Performed by Annie Lennox
Disclaimer: I own a cat! But that's just about it. -_-;;
(Please don't shoot me… I am aware this is a horribly
depressing thing to write, but when I heard the song it made me think of what
Heero might feel like after the series. (NOT Endless Waltz, this fic totally
ignores EW lol)
I get the feeling I have interpreted the song completely
wrong… but I gave it a shot!
*****
Love.
Peace.
Too strong a hold they have on my mind.
I could never be the man you wanted. The man only you see.
I could never live the life that's beckons your step.
Nothing in this life was meant for me.
But now, living with you - it summons a fear in me; a fear even darkness dreads.
How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done.
But when I start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey, this kind of trouble's only just begun…
Memories of past battles haunt my mind, your presence
soothing in its ambiguity as my dreams rake me from consciousness. You're not
here.
I can't seem to forget what I have done.
You taught me to feel.
You taught me this terror.
I can't withstand your sympathy.
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keeps on falling from your mouth.
I've listened as you speak so many times before, calming
these demons that shake my soul, Asking me to wake, begging me to stop.
Falling from your mouth…
Falling from your mouth…
Tell me...
Why
Why
How can you accept me?
How can you love something in me that I can't live with.
You love what I hate.
You love my weakness…
I can't accept your sympathy…
I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking…
Shallow apologies are all I can offer.
My words, tainted with anger; stained with hate – they were
never meant to hurt you.
Why can't you understand?
And I've heard it said too many times
That you'd be better off
Besides...
Why can't you see this boat is sinking…
You love what I hate.
I'll drown in your sympathy…
I'll die in your credence.
You're safer this way.
If I let you in, if I let you touch this, you'll regret it.
You will…
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out; turning inside out…
I do love you Relena.
I just can't let you love me.
You can't love what you'll never know.
The person before you when we're together - that's who I used to be.
Before this peace.
Before this prison.
I could never tell you these things.
Never tell you my fears.
My weakness.
Tell me...
Why
Tell me...
Why
How can you love me?
A monster.
A killer.
How can you love what I hate?
What you hate.
This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel?
Our life together until now, realised dreams, and blissful happiness.
But not for me.
For me your happiness if fuelled by death, driven by my darkness.
The glint of love that resonates through you, that grips me
like a vice.
I can't withstand…
Do you understand?
'Cause I don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what's happening.
You lie next to me oblivious of my trepidation.
Oblivious of how your life will change with one movement.
Can't you understand what it's like to be in love with someone who will never know you.
If you knew me.
It would kill you too.
I lift the weapon. Its black tunnel glides to my head.
It's better this way, Relena.
You'll live on,
You'll finally be free.
I squeeze the trigger, and my thoughts turn to black.
You'll finally be free.
As will I.
Finally.
"Heero?"
You don't know what I feel.
~ Fin.~
