Disclaimer: Okay, so my cat's name is Elphaba, and though I've tried to make her "defy gravity" many times, she usualy just scratches my face up, thus supporting that it is Maguire and Schwartz who can make people defy gravity. Not I, said the wolf.
Note: Another Gelphie. Another love proclamation. Another bed involved. Another character study. It's getting old, I know, but this is just what I do in my spare time whilst making a multi-chaptered Gelphie character study. There may be a bed in that one, too. But hopefully not in the same room as all the others. Don't get your hopes up, though.
"Elphie, you're freezing," Galinda said, kneeling on her bed so that her knees dug into the mattress. She leaned against the green girl, encircling her with her arms, bare breasts brushing against a green arm.
"So it would seem," Elphaba replied dryly, sitting atop a pillow with her bony back to the wall, blankets coming up to her unimpressive hips.
"Maybe it's 'cause you won't get comfortable," Galinda pressed in a trying voice, feeling her nipples harden against her roommate's skin.
"I am comfortable," Elphaba said, bringing a hand up to clutch one of Galinda's forearms in consideration.
"Oh, shimmy down, you!" commanded the bubbly blonde, dragging the green girl further into the bed by becoming deadweight. The pillow Elphaba had been sitting on managed to cram at the small of her back. She turned and adjusted it, not meeting Galinda's pleading eyes, avoiding her.
When returning to a comfortable, yet lower, position, she sighed and twiddled her thumbs politely. Her chest heaved outward, drawing Galinda's attention. The blonde admired the sheen of sweat that caused the jade skin to sparkle. She reached out to stroke the flesh, snaking her fingers down and in between Elphaba's breasts, and pulling away as she reached an abdomen.
"Thanks for that," Elphaba said, indifferent.
"Why don't you show any feeling, Elphaba? It's almost as if you don't want to be here."
The strange silence that followed unnerved Galinda greatly, and as her roommate said nothing, she felt the stinging of nonexistent tears in her eyes. Elphaba sighed once again.
"I do want to be here. I really… really do, but, you know… it's hard."
"What's hard?"
"Affection." Elphaba answered, finally turning to stare the blonde in the eyes. Her black pupils were haunting to Galinda, and yet fascinating at the same time. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what made them look so dead, and sometimes they scared her. But most of the time, she'd just enjoy searching for emotion, though it was a lost cause.
She loved to anger Elphaba, pointlessly, or get her to talk about Animal rights. Her mood wasn't accommodating, and she would drone on forever, but there would be a passion in her eyes. A rage. Something of similar origin to the way she would cry out if Galinda played her cards right between those long, gangly legs.
"I can't believe that." Galinda said, crossing her arms about her chest, "showing affection is easy. It's like you weren't hugged as a child, Elphaba."
A silence. Elphaba cast her eyes downward to inspect the pattern on the bed sheets.
"Sweet Oz, I'm sorry. I was joking."
"Yes, I know," her long, dark hair waved in some areas, only to further hollow out bones that jutted outwards, "and I shouldn't be so burdening."
She began to rise from the bed. Galinda caught her wrist and forcefully brought her companion back down, smashing her lips onto green ones. She struggled to keep Elphaba down, hoping she would succumb beneath the smaller woman.
"You're staying here. You might be freezing to touch, but I like to touch you. You might be bony to hold, but I like to hold you. Some things you say might be mean, Elphie, but you're honest. I can't describe it, but I want you near me, and I'll be dammed if I let you go slip into that lonely, ugly, raggedy thing you call a bed over there."
"You may be annoying Galinda, but gee, you're awfully persuasive." She snorted, and let herself wrap long green arms about the white flesh that settled onto her.
"See? It's not so bad."
"Not bad at all," Elphaba said, feeling a small hand trail down to touch her inner thigh, "but you have to be patient with me, okay? This is challenging."
It seemed she was making an effort to say these things aloud.
"Of course, Elphie, I know you're iffy."
"That's being kind."
"Okay, so maybe some days you don't want me to touch you, but isn't it worth it?" Galinda had a glint of evil in her eyes, as she worked her fingers in unmentionable areas, receiving a shiver, "you maybe be hard to tame, Miss Elphie, but you're easy to please."
"You might have smalls hands, Miss Galinda, but you use them well."
"You seem insane and murderous sometimes-"
"Thanks."
"- but that's just a façade for how scared you are, isn't it?"
"With your hands doing that, yes."
"It frightens you?"
