The great suffering of Anakin Skywalker...or: Everybody wants to steal my cloth.

Author: blackbunnysite

Series: ROTS but it's AU.

E Mail: BlackBunnyvorsicht-bissig.de

Rating: R...just to be sure.

Category : Cracfic/silly/slash/maybe first time...we'll see...

Summary: Anakin is late for a council meeting and the masters discover something quiet unexpected.

Spoilers: ROTS

Parings: AnixObi...And some other people who try to get little Ani.

Warnings: sillyness...insane conversations...uh...slash...

Second Warnings: I'm a german girl so it might be teribble to read for some of

you. I'm not that good in english

Disclaimer: I don't get any fucking money! I just play with the boys for fun and I don't give a damn that it wasn't me who created them.

Authors Notes : Please go easy on me here, it's my first fic in english...

Thanks to my Beta: "Poet Of Darkness"

Chapter one

The great suffering of Anakin Skywalker...or: Everybody wants to steal

my cloth.

It was a very beautiful day.

The birds were singing, the bees were flying and the great cough,

cough council of the Jedi had a really important snore meeting.

All council mebers were there, listening to Mace's "little" speech and

wishing that they did not have to do so.

Well, all except for one.

Anakin Skywalker, youngest member of this council ever, had not yet

arrived.

Obi-Wan wondered what was wrong with his former student? The boy had

wanted to be on this council for a long time.

But since the two of them were back from the Outer Rim sieges, it

seemed that Anakin had little interest in anything, besides from flying,

sparring or chatting with some of the other jedi.

The blond master was very worried about his Ani, because he could also

sense some confusion and negative feelings pulsating around the curly

haired jedi.

Sighing he reminded himself once again that he wasn't Anakins wet-nurse

but his former master and that the boy would come around, if he needed

help.

Just then the doors of the room opened and Anakin rushed in.

He seemed stressed and Obi-Wan could feel the confusion radiating from

the other one in waves.

"You're late, Skywalker!" Windu stated flatly and gave the young jedi

an annoyed glare.

"I'm sorry, master. I was kind of held up..." The knight said blushing.

When the latest council member sat between his Master and Mace, a

confused look crossed Obi-Wan's face.

"Anakin? Why are you wearing my pants?"

The young Jedi blushed even deeper and stumbled nervously: "Uh...sorry,

master. It's just for today. I'll give it back to you in the evening."

"It's all right, Anakin, but I thought you had enough yourself?!"

reminded Obi-Wan his former student, curious.

"Well, yes I had, but then senator Amidala just got one of them... and

somehow senator Organa, Chancellor Palpatine and Sabe, one of Amidalas

handmaiden, ruined the rest of them!" explained the knight slightly

confused.

The other Council Members gave the young jedi some puzzled looks and

Mace lifted one of his famous eyebrows asking: "Would you like to tell us

what in all Sith hell has happend with your clothes?!"

"Well, you see last week was Padme's birthday and I asked what she

would like as a present from me? And she just grinnend and told me that she

knew exactly what I could do for her. She grabbed the belt of my

trousers and swished over my thigh, so I guessed she wanted my pants. But I

had an appointment with the council so I got up and said thanks to her.

And on her birthday I gave one pair of them to her." he told them

trying to hide his curiosity.

The council members simultanously rised one eyebrow's whilest Skywalker

continued.They looked at him as if he was gone crazy, well...maybe he

was?!

"And today I met senator Organa and he invited me for some tea. I said

okay, but in his Quarters he dropped his cup on me. The tea spilled all

over my new pants. He said one of his servants could wash them while

we...what did he said...oh yeah, he said we could get to know each other

more closely. But I was already late to my appointment with the

chancellor so I said goodbye to the senator and hurried to the temple, to

change my clothes. Yeah, and at the chancellor's office, Palpatine told me

that he would like me to go after General Grievos. And when I told him

that I'm still not a master, and that someone else would be better

suited with this appointment...well, he just said 'If I'm not sure enough

about this, he woukld like to test the abillity of my lightsaber.'"

Obi-Wan wasn't sure were this would end but something was seriuosly

wrong with his Ana- his former apprentice.

Anakin just couln't be THAT dumb!

The young knight had to have lost his mind if he tought THIS was a good

explanation for losing all his pants.

