Disclaimer: I do not own anything That 70's Show.

Summary: One-Shot When Kelso starts up 'Prank Day' again, it gets all the kids in a frenzy. But with pranks being foiled and Red now dressed like a chicken…. Will team 'Dumb ass' every get their revenge on team 'Kelso'?

Author's Note: Well, this is my first That 70's Show fanfic. So I hope it comes out at least decent. Basically this is just my rendition of the whole prank day thing. It's only a one-shot but I was thinking about making it into a full story. Perhaps if people like it enough and they ask me to, maybe I'll do that.

xXx Prank Day xXx

(Scene: Forman's basement. Eric, Hyde, and Fez stump down the stairs, Forman in the lead…)

ERIC: So Donna says—

HYDE: Forman, man. If you say one more thing about Donna….I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NADS! (he pushes passed him and finishes down the stairs, followed by the other two.)

(Hyde, about to sit down in his usual chair, stops when he hears Eric…)

ERIC: Wait…does it smell like….peanut butter?

FEZ: Peanut butter?

HYDE: (still standing in front of his chair, starts sniffing the air.) Yeah, man. I smell it too.

(They all start looking around.)

(Then suddenly their eyes catch the headphones resting on Eric's record player.)

ALL: KELSO!!!

ERIC: (walking toward his headphones, picks them up.) Damn, how stupid does he think we are?

FEZ: That's just like Kelso. (stops behind the couch) Doesn't he know we wouldn't fall for this again—OH! Nancy Drew's on!

(He runs toward the TV set.)

ERIC: FEZ, no! (he shouts, placing the headphones covered with peanut butter down on the record player.)

(Fez stops and turns in his direction.)

ERIC: The glue, remember? And Nancy Drew is what got you in this mess in the first place.

FEZ: (Sticking up his pointer finger and shakes in it the air) Oh, right. Tricky, tricky.

HYDE: Kelso's so dumb. Trying to pull the same prank twice. (he looks down at his chair.) Hey, wait. There's no glue.

FEZ: There's no glue on the television knob either.

HYDE: Or on the freezer.

(Eric looks bewildered.)

ERIC: Then what hell is with the peanut butter?

HYDE: Kelso, you better come out here right now! Or I'm gonna kick your ass!

(No on comes…)

(Eric, however, notices peanut butter smeared on the wall and the door. He places his hand on the doorknob and turns it, wrenching it open.)

ERIC: Kelso! What are you doing?!

(Michael smiles coyly as if he isn't doing anything. Suddenly noticing the bottle of glue is still in his hand, he hastily throws his hand behind his back.)

ERIC: Is that—Is that glue?

KELSO: No, not glue. Superglue.

HYDE: You have to be kidding me? You tired to pull that stupid thing again? (He walks to the door and stands behind Eric.) We always knew you were stupid but come on…

KELSO: Yeah, well you caught me. (But he was smirking still) You guys got here before me. (tried to sound disappointed)

ERIC: Well who in their right mind would actually fall for that agai—

FEZ: Ai, no.

(Hyde and Eric turn to look inside the basement, Eric's hand still on the doorknob. Fez's hand, however, was glued to his ass.)

FEZ: I've been glue…again, you son-of-a-bitch!

KELSO: No, not glued. Superglued.

ERIC: (not taking his eyes from Fez, he turns and tries to walk toward him but his hand, clutching the doorknob still, causes him to fall backward, colliding with Steven and most of the door.) DAMMIT, KELSO! What the hell?! You glued me to the doorknob.

KELSO: No, not glued. Su—

HYDE: (cuts in) Yeah, we get it. Superglued. (He walks over to the couch and plops down, laughing.) Can't believe you two fell for this again. You been duped by a Kelso. Yeah, well. Nice one, man, but you're not getting me again.

(Kelso finally steps in and starts laughing.)

HYDE: What is so funny?

KELSO: Your butt.

HYDE: What? (He stands up but at the same time, they all hear something tear.)

(Kelso bursts out with laugher.)

(Hyde looks down at the cough, sees the big rip in the cushion, then tries to look over his shoulder at his ass.)

(Eric, Michael, and Fez laugh, tears practically running down their faces.)

FEZ: (facing Hyde's back) You have feathers on your butt!

KELSO: Yeah. You're like a duck! CLUCK! CLUCK! CLUCK! (He starts flapping his arms like wings and clucking.)

HYDE: Kelso, this isn't funny. And ducks don't cluck. Chickens do.

KELSO: (trying to make himself sound pompous and important.) No, Hyde. Chickens go c-caw! (he makes a sound like a crow.)

HYDE: No, Kelso. That's—

ERIC: Just let it go.

