A/N: Yet another apology for the long time between updates. I found this one quite hard to push out. It's 12 pages in Word. Plus, this hiatus-from-hell hasn't helped; I felt like I couldn't get the characters and their voices down, so it took some time. If you're still reading, let me know. School will be over in a month (yay!).

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One hundred thirty-nine.

The number of souls aboard the Celeste. She'd been a shuttle cruiser from Virgon. Now….

Seven.

The number of pilots lost in the fight. She hated herself a little for thinking it, but it was also the number of Vipers lost. Both were irreplaceable.

One hundred forty-six.

The total number Laura subtracted from the board.

One hundred forty-six.

It never got easier, watching that number dwindle and decline. It went up so rarely, and then only by ones and twos. But when it went down…

One hundred forty-six less people in the Fleet, less people in the human race.

One hundred forty-six less survivors.

"Madame President."

Laura didn't move. She simply continued staring at the new number. "Yes Tory."

"Admiral Adama is here."

"Send him in," she said, wondering why after all this time she and Adama still tacitly insisted on following protocols such as this.

"Madame President."

Funny how the same words could be spoken in such different ways. Tory always spoke them in a no-nonsense tone, crisp and clear. Spoken now by him, they conveyed an entirely different message. He said them with respect, with empathy, with understanding. Understanding that, when all was said and done, humanity's fate rested on their mutual shoulders.

That humanity's fate rested on what they decided, in this room, in this moment.

He was standing, waiting for her to turn, to give him leave to sit. She did this wordlessly, motioning to a nearby chair. She chose not to sit behind her desk, opting instead for one across from him. She knew him well, knew why he was here. This was not a protocol meeting.

"Give your people my condolences. I heard you lost seven pilots."

"We were lucky. It should have been more."

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "They were gone for so long. Why now?"

"They knew we'd be unprepared." Adama's voice was gruff. "We all knew they'd be back, but…"

"But we all hoped they wouldn't," she finished for him, opening her eyes.

He shifted slightly in his seat. "I've gotten reports back from some pilots, reports that the Raiders were acting strange, different. They didn't follow when the Vipers retreated. They didn't attack as strong as they should have." He paused before continuing. "They were toying with us." His voice was laced with anger. "They know now they don't need to attack constantly. Just often enough, and with enough force, to make us panicked. Paranoid. Few more like these and we'll be turning on each other." He looked her straight in the eyes. "We need to discuss what the Six told us."

Laura stood and crossed slowly to the window, arms folded across her chest. Outside she could see the remnants of the Fleet, floating silently among the stars. "This is all we have left. All that we are. Can we really sacrifice it on the chance that she's telling the truth?"

"The Blackbird's been complete for two weeks. They're testing its FTL as we speak."

Laura turned sharply. "Sounds like you've made your decision, then, Admiral."

"Testing the FTL needed to be done no matter what we decide." He sighed. "But yes, I think we should use it. Send it on a Recon mission. I want to see what we're up against."

"And then?"

Adama joined her at the window and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'm tired of running away. I want to end this. I want us to live in peace."

"If this fails, that's it. We'll be extinct."

"I like that better than the alternative. Better it be quick, instead of them chipping away at what's left of our civilization."

Laura's gaze drifted to the board. One hundred forty-six. Next time there would be more, falling like drops in a bucket until it was eventually filled.

"When will your people be ready?"

If Adama was surprised by her acquiescence, he didn't show it. "Twenty-four hours on the outside. We'll know more once the Blackbird's back. Gaeta will need to prep the Six, find a way to plug her in for the coordinates."

"That's quick."

"They think we're vulnerable now. I want to strike while they think we're down."

Humanity's fate rested on what they decided, in this room, in this moment.

Laura looked Adama in the eyes. "Do it."

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From his perch above the Hanger Bay Adama watched as the deckhands maneuvered the Blackbird into its spot. The ship's canopy popped and her pilot climbed out.

"Do it," the president had said. And Adama had every intention to "do it." Truth be told, he'd been itching for a fight since the algae planet, waiting for a chance to punch those smug bastards in the proverbial nose.

The pilot was out now, talking to the Chief.

The first FTL test had proven successful. Adama had seen eyebrows raise when he ordered a second a mere three hours after the first had finished. If there hadn't been rumors before about an Op., there definitely were now.

Adjusting his jacket, he made his way for the stairs.

Time to roll the hard six.

"Mr. Gaeta," he called as the young man stepped out Athena's Raptor. He looked almost comical in his borrowed flightsuit. "How did it go?"

Gaeta handed him a clipboard thick with papers. "We only went out as far as the Raptor could take us. But she'll make the jumps, Sir. The computer readouts indicate that calculating a much farther jump is possible."

"But?"

"But the navigation systems and FTL will need time to reboot after each jump. It can't just jump continuously."

"How long?"

