my body more muscularly defined then my former self. One of my therapies involved working out. I would go down to the branches headquarters and use one of its gyms. The branch workers loved that they could work out with a real pilot. At some points I would tell them stories since over the years I have become more comfortable with telling my tale. They also liked the fact that I would be able to keep in contact with them more easily. However they didn't like the fact that I demanded weapons training as well as fighting training. I told them it was for personal protection. I could understand why they would feel nervous, it was like giving ammunition to the gun. They allowed me to go through training. I later became an employee. It worked out for the better and for three years now I've risen in the ranks; becoming a crucial member to the branch for two and a half years now. It was strange to be in this organization, considering my youthful rebellious nature toward Nerv. I guess when you grow up you have to make sacrifices. I suppose you have to reconsider things as well.

I walked into the living room and sat down in the arm chair. I sank into the comfortable chair and rested the back of my head against the soft back. I stared at the ceiling, a habit that I never did break. I rolled my head to the side a looked at the envelope sitting on one of my dressers. It wasn't opened. It had my old address on it, a postage seal from two years ago. It was relatively big; it seemed like the letters inside would explode from the envelope. I know who sent it; I refused to open it years ago. I don't intend to open it any time soon.

A loud knocking erupted from door. I sighed to myself and got up. I silently walked toward my desk and opened the top drawer. Inside I drew a loaded Beretta 92. I've had a few incidents over the years, some of which left scars on my body. I now carry a gun, though I never carry it when I go to the church. Maybe it's a sign of respect that I don't carry the weapon into a peaceful place. I moved to the door and looked through the peephole. I let out a breath and unlocked the locks. I opened the door and there stood a bundled up Hikari. She regarded me with an annoyed look on her face. Half my body was hidden by the door, the gun out of her sight. We stood there for a few moments.

"Aren't you going to let me in?" She asked as I stared blankly at her. I moved behind the door and opened it for her. She walked into the apartment and I heard a small groan escape from her lips.

"I see you still haven't done anything with this place."

"Haven't had the time," I coolly respond closing the door and leaning my back against it.

She turned around and immediately looked down at the gun at my hand. She turned her eyes on to me as I looked sheepishly at her.

"When did you get a gun?"

"A while ago. It's for protection."

"… against me?"

A smile spreads on my face as she breaks into one herself. Leave it to her to try to make me smile or laugh. She walked further into the living room and sat on the bigger couch. I walked to the desk and hid the gun in the first drawer. I closed it and turned around. I was prepared for the interrogation that's about to happen.

"Where have you been?" She began as she took off her winter jacket and unraveled her scarf from her neck.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I dodge the question as I enter the kitchen.

"Coffee and don't dodge the question."

I fill the kettle with water and put it on the stove. The kettle almost instantly spews out a puff of steam indicating it's ready. Technology sure is wonderful these days. I take it off and pour the water into two cups filled with instant coffee and sugar. I bring the cups into the living room and put them on the coffee table. I walk back to get the milk and place that next to them. I then sit back down on the arm chair and stare at Hikari as she pours milk into her coffee and takes a sip of it. She looks at me as if waiting for my answer.

"I've been busy at work. Working on a few projects that involve piloting different mechanized vehicles and such."

"Also been busy avoiding your friends or any social contact. Wouldn't kill you to pick up a phone or call would it?"

I cringe and try to break eye contact from her ever watchful gaze. I feel a ping of guilt rush inside me as I try to explain that I feel better alone without hurting her feelings.

"Touji is worried about you. Kensuke is too. So am I, or I wouldn't of even showed up here."

"Well... I appreciate that you guys care. Honestly I do," I say as I sit up on the arm chair and grab the cup of coffee. I down it all in one gulp and set the cup back onto the table, "but I've been feeling weird lately. I don't want to go somewhere fun with you guys and feel like I'm bringing you down."

"That's a stupid reason," she confirms as she sets the cup down herself, " you mean to tell me you haven't talked to anyone in a month because you feel like being alone?"

"Well… yes?"

She lets out a sigh and sits back on the couch.

"You know, Touji thought he did something wrong. Kensuke understood that you needed space but if you ask me you're just looking for attention."

"Clearly, since I managed to get you to come down here yourself."

She frowned and then smiled. She put her hand up against her forehead.

"What am I going to do with you, Shinji?"

"You love me and you know it." I say with a small smirk on my face.

We both laugh, the seriousness of the conversation gone out the window.

"How is everyone?" I ask, sitting back and waiting for Hikari to fill me in on things.

"My husband is good, still paranoid that he might have caused you to stray away."

"Is that why you're here?"

"Just to make sure you're not mad at him." She said as she picked up her cup and took another sip.

