Alt ending just for Tash

A/N #1 This is completely AU to my AU… my friend asked for a crazy alternate ending so here it is. This was just a crazy little plot that she put in my head, and I thought it would be funny to see what others think of it. THIS IS IN NO WAY TO BE TAKEN SERIOULSY!!!!!!

A/N #2 I'm a poor writer wannabe that can't even finish paying off her trip let alone have enough to own Harry's world. Every single character belongs to Ms JK Rowling (except Kevin.. he's MINE!!! Well Harry's.. oh you know what I mean..) Just go read the story!

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So you all expected Draco and Hermione to live happily ever after once they revealed their relationship to the school. Draco would talk to Dr. Granger, and Hermione would get her blue Emerald. They would be married with all of their friends and family in attendance, and Harry along with Pansy would come around and be happy for the couple. Right?

Wrong.

Fairy tales don't happen in real life. Yes Draco talked to Hermione's parents, and yes they got engaged. Yes, the wedding was all set and planned down to the last frozen flame sculpture. Yes both Hermione and Draco were happy and all set to be man and wife for the rest of their lives.

Then cruel life steps in and intervenes…

It happened the day of the wedding. Ron had agreed to be a groomsman and Blaise was Draco's Best Man. Harry still hadn't come around and refused to talk to anyone a part of the wedding, including Ron. Pansy was still being a bitch claiming that Hermione had put him under a spell, and that one day Draco would be hers again, and she would have control of the Malfoy fortune.

The groom and company got to the altar, and just as Hermione was walking down with her father, Harry came crashing through the stained glass window riding Buckbeak

"Harry are you crazy? You just crashed into the middle of my wedding!! What the hell is wrong with you???"

"Hermione, I'm sorry I never said anything before, but I was so confused, and I thought I loved Kevin, but I don't and now we've broken up, and I've come to realize in the months that we haven't spoken, that I miss you, and I love you. I'm going crazy very quickly without you Mione. Please marry me instead"

"Harry are you stoned? Is that why your doing this? I love Draco and I'm marrying him. I love you Harry, but only as a sister could love her brother. Nothing more."

"If you won't marry me then there's no point in me staying."

"Damned right Potter. Just who do you think you are trying to sabotage our wedding? Be gone, and until you can act like a sane human being I don't want to see you near me, my soon-to-be wife, or any of our friends. Understood?"

"Crystal clear. Do you mind if I take a small piece of the wedding as a souvenir then? Since I'm unable to stay for the ceremony or reception?"

"If you must, just make sure it's something discreet… Wouldn't want a huge chunk of the decoration missing because you can't act civil."

Instead of answering, Harry just nudged Buckbeak closer to the altar, and just as he got up behind Hermione, he snatched her up, and took of into the air.

Before anyone could even react he was out the window and halfway across the parking lot, with Hermione in tow.

People everywhere were throwing stunning spells at the creature, but Harry, being an exceptional flyer, managed to dodge them all, and get away.

So your all thinking that Hermione tried everything in her power… and yes I know she has quite the arsenal... probably wound up getting away from the Crazy Boy-Who-Lived-Again-And-Again, but you'd be wrong about that too. You see it wasn't Hermione that was casting spells to keep her other half, but Ron…

He knew that Harry Loved Hermione, and that Hermione was more than likely to return the feelings, so he and Lavender came up with this plot to convince Hermione that she loved Draco, since Ron knew that he'd been infatuated with her since the very beginning.

Ron put Hermione under a spell that compared with Imperious, but didn't carry the life sentence, convincing her that she did not love Harry. He then cast the same spell on Harry making him think that he batted for his own team, and so Harry went after Kevin.

Ron was thrilled that his plan had worked out so well, but the moment Hermione was thrown over Buckbeak's rump the spell started to fade. Once she and Harry were far enough away from the church, the spell shattered completely, leaving Hermione with her own thoughts and feelings for the first time in 3 years. Hermione realized just how much her feelings had grown over time, and so she and Harry, took Buckbeak back to Hagrid, then Apparated to the Bahamas, where they spent the rest of their days happily selling magic-made shell jewelry to the tourists.

THE END!

Oh wait... I forgot to tell you what happened to Draco and the others, didn't I?

Well, Ron and Lavender did finally get married after she got knocked up, and Molly forced them into marriage at wandpoint.

Draco was heartbroken at the thought of never seeing his love again, and Kevin also staying at the heartbreak hotel, comforted his fair-haired friend… both emotionally, and physically. Eventually, Draco grew to love Kevin, and after 4 years of dating, they bonded in a legal magical ceremony.

They didn't end up in this little story, but Neville and Luna got together, and have been married since the end of her 7th year, as well and Ginny and Cho, (they also had being Harry's ex-girlfriend in common) they bonded eight months before Draco and Kevin did.

Albus Dumbledore died after choking on a lemon drop, and the Weasley Twins finally got the last laugh when they dropped a full cauldron of diluted shampoo on Snape's head, finally getting his hair clean.

Everyone else? Well... they're just not important enough to warrant mentioning…

Ok now it's the end…

Honestly…

Go Home!!

Shows Over!!

The theaters empty!!

Don't make me call security…

That's it... Lucius!! Bella!!! We have people that won't leave the story!!!

CRUCIO!!!!!!!!!