A State of Denial

Chapter One: State of Mind

Disc: Not mine. No need to sue.

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Hyuuga Natsume glared at the group of girls that was staring at him, his glare more pronounced since he was also in a bad mood for being unable to find his favorite toy aka Baka Youjo aka Sakura Mikan aka polka dot panties. But of course, Natsume being Natsume, will never admit his rather obvious fixation towards the girl. He would sooner admit that he was gay and will start his own clothing line soon.

He is definitely not looking for her. No siree. No way, no how.

Not that it's anybody else's business if he was which he wasn't.

I mean, so what if I passed her bedroom door?, He glared at Mikan's door where bright colored flowers spelled out her name.

It wasn't like he was waiting for her to get out of her bedroom. He just wanted a change from his usual route. Even though how modern and well to do this place is, when you walk the same hall every day for a number of years, you still can get bored by it and a bored Natsume only means trouble.

So what if he sat his usual spot, perched on the sakura tree longer than usual? He just came home from a mission, he was tired. It wasn't because he was waiting for her to come looking for him like she usually does.

He rolled his red ruby eyes, pleeeeease, why the hell do I want to wait for the little baka who will only talk my ear off anyway?

He likes being alone.

If it looked like he was searching for somebody while he stuffed potato hash into his mouth during lunch, it was only because he wanted to make sure that she was not there so he can finally eat in peace without having to hear her latest review on deserts.

I like my peace. I like my quiet. And not even a deaf man can accuse her of being quiet. Natsume ignored Ruka's questioning glance when he stomped his feet harder on the marble stairs as they walked down from their rooms.

He visited Bear-san's house because he wanted to amuse himself with its usual psycho antiques, not because he was hoping to meet her there. He didn't by the way.

Which was good. Very good. His ears weeping in gratitude when he found out that she wasn't there.

And he landed on Hotaru's doorstep because he wanted to know if there was any new cool stuff that he'd be pushed to buy, not because she happens to be the baka's best friend.

He played with the big fluffy giant chick because he knew Ruka would like him to since he was busy with the sick horse in the stables. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she likes to check up on the animal

He talked to Konoko because he wanted to ask about that new energy potion she was developing. Not because he overheard the baka making an appointment with her for the afternoon.

He bravely entered Anna's sugar scented kitchen because he heard she was baking cookie dragons, it was kind of cool to watch them eat each other up. Yes, that was my only intention and not because the baka is practically a permanent fixture in there since she is always hungry.

This is why he expected to see her drooling over her food at dinner since he noticed that she also missed lunch, he couldn't help but notice her absence since the cafeteria was unnaturally quiet without her god awful screeches. The deep frown was still on his face when he appeared on the front door of the cafeteria, ignoring the many eyes that shifted towards him because he was busy looking for the one pair of amber eyes that actually mattered. Ruka nudged him with a sharp elbow so he had no choice but to walk towards their usual table, where of course, the baka should be sitting.

And if he turned his head a little fast when he thought he heard a familiar female voice, it was because, well, if it was really her, he would've headed the other way. He was in no mood for her annoying cheer and self righteousness.

It wasn't though.

Natsume grumbled away as he dragged his feet and followed Ruka, naturally ignoring the feminine admiring eyes and the uneasy stare of their male counter part. His own eyes, shifted left to right, trying to spot his usual prey and gritted his teeth when he didn't. Probably late. The baka is always late. Irritating, obnoxious, annoying, ear unfriendly, party pooper, goody toe-shoes..and so damn nosy.

Like every time he comes back from a mission, she always comes up to him and nag, asking whether he is hurting or feeling pain or whatever, as if he's a stupid rookie on his first mission. Che.

She has even started to carry around first aid kits as if implying that he was clumsy. She'd be better off using her stuffs on herself since she can barely do anything without hurting herself. The girl is a hazard around pencils, tables, water, trees, loose stones, chairs, you name it.

DEATH BY CLUMSINESS. That will be the title to her eulogy someday.

Ruka glanced at the boy sitting beside him, observing the pulsing vein on his forehead, the ticking muscle on his jaw, the dark clouds hanging over his head and the rather barbaric way he was shoving food into his mouth. When others would think that Natsume was in a killer mood, Ruka knew that his best friend was just sulking. And he knew just exactly what he was sulking over.

"She's in her room and hasn't left it since class ended."

Natsume bit into his garlic bread and glanced at his best friend who looked somewhat amused. They were sitting on their usual corner at their usual table in the cafeteria, surrounded by their classmates. He barked out the question. "Who is?"

"Sakura."

He cringed inwardly at the knowing tone in his best friend's voice but calmly quirked an eyebrow, intending to shamelessly bluff his way out of the conversation. "And why do you think that I'd be interested in her whereabouts?"

If other people would run off into the middle of the night screaming bloody murder at even the hint of slight in his voice, Ruka only elegantly sipped his tea.

"Because you've been looking for her ever since we got out of class."

Natsume scoffed and stuffed more spaghetti into his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

Ruka looked at him, pursed his lips then shrugged. "Whatever you say."