"Two hours. Maybe three."

Adama sighed. The mission had just become a lot more complicated. "And plotting the jumps?"

Gaeta indicated to something further down the page. "I uploaded this algorithm into the Blackbird's nav computer. She'll just have to input the coordinates for each jump, and the computer will plot it."

"How long til you'll have them?"

"I was on my way to that now, Sir."

"Good." Adama handed Gaeta the papers. "Nice work, Lieutenant."

Gaeta smiled. "Thank you Sir." Offering a quick salute, he left the deck.

Adama watched him leave before turning back to the real reason he'd come down.

"Starbuck."

Kara was inspecting the Blackbird, running over her post-flight checklist. "Hey Boss." She smiled at him.

"How's she flying?"

"Great. Thrusters are strong, she turns on a cubit." She gave the nose of the ship a little pat. "I think she's even better than the original."

Adama ran his hand over the smooth plating on the side. "She's a good little ship."

"Hm." Kara nodded and crossed her arms. "So when's the Op.?"

"What makes you think I'm planning one?"

"Oh come on Sir. Rumor mill's going crazy. Two FTL tests on the stealth ship hours after a Cylon attack?"

She had slight circles under her eyes, but they still shone with that unmistakable Starbuck twinkle. "You look tired."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged and grinned. "We'll sleep when we're dead."

"Hopefully not for a while." He regarded the Blackbird once more, then turned to Kara. "Grab a shower. Then report to my quarters. I have a mission for you."

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"Pass the word. Major Adama to Admiral's Quarters. Pass the word."

Looks like the rumor mill got it right for once. Lee quickly signed off on the latest requisitioning form, adding it to the pile of completed paperwork. The ship had been buzzing all afternoon that there was an Op. in the works. Pilots had looked at him skeptically when he told them he knew just as much about it as they did. And really, all he knew was that Kara had been called off mid-CAP to test the Blackbird's FTL. Private Karnes swore he saw the Cylon prisoner being removed from her cell shortly thereafter, but everyone knew Karnes was full of shit, so Lee put no real stock in that. The weird part was Kara going back out for a second test, this time with Gaeta watching from Athena's bird.

The door was ajar but Lee knocked anyways. "Come in."

"Sir."

"Have a seat Major." Adama motioned to the couch, where Kara was already sitting. Lee's surprise at seeing her wasn't missed by the elder Adama. "I asked Kara to join us. She's been telling me about the Blackbird." Lee had barely sat beside her when Adama began again. "I'll get right to the point. Nine weeks ago the Cylon prisoner told us about their fall-back line- a space station that follows several jumps behind their fleet."

"You're planning an attack," Lee stated.

"Not yet. This one's strictly Recon." He handed Lee a folder. "The Blackbird's been fitted with a Cylon nav system and FTL. It will take seven jumps there, seven jumps back, with about two hours downtime between each jump. Plus the time for Recon."

Lee whistled through his teeth. "That's almost thirty hours."

"I guess I'll finally get to catch up on my reading," Kara said wryly.

Lee looked up slowly from the papers. "You?"

She straightened her shoulders. "Yeah. Me."

Lee forced a small laugh. "Can you head get any bigger Starbuck? You think I'm going to just give this to you?"

"I already have." Adama spoke in such a way that challenged Lee to question him.

Unfortunately, Lee never could back down from a challenge.

He threw the papers on the coffee table. "Well, then why am I here Dad? Sounds like you got everything planned out already."

"If this is going to be a problem…."

"No, no problem. I just wished you'd checked with me first, Admiral. Then you'd know that Starbuck isn't ready for this mission."

"Don't you dare," she hissed.

If Adama heard her, he ignored it, focusing only on Lee. "She's the only one who's tested this Blackbird. She's also the only one to fly the old one on a mission of this type. There's no other pilot with her qualifications."

"No other pilot? Dad, I flew that damn thing- in combat."

Kara snorted. "Sorry, he meant flew it successfully."

"You stay out of this," Lee ordered.

"Excuse me?!" Her voice went slightly shrill, but Lee talked over her.

"Starbuck just came back to the rotation. She's not combat ready."

"Oh you motherfrakker!" Kara was on her feet. "I was 'combat ready' enough last night when I took out five toasters and still managed to save your sorry ass."

Lee jumped up as well, as the two started shouting. "You think I wanted to let you go out there?"

"Let me? You let me? I'm the best frakkin' pilot you got-"

"Missions go through your CO-"

"It did go through my CO!" She pointed at Adama. "You're just pissed because I didn't ask you!"

"Well, maybe you should."

"What, I need your permission do my frakkin' job?" Both seemed to have forgotten Adama was in the room, watching them silently.

"You don't get to make these decisions by yourself anymore Kara. Not ones this big."

