Disclaimer: I do not own 24. I also apologize to those who live in Idaho. Idaho is my other home, so I really do not mean any harm.

9:00 AM

Panic filled the air as the news of terror spread. Lives and hearts were destroyed in a mad whirl of horror and emotional daggers as yet another random terrorist group set out in a mad quest against innocent and not-so-innocent American citizens. Fortunately, this time they were attacking a small Idaho town in the middle of nowhere. And as America will never have any respect or even decent knowledge of Idaho, the Los Angelos CTU gave Jack Bauer the day off.

9:09 AM

The radio option of the alarm system went off. An annoying commercial. Jack hit the snooze.

9:18 AM

Jack really was not a Neil Diamond fan. He hit the snooze again.

9:27 AM

Irritating morning show people. Another pound on the snooze button.

9:36 AM

Amy Grant. Oh, how Jack loved Amy Grant's voice. But the song quickly ended.

And now they were playing an annoying commercial about medical products. "Med One Medical…"

Jack really hated public radio. Someday soon he would have to go for XM. He swore and hit the snooze button once more. He shoved away the covers, took a deep breath, and popped his back. Noisily.

He had a day off today. What was he supposed to do? The radio was going to come back on again.

He was hungry. Where there any eggs in the fridge? He didn't remember buying any recently. But if there were some eggs, they should still be good. How long did it take for eggs to go bad in the refrigerator? Scrambled eggs sure did sound good. When, exactly, was the last time he had eaten breakfast? He crawled out of bed. He always slept in his boxers and nothing else, and he hadn't the slightest idea where his robe was. Well, as long as nobody looked in the window. He didn't look that bad in his boxers.

Maybe he could have some toast with his eggs. Whole-wheat toast, with melted butter. The toast would contain fiber. Fiber was necessary for a happy colon.

Unfortunately, there were no eggs whatsoever. All that was in the fridge was a bottle of mustard, a jar of olives, and a foreign blood sample from two years ago. And something in Tupperware in the back… he didn't remember owning any Tupperware.

No eggs. Of all the miserable things, there were no eggs. He slammed the door, kicked the fridge, and spent the next three minutes hopping around the kitchen in pain, swearing at the top of his lungs.

And there, through the kitchen window, was Old Mrs. McIntire from next door, glaring at him.

He smiled sheepishly, waved, and quickly opened the cupboard. Gosh darn it, he was out of Pop-Tarts.

He slammed the cupboard door. It hit the box of Wheaties sitting in front of the empty Pop-Tart box and sent nutritious whole wheat flakes all over the floor.

Jack had to resort to his stash of disgusting protein bars. He ripped open a caramel-seaweed bar and went outside for the paper.

The paperboy, for some reason, was only now delivering the morning paper. As Jack stepped out onto the porch, a rolled-up paper flew from the neighbor kid's hand and landed in the flower pot above Jack's head. Soil splattered everywhere. The wisterias he had just planted were ruined!

"Sorry!" the annoying neighbor kid called as he sent another informative missile into a compost heap.

Jack considered chasing after the paperboy, but realized it would be little use. He knew the boy's mother, and sometimes she made rolls for Jack. They were very tasty rolls. He fished his paper from the flower pot and walked back inside, only to hear the sound of terra cotta shattering against the pavement. This would be the last time he shopped the Home Depot clearance.

Wheaties still covered the kitchen floor. He had absolutely no idea where the broom and dustpan were.

Jack sat down at the table, opened the paper, and took a bite of his protein bar. Caramel-seaweed was a particularly nasty flavor, and the chocolate coating didn't help. Oh, well. It was breakfast. Even if it did taste awful.

The front page was a local story. There was no mention of the Idaho terrorist attack at all. No wait, there was a one-paragraph article in the middle of Section A. He wondered how the Oneida CTU was handling things.

The funnies section was extremely entertaining that day. And, folded amongst the classifieds, was a whole sheet of coupons! Jack immediately grabbed the scissors.

Unfortunately, none of them applied to eggs. He really needed eggs. And milk. And actual food. He made a mental note to remember to go to the grocery store. He just hated going this early.

Well, he had better get dressed and get on with the day.

But when he got to his closet, he realized the horrible truth.

He was completely out of clean clothes. Uh-oh.