" Sex bomb, sex bomb!" Brennan drunkenly slurred as the audience cheered and wolf-whistled. She staggered off her home-made stage, down to her friends.
Angela and Jack were making out and Zach was staring at Brennan with wide eyes. Booth was too, for a matter of fact. He had come into the bar half way through Tom Jones' Sex bomb to find Brennan on a table, singing and waving her arms.
It was a scary sight. "I'm so gonna need therapy after that," he said, grabbing Brennan's coat. "Right, let's get you to the car." He took her arm and led her towards the door. The squint squad waved drunkenly after her.
Crap, he thought. The car is parked like a mile away, the bar's parking area was too full. Oh well, I'm just gonna have to suffer a very drunken Bones.
"Bones!" he said sharply, as Brennan tried to stuff her head through her coat sleeve.
"Booth," she moaned, "My jacket's got smaller." He suppressed a smile as he righted her.
"Right, this way Bones," Booth spoke reassuringly, leading her once again by the arm.
"You know something?" she said, barely taking two steps.
"What?" he asked, dragging her like a stubborn child.
"You'll look good with pigtails," she smiled reassuringly at him, like she had told him the sky was blue. Brennan pointed somewhere near his left ear and said, "Yeah, with a parrot."
Booth couldn't help it. He laughed. Bones was a hoot when she was sloshed. He wanted to see what else she could say.
"What's your name?" he asked her, trying to keep a straight face.
"Temper Tantrum but Tampon for short!" she shouted merrily while Booth shook with mirth.
"What do you work as?" he choked, thinking of calling her Tampon when she was sober.
" Fantastic Aunt Pieologist," she replied seriously, while Booth snorted.
"You are completely smashed," he said, smiling fondly at her. Please let the car be near here, he wished.
"Ponies!" she shrieked, dragging him towards the main road. Oh God no, Booth thought. Not the cops on horses.
"Can I have a pony ride?" she asked the woman, eyes pleading. The two officers turned to Booth, asking him with their eyes, Is she for real?
"I'm sorry, she's really drunk. I'm just trying to get her to the SUV," Booth said hurriedly, while Brennan tried to poke the horse's nose.
"No, don't do that," Booth said, holding her back from trying to get a hold of the reigns.
"Mate, she's spaced out. Just take your girlfriend home," the male officer said, before urging his brown mare onwards.
Booth wasn't going to correct the man's error but instead made his attempt to get her moving again. She jumped on his back and threw her arms around his neck.
"Pony ride!" she cried, happily, urging him onwards. Drink obviously made her seriously mad and act a bit like a child.
Booth carried her a few blocks and then set her down. His back was getting sore. He was looking around for a sense of where the SUV was parked, when he heard her talking.
He turned round and she had her phone out. "Is your refrigerator running?" she asked before shouting, "You'd better catch it then!" She flicked her phone shut and threw it back into her bag, cackling like a mad woman.
He spotted the car when she said, "Hey Booth, will you buy me a gun for my birthday?"
"Of course," he smiled at her, glad at last to have found the car.
"Really?" she squeaked excitedly, "Can I shoot someone?"
Booth decided not to answer as he got her into the car. He rolled down the window for her, in case she felt sick.
She hung her head out the window as they drove. Booth smiled. Brennan was really wasted tonight, she didn't even sound like herself.
They got to her apartment building and waited a while at her door as she tried to shove her key into her letterbox.
Booth took the key off her and unlocked it for her. "I'll see you in the morning," he said.
She came back and kissed him on the nose. "Thanks for being nice to me." She saluted him before flounced away, door clicking shut.
Booth laughed. He was gonna enjoy this in the morning.
A/N: Well it probably wasn't very funny but I had a good time writing it. It was just something to amuse myself with. If you want me to continue, lemme know!