A great big thank you goes out to my lovely lovely reviewers:
Urahara Kisuke's Wifey ,
Lin13,
KrazyCandy,
SatanJuniorNoSuperHentai,
rukiahana,
BeforeYou Go-Go,
karenkate-kitty,
SleeveofWhiteSnow,
a is for action,
viper,
Balder-sama,
TheLittlestHobo,FFN,
Andrew Joshua Talon,
JenovaJuice97,
Pea-Brain
nostalgic-maiden,
PorkBubbles,
Proffesor Pikachu,
imperialraine,
TFKeyes,
Seven Black Roses,
faern,
Kinzoku,
Midnight,
AeolustheSoulHunter,
kenchikuka,
Thank you for your ideas, your inspiration and your compliments.
For those of you who are first time readers of my stories…please read
My name is Retsu Unohana, and I am single & alsoMy name is Zaraki Kenpachi and I'm fukin' single in order to fully understand this story.
This will be done in three chapters. Each chapter will come out within the next week. Ie: Before March 5th 2007.
That's all folks. I hope you have a great read: )
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The Love Tridecagon
A serious look at the most absurd pairings in the history of Bleach fan fiction.
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It all began when an agent of the Special Forces reported that Yoruichi Shihouin was seen entering Seretei using non-illegal means. Knowing that the former Commander of the Executive Militia probably had new information on the Arrancar threat, and also the fact that she had promised to visit her any and every time she came to Soul Society, Soi Fong waited in her office skipping both lunch and tea.
When the sun finally set and the creeping darkness started smarting her tired eyes, Soi Fong crumpled the paper she had been staring at for six hours, while her ears strained for the soft cat like footsteps she had come to memorise.
Trying not to claw her hair out, she called the Special Reconnaissance unit that she had personally created to stalk Yourichi, to give their report.
One of the braver members of the unit did just that.
"You are saying that she spend four hours with Ukitake… Just talking… And them she left? Just like THAT?!?!? Without even seeing ME?"
The agent nodded humbly.
Soi Fong shut her eyes and took deep calming breaths.
"WHAT WERE THEY TALKING ABOUT EXACTLY?"
Too loud.
"What did they talk about?"
Better.
"The volume level of the conversation was too low to perceive without risking detention Commander, but…"
"Butttt…?" Soi Fong's voice was a dangerous hiss.
The agent gulped visibly and choked out… "The Shihouin princess did remark that she'll come to see Captain Ukitake the next day and he'd better have fresh milk in his hut, or else she'd be forced to shove a bonsai down his throat."
Ahh…sweet Yourichi-sama. Your cutting tongue hasn't lost its touch even after a hundred years…"Wait! Did she say she's coming to see him AGAIN ?!?"
"Yes Commander"
"Fuck you Ukitake! Burn in hell."
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The captain of the Thirteenth Squad wondered if he should call for backup any time soon. But the evil gleam in Soi Fong's eye and the strategically placed sword on the doorway reminded him that it wouldn't be such a smart idea.
"So…Soi Fong Taichou…why exactly did you want to see me?" Ukitake managed to smile as honestly as possible in the face of the devil.
"Oh…I don't know…maybe I wanted to see your BONSAI"
"…well…my bonsai were the small potted plants that you managed to smash on your way to my room…all six of them."
"My apologies…maybe if I had drunk my MILK in the morning I wouldn't have been so careless."
"…"
"But my THROAT refused to cooperate."
"…No problem…Think nothing of it….after all, I'm sure I'll have a great set in another thousand years."
Soi Fong stared at him beadily. Why isn't Yourichi-sama here yet?
Ukitake carefully examined all possible exits...there was only one.
SHE was sitting in it.
He sighed.
"…more tea?"
Where in HELL was Yourichi?
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"I can't believe it…I never realized…But Taichou didn't give any indication…I'm a horrible assistant…I should've been more observant…"
"I'm a HORRIBLER assistant than YOU baka!!! I can't believe it… I never realized… I should've been more observant"
"Stop copying me you dumb booger girl! And there ain't such a word called 'horribler' idiot!"
"SHUT UP donkey man…sob…what are we supposed to do now?"
"Huh. What do you mean…? How has this changed anything?"
"Can't you see? Now that Ukitake Taichou is involved with Soi Fong Taichou…she won't like us hanging around. sniff sniff I don't want to let her have taichou …he's MINE."
Sentarō Kotsubaki, the third seat of the 13th division looked at the crying Kiyone Kotetsu in frustration. "Maybe it ain't that serious…look at taichou…he doesn't even look her in the face!"
Kiyone scowled through a tear strained face "Baka…look at the way SHE's looking at HIM…it's like she wants to eat my taichou. She never takes her eyes off him." A flood of tears ensued.
"uh…umm…"
"I can't bare it! I don't want to spy on them anymore…sob tell taichou…tell taichou… that I….that I HATE him for going out with that evil woman after she tried to KILL me for helping him stop Rukia-san's execution. Wahhhh wahhhh"
Sentarō looked at the retreating back of his supposedly-eternal rival and cursed Ukitake for making her cry.
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Kuchki Byakuya was irritated. It wasn't often that the stoic noble let anything invade his inner peace. But last night, the elders of the Kichki clan had informed him that they had come to a conclusion after a month of intense discussion. A conclusion for the betterment of the clan.
…betterment of the clan.
In other words…Kuchki Byakuya was screwed.
The elders had informed him that due to the increasing threat of Aizen's Arrancar, it was time for him to think seriously about naming an heir in the event of his death. But there was a problem. There WASN'T an heir to name. He and Hisana never had children and Rukia would never be accepted by the others as the head of the clan. So in a unprecedented move by the old coots, they had given him permission to marry anyone of acceptable, if not noble birth, within the walls of Seritei and he had exactly one week to do so. The elders would have loved for him to interbreed with another Kuchki (like they had done for generations) but fortunately the only clan member his age were male and the only eligible females were thrice his age and incapable of bearing non-retarded children.
Therefore, the day found Byakuya standing atop a tall tower, contemplating whom in Soul Society he was supposed to marry.
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"Aniki…aniki…sob I don't want to live anymore!!!!" the screeching wail reached Unohana's ears long before the wailer appeared in her view.
"Isane…Please take care of your sister…Or should I take care of her?" The 4th squad captain smiled sweetly at her lieutenant . Isane Kotetsu choked a bit and then scrambled out of the office in a desperate rush to get Kiyone as far away as possible.
"What happened Kiyone…? Why are you crying? Did Sentarō call you a loopy flying pancake again?"
"N..No…sob Ukitake…Ukitake taichou…sniff is dating Soi Fong taichou and now I'll never get to marry him. wahha hwhahaha"
"…"
"Why Aniki? Don't you believe me?"
"Soi Fong and Ukitake taichou…?"
"Hai Hai…my life is over."
"Kiyone…listen to me carefully…..Please lay- off the drugs."
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Next time in The Love Tridecagon
1. Byakuya makes his decision.
2. The news of the oddest couple in Seretei spread further.
3. Yourichi turns up. ( finally )
4. More weird pairings.
Stay tuned.
Cheers,
La Femme.