20 Random Truths about Sasori and Deidara
By: homeostatis
1. In the beginning there was Sasori and Deidara. The blonde remembers thinking of how ugly his partner was; the red-head remembers wondering about how such a pretty girl got into the Akatsuki. To their eternal mortification, not everything is skin deep.
2. When Deidara was told that he (should be honored because he) would be working alongside the infamous Akasuna no Sasori he immediately assumed that his new partner would be a boring, wrinkly old fogey who would be unconcerned for everything but himself. To his amusement, he was only partially correct.
3. When Sasori was first told that his new partner was a 16-year-old blonde bomb specialist from Iwagakure the first image he'd gotten was of a cackling blonde bombshell. He wasn't disappointed (and although he'd originally figured it to be a girl, Deidara was certainly feminine enough that this didn't make much of a difference to Sasori).
4. Deidara's initial reaction to seeing Sasori's "real" form had been to whistle (in appreciation) and say, "And I thought I had to watch out for Itachi-san, un!"
5. When Deidara learned that his partner was an artists too he'd promptly squealed, exclaimed "finally, un!" and found himself bitterly disappointed when the other refused to appreciate his explosive show of "joy".
6. When Sasori learned that his new partner was an artist, aside from his sudden interest in meeting someone new, he'd wondered where the whole "bomb specialist" thing came in. Then he met Deidara and was (horrified) incredibly annoyed at how quickly the other turned one of his puppets into ash.
7. Sasori would never even entertain the notion of entering into a relationship with his MUCH YOUNGER partner because, while he had a lot of things in common with Orochimaru, he certainly wasn't a dirty, nasty pedophile like him. No way. (The fact that both he and Deidara were both men was often lost on the master puppeteer mainly because, even after years of partnership, he still accidentally refers to Deidara as a girl in his mind.)
8. Deidara's mechanical eye had been an object of Sasori's curiosity for a long time before he finally caved and inquired about it months after they were partnered up. Deidara had simply shrugged, grinned, and answered, "Just a disagreement in the family, un." It was the first in a very long time that Sasori felt a cold chill settle over him.
9. In truth, Sasori actually finds Deidara's little nickname for him rather endearing, if not a little irksome (mostly because the brat only started calling him that to mock him). It was nice to be appreciated (somewhat) without first having to put a binding jutsu on the other. At any rate, it was as good as a private joke between them (and nothing was creepier than two S-Class missing Nins sharing a joke right before they were going to kill you).
10. Sasori would probably never admit it but Orochimaru managed to significantly creep him out when the other, upon setting his snake-like eyes upon Sasori's "real body" perked up and suddenly grew more affectionate. This actually makes him glad for Deidara because the worst the other could do was make "my danna's so pretty" cracks.
11. The "un" had always been a little strange to him, but Sasori never really minded it. Strangely enough, he wasn't as annoyed at Deidara was he probably should have been.
12. Sasori's distinct inclination to live in his puppet always served to creep Deidara out because the blonde couldn't imagine why anyone would want to live in such confined spaces when they could be out flying instead.
13. Contrary to popular belief, Sasori doesn't dislike his partner anymore than he dislikes humanity in general. Similarly, Deidara doesn't so much go out of his way to bother his danna than he does "accidentally" blow stuff up from time to time.
14. The whole mouths-on-his-hands thing disgusted Sasori because, honestly, the man was an anal-retentive hygiene freak.
15. The first and only time Deidara had ever taken Sasori flying, the older man had crankily demanded (in a calm, steely voice that reminded Deidara of one particularly vicious old lady back in his home town) that he be allowed off the horrible clay contraption NOW.
16. Sometimes Sasori can't help but think that his partner is so painfully young. It wasn't that he was naïve or innocent but that he sometimes did such stupid things. Similarly, Deidara can't help but accuse his partner of being an old man, especially when the other would demand that he stop flying and come down because YES, flying naked would probably alert the nearby hidden village and NO, he wouldn't help him out if he got sick again.
17. Sasori, to Deidara's eternal horror, likes to sleep in warm, dry places. Deidara, on the other hand, like it's cool and humid. Needless to say, a place to camp out is often a subject of heated debate between the two of them (just like their art, and meals, and clothes, and fighting styles, and travel routes, and whether Deidara's a natural blonde…)
18. The only times when they really made use of the fact that Deidara was a blonde haired, blue eyed "beauty" was when they ran out of money and needed the help of a poor, hapless rich man who didn't know the difference between a woman and an S-Class Nin (although there usually isn't much of a difference, but we digress).
19. The whole "puppet Kazekage" thing amused Deidara to no end when it was revealed to him because it served to remind Sasori that he was much older than he looked and that was certainly fun to tease his danna about.
20. Deidara once (excitedly) remarked that he and his danna were perfect for each other and that, if anything, their hair colors were a testament to this. Red and yellow, just like (McDonalds) ketchup and mustard or blood and bile or the sun or a funny looking robin that was red and yellow. Sasori's leveled, flat, and unappreciative stare was enough to send Deidara in a fit of laughter so strong he knocked himself over. Ass-spawned, hell-worthy metaphor indeed.
A/N: Ass-spawned, hell-worthy reviews indeed!