A/N: I don't own Naruto! Just like having fun with the characters!
To be or not to be…Perverted
Chapter One: That Fateful Night
Huh…hmm…oh?
A perverted chuckle echoed into the innocent afternoon wind…
Such passion, such a provocative attitude towards women, the pain, the sorrow and the unimaginable boob size!!
A masked man in a black ninja garb thought as he propped an orange book to his face (or his eye, his mask covered most of his face) with his back resting on a large tree.
Icha Icha Paradise: Special 'Insight', Limited Edition was the title of the book and though only men who are extreme perverts read any of the 'Icha Icha series and you had to be an ULTRA pervert to get a limited edition book…complete with the signature of the author.
The man turned the page with a lick of his finger and his nose trickled blood.
Oooohhhh…three times and she isn't done yet! Such stamina! Ooohh I'm not getting any sleep tonight!
His perverted…wait…OVER-perverted thoughts where interrupted however, when a few villagers carrying with them what looked like bloody iron bars and broken beer bottles, dragged something into a nearby alley.
The sight of blood on the supposed weapons didn't attract the perverted ninja's attention though, the sound of a whimpering child was one sound he could not bear hearing.
"Get the demon! Break him! Destroy the evil thing before it kills us all!"
Shouts from the drunken villagers filled the now dark sky.
"No! P-please…lemme go! I d-didn't do anything!" a young child whimpered, his whisker-marked cheeks where stained with blood and tears.
"Shut up demon! This is for what you did to my family!" the drunken man raised a bloody fist and made to punch the young boy but the strike never came.
"What the?!" the enraged drunk tried to free his arm from its restraints but it was futile.
"It isn't nice to beat children…no, actually it is unforgivable to beat children" hissed an icy voice.
"And I…" the icy voice continued as the sound of ropes lashing out of nowhere and being pulled tight was heard.
"Don't forgive"
The drunken threesome exploded into chunks of bloody flesh. Suffice to say they where torn limb from limb.
The young boy, now covered in the blood of his attackers stared wide eyed at his savior in fear and started to back away slowly, his fingers slipping from the vast quantity of blood that covered the alley floor.
"There's no need to fear me boy…" said the man in black ninja attire, almost lazily.
"D-don't hurt me…" the blood covered child passed out after the words left his mouth.
Boy that Hikari woman can really put up a show for her boyfriend…I wonder if she goes after that Riku guy in the next chapter…
The pervert decided to look up from his book at that moment.
"Tsk…damn I made another mess"
xXx
A few hours later, a pair of azure eyes fluttered open. He took in everything around him, shifting his head from side to side trying to figure out where he was.
"Am I dead?" he barely whispered to himself.
"Far from it" replied an unfamiliar voice.
The boy tried to shoot up from his bed but the bandages around him restricted any movement other than moving his head.
"Woah there Kid, relax. You had a run in with some drunken fools and I think you are one lucky gaki to be alive from those injuries you got" the unfamiliar voice explained.
The boy stared at the man with a fearful look.
The said man raised a brow as a silent question. Then realization kicked him in the ass.
"Oh sorry, forgive my rudeness. My name is Daichi Sora," he stomped his foot on a tea table and the young boy swore he saw the setting sun and fire works go off behind the strange man.
"Self-proclaimed… SSS-Ranked… ULTRA PERVERT!" the pervert pumped his chest proudly.
In a faraway bar somewhere beyond the boarders of fire country, a man with long white hair and red war paint on his face sneezed.
The young boy had a huge droplet shape form behind his head.
"I-I'm Uzumaki Naruto…uhmm," Naruto shifted a little and burst free from his bandages like a butterfly from its cocoon.
"I WILL MAKE EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE RECOGNIZE ME AS ONE OF THE STRONGEST NINJA IN ALL OF KONOHA!"
The young blond finished with a fist raised in the air.
"Oh? Strongest in all of Konoha eh?" the man named Sora walked closer to Naruto and started to poke all around the boys body as if examining him.
Naruto giggled at the older man's touch but didn't move from his sitting position on the bed.
Interesting…
Little did Naruto know, Sora had checked out a few hunches he had and with the help of a few medical scan jutsu he learned from a pretty nurse he currently seeing- (ehem going off story), he found himself to be right on the money.
After his 'examination' Sora propped his chin on his fore finger and thumb and looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Nope, not happening, you will be forever weak and are not suited for the life of a ninja…" Sora concluded in a huffy voice, crossing his arms and looking away from Naruto.
"Eh? Nani?...why not?" Naruto blinked twice and had a giant question mark atop his head.