"I just threw my lightsaber at him and when he caught it, he sliced

through the back of my trousers and said 'that it looked nice!' Guess he

liked that saber, but when he told me he would like to have a closer

look at the rest off my abilities, I said that I had to go. I was already

late, again. So I hurried off to my quarters. But when I was there,

Sabe was spread out on my bed, waving a wine bottle she'd brought with

her. I just asked her what she wanted and she answered she wanted to see

me. I told her that, if this really is her reason, that she could go

now, for she'd seen me already. I went into the bathroom but when I came

out she was still there, staring at me with huge eyes and telling me I

should never wear something diffrent. That was very odd, 'cause I had

just my boxer's on. Next thing I knew she's running up to me and throwing

me on my bed. When I got up and told her to stop behaving in such a

crazy manor, she got kind of red in the face and threw the wine bottle at

me. I ducked and the bottle crashed into my closet and the rest of my

clothes got ruined. And then Sabe ran away telling me I should have told

her earlier that I don't like women...Maybe I should have 'cause I

really think women act kind of silly sometimes..."

With the end of his little monologe he looked at his former master with

his sweetest puppy-dog-eyes-special and asked innocently: "Really

master, I don't understand women in the least..."

For some seconds the whole room was silent.

None of the master's knew if they should laugh at this or start to cry.

In the end Mace was the one, breaking the silence: "That's the worst

excuse I've ever heard for wearing someone else's pants!"

The other jedi nodded their heads in agreement missing the confused

look on Anakins face completly.

"Excuse??" asked the boy.

"Really, young one, you should have known better!" Obi-Wan said shaking

his head.

But now, as the younger jedi just keep staring at him even more

bewildered, the truth suddenly hit him.

Anakin really, had no idea what this was all about! Obi-wan could sense

it in his force aura.

Apparently all the others had sensed it as well and just stared at the

boy with huge eyes, not believing that Skywalker could be so dumb.

"A-Anakin! You just can't be that stupid!" Kenobi nearly screemed the

word's out causing his former apprentice to flinch in his seat.

Obi-Wan loved Anakin with all his heart but he was sure his former

student had lost his marbles!

"Why are you yelling at me, now!" asked the dark haired jedi with a

hurt look. "I haven't done anything bad, have I?!"

"A-Anakin," stumbled Obi-wan completly at a loss for words at the

moment.

"Ah..no, no, Skywalker!" Master Vos reasoned. "But...well, do you think

you're all right?!"

"Yes, I am! Why should I not?" the boy asked sceptical.

"Well, I think you should go to the healers ward, Skywalker...they

better have a closer look at you!" Mace ordered stammering.

Obi-Wan stood up saying: "Yeah, Anakin. Mace is right! Come on

we...better go, now."

Looking around curious Anakin went up as well stating: "Well, if you

think so, but I can assure you, I'm all right."

Sighing Obi-wan wanted to lead his former stundent out of the room but

then one of the masters whispered something under his breath. Because

it was all silent everyone heard it clearly.

"Must have had a shock as Palpatine tried to seduce him! Everybody

would have a nervous-breakdown after that!"

"I think right, Master Gallia is! Would have gone crazy, I had!" nodded

Yoda in agreement.

"Yeah, that would fit! Even to think about ending up in a bed with

Plapatine would drive me nuts!" said Master Vos shuddering. "Anyway, that's

really not something Palpatine should do. Isn't he supposed to be

someone to look up to?"

"Well, apparently he is a bad one to look up to, but we really have to

tell him something about this!" Master Secura said glaring angrily. "He

can't just go around, trying to sleep with our padawans!"

"I'm not a Padawan, anymore, but what do you mean, anyway?!" Anakin

asked more confused than ever.

"Don't worry about that now, Ani. First we'll take care off your state

of shock and then we'll talk about this!" Obi-Wan reasoned.

"What state of shock? I'm perfectly clear in my mind but what you're

talking about really makes no sense, whatsoever. Why would he want me to

sleep in his bed? That's a bit odd! I mean, it's not like we're running

out of bed's here on Corousant!"

"Anakin," began Master Gallia with lighthly flushed cheeks. "We meant,

that he wanted to have sex with you! You don't have to take our words

that serious!"

Ani: "What is sex?"

Council: flomp X.X

Ani: Masters? O.o

Then rumors flew around quickly, that Anakin Skywalker had managed to

do something, no one had ever done before.

That he'd managed to make the whole council pass out cold.

Some of the younglings and padawans celebrated him even more for that,

than for everything else he'd ever done.

But meanwhile Anakin was questioned over and over again, what he'd said

to make the strongest jedi ever pass out.

Naturally poor Anakin could not tell what happened because he had no

idea, what was going on.

When Obi-Wan Kenobi woke up, he noticed that he was in the healers

ward.

Once he had opened his eyes, someone threw himself at him and he

recognized a dark curly head at his chest.

"I'm sorry, master. I didn't mean, to make you pass out!" the knight

wispered and looked at him with apologizing eyes.

"It's all right, Ani. But please don't do that again. You really scared

the crap out of everyone." the blond master announced.