His blue eyes were calm. His smile; sweet and serene. The tone of voice, agreeable and kind.

It bugged the hell out of Natsume.

Contrary to what people think, Natsume knows that Ruka is not the shy quiet prince people cut him out to be. He's actually just as worst as the little baka but he does it with more subtlety and a touch of class.

Damn sneaky bastard.

He can nag at you with a slide of his eyes, a slight curve on his mouth, a steady tapping of his fingers. He can even nag at you by sitting quietly and not doing anything, but you can actually feel the disapproving invisible waves or hear the chiding words slowly chipping away at your composure.

To make it worst, since he's not doing or saying anything, you don't have anything to get angry at and you also can't yell at him to shut up.

Some will chalk it up to a crazy imagination but Natsume knows it's true. Like now for example, it was obvious that Ruka didn't believe a single word that he just said.

"I wasn't looking for her." Natsume repeated with a little more conviction.

Ruka turned towards him, a look of surprise on his face as if he already considered the subject closed. "Fine."

But Natsume knew it was far from over. He shifted his eyes to Ruka, looking suspiciously for any sign of a stray thought but Ruka wasn't his best friend for nothing. He only saw his best friend, laughing at something their class president said, leaving him brooding over his plate.

Why the hell did he think I was searching for the damn girl anyway? I mean, well, yeah, we've been in the same class for four years now and we happen to hang out a lot but that's just because she just can't leave me well enough alone and though I don't like to dwell on it much, we are partners.

He suddenly felt a twinge in the near vicinity of his forgotten heart and jolted when he realized what it was. Guilt.

Damn it.

Natsume's pride left a bitter taste in his throat and he stabbed a strand of spaghetti with a little more force than what was necessary. "What's wrong with the baka?"

Ruka's face was bland, but Natsume knew he was snickering inside. Oh, he so knew. Meanwhile, Ruka knew that Natsume knew he was snickering inside, but as long as he stuck to the plan, he'll still get what he wanted and in doing so, get Natsume to do what he wanted to do but refused to do so. For a moment, Ruka was confused by his own thoughts before somebody kicked him under the table. Koko, who sat in front of him knew of his plan, approved of it and wanted him to concentrate on the matter at hand.

Ruka coughed when Koko widened his eyes towards him.

"She's sick." Ruka pressed his lips together and just like Natsume described earlier, Ruka slowly slid his eyes towards him. "I think it's because she was up all night worrying about a certain someone who didn't even give so much as a sign that he was already home."

Natsume could feel his brain cramping and it made him itch to burn something. "Why should I? It's not like I told her to wait for me and it's none of her business anyway."

Ruka shrugged and it irked Natsume to see how similar that shrug was to his 'well-if-you're-going-to-be-an-idiot-about-it' shrug. "You are her partner. It won't be strange at all if you check in with her from time to time. You of all people should know how she is, she can't help but worry." He sighed, knowing how that soft 'woe-is-me' sound will grate on Natsume's nerves.

Natsume gritted his teeth against the subtle attack on his conscience and chewed the strands of spaghetti in his mouth until it resembled liquid. He was caught in another technique from Ruka's book of 'How to Nag at Natsume Until He Does What You Want Him to Do' co-authored by Mikan Sakura, this technique is generally known as Emotional Black mail aka Guilt Trip. It only lacked the weeping violins and lacy handkerchief.

"Now, she's all alone in her room without anyone to take care of her because she refused our help, said she didn't want to be a bother, said that she'll just sleep it off. But this is Mikan we're talking about, who knows what kind of trouble she'll get into without one of us watching her." Ruka's intentionally slid his blue, blue eyes towards his plate, pulling off a morose and whimsical look. "Her fever was pretty high, she could be unconscious on the floor for all we know. She's just so damn stubborn. She didn't even open the door for Hotaru because she didn't want her to catch the bug."

His mind a muddled mess, Natsume got so far as to ask, "Bug? What bug?" Before he caught himself then rolled his eyes. "Remind me to disinfect myself later, I've caught her baka germs." Then he frowned and gulped down his tea.

Ruka didn't answer, he merely swirled strands of spaghetti on his fork and kept his eyes on his plate, all the while emitting waves of worry and concern. Struggling not to grin when Natsume pushed off the table with a frustrated and harassed air around him.

"Where are you going?" He asked in his most lost boy voice, forcefully suppressing the glee in his voice.

Natsume scowled at him and shoved his hands into his pocket in a classic defensive posture, struggling not to sulk. You know where I'm going, you bastard. "Where do you think? I have to make sure she didn't open the window, thinking it was the bathroom door and fall off or something. She's certainly stupid enough to do so. If she gets herself killed I'll get stuck with someone else and though it's not possible, that person can probably be more annoying than the baka." Like Sumire or one of the rabid fan girls. Gag me, Natsume fought a shiver.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Natsume."

Natsume did a double take at Ruka's face that looked reluctant and doubtful. Wait, a minute. What's going on here? I thought that's what he wants me to do? He couldn't help but be suspicious. "Why?"

