Knowing
Rated: M
Pairing: KakaIru
Summary: It wasn't like Kakashi didn't know, he knew all too well. Dark KakaIru, drabble
Disclaimer: Me no own
A/N: This is to get me back into writing since I hadn't for a while. Pretty much a practice run.
It wasn't like Kakashi didn't know, he knew all too well.
The looming darkness that surrounded his Chuunin lover was all too visible to everyone around him. People wondered what was happening to the once cheerful teacher. What had gone wrong.
They didn't understand like Kakashi understood, he understood all too well.
He goes home at night after a nice visit to another person's home, and into another person's bed. He goes to the dark kitchen where yet again Iruka stands over the sink with either a kitchen knife or a bottle of sleeping pills.
Tonight, however, was special. It's their one year anniversary, so instead of the sleeping pills he chooses to vomit the last remaining food that somehow found it's way to the poor teacher's stomach. No one really could tell why Iruka was getting so thin.
They couldn't tell like Kakashi could, he could tell all too well.
Sometimes, if he wanted to enough, he forced Iruka to satisfy him. Sometimes the others weren't as good as Iruka. He just made the cutest and most sexiest noises. What people could see were the tear marks and bruises he had the next day. They couldn't see the hollow smiles he gave everyone, or the apologetic eyes he gave everyone. They couldn't see how sorry Iruka was, because he didn't deserve kindness or love. He didn't deserve Kakashi, not at all. They didn't see how much Iruka didn't deserve love, because he was nobody speacial.
They couldn't see what Kakashi saw, you could say he saw it much too well.
Other times when Kakashi didn't crawl into a welcoming bed, and just came home to Iruka, everything was happy. Iruka wasn't leaning over a sink debating how to kill himself, instead he debated with Kakashi which movie they would put on and exactly how much butter they would have to drown the popcorn in to make it satisfying.
The debate would turn into a tickle fight, then the tickle fight would turn into a passionate make out session. After a few moments of uncertain staring, they would make love, and not "fuck" as Kakashi referred it as.
Then Iruka would wake up on the couch sore, but feeling overly happy. He would walk into work at the mission desk, and a sigh of relief would be shared around the office. Iruka was hopeful, and so was everyone else for that matter, that the good times would not end. He was hopeful that he deserved love, that he was finally able to hold Kakashi's heart.
But they were wrong not like Kakashi, he was never, ever wrong.
And as if he knew his fate, Kakashi willingly led himself into the bed of another civilian girl who so desperately wanted to become a woman. And as Kakashi made a woman out of her, he thought about Iruka. How much he knew him, understood him, tell everything about him, they way he saw him, and the way he was wrong.
Then after he finishes he gets up and puts on his clothes. The woman calls out for him, but he ignores it because he wants to get home to Iruka before he actually kills himself this time. Because he knows he'll get there in time, he always does.
He walks down the street trying to avoid glances from people he didn't know. It was rare for a ninja to be in this part of town, but that didn't stop him from coming every so often. He sighs as he begins to understand why it was so lonely walking down the road to his lover's home.
He rounds the corner and looks up at the apartment window he and Iruka share together. It was nice for the price they had given him. He liked living in it, he could tell Iruka liked living with him too.
A smile formed beneath the cloth that covered his lips. He knew that Iruka wouldn't leave him for the world, he saw it with everything that Iruka did for him. A few fucks here and there wouldn't hurt him, because he saw the love that Iruka had for him. Kakashi loved him too, and Iruka knew that.
"Oh my God! Kakashi where have you been!" he hears a shout from a high-pitched feminine voice. "Iruka's in critical condition they just found him! Kakashi! Oh My god!" The voice was panicked and heavy with worry. He looked and saw the owner of the voice crying into her hands and running towards the direction other medical units were headed.
Pink bright hair was tossed every which way.
Suddenly a hard hit was dealt to his face, it was actually a long time since anyone has been able to strike him like that, why couldn't he move?
"You did this!" A rough but young male voice was heard from the tiny body that stood up in front of him. This time the owner had a fury of blonde hair, "You killed Iruka sensei! You bastard!" his voice was breaking, "He loved you! He fucking loved you! How could you? All he wanted was for you to love him too!"
A sob.
Kakashi was wrong.
A/N: I wanted to induce tears, but I found my writing too bland. I have no idea how to fix it though! Grr! Please review and tell me! It's so frustrating!