KELSO: I mean, you have to admit. This was pretty funny. I even warned you guys with the peanut butter. And this is the kind of thing you would expect—considering I've done it before. We all know I'm stupid—

HYDE: (rolls his eyes) Ain't that the truth.

KELSO: —but you guys must be really stupid. I mean, a hand glued to your ass. Come on!

FEZ: (trying to control himself, sneers over at Kelso. He then suddenly starts for the stairs.) Good day.

KELSO: But, Fez—

FEZ: I SAID GOOD DAY, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH! (but instead of raising his free hand, he naturally raised the one still glued to his ass, causing it to tear off and rip his jeans.) AHHHHHH!

KELSO: (starts laughing harder) I hope you're wearing clean underwear. 'Cause now you have a big hole in your ass. It's like….. (tries to think of something it is like) It's like….an asshole. (he gasps and hastily covers his mouth with his hand.)

FEZ:Actually… (his voice trails off as he starts to blush.) I'm not wearing any underwear.

ERIC: (still sitting on the floor, his hand stretched upward, clutching the doorknob.) EWWWW!

HYDE: KELSO, what did you do?! Now all day we have to be in the same room as his naked ass! That's it! (he runs toward Kelso.)

(Kelso, seeing him coming, darts around the couch and tries to head for the stairs.)

ERIC and FEZ: GET 'EM, HYDE! GET HIM!

KELSO: (starts screaming like a girl.) NOT MY EYE! NOT MY EYE! (he covers both eyes with his hands but now he can't see where he's going and crashes into the wall by the stairs.)

(Hyde moves one of Kelso's hands and punches him.)

KELSO: (stands up, looking livid.) OWWWWWW! THAT WAS MY EYE! And now I have an owwwwie! (covering his injured eye with his hand, he turns on his heal in frustration and stumps up the stairs.)

ERIC: (turns his gaze away from the stairs and over to Fez.) Fez, man, why were you touching your ass anyway?

FEZ: (looking nervous, he frowns and shifts his eyes from side to side.) Ummm. (tries to think of an excuse.) Ummmm. Okay. You caught me. I was trying to squeeze my ass to feel how meaty it is.

(Eric and Hyde both groan in disgust.)

(Cuts to: Forman's kitchen. Donna, Jackie, Fez, and Kelso stand around while Eric is trying to pull the feathers off Hyde's ass.)

ERIC: Hold still, Hyde. I can't get them off if you're moving.

HYDE: (bending over the kitchen counter as Eric processes to tear off the feathers from the cushion of the couch.) Look, man, I know we're best friends and all….but I don't ever want to be this close to you again.

DONNA: (seating at the kitchen table in Red's usual chair next to Jackie, drinking a soda) Actually, Hyde, you're forgetting that time when Kitty told us how when you two were little she made you take a bath together. (she flashed him her awww-how-cute-that-is smile.)

ERIC: Dammit, why does everyone keep bringing that up?!

HYDE: You know, Donna, I've always really liked you and I've never really been a violent person before but I'm not afraid to hit a pretty woman.

KELSO: (Standing next to Fez on the other side of the counter and looking livid, he lets out his usual high-pitched sound of disgust.) I am offended! You say you're not a violent person. That's a lie. And…we know you're not afraid to hit a pretty woman. That's why you're always hurting me.

HYDE: (now standing up straight, all the feathers gone.) Kelso, do you look like a pretty woman?

KELSO: Yes, I do!

(Everyone in the room sighs except Fez.)

FEZ: What? He is very beautiful like woman.

(Kelso nodes in agreement.)

HYDE: Anyway. (turning back to Donna) That wasn't funny. That was the whole reason I turned out like I did.

JACKIE: (sitting at the kitchen table with Donna) No, you turned out like you did 'cause you're mother left you and you still don't know who your real father is.

DONNA: (turning in her direction, disgusted.) JACKIE!

(Fez opens his mouth to speak but gets cut off by Hyde.)

HYDE: (sticking his finger up in the air, indicating for Fez to shut up.) And if you say, (imitates Fez's foreign accent) 'I enjoy bathing with friends' one more time—

FEZ: What? I do like bathing with friends!

KELSO: Hello? Can we get back to this 'beautiful woman' thing here?

(Again, everyone sighs.)

KELSO: I am clearly the most beautiful woman here. No! In all of Wisconsin. Wait! No. In all the world. (He gasped, getting excited.) Oh my god! No! In the whole universe. IN ALL OF SPACE! Because those aliens are really ugly.

HYDE: (getting irritated) OKAY! We get it.

JACKIE: UMM…excuse me, Michael?!

KELSO: (not fully understanding, as usual) You're excused.

JACKIE: I am appalled.

(Kelso laughed.)

KELSO: Your name isn't Paul, silly. It's Jackie.

