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IDIOT
by Masked Lover

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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, not ever, never ever never.

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Prologue

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"Mister, are you hungry?" The white haired boy asked the hunched over Gennin who was waiting in the red plastic seat next to him.

The little boy looked familiar to Obito, but he didn't know whose child he was.

Probably the son of a politician or a high ranking official.

The boy looked at the only available person in the hall and waited for a response.

"Oh," Obito stumbled, "I'm just here to pick up some medicine for my friend, Rin."

Obito answered, beaming at the small boy with large circle glasses. "You?"

"One of my dad's had a baby this morning." He kicked his feet out looking at his shoes.

Obito's stomach lurched at the thought of getting a man pregnant. "He was in labour for two days until he had the baby."

Obito jumped, two days! That poor guy.

Obito knew that some day he would literally have to take the plunge, but he couldn't imagine the effects would bring a baby into the world. "Are you happy?"

"Un!"

"Good, that's very good..." Obito was conflicted, stumbling if it was actually good, but if it made people happy: "Very good."

In reality, reality was starting to catch up with him and Obito felt like he was going to barf.

The beautiful nurse arrived just in time with his medicine pack.

She was a real pretty thing with black hair and dark eyes. "Here you go, thank you for waiting!"

Anko noticed the young boy beside the Uchiha failure and smiled at him, "Kabu-chan. I heard that your daddy had a boy."

The young boy beamed, "Really?" The nurse nodded.

"Kabu-chaaaannnnn!"

The doors were kicked open and down the hall came the clacking of the legendary, Sennin Tsunade. A beautiful blonde bombshell with large breasts with a baby in her arms... A baby?

Obito was more than happy to be surrounded by beautiful, beautiful women but it seemed yet another woman was out of his league.

"Kabu-chan," Tsunade called, she had a big smile on her face. In her arms was a pale yellow, fleece blanket, "Come, come, take a look."

She kneeled down and tilted the whining baby to see his brother.

The baby had a plump, chubby face and squishy eyes and it would twitch it's arms every time it felt the sunlight on it's face.

Kabuto's poked the baby's fingers, he was mostly in awe.

"See, it's your little brother, Kabuto. Orochimaru out did himself this time, he's really cute." Tsunade cuddled the baby, she really didn't want to have kids, being so old and Dan was impartial, so they could just spoil Orochimaru's children.

She almost didn't want to let him go, but being a responsible big brother, Kabuto definitely wanted to hold his baby brother. Tsunade carefully placed the new born in Kabuto's arms, guiding his arms to where the proper place was.

"Sensei! Oh, Tsunade, where's Jiraya-sensei?" Yotsubato waved the bouquet of "flowers," probably champagne and cigars knowing the goofy candidate.

Tsunade took the "flowers" and sure enough. Booze and cigars. "Don't yell in the halls, Yotsubato! And stop bringing liquor and cigars from now on!"

Yotsubato rested a hand on Obito's head and rustled the black Uchiha mop. "Hey, you look like you're gonna have a baby too. Obito-kun!"

"N-Nothing." Obito took a look at the baby.

It was a real live, living breathing baby.

"Does the baby really come out a man's butt when it happens that way?" Kabuto asked, handing the baby to the future Hokage who eagerly wanted a closer look at the child in question.

Anko looked at Tsunade and wondered if she should tell the child, but the response was slow.

Tsunade looked from the boy to gennin to his teacher, ah, men. "I'm not going to answer that today. Let's go see your daddy, kid." She took Kabuto in her free hand and led him down the hall, "are you coming too, Anko? Obito?"

Anko shook her head, "I assisted with the delivery and Jiraya and the child will be here for a couple of days."

Obito had to see the guy who had the kid. He must look like a girl. He nodded, briskly and stood up and followed the group down into the maternity section. There were a lot of women, but no pregnant men. He was surprised. If men could get pregnant, they would be more of a visible minority but they weren't and he was glad.

Being a man, and happily, not willing to lend his ass to procreation.

And what real man would!

He looked at the closed door that Tsunade was about to slide open.

And what type of man was his fiancé?

"Sensei."

The room was really white and quiet, Jiraya looked really pale, in his hand a cup of good sake. No one bothered to yell at him for drinking sake in a hospital, he looked like he had been through a rough night. Orochimaru was sitting at his side, ready to pour another glass of the alcoholic refreshment when the crowd of well wishers walked in.

Jiraya. He never knew the legendary writer had a baby, but someone like that having a baby? He was all man, all for breasts! That writing was real inspiring to men too!

A loss to real men.

But Orochimaru, but have really been something.

"Hey, Jiraya-sensei. Have you seen your baby yet." Jiraya became livid, gulping down the sake cup and setting it down on the bed side table. He reached his hands out wanting to hold his child.

Orochimaru just looked that Yotsubato with a smile, "Jiraya has been drinking, as a doctor, I wouldn't advise you to hand the child over to him." Which made Jiraya slump in his seat, he looked at Tsunade who nodded her head in agreement.

Jiraya tried to speak, but even he realised no one could hear his hoarse voice yet. He could only shoot daggers at his husband who smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Jiraya glumly picked up his glass and motioned for another cup. Orochimaru complied.

Tsunade kissed the baby's cheek, "too bad it's not a girl. But another boy is not bad either and Kabuto turned out so well despite your influence, Jiraya." The female Sennin didn't really agree with Jiraya's profession, but if Orochimaru supported it, it was all right.

"Congratulations on your child, Jiraya-sensei. Orochimaru-sama."

Orochimaru noticed the character beside Jiraya's apprentice. "Oh, you're Obito Uchiha." News of the pairing off of one weaker Uchiha to a strong bloodline had been all the rage in the office. It caused much debacle and even he wondered how pathetic the Uchiha was proposed to be. "Congratulations on your engagement."

"You're engaged now?" The blonde man just laughed, bouncing the baby in his arms. "Well, I guess the Uchiha are like that. Congratulations."

"You're his instructor and you didn't know?" Orochimaru looked at his husband with a discrediting eye, "I blame you whenever something like this happens, but I'm thankful for our child and I hope we can have another."

"Youuu haave it." Came the weak reply, Orochimaru just smiled.

"If you insist," Orochimaru continued to pour sake into the waiting hand.

"How hard is it?" Obito asked, his face determined an serious, "how hard is it to have a baby?"

Jiraya looked at his sake cup and then his baby, "hard..." His eyes were droopy and his back sunk into the piles of pillows. "And then the baby is born, and your hole is this small and the baby is this big, pointing to the sake cork, "and it takes days." Orochimaru poured his own cup, cheerfully listening in. He had been on the other end of the mess, but Jiraya was cruel and refused to acknowledge the sinister looking man's existence for the two days he was in labour. "And after all that, then you have to raise it." He sipped the sake down, then it was refilled. "But it's worth it. You're gonna have a kid?"

"He's going to have it, I just have to... You know. Put it in."

Jiraya burst into sore laughter, holding his weak side. "This kid. I like him."

Tsunade cut in realising something, "Oh the name? Have you decided?"

Orochimaru refilled the sake cup again, before moving to filling out the name registration and presenting it to Tsunade. Kabuto looked at the sheet, reading it out loud.

"Sai," Kabuto smiled. Sai.

Obito looked at the family and the lone teacher cherishing the child that had been born into a world of death and destruction and unhappiness.

Could he also bring a child into this world with a stranger?

Maybe.

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TBC

Authors Note:

I write what I feel, this will be a lead in to another story... But it's another story.

We need more Obito x Kakashi, that's why this exists!

Also, Yotsubato means clover I believe. Four Leaf clover, four. I was gonna go default, but Arashi is over used.