Top Ten Tips for Medical Help in a Pinch By Ronon and Rodney:

10. Try to avoid getting hurt on a backwater planet. Odd are good that if you let them treat you, you'll never make it back alive! (Rodney)

9. Eyes on the prize. Don't bother with anesthesia around those you don't trust. Never let yourself show weakness unless you fully trust them. (Ronon)

8. Be the boy/girl scout: Always be prepared. Bandages, ibuprofen, gauze, power bars, water, tweezers, antiseptic wipes, butterfly bandages, band-aids, hot/cold packs, Icy Hot……(Rodney)

7. Get shot: One, pull out field bandage. Two, attach bandage. Three, shoot guy who shot you. Four, shoot his backup. (Ronon)

6. Blood gushing from ANYWHERE is bad! Don't pass out. Don't pass out! (Rodney)

5. Surgical tools are for wimps. A broken piece of glass (to reflect off of) and some pliers will help you remove that shrapnel easy. (Ronon)

4. Know CPR. It may help you save the girl you love! (Rodney)

3. Dislocate your shoulder? Find a wall. Firmly throw yourself up against it and poof! No more dislocation. (Ronon)

2. When in doubt, defer to an MD for help. They do know their voodoo best, after all. (Rodney)

1. Just pull it out. PULL. IT. OUT. (Ronon)

Between the two of them, you should stay alive long enough to have a "real" doctor look at you. Hopefully!

-fin-

a/n: Yeah, been a while. Just cleaning out my writing folder, and I found this. Ooops!

Thanks for all of the support for my Not!Fic. Honestly, this hardly counts as "real" writing. Still, I loved all of the positive reviews (and 1 flame). I doubt I will add on, unless something from the movie really sparks a fantastic top ten list….

Lemons