(Donna, Hyde, Eric, and Fez laugh.)

JACKIE: No, I mean. I believe I'm the most beautiful woman of all.

KELSO: Okay. Don't get me wrong 'cause we're both two extremely beautiful people here. I mean that's why I dated you.

(Jackie looks stunned.)

KELSO: But I mean, come on. I am clearly the way more beautiful woman.

FEZ: Well what about me? I'm beautiful too!

KELSO: And you really are.

JACKIE: MICHAEL!

ERIC: (finally hearing enough of their nonsense, shouts out) OKAY! Can we all just shut up?

KELSO: Well you don't have to be Mr. Grouchy Pants McGoober! (mumbles under breath) Just because you're jealous you're not an attractive woman—

ERIC: Okay, Kelso. I think you're a little bit confused here.

KELSO: Umm duhhh, Eric. I'm always confused. (he storms over toward the back door leading outside.)

HYDE: (shouting after him) Yeah, well, make sure you can open the damn door this time instead of walking into the screen again!

(Already half way out the door and into the driveway, Kelso turns his head to Hyde and flashes him an evil glare.)

KELSO: I COULDN'T SEE IT, HYDE. I WAS ALREADY AGITATED BECAUSE THE DOOR WAS LOCKED AND I COULDN'T GET IT OPEN. GOD!

HYDE: Agitated is a pretty big word, Kelso—well for you at least. Do you even know what it means?

(Kelso is hesitant.)

KELSO: (he steps back inside) It's when… you know. (he doesn't know what it means.) GOD! SHUT UP, HYDE!

(Steven laughs, watching Kelso storm out into the driveway.)

ERIC: You know, this isn't funny anymore. If Kelso wants to start up prank day again then we'll just have to fire back!

DONNA: (shakes her head in disagreement) Eric, no. That's not a good idea.

HYDE: Come, Forman. Who ya going to listen to. Your girlfriend? Or you own true instinct?

DONNA: Eric, I'm serious. Look what happened the last time. I mean, Kitty had to fake a leg injury just get you all to stop. Someone could actually get hurt this time.

JACKIE: I agree with Donna. I mean this whole prank day thing is soooo over rated.

FEZ: I agree too.

ERIC: (stunned) Fez, whose side are you on? (not waiting for an answer) I don't care. I'm doing this. We're gonna get Kelso back and we're gonna get him back right.

FEZ: Well don't you remember what else happened? With the oatmeal? Kelso always walking through the door we don't want him to? WE CAN NEVER GET HIM! (pause) Anyway. I remember that day well because Miss Kitty called me her brown sugar.

ERIC: No she didn't, Fez!

DONNA: Well, anyway, this is between you four. So you can count me out.

JACKIE: Me too. (she stands up, grabbing Donna by the hand) Come on, Donna. You can take me shopping. You can try on lumberjack clothes and I'll get pretty princess clothes with unicorns on them. (she pulls Donna up and heads for the back door, slipping into the driveway.)

ERIC: So, Fez. Are you in or out?

(Fez starts thinking.)

HYDE: Come on, what's there to think about? He glued your hand to your ass!

FEZ: You're right. I'm in!

ERIC: Great. We just need to think of a plan.

(The three start thinking.)

ERIC: (a sudden burst of genius) I GOT IT!

(Cuts to: Forman's basement. The circle. Eric, Hyde, and Fez are in their usual seats around the table with Shotzie, the Forman's little wiener dog, resting on a pillow in Kelso's seat.)

HYDE: Yeah, man. (nodes his head) There's nothing like the circle to help you think straight, man.

FEZ: (Looks down at the floor between his and Eric's chair at the supplies they were going to use against Kelso. He smiles and picks up a plank of wood.) Look, you guys. (he holds it up in his lap.) It's my afternoon wood!!!

(Eric laughs hysterically.)

(Hyde on the other hand looks stern and disgusted.)

HYDE: Fez, man. That's disgusting and highly offensive. (pause) (he suddenly smirks.) You are coming along very nicely.

ERIC: Okay you guys. I think…(gets confused about what he's trying to say) I think I thought. I mean. I thought I think. I mean. I knew I thought….(starts thinking) Hold on. I'm thinking. Oh right. I thinking I'm thoughting…DAMMMMMMN!!!!!

FEZ: I think your looking for, 'I think I thoughting' that makes way more sense than, 'I thinking I'm thoughting'.

ERIC: Anyway. (pauses) (tries not to use 'think' or 'thought') I have a plan.

(Cuts to: The Kitchen. The three have just set up the prank to get back at Kelso.)

FEZ: So let me get this straight. (pause) (looks around the room at their contraption) On the kitchen door is a bucket of superglue.