Ruka summoned his most frazzled and discouraged look, the one he always wore when he was up against Hotaru. "Because, you'll just fight with her while what she needs is rest. Don't worry, Imai already asked that sempai of hers to visit her, she's pretty sure that she'll open her door for the guy since they're so close. He is her favorite sempai after all."

Natsume suddenly felt nauseous, not to mention pissed off. What is he trying to say? That the baka youjo will be happier with the stupid Andou guy than with me? Not that he cared, but it was like saying that that stupid lolita lover is better than him. That's just stupid and Ruka should know better.

Natsume snarled, his scowl was fiercer than before as sharp needles of jealousy pricked his heart. "If she doesn't open the door for me than I'll just make her and if that pisses her off, well tough."

Ruka glanced at the scowling teenager; his shoulders hunched, his stance ready for battle and had to push back a smile. "Natsume, she's sick. Be nice."

This time, when Ruka gave him one of his silent chiding looks, Natsume smirked, totally unaware that he had just fallen into a carefully planned and well executed trap. "Now where's the fun in that?"

When Ruka decided that Natsume was out of earshot, he chortled along with his fellow cohorts and shook his head. "Honestly, that is the worst case of self denial I have ever seen."

The table was suddenly filled with agreeing murmurs, giggles and snickers.

Someone slipped into the chair Natsume vacated, speculating violet eyes gleaming back at him. "Nogi, I have to say I'm impressed. I didn't know you had it in you."

Ruka slurped the remaining spaghetti and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "You have your ways, I have mine." A smirk curled over his lip as blue eyes met violet. "Pay up."

Koko grinned at the look on Hotaru's face, like she just ate a whole bucket of vile, unspeakable things. Like losing to Ruka, her all time favorite victim wasn't bad enough, she also has to part with a couple of her precious rabbits.

When she only stared at him with that straight forward almost empty look, Ruka turned on his seat so they sat face to face and propped up a hand. Along the table, one by one of their classmates, who were enjoying Hotaru's annoyance very much, watched them with a wide grin on their faces. A long silent minute past by and Ruka's smirk widened into a grin as he wiggled his fingers in silent demand.

"Who are you and what have you done to Nogi?"

Ruka snorted when her eyes narrowed. "Well, you only have yourself to blame. You're a bad influence on me. Now pay up, Imai." He rolled his eyes when she merely stared at his empty hand. "It's only thirty rabbits, it's about time I got something from all of those pictures you've been selling. How about we settle on a percentage? What do you think?" He flashed a wicked smile at her that made the standing girls on a nearby table sat back on their chairs because their knees suddenly turned into jelly.

He lifted an eyebrow when the bland look on her face changed.

Ruka blinked when he felt his heart stuttered when Hotaru showed him a rare slight smile.

She's actually quite beautiful, he thought, blinking again at the sudden turn of his thoughts. He noticed that her hair is longer, her bangs too and she parts them to the side, a small hair clip kept them in place, it was purple flowers, the same shade of her eyes. Like Mikan, she grew taller but still petite, her once gangly, thin body is now slightly curved.

He coughed when he suddenly felt tremors running down his back at the sight of her smile, of course, her personality sucks.

"You know, Ruka." She tilted her head and Ruka watched as the ends of her straight as rain black hair touched the elegant curve of her neck. "I like you better this way."

Ruka's whole body tensed when she leaned over, their knees bumping against each other, the velvety softness of her voice weaved a straight path towards his stomach. Sweat started to pool on the small of his back.

But while this was nothing strange since experience taught him to always feel nervous around Hotaru, he sensed something different. He felt hot instead of cold and his muscles jerked tightly every time their knees bumped.

SHIT, Ruka can only watched in silent disbelief when Hotaru's face moved closer and closer and closer..

"I like you so much in fact, that I just want to…"

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, Ruka's fingers clenched tightly on the edge of the table when Hotaru angled her head towards his, their lips inches apart, if he leaned over just a little bit..his train of thought screeched to a stop when he felt her warm breath on his lips. His nose caught her scent; lilac and jasmines.

His eyes returned from her lips to her eyes, jolted when he found them looking straight at him. The look in her eyes was surprisingly vulnerable.

"..that I just want to…"

Ruka held his breath along with everyone on their table and anyone else who was watching. The anticipation was slowly draining his head of all logical thought, drowning the manic furious sound of the alarm that was ringing loudly in his head.

"..to.." She hesitated and Ruka watched as her eyelashes fluttered shut. His mouth felt like it was a desert and he felt slightly dizzy from the lack of oxygen. ".. blinked in confusion, his over stimulated mind was unable to comprehend what just transpired. It took several moments before his thoughts cleared and his eyes caught her running towards the exit. Finally remembering that he needed to breathe, mortified, embarrassed and slightly, unwillingly, unbelievably excited, he stood up and gave chase to the cackling girl. "Imai!! I swear to God, when I get my hands on youuuuu…"

Koko laughed with all the others and exchanged knowing looks with Kitsuneme, Anna, Konoko, Yuu, Monchu and Sumire, the inner circle that knows all about Natsume, Mikan, Hotaru and Ruka. They sighed.

"Talk about denial." They mused simultaneously and shook their heads.

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