"Uh...yeah..I won't, but..."

"But what?"

"Well, I promise I won't do something like that again, but what did I

do to 'scare the crap out of everyone'?" the young jedi asked still

confused.

"You...you don't know? Than you did not make a joke?!" Obi-Wan asked

terrified.

"A very difficult lesson you have not taught your padawan, master

Kenobi!" came a voice from his left.

There Yoda sat looking kind of annoyed about the whole situation.

"Explain about these things you have to, immediatly."

"What? But why it's me who has to do so?!" the blond jedi asked

nervously. He really had no intention to talk about THIS with his 20 YEAR old

(and incredibly hot)ex-padawan.

"Well, you were responsible for his training and it seems that you

haven't completed it, yet!" Mace said grinning like the cat who eat the

canari. "So tell him as soon as possible!"

Blushing deeply Obi-Wan nodded and got up from the bed.

He made a gesture for Anakin to follow him and the younger jedi did so,

curious to learn about..what ever it was they were talking about.

"Anakin?"

"Yes, master?"

"First we'll go shoping and buy you something new, than we'll talk, all

right?!"

"Okay, master!"

When they arrived at some shop, Anakin got some new leather pants, of

course in black as always.

But he also had persuaded his former master to get himself some dark

brown trousers instead of his usually beige ones.

They were standing in a line with other custumers, when the younger one

suddenly threw: "So what's about this thing called sex, now?!" at the

blond master.

Silence fell on the shop and some off the other custumers watched the

jedi amused.

"We'll talk about this at home, Anakin!"

"But master Yoda and master Windu said you should explain it to me, as

soon as posible!" retored the other demanding.

"Anakin, I will tell you, but not now, in a shop full of people!"

Obi-wan explained while looking embarrassed.

"Oh...all right, I got it!" Anakin stated quietly. "But you could have

told me that's a Jedi-secret, then I had not asked you right here,

master!"

The two women at the cash-desk started giggling madly, needing nearly

10 minutes to calm down again.

Obi-wan just wished a hole to sink in and never come out again.

When they had payed he took Anakins hand and pulled him to their

speeder as quickly as possible...

Kenobi knew he should have talked about THIS with Anakin immediatly,

but he was held up with a senator who wanted to know his oppinion, on

some trade dispute.

Actually Obi-Wan was thankful, because he would nearly do ANYTHING, not

to have THAT talk with a 20 year old jedi knight.

But when the dialog had ended, Anakin was disappeared.

Cursing silently he called on the force for guidance, searching for his

former student, sighing in relief when he found him already in the

tempel.

But when he went down the long hallway, in which he sensed Anakin, he

just became more frantic.

Ingoring the amused looks of the other jedi, he got closer to his

former apprentice.

It seemed the whole tempel already knew about his little problem.

His ex-padawan was in one of the broomclosets, but that was not the

most distrubing fact.

Growling quietly he got nearer, anger dwelling up inside him, for he

felt the young knight was not alone in there. Obi-Wan could sense senator

Amidala as well.

When he was nearly there, Anakin stormed out of the closet yelling at

the top off his lungs: "Damn, Padme! Would you please stop acting like a

crazy bantha."

As he saw his old master he ran directly into his direction.

Hiding behind the older man's back he looked back to the door of that

broomcloset, where the senator came out. Puzzled the senator asked:

"What's wrong, Ani? I tought you might like it?"

The other jedi in the hallway looked very interested in this scene

forgetting at once what ever they had talked about.

Obi-Wan just wished that this would not be more embarrassing, than the

scene in the shop.

"Are you kidding me? I don't think anyone would like to have a crazy

senator trying to steal their clothes!" the dark haired jedi shouted

still hiding behind his master.

//Oh Force! Send me an evil sith lord to chop off my head, please!//

the blonde jedi prayed, but apparently the force wasn't listening.

"What do you mean 'stealing your clothes'" echoed the voice of lady

Amidala confused.

"Don't try to deny it! I already gave you a pair of my pants for your

birthday and now you just tried to get off my shirt in that

broomcloset!" he spate firecely but still not coming out off his hiding place.

Obi-wan could feel the amusement off the other jedi trough the force.

Even if he had not seen that most of them had clapped their hands over

their mouth to supress the laughter.

Senator Amidala just looked completly struck and Obi-wan tried to hide

his satisfaction that she hadn't gotten what she wanted.

Sighing he took Anakins hand again and pulled him near to the senator.

"Senator Amidala, I'm deeply sorry for...this...buisness." he declared

serious. "It seems you've frightened Anakin a little bit."

"You don't have to apologize to her, master." the younger jedi snaped

childish. "She was the one who did something wrong."