(Eric and Hyde smile.)

FEZ: When that idiot opens it, the bucket will fall on him covering him with superglue and leaving him very sticky. (he smiles) But at the same time the door activates the choo-choo train that Eric has so carefully places around the kitchen. That, in turn, will activate the rope that is connected to the other bucket Hyde has hinged to the doorframe. Causing feathers so spill out. And because he is sticky….they will stick to him. You're a genius, Eric.

HYDE: Oh yeah. And don't forget I'm waiting by with the red rubber gloves to stick on his forehead so Kelso's transformation from dumb-ass to chicken will be complete.

ERIC: Okay, great. So I told Kelso to come over 'cause we have a present for him, an apology for making fun of his lack of ability to open my kitchen door.

(They all laugh.)

(footsteps)

ERIC: Okay, shhh. He's coming.

(The three wait anxiously, staring at the kitchen door.)

(But suddenly Kitty and Kelso come in from the back door.)

KELSO: Okay. I'm ready for my present!

(Fez, Hyde, and Eric spin around in surprise.)

ERIC: Kelso, what the hell?! You were supposed to come through that door! (points to the door leading to the living room)

KITTY: (almost tripping over the toy train) Well what in the world is all this? (looks at Eric, finally realizing what was going on) Oh, is this another one of your pranks? I thought I told you about this, Eric!

ERIC: Mom—

(Footsteps)

(The room at large turns toward the kitchen door in horror.)

RED: (From the living room, approaching the kitchen door) Eric?

ERIC: Shit!

(Suddenly, everything appears in slow motion and their voice sound as if someone had pressed down slightly on the fast-forward button, causing them to sound very slow, deep, low, and dragged out.)

ERIC: DAAAAAAAAAD! NOOOOOO!

KITTY: (shakes head slowly) REEEEEEEEEEEEDD!

FEZ: (shuts his eyes) AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

HYDE: WWWWEEEEE'RRREEE ALLLLLL GOOOONNNNAA DIIIIIEEEE!

KELSO: SWWWWEEEETTTT! WEEEE'RREEE INNNN SLOW-MO!

(The door slowly opens.)

RED: ERRRICCC? HAAAAVVVEEE YOOOUUU SEEENNN MYYYYY—WHHHHAAATTTT TTHHHEEE— (slowly looks up to meet a bucket of superglue)

(The toy train starts up.)

KITTY: (has her usual nervous laughing fit but everything comes out low and deep, for they're still stuck in slow-motion.) AAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAHHHAAA!!

TRAIN: ACHOOGA!! CHOOGA!! WOOOT!! WOOT!!!

(The feathers are released and come down gently all over Red.)

(They come out of slow-motion and everything is back to normal speed again. However, that doesn't change the present situation much.)

(silence)

(Not knowing what else to do, Hyde takes the red rubber gloves and sticks them to Red's head.)

ERIC: HYDE! What the hell?

HYDE: Sorry man. It just wouldn't be a chicken without—

KELSO: (cutting in) WHOA! WHOA! THERE'S A GIANT DUCK IN THE KITCHEN! SOMEONE CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!

KITTY: Honey, honey, no! First of all. It's Mr. Forman. And second. (pause) Ahahaha he's a chicken!

RED: KITTY! Please! (turns to Eric, livid) WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Look at me!

KITTY: OH! Eric! Run! Run!

(Eric is silent)

RED: Kitty, this cannot be our son. Because it is completely impossible for me to have created SUCH A DUMB-ASS!

(silence)

RED: What do you have to say for yourself?

ERIC: Dad, I…(doesn't know what to say) Okay, funny story—true story—

RED: Shut up when I am talking to you! Did I say to talk?

(Silence)

RED: For the love of—answer me when I talk to you!

ERIC: Dad—

RED: Shut up, Eric. I don't want to hear it! I am too pissed to even think straight right now.

HYDE: You know what would help with that, Mr. Forman?

ERIC: Hyde, no!

RED: You are so lucky I don't stick my foot up you ass!

ERIC: What? You mean, you're not!

RED: No.

(Eric breaths a sigh of relief.)

FEZ: WHAT A RIP OFF!

RED: No. I'm not going to stick my foot up your ass. I'm going to do something much, much, much worse.

ERIC: Oh, god! Mom!

RED: I suggest you sleep with one eye open tonight.

(Silence)

(The only thing you could here was the sound of a click of a can being opened. Everyone turns to Hyde, who is now holding one of Red's beers in his hand. He starts at them.)

HYDE: What? I was getting for you. (He hands it over to Red.)

(Suddenly the back door slides open and in walks Leo.)

LEO: Hey, man—WHOA! THERE'S A GIANT DUCK IN THE KITCHEN!!

(THE END)