"If you think you get to start controlling my life just because we're sleeping-"

"That's enough!" Both jumped as Adama's voice pierced through their shouts. "Captain Thrace, you're excused."

"But-"

"Now."

Kara saluted then stormed out, making sure to ram her shoulder into Lee's as she left. The door slammed behind her.

"Sit back down." Adama removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "There are some things a father just doesn't need to know," he muttered to himself.

"Sir?" Lee asked.

"Nothing. Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, um…ok." Lee wasn't sure where his father was going with this. He'd thought for sure, now with Kara out of the room, he'd be getting a very pointed lecture.

Adama handed his son a glasses of watered-down liquor. He took a small sip himself before he started speaking. "I asked Kara earlier, myself, because I had a feeling this would be something you'd have a hard time with. Based on what I saw, apparently I was right."

"Dad-"

"Let me finish." He took another sip. "Being in command means sending out the best person to do a job. It also means protecting the ones you love. Sometimes those things come in conflict with each other. Even after all we've been through, I still hate sending you two out there, everyday. But I do it because I know the only chance we have of survival is if I do. I'm not asking you to like this Lee, because I don't like it. But it's the decisions we have to make. This can't become a problem." He eyed him carefully. "Understood?"

Lee knew there'd be no changing his mind, and that he really had no right to do so in the first place. He hated it, but he understood. "Yes Sir."

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A few hours later, Kara marched into his office. She dumped a stack of papers on his desk. "Final reports on the Blackbird." The words were barely out of her mouth before she spun on her heels to leave.

"How much longer you gonna keep this up?" he asked.

"Don't know. Til I'm combat ready?" she seethed.

Lee sighed and stood up. "Come on Kara..."

She turned back to him, anger clearly evident in her eyes. "No, you come on Lee. What you said in there, that dramatic little outburst." She ran her hands from her face to the crown of her head. "This is why they invented the frakkin' frat regs in the first place," she muttered.

"Don't hide behind that Kara." His tone was warning as he skirted the desk to stand before her. "This is between you and me."

"No, Lee. That's your problem. This isn't about you and me, this is about Apollo," she pushed against his shoulder, "and Starbuck." She slapped her hand across her chest.

"When are you going to learn that they're the same people?"

"When are you going to learn that the only way this can work is if they aren't?" she countered. "I mean, for Godssake Lee." Her voice had a strange laughing quality to it. "You never had a problem sending me out there before this happened." She moved her hand between the two to them.

"Never had a problem!" He gripped her by the shoulders. "You think it's ever been easy for me to watch you go out there? For it to be me to send you out there?" She tried to shrug off his hands but he only tightened his hold. "Every time- every time Kara- it takes a piece of me. Especially after you crashed on that moon. Especially after Caprica…"

"Frak you!" She wrenched herself out of his grasp. "You sent me on this same mission Lee. And it was after Caprica…"

"That was different!"

"How?!" She threw up her hands in exasperation. "How was it different? I jumped, I took some pictures, I came home."

"You jumped once. Not fourteen frakking times!" He pointed to his desk where the mission plans still lay. "This is so much more dangerous, and if you can't see that…"

"How dangerous? Huh? As dangerous as setting off a nuke on a ship? That dangerous, Lee?" He felt himself growing pale at her words. "Cause I'm pretty sure you wanted me to do that too."

He let out a shaky breath before he could respond. He still couldn't think back to that day without shuddering at what would have happened if Shaw… "I thought we were over that," he finally whispered.

She refused to meet his eyes for a moment, staring instead at a low spot on the wall behind him. "If you could ask me to do that," she said levelly, "then you have to be able to let me do this."

"I didn't have a choice then."

"Don't have one now either."

"What do you want me to say Kara? I'm sorry? Fine, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I the way I see you has changed."

"Oh Gods," she groaned. "I am so sick of this obsessive over-protective bullshit Lee. I came back. Get over it. I did."

"It's not the dead thing."

"Then what?"

Lee bit his tongue and turned back to the desk. "Forget it."

She grabbed his arm, forcing him back. "Then what?"

"You don't want to know."

"What, cause we're frakking now?" Her tone was positively mocking. "Cause your feelings have changed? Cause you lo-"

"You weren't a mother before!" The words were tearing through his throat before he could stop them. The office went silent as Kara stared at him, temporarily dumbstruck. Lee closed his eyes, waiting for her left hook.

The punch never came. Instead there was the sharp sound of metal on metal as a chair crashed into the nearest wall, and then heavy footsteps towards to hatch. Lee opened his eyes in time to see her slam it shut behind her.

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Right. Right. Left. RightLeftRightLeft.

The old gym bag had looked like it was about to come apart at the seams when she took her first whack at it, but the duct tape was military issue and it was holding so far. Which was a good thing, because Kara knew if she ever lost this bag, there would be a spike in mysterious deaths aboard the Galactica.

