Title: Rukia said…
Author: Akuni
Universe: Bleach
Genre: Humour, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Renji/Ichigo
Spoilers: none
Word Count: 1000ish

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.
Distribution: Also posted to my LJ. Please ask if you want to share it. :)

Dedication: To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's damned hot! Happy Valentine's Day for those who celebrate it… and Happy Blackheart's Day for those who don't. :) (I had a friend who celebrated that every year, no lie!)

A/N: Realized only the other day that Valentine's was coming up, and it'd be a good excuse to write something utterly meaningless. Enjoy!

Rukia said…

Ichigo sat bolt upright in bed, shocked out of a sound sleep. He groped blindly for his substitute shinigami license, assuming a Hollow, but it was silent and dark.

A loud banging at his window explained his rude awakening.

"What the…?" He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked at the clock. It was after three in the morning. He'd just finished a gruelling term, and was looking forward to catching up on his sleep – preferably for a few days in a row.

"Oi, Ichigo, open up, dammit!" More banging.

Ichigo stumbled out of bed and flipped the lock on the window. "Renji, you ass, what the hell? It's three in the friggin' morning!" He slid the window open, shivering as a gust of icy wind followed the red-haired figure that leaped into the room.

"Fuck, it's cold out there!" Renji kicked off his sandals and dove straight into Ichigo's bed. "Get in here, I'm freezin'!"

"What the fuck, Renji?" Ichigo stared at the shinigami shivering in his blankets, not moving. Not that he objected to the highly appealing notion of warming his lover, but something was seriously off here, and he intended to find out what before he got distracted.

"Don't be mad, I didn't know, ok?" Renji looked apologetic. He dug in his robes and came up with a lumpy package wrapped in a garish medley of reds and pinks and oranges, some in shades Ichigo didn't think even had names. "Ya can thank Rukia for that. I had no idea, why didn't ya just tell me?" Renji tossed the package.

Ichigo caught the thing gingerly; it felt a bit squishy. "What's this supposed to be?" he asked.

Renji shrugged. "Dunno. I didn't have time t' get ya anythin' myself, but Rukia said she had just the thing, an' she'd let me have it on account a' we're old friends."

He gritted his teeth. "No, Renji, I mean what is it for? Why do you need to give me something?"

"Well, 'cause it's, ya know, that holiday. Forget the name. Supposed t' give your lover a gift." Renji scratched his head. "Think there's chocolate involved somehow, but I don't remember. Rukia only managed t' get one day's leave outta Kuchiki-taichou, so I was in a kinda hurry t' leave so I could make it on time."

Ichigo groaned. "You gotta be kidding me," he cocked his head at his lover. "You're here for Valentine's Day?"

Renji snapped his fingers. "That's it!"

"That's ridiculous!" Ichigo burst out.

The red-haired shinigami looked confused. "Which part? I mean, I know Rukia said there's supposed t' be, uh…" he grimaced a bit. "…flowers an' mushy stuff, but, dammit Ichigo ya know I ain't like that. Not even for your weird ass traditions. This is as good as it gets," he huffed; he'd worked himself into a bit of a snit, and Ichigo knew exactly who to blame for the whole thing.

"Hang on, you didn't do anything wrong!" Ichigo slid under the covers beside his disgruntled lover. "Damn, your feet are freezing," he grumbled.

"So if I didn't do anythin' wrong, then why are ya so pissed?"

"Not pissed, exactly. But I'm a bit suspicious why you'd think you had to do… whatever the hell Rukia told you about this stupid holiday."

"So, ya don't want all that shit, then?" Renji looked immensely relieved.

"Hell no! You really think I'd want that?" Ichigo refused to believe that Renji didn't know him better.

"Well no, a' course not, but Rukia said it was important, an' I figured since she spent so much time here an' all, I'd better listen just in case…" he trailed off. "Rukia said," Renji repeated, eyes narrowing.

Ichigo groaned. "Rukia said," he repeated. "Renji, she pranked you. Got you all the way out here and made you do… this!" Ichigo dangled the eye-wrenching package.

Renji looked thoughtful. "She said we should open it together. Some kinda tradition – though I suppose that's a lie, too?" It wasn't really a question.

They looked at each other for a moment, then down at the package Ichigo placed on the bed beside them. The wrappings were peeled back cautiously.

Inside was pile of oddly shaped cookies, and a note.

Gotcha!

I'm not sorry I tricked you, Renji. You never take any time off, even though it makes you stupid. If you come back any sooner than next week, Nii-sama will throw you in jail. You know he'll do it, too. Oh yes, I guess that means I lied about how long your leave is, too.

I am sorry about sending him in the middle of the night, though, Ichigo. But you know how he is, and you both need the break. That week off goes for you, too – don't make me get your father to check on you.

Hope you enjoy the Chappy cookies – Inoue was kind enough to lend me her special recipe, since I've never done this sort of thing before.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Take care,

Rukia

"That sneak!" Renji exclaimed.

"Any Soul Society traditions I should know about, so she can't catch me next?"

"She lied!"

"These are supposed to be Chappy cookies?" Ichigo looked at the misshapen cookies warily. "Inoue's recipe, and Rukia's artistry. I think I'll pass – you?"

Renji wasn't listening. "She tricked me!"

Ichigo rewrapped the package in its bright paper and dropped it lightly to the floor next to his bed. "You really complaining 'bout havin' a week off with me?" He turned to face his lover, running a hand over one chilly thigh.

"I… well no," Renji grinned. "But we so owe her one."

"Definitely owe her somethin'," Ichigo agreed as he pulled Renji over. "Damn, you're still frozen, gotta warm you up. You're not sleepin' in your uniform, are ya?" He untied Renji's sash and started peeling his lover out of his clothes.

Renji tugged the tie that held back his hair, shaking his head as the crimson curtain fell. "Didn't really plan on sleepin'," he said with a smirk, wriggling out of his robe and hakama before he leaned in.

"Good." Ichigo met Renji's lips with his own.

END