If Ye Give a Kraken a Human

(This is kind of a Daddy Davy spin-off. Wooh. It's the book that Davy reads to his widdle son, Thaddeus Agogo Jones. Enjoy!)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own the Give a Moose a Muffin book, and I don't own Pirates. Doesn't life suck?

If you give a Kraken a human, he'll want a ship to go with it.

So Davy Jones will take out his old lasso and round up a ship for him.

When the Kraken's finished smashing the ship to smithereens, he'll roar for another one.

And another.

And yet another.

When Davy Jones has lassoed up all the ships in the Caribbean, the Kraken will roar for Jones to make more.

Jones will be too afraid of the Kraken eating him to say no. So, he'll run down to the hold in search of ship-building materials. But- alas!- he'll find none.

Davy will have to go to Pelegostos Island to get supplies.

Of course, the Kraken will want to come.

So, being the lazy butt he is and not wanting to swim to the island, the Kraken will hoist himself out of the water and onto the Flying Dutchman.

He'll see Jimmylegs, and be terrified of his appearance, so he'll ask for a cloak to cover Jimmylegs with.

When someone throws the cloak over Jimmylegs, the Kraken will notice that there's a gigantic hole in the middle of it.

The Kraken will demand that the hole be fixed.

So, Jones will call for Clanker to come sew up the hole. Clanker, not knowing how to sew, will accidentally sew the cape onto Jimmylegs.

Jimmylegs's funny new outfit will remind the Kraken of Little Red Riding Hood.

So he'll wail for the crew to put on a play for him.

To celebrate the occasion, Wheelback will make coconut macaroon cookies.

When the cookies have finished baking, Wheelback will pass out the cookies to everyone. The Kraken will take a bite, and promptly begin choking on it.

Which will remind Hadras of the Heimlich Maneuver.

So, Hadras will walk behind the Kraken, ready to save the terrible beastie's life.

However, one of the Kraken's flailing tentacles will knock Hadras's head off his shoulders and into the ocean.

Hearing Hadras scream, "Aenido!", the Kraken will go over to the railing to see what's going on.

As the Kraken watches Hadras's body jump into the ocean in search of its head, the flailing of Hadras's body will remind him of a drowning human.

So he'll ask Jones for one.

And, of course, if you give a Kraken a human... he'll want a ship to go with it.