Quietly Obi-Wan wispered to the senator: "You see, it seems Anakin

doesn't know what sex is all about. He has no idea what you wanted from

him!"

Amidala looked just stunned at him and answered silently: "But you're

his master! Isn't it your duty to tell him all you know?!"

"Well, he was already nine when he came into my care and he never gave

me the impression that he didn't know about any of this and he never

asked as well."

"What are you talking about? Is it about this sex-thing, again?" Anakin

asked angry and quiet hurt. "You're so mean, master! First you say you

would explain it to me, then you tell me it's a secret, now you're

talking about it with her, but you won't tell me!" with that the curly

haired jedi turned around and rushed out of the hallway.

"See?! He really hasn't got a clue!" Obi-Wan said, while Padme was

giggling maddly after sighing a "how sweet".

Actually the jedi master wanted to follow his ex-padawan but was held

back by a healer.

"Master Kenobi, I'm so very sorry." the healer said bowing deeply.

"I should have told you about, Skywalker, but I really didn't think he

was serious."

"What do you mean?" asked the blonde jedi confused.

"Well, you see four years ago, Skywalker came to the medical wing and

he said...he said that there seemed to be something wrong with him

because...because his-you know-his manhood would grow hard sometimes." She

explained blushing deeply.

"And I just...I'd throw him out of the medical wing because I thought

he was making some kind of joke. I mean he was already sixteen years

old and...and I said that he should not dare to bother me with

something stupid, again. I'm really sorry, master Kenobi."

Obi-Wan sighed frustrated. "No, it's allright. That wasn't your fault.

If you'll excuse me, now. I have to speak with Anakin."

With that he followed Anakins forcesignature trough the tempel until he

found him in the gardens...

Sighing deeply Obi-wan seated himself on the green grass in front of a

grumbling knight and stated: "Anakin, stop brooding and listen to me."

"I don't care what you want to say! You can share your stupid secret

with anyone you like. No need to explain anything to me!" he snaped while

turning his back to his former master.

Shaking his head Obi-wan moved behind the young jedis back und pulled

him in a tight embrace.

"Anakin, I want to tell you about it. It's just difficult. And actually

it's no secret because, every grown-up knows about this."

Anakin gave in and snuggled deeper in Obi-Wan's arms. "But, why didn't

you tell me?"

"Well, as I said it's kind of difficult. You know, sex is something not

easily explained."

"Well, just try it. I'm not an idiot, you know."

"I know you're not. That's not the point...All right, I'll try to

explain."

And so it was...

"But master, you said one has to be in love to have sex. Does that mean

the chancelor, Padme, Sabe and senator Organa are in love with me?"

"Well, actually I don't know. But I don't think they are. They're

just...uh...kind of like you."

"But if they don't love me, why do they want to sleep with me, then?!"

"Because sex is really...uh...satisfactionary if

made...ah...properly...and they kind of find you atractive."

"So it's actually a good thing?!"

"That depends on the two parties involved. Anyway, you and I as jedi

can only have sex, without emotion. Means you can only do it if you're

not in love, cause jedi are not allowed to love."

"You really make this more confusing by the minute..."

"Sorry, I'm not actually an expert at teaching this kind of stuff."

"So you didn't ever had sex?!"

"That was not what I said."

"So you had sex!"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Well, you could tell me from the experiences you had. Maybe that makes

more sense to me."

"Well, the first time was with knight Tachi. She and I were both 17. We

were friends and wanted to know what it felt like so..."

"You only did it once?!"

"No, but if I start counting them all now, we would be sitting here

'til tomorrow."

"Wow, master. Where do you find the time?"

"Well, it was all just one-night-stands, so no reason to bother."

"There was never one you had more than one time?"

"No, cause that could lead to attachment."

"Oh please...there are people who sleep together often and they don't

even like each other. I mean I could not know then what it meant but,

the queen of Tarsilion told me, she really hated her husband but they

needed each other for the sake of their planet."

"Well, I guess I could have a partner of kind, most jedi have one

another, but I don't know if I could handle the closeness wich would

eventually come with that."

"So actually you're not trying because you're afraid?!"

"I'm not afraid, but I don't want to take unessecery risks."

"Yes, as I said, You're afraid. But no matter, can you at least, tell me

about some others besides Siri Tachi? Or don't you want to talk about

it?"

Obi-Wan sighed frustrated but gave in. "Well, there was Dorme, it was

when you had your little Podrace. Very refreshing in a way. senator

Organa...before his marriage. "

"Wait a second!" Anakin interupted the older jedi.

"Senator Organa and you are both men! How does that work out?"

"Uh..." Obi-Wan slaped himself on the head.

//Why does he always ask the difficult questions?//

"Master?"