"BECAUSE!" Sora turned with smirk on his face. He winked at Naruto and did an over dramatic pose. (Think Maito Gai)
"YOU ARE NOT PERVERTED ENOUGH! YOUR LEVEL IS TOO LOW FOR YOU TO BECOME AN ELITE NINJA LIKE ME! We can fix that…"
Naruto was fearful at first but now he was totally terrified, his jaw on the floor and was frozen on the spot before the ULTRA pervert.
"First! The interview!"
Sora grabbed the nearest chair in the room and stared Naruto in the eye.
"Now, hmm…" Sora tapped his cheek a few times in thought.
"Ah yes! What is your name?"
"Uzumaki…Naruto…" Naruto answered dumbly.
"Oh wait, I already knew that! Silly me" The masked ninja flicked Naruto's mouth closed.
"How old are you?" Sora asked the next question as jubilantly as the first.
"Six years old" Naruto blinked as he answered.
Another thoughtful look later Sora muttered something that sounded like 'old enough'.
"What is your favorite color?" Sora fired the next question.
"Orange…"
Sora narrowed his eyes and came face to face with the young blond.
"Good answer!" Sora's eyes morphed into stars and he danced around the room in an undignified manner.
Thoughts raced through Naruto's young mind. This man is absolutely crazy…and perverted. Why is he asking all these questions? I'm hungry…Oh no it's late! I have class at the academy tomorrow! What the hell is he doing? Is that a dance? Or is he finally winding down?
Naruto's train of thought was interrupted however, when Sora collided with the desk on the far side of the room and fell flat on his back.
The young blond shimmied off the bed and walked cautiously toward the downed crazy person.
Sora's hand shot up and his index finger pointed to the ceiling as he shouted. "I'LL DO IT!!"
Naruto was so shocked that he rocketed backwards into the wall and shrunk to the corner of the bed with Sora atop of him, their faces were extremely close.
"I'll train you to be the greatest ninja in all of Konoha…" Sora whispered into Naruto's ear.
Sora's face vanished from sight for a second and reappeared at end of the bed. He had a large box in his arms and wasted no time dumping the contents on the bed.
The box was full of magazines. Very dirty magazines.
Naruto picked one up and read the title out loud.
"Boys for men: Limited Gold band Edition"
But before the boy could view the pictures below the title, the magazine was snatched away from him.
"WOAH! Wait up…this" Sora help up a magazine, the one with a picture of a man and a younger man holding each other, for emphasis. "Is WAAAAYYY too advanced for you…"
Digging into the perverted pile, Sora pulled out a magazine with a woman showing off her HUGE assets on the front page and handed it to Naruto.
"Here, start with the basics…"
xXx
Suffice to say, Naruto could never look at girls or women the same way ever again after that night.
To his surprise, Daichi Sora was a special Jounin of Konoha and a pretty good one at that. He took Naruto under his wing and showed him the ropes on becoming one of the worlds most perverted. As most of the other villagers, save the Sandaime Hokage hated the very dirt he walked upon, Naruto stuck to Sora like glue even though the man was perverted beyond the boundaries of decency.
Naruto never returned to the academy, instead he trained hard under Sora-sensei, learning how to convert chakra, increase his reserves and a few nin-jutsu.
Sora sent a memo to the Hokage to approve his tutelage of the young Uzumaki along with a short report on how he found the boy. The memo almost gave Sarutobi a fatal heart attack and called for three squads of ANBU to search the entire village for them but as he finished reading the report, he decided to call off the search and sent an approval.
A few tossed scrolls and mountains of undisturbed paper work later Sarutobi found what he was searching for. The Jounin file of Daichi Sora.
The file was clean and simple.
Taijutsu: Excellent
Ninjutsu: Mastery
Genjutsu: Excellent
Gennin at age 8
Chunnin at age 10
Jounin at age 14
Wanted in the land of Fire, Wind and Lightning for acts unbefitting of the rank of Jounin.
Five-hundred accounts each for:
-Peeping into women's baths
-Peeping into women's showers
-Groping young women in the shower and in their sleep
-Purchase of adult material being underage
The reward for his capture was…for lack of better term…astronomical, the Hokage has never seen so many zeros and the fact that this record could rival Jiraiya's own record of highly despicable deeds and reward of capture.
Pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a long pull of his pipe, the old man Hokage, feeling twice his age, dreaded the words floating in his mind…
'Another Jiraiya in the making'
xXx
Please read and review. Tell me if my story sucks so that I'll stop writing it but if you think its got some potential feel free to encourage me to continue.