She felt his presence before she saw him around the bag. He'd closed the door behind him but hadn't advanced far into the room. "What'd that bag ever do to you?" His voice had that same damn quality it always had after a fight. A fight in which he knew he'd frakked up, and was trying to make it up to her by being overly, irritatingly charming.

She answered with few quick jabs to the bag.

"Hm." Lee cocked his head and took a few steps closer to her. "Want a live body?"

"Go the frak away Lee." Left. Left. Right. "I came in here"- Left- "so I wouldn't do this"- RightRightLeftRight- "to you." She finished with a kick that sent the bag reeling. "Got it?"

He didn't answer, just gave a one-shoulder shrug but made no move to leave. She stared at him for a handful of seconds before turning her attention back to the bag. After another minute she saw him move to the bench nearby, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. She tried to ignore him, but the silence was unnerving as hell.

Finally Lee let out a long breath and lifted his head, staring at a spot on the wall in front of him so that all she could see was his profile. "I just didn't….I didn't think it would be this hard." While he spoke Kara continued working the bag, but her punches gradually lessened in both force and frequency. "Flying combat, sending you out on missions. And it's not that I cared about you any less or more than I do now, it's just…I mean, frak, Kara, when I lost you before we weren't even speaking and now, with everything that's happened….If I lost you again, it'd be worse, because it just won't be you that's gone. It'll be our entire future, and I've seen it and I've held it and…." Lee's voice faded away, as if it were an engine that had run out of steam.

The silence of the gym was punctuated only by her jabs to the bag. When she spoke, her voice was pitched low, rough. "Her due date was last week."

"Yeah," Lee breathed. "I know."

"If she'd…" Kara's voice and rhythm faltered slightly. "If she'd, you know. We wouldn't even be talking about this." They'd be squirreled away in their quarters, their ten-day old daughter tucked securely between them on the bed. There'd have been no Blackbird to test, no mission to complete.

Lee's words pulled her out of her thoughts. "I guess I'd be saying bye to you to about now."

"Yeah." The word came out in a grunt and she renewed her assault on the bag. "Maybe." Suddenly she blurted out, "Leoben knew this would happen."

Lee's head snapped towards her, his face contorted with rage and horror. "What?"

Frak. But it was too late to take it back now. Kara continued working at the bag as she spoke. "I saw him, in some dream I had. After." She left out the part about Hera. "Said he knew this would happen, that it had to happen. You know, Kara and her Special Destiny-" she gave the bag a ferocious punch- "Find Earth, keep the faith. Which is all bull, right?" She didn't give Lee a chance to answer; instead, her words and actions began to accelerate as, suddenly, everything that had happened in the last few weeks- in the last year, really- clicked into place. "Except if everything had gone ok, if she'd been born normal and healthy and happy, I wouldn't be able to go on this mission, and we both know I'm the only one who can really get it done. So we'd be sending you out, or some other pilot who didn't know what the frak he was doing. But-" and now the path was clearer, she could see the end, and she was cursing Leoben for being right- "But it was the Six in the cage that told the Old Man where to find this Cylon base or whatever it is. And she told him after I kicked her ass. He told me, before you came in, that she looked guilty. So I don't know Lee. Maybe…maybe this is what he meant."

Lee has stared silently at her throughout her speech, but now he laughed- a sound that was empty and hollow. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Kara, you said yourself it was a dream. He was always frakking with your mind. You don't really believe any of that, do you?" He actually sounded worried.

They stared at each other for a moment. Kara slowly removed the thin protective gloves from her hands and sat next to him on the bench, facing the opposite direction. "Yeah," she said softly. "I do. I have to."

"Why?"

"Because." Her voice caught in her throat. "Because I can't let her….Because I can't accept that she just died. There has to be a greater reason. A bigger plan. It can't just be an accident. I have to believe the gods had a reason."

"I don't believe in the gods, Kara." Lee sounded almost regretful. "I don't believe in destiny or fate or miracles or any of that."

"Then believe in me."

"This was never about your flying skills…"

"Hey." She turned toward him, straddling the bench. She nudged his knee to do the same. "Look at me." Once he had moved and they were face to face she took his hands in hers. "I'm going to come back, ok? I know this one's long and kinda dangerous, but it's not a suicide mission, ok? Plus," she added cheekily, "I'm not the one who's constantly breaking my ships."

That got him to smile a little bit. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Not anytime soon." She reached up to cup his face in her hands. She kissed him gently on his forehead, then touched her own to the spot. "I'm gonna come back, Lee, because I love you too much not to." His eyes widened at this, and she knew he was thinking the same thing she was- this was the first time since New Caprica either had said those words. His look of wonder emboldened her to say them again. Her lips grazed against his and she whispered, "I love you, Lee."

Strong arms snaked around her back as he pulled her close. "I love you too," he whispered in her ear. "I love you too."

And nothing else needed to be said.