"Yes." Galinda pulled away with a guilty expression, brows knitted, but Elphaba guffawed, drawing her back with a sheepish smile.
"Never said I didn't like it."
"Ahuh. Why does it scare you?"
"Oh, come off it, Galinda. You ask too many questions you know I'm not going to answer."
"If I pull the right strings, I may just be able to sneak some answers out of you."
"It's not strings you need to pull, nor pulling you need to do," Elphaba said, watching as Galinda watched, wide eyed and mesmerized, the way green hips rocked against her white hand, "I'm no different from you, you know."
"Why is that?" Galinda asked, bringing her eyes up only briefly.
"Well, you do talk a lot. A lot. But it's mostly just nonsense. It can be challenging to get something deeper from you."
"Are you calling me daft, Your Eminence?"
Elphaba laughed good naturedly, starting to watch herself what was going on beneath her waist.
"Quite possibly. But then again, I could just be trying to figure you out."
"You, figure me out? And here I thought I was the only one of us two trying to do that. Well, go on, read me then."
Galinda gazed at Elphaba, finding the green girl watching her face. She was analyzing the blonde's expression, gazing into her eyes. Galinda wasn't sure she was comfortable under such scrutiny – what if Elphaba was to find something she didn't like? What if she was to discover a deep, dark secret that Galinda herself didn't want to discover? Especially since Elphaba was the only one she'd come to truly ever care what she thought of her.
"You may seem thoughtless, Galinda Upland of the Upper Uplands," the green girl mocked, sighing with pleasure before continuing, "but you tend to over analyze things. You're very scared of things to come. You're more insecure than confident behind those clothes and that make up – it's nothing compared to who you are without it. You want to be in control, so that people won't see you vulnerable, so you constantly dominate the situation, the crowd.
"You want to analyze our relationship so that you can find security, and take control. But I don't think you can. There isn't really a label we can put on this, and that terrifies you, but you continue to do this because… well, I don't know why."
"Because I love you." Galinda blurted out, only to gasp, pulling her hand away from Elphaba to cover her mouth in shock. She had surprised herself, growing strangely comfortable at the accurate description. She had never thought about being in love with Elphaba, spending much too much time trying to finalize what was between them.
Everyday, they acted as friends. Being that Galinda had become displeased with the company of her debutant hussies, she was around Elphaba all day. She couldn't reason why, but she believed they did it to accommodate their friends, or maybe themselves.
But every now and again, Galinda would find herself moving a shoeless foot up Elphaba's leg across the table at lunch, or draw her in for a kiss by the lake. On the rarest of occasions, Elphaba would kiss Galinda's hand, or make small circular patterns on her back that drove the blonde crazy.
Goodness knows the countless times she'd fantasized about exposing their relationship to the world, whether it be kissing in front of Pfanee and Shenshen, or throwing the green girl on Dr. Dillamond's stupid desk and proceeding to ravish her for the whole class to see. She had this habit of chewing the end of her pen, baring her teeth that Galinda would rile up to. It had never come to pass.
But when they were in the confines of their room, there was endless hugging and kissing, mostly initiated by Galinda. Elphaba would get up in the middle of the night often, and slip into bed with Galinda, holding her tightly and murmur nothings into the crook of her neck that the blonde couldn't remember. Though she said affection was hard for her, Elphaba would gather as much as she could.
Galinda had never considered love. She did love things about Elphaba, though.
She loved the outside things, yes. Her skin was too fascinating to dislike. It was so unique that it became a desire Galinda knew no one else could satisfy.
She loved the way Elphaba's hair felt on her own skin, or the way strands would messily hang about her face when in a bun. She loved the way Elphaba would either stalk or amble when she was walking, or just go along with when Galinda would link arms with her.
She loved the way Elphaba would move her lips as she read, or tap her foot when she was trying to remember, and the way she would scold Galinda, and the way she would kiss Galinda, and the way she would touch Galinda just the right way, and the way she would wrap her legs around her…
Most of all, though, she loved the way Elphaba would talk to her. It would sometimes take a day or so of thought to process the meaning of the words, but when Elphaba discussed or explained, or simply reminisced, she had such a passion in her eyes (like anger, like ecstasy). Her convictions were so strong and so sure, and she could tell a story so vividly, Galinda would get lost in them.
Elphaba had this habit of turning inside out- figuratively, of course. If there were something she felt safe talking about, she would ramble on and on, having a conversation with herself, even if there were another present. Galinda didn't mind, and in fact, she adored these moments. She would lay beside her lover under the sheets on her bed, long over admiring the green and pink contrast, much more engrossed the way Elphaba would discuss all angles of bias concerning Animal Rights in the multiple Quadling Country divisions, or the outrageous retellings of stories Nanny had sung so long ago.
