a/n: Please read:

First of all, this is just the first chapter of an idea, tell me if I should continue it. This chapter isn't amazing because it is mostly exposition, but you will get the idea and a taste of my writing. Don't get me wrong, I love Criminal Minds and it's fan fiction spawn, but this idea kept popping into my mind. I have a horrible little voice in the back of my head telling me it's been done before but I couldn't seem to find anything. This was semi-inspired by Eligent's Kidnapped? Again?, and is, yes, A PARODY. It is just good fun. I tried to add all the aspects of Criminal Minds fics into one. That is why it is going to be insane.

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"Welcome to Code Burger, Home of the…code burger. Can I take your order?" Said former Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid. Reid still could not comprehend that even after all his schoolwork, all his FBI training, the best job he could get was working the register at Code Burger.

"Uhhh, yeah. I'd like a double code burger, large fries with extra salt, and a large coke." The burley man placing the order was Code Burger regular, Larry. Reid thought his name was fitting.

"Is that all, Larry?"

"Mmm, actually would you double my whole order?"

Reid sighed. "You know, Larry, obesity is the second most preventable death in the world, second only to smoking? And by the looks of it, well, we've already gone over the food intake thing, but judging by your scratchy voice and breath you probably smoke too. So I say you have three, maybe four months to live." The satisfied former agent watched the confused Larry regain his composer.

Larry had dealt with Reid's annoying facts for a few months now and he had had enough. "You know what, Dr. Spencer 'I used to be in the FBI' Reid? Cancel my order anyway. I'm going to McDonalds."

An aggravated Larry stormed out of Code Burger and headed across the street to the nearest home of the Big Mac. "Oh I'm gonna get that scrawny little agent if it kills me." Which it just might, cause he only had three of four months left.

Back at Code Burger…

"REID! Are you scaring away our customers again?" Aaron Hotchner, the restaurants manager, stomped out of his cramped office after hearing a large bang. When Reid was at the register, the banging of a door was a familiar sound.

"I simply said he should cut down on the carbs."

"We've been over this Reid…"

"I was just looking out for Lar-, I mean, him." The doctor/agent was suddenly very interested in his register.

"Not Larry." Hotch folded his hands on top of his head and rolled his eyes expressively. As the manager turned around and walked to his office Reid could hear him mutter "Geniuses…" while shaking his head.

"Oooooo, Reid's in trouble." An amused Penelope Garcia poked her head out from behind a soda machine.

"Hey." Scolded Reid. "Just because you've been promoted to head fry cook and I'm stuck on register doesn't mean you can make fun of us little people."

"Really Spence, she was just joking." The door chimed behind him as a blonde walked into the building. It was thanks to Jennifer Jareau that Code Burger was so popular. She was the face of the restaurant. With all her media expertise, getting the word out about a fast food restaurant was a piece of cake. She walked past the counter, kissed Reid on the cheek on her way by, and continued to the back of the building to her office. Even though JJ was out of site now, her words and kiss triggered a rehearsed response from Reid.

"Sorry Garcia."

Garcia snickered from behind the stoves. "Whipped."

Reid glared in her direction but Garcia never noticed. He swore he could hear JJ laughing from afar too.

"Ahh." Reid squealed as a large hand thumped him on the back.

It was Derek Morgan. Morgan was the toughest, biggest, strongest and, well, altogether macho-est person on the team

"Why-" Reid began.

"Glad to see it's going well with JJ." Morgan cut him off as if he had no regard for what Spencer had to say. It always came across that way, but he had quite liked Reid, to tell the truth.

"Ha ha. It's going very well actually." The un-amused genius pretended to laugh.

Morgan slid up onto the countertop.

"Do you know how unhygienic that is Morgan?" Reid was about to state some more facts, but with a change of mind decided to get back at the other man. "I mean, not only do countless strangers touch that but who knows what else goes on there. Just last night I-"

"Eww, you pervert!" Morgan had cut him off and jumped from the plastic counter to the tile floor. "Since when were you like…this?"

"Ah, just because you wish that it would have been you and Garcia instead of JJ and me doesn't mean you have to snap."

"Oh get over yourself." Morgan tried not to act defeated as he walked away to the drive through station and began work.

"Oh, sorry Morgan." Emily Prentiss said laughing when she accidentally ran into Morgan's shoulder.

"S'ok Prentiss, but why are you in such a rush?"

"Have you seen Gideon anywhere? I've been looking for him."

"No sorry, I'll be sure to touch base if I do though, ok?"

Prentiss nodded her head and both ex-agents smiled at each other before parting.

Gideon wasn't far away though. It had been almost three months since the bureau shut down, since he had solved a case. He was being deprived of the thing he loved most in the world, and if anything in the world could take a toll on Jason Gideon, this was it.