"I don't understand why he's so apologetic to me since I should be the one to…"

Hikari put her free hand up, motioning me to stop. She put her cup down on the table.

"He already forgave you all those years ago."

"Yeah, but it doesn't kill the guilt that I feel toward it."

She sighed, "You shouldn't feel any guilt. You weren't in control of the Eva that did that to him. It was your dad. Besides, you gave Touji all those cybernetic implants and increased his pensions. Don't look at me like that, I figured out it was you."

I stared at her, raising my hand and gliding it down my face to my chin. A smile present at my face. I took the liberty to give some of my pension money to Touji since he was married. I also made it my mission to try to find a way for him to get an arm and a leg again. Over the years I've felt guilty over the day that my Unit destroyed his. Every time I see him I still feel guilty over it. Though he has forgiven me, I never really forgave myself.

"I can't get anything passed you can I, class rep?"

She let out a huge smile and finished her cup. She started to look around my place a displeasing look on her face.

"You do plan on doing something with this place, right?"

"No, not really…"

Just then another knock comes from my door. I tense but see Hikari smile at the door. I get up and walk toward the door. I open it and get swooped up in a bear hug.

"Hey, Shinji! Long time no see."

Touji stands there with the door wide open, lifting me off the ground with both his arms encircled around my arms and waist. I start to groan as he keeps increasing the pressure.

"Cybernetics! Cybernetics!" I quickly gasp out as he lets me go.

"Sorry, man, I forgot I have those." He lets me go and pats me on the shoulder with his good hand. He walks to the couch as I close the door behind him and sits next to his wife. I sit in my place on the arm chair and smile at my friend.

"So I see you still haven't done anything with the place." He says as my smile falters. It's amazing how much they are alike.

Touji is still the jock of our group. He has changed the most out of all of us. He now has a cybernetic arm and leg to replace the ones he lost during the incident. Since then he has mastered control over them. Though the first year after the incident he had to rely on a motorized wheelchair and the support of his girlfriend at the time, which later became his wife. During that year, my relationship with Touji was on thin ice. I constantly blamed myself for everything that happened to him though the first day I saw him he hugged me with his good arm and forgave me. He never once considered it as my fault. Though I can remember a time when he thought I was the reason his sister was in the hospital. That year, I made sure to make everything as comfortable for him. I made sure he got cybernetic parts when it became available. I threatened the government and Nerv hell and high water if they didn't do anything for Touji. It took them a year to get though prototype testing and come up with a production model limbs. I later found out that because of Touji's case that these limbs were produced for the masses.

Hikari grew over the years into a wonderful woman. She takes care of her husband as well as his friends. She had to deal with Touji as well as me in the first year after the final battle. I was far worse psychologically back then. Now, she's a strong woman making sure we all stay together. She stood around us in our toughest time, that's why we keep in such high regard. Kensuke and I consider her as a sister more then anything else.

"Shinji, what's that?"

I break from my train of thought and look at Hikari. Touji and his wife seem to be staring at something to the right of me. I look and see the envelope.

"It's nothing." My emotions grow cold and my eyes loose all their shine.

Hikari stands up and goes toward the drawer.

"Hikari, don't pry." Touji says as he gets a stern look from his wife. She picks up the envelope and reads the front. Her eyes widen and she drops the envelope on the top of the drawers.

"How long have you had this? How come I've never seen this here before?" She asks as Touji stands up and goes to look at what it was.

"I got it two years ago. I hid it."

"You didn't open it?" Touji asked as he flipped the envelope a few times before putting it back.

"I saw the name on the return address. I didn't have the nerve. I still don't."

I could feel someone at my side. I feel two hands on each side of my face, lifting my head up. I could see the look on her face. It was understanding and sad. That letter was from her best friend.

"Shinji, there was another reason why I came here too. I got a letter from Asuka about a week ago." Hikari said cautiously.

I looked at her, my face contorted in confusion.

"She sent you one now?" My anger begins to rise.

"I said the same thing." Touji responds.

"She didn't even go to your wedding…" I spit out.

"I know…" Hikari says, the sad look in her eyes almost breaks my heart into two.

"What did she say?" I ask emotionlessly.

"She said she's coming back… and she wants to see you…"

To be continued…
End Chapter 1: Envelope

I would like to thank the people who review and read my stories. It's definitely exciting to hear the opinions of other people. Also I like to thank them for putting up with my crap grammar, typos, and other who has as well.

This story I'm trying to take it more toward the personal relationships between the other characters and Shinji. Expect dialogue heavy chapters with a lot of different arraigning thoughts. As evident to all my stories, Shinji has grown older and grown a spine. I have no idea how long this story will be. Also I'm trying to put in as much detail as I can, don't expect it to end as hastily as Broken Stream

Reviews are welcome.