She had a great many stories about Quadling Country, and though she'd never admit it, Galinda knew from the fond way Elphaba would speak of them, she missed the barbarians of mud very much.
And, much to her disbelief, Elphaba would lose her words. She would stutter and mumble when Galinda pushed to receive a proper answer. She would send Elphaba over the edge into confusion as she tried to sum up her feelings or memories in what they had been speaking of. As much as Galinda loved Elphaba's ranting, she loved those moments of doubt in a special way.
But love her? Galinda presumed she did. After all, she knew she felt for Elphaba, in ways she couldn't depict or quell, even if she wanted to. She hadn't cared or worried for anyone so deeply, as she warily stood bewteen Elphaba and the river on campus, or stayed up at night until Galinda was sure she was back from the library.
She'd come to know Elphaba's hopes and dreams (though it took a helluva lot of prompting), and trivia as simple as favourite colours, foods, what songs she sung best, or the way she orchestrated her ritual oiling, as opposed to bathing.
"It's a hygiene thing," Elphaba said in a huff, as Galinda demanded she rub the oils onto her body, "It's not meant to be sexual… but if you insist."
Galinda supposed she loved her, but she knew that if she said anything, Elphaba would be angry. She would risk everything.
So she sat there with both hands clasped tightly over her mouth. Elphaba closed her legs and tucked them beneath her, peering at her lover without emotion.
"That didn't come out right," Galinda squeaked, her eyes wide with fear. She suddenly felt as cold as Elphaba's skin did.
"You're afraid," Elphaba said, rising from the bed as Galinda had dreaded. She had no way of knowing how Elphaba would take their relationship. They didn't always do things couples did.
"I'm afraid I just ruined everything," she said hurriedly, in the same high, squeaky voice. She couldn't bring it down to a regular level.
"You might've." Confirmed the green girl, who was searching for her clothing.
"No," Galinda said, feeling a lump collect in her throat, "No, that isn't right, that isn't fair!"
"You know damn well that's not what I want to hear."
"But it's what I want to say!" the perky, bubbly blonde shouted, no longer perky or bubbly. She was naked and vulnerable, hair limp from sweat and neglect, face contorted into anger. This is what Elphaba did to her, and the green girl was right. Glinda was more outside of her comfort zone that she could ever be inside.
"It's what I want to say, and I can't stand it that you would take that right away from me! You, of all people, destroying rights!"
"Get over yourself, Glinda." Elphaba sat at the edge of her bed, not yet dressed. It were as though she was expecting clothes to magically appear on her, or Galinda to keep talking.
"No. No, I won't." Galinda felt liberated, "Elphie, if I feel this way, I can say what I want. Elphaba, it has come to my attention that you are… more than anything to me, you are…"
She was at a loss of words for a moment, but in all her current esteem, Galinda felt adrenaline rushing through her. Now was the time to set Elphaba straight, to get her to stop denying whatever it was they had. Love? So be it.
"You mean more than anything to me. More than this school, more than the people in it, more than the dresses in my closet and that dumb sorcery class. Elphaba, I love you. I love you, and it's your own damn fault I love you, so take it."
"Way too many speeches from that side of the room tonight," croaked Elphaba to no one in particular, "way too many declarations that make me want to vomit."
Galinda's heart sank.
"I don't want to hear that you love me, simply, darling, because I can't take it. I don't know what to make of it, or how."
"You don't need to know how, Elphie. Lurline only knows, you need a little practice. I don't want to distance you."
"Too late," the green girl's eyes were as hard as ever, but Galinda couldn't help but notice the hesitation in the way she'd retrieved her frock from the floor.
"You don't have to say you love me too, you know," Galinda's voice softened to that of an uncertain schoolgirl, which she was, "I just wanted to tell you. It was accidental, really."
"Some accident." mumbled the drab of the two, "You can't just go around saying those things, Galinda. You can endlessly throw it around to your friends, but you know it's not that way. But when you tell it to me, and it's meaningless…"
"It's not meaningless…" Galinda insisted, "I would never say that to you if it meant nothing."
"Useless apologies."
"Ridiculous disguise."
"Excuse me?" Elphaba's hands met her hips.
"I said, ridiculous disguise," the short blonde pointed a finger, "from you. There's nothing I can say to make you happy, but I'd hoped you'd be happy enough from what I'm trying to say. Can't you just settle for it? Or are you just afraid?"
"Of course I'm afraid, you stupid, stupid girl," hissed Elphaba, "I have no idea what will come if I just accept it and be on my merry way. I can't go tra-la-la-ing with you into the sunset. Of course I'm afraid! I've never been told love before: not from my father, not Nessa, no one! You can't just say it and expect me to be okay! I'm not okay!"
A silence followed her outburst. It cut through their room and seeped into their ears. Even the outside was silent, their window open. That was where the draft that caused Elphaba's chill to come from, and neither of them had bothered to shut it.
The silence had hushed the winds, the birds. It had hushed the people in the rooms beside them, and both of their mouths. It was burdening, it made them feel empty, it made them feel like they were suffocating in it. If nothing was said, they would simply fall into nothingness and not exist. They would lose each other forever in non-existence, and it would be fine by them, because they wouldn't be people anymore. They would be silence.
"You won't let yourself be okay," Galinda whispered loud enough for Elphaba to hear, and nimbly sat down beside her. She put an arm across the broad, green back, and laid her head on a shoulder for the second time, "you can be okay with me."
"You can't just do this."
"Who's to say I can't? Elphie, you can't just live without love. Now you've got me- I'm not one to abandon a cause, you know."
Elphaba chuckled, sewing her own arm through her lovers to recognise connection.
"Don't expect me to say it back to you."
"To say what?"
"I love you… wait… oh, I dislike you."
"That's not what you said."
"Shut up."
"It's okay if you don't say it, I'm not expecting it back."
"It would be nice, though, wouldn't it?"
Galinda felt a pain shoot through her toes.
"Yes, it would," she paused, "but you can't just say it for goodness sake. That would be shallow."
"I don't plan to," Elphaba laughed bitterly at the proposition, "but, for what it's worth, I'm sorry I'm not saying it back. I truly am."
And Elphaba was never one for useless apology.
Now, more than two decades later, Glinda the Good sat at her vanity, inspecting her face. She had wrinkles sprouting from the most inconvenient of areas, reminding herself to be more vigilant with her facial expressions.
Elphaba had never cared how she looked. Each face Galinda would put on, make up or no make up, Elphaba would always glance at her with appreciation. She was always the one to adore Glinda for the more internal qualities anyhow.
She reasoned that she had said all she needed to say to Elphaba, though she felt it was her fault it was never returned. If anything, she was angry with the late Wicked Witch of the West, infuriated at all she had left raw. Glinda had contributed so much sweat, and blood, and tears to make their relationship work… in every aspect. But she was angry that Elphaba had left her so easily, only to give up and take the easy way out. Terrorism. Death.
It was Glinda who was stuck with the hardest part. She was the one who had to clean up Elphaba's mess. She was the one who had to keep that composure, day after endless, mindless day. She was the one slowly going mad with hate, depression, and fear. And sadness.
She would curl into a fetal position each night for every night Elphaba was gone, never losing count. Galinda knew the number was accurate. It was the only time of day she would fully dive into the memory of Elphaba. The green complexion, the dark hair, the dull eyes… the voice, the stories, the need to for justice, and the scared little girl. The way she would bitterly admit she was afraid of something like love.
Some days she would sob loudly until her chest ached and her eyes stung, her head aching upon rising in the next day. She took it as her sacrifice, a burden to bear in honour of the lover that had been so much more to her. Other days she would cry lacking, cold tears, but most of the time, she just closed her eyes and tried to recall the earthy smell of Elphaba.
Galinda was fully aware that if she went on like this, she would become as insane on the outside as she was becoming on the inside. She could scarcely put up with the lies and the denial anymore. She knew Elphaba would be enraged to see Galinda revert into a raving mad child, but Elphaba had been gone for so long, Galinda could barley remember her voice, or anything she could say in response to it.
How could Elphaba possibly expect her to stay collected for the rest of her life? It was a fleeting cause.
In the mirror, Glinda didn't just see wrinkles. She saw wasted effort. And she was angry about whose fault it was.
Whose fault was it, again?
I can never do musicalverse without blending in a little bookverse. Eh, but it was good enough. I'm probably the queen of fluff right now, and that angers me, but hopefully I'll do better on my next story. It shall have more than once chapter, I promise! This was alot like my other story, just with a different perspective and a higher rating.
It's shmib-tacular. Please review. I reply to reviews with great appreciation. Virtual cookies and Cheetos seem the most popular. So go do that. Go review.