Getting What You Need
By Ellie J.
Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just playing with them.
A/N: I believe that the show would be better if it were an hour and fifteen minutes long. What happens is that the writers get to the end of the show and they say, "Crap! We have to resolve House and Cuddy's latest argument, but we only have 45 seconds to do it in. All well – have him use the guilt. It's quick and easy." I, however, am sick of them using the 'guilt' card and having Cuddy cave to House all of the time. So here's my ending to 'Needle in a Haystack.' I do not own the first few lines of this fic. They are from the episode itself.
"I saw Whitner the other day. She knew about the bet. Didn't seem that worried," House said in an almost conversational tone.
"She knew I'd win," Cuddy answered, striving to maintain eye contact.
House's eyes narrowed. "She doesn't know me. In fact, she doesn't know anything except what you tell her. You told her that you were never going to give me that space, didn't you?"
"I told her it was a safe bet. I told her that there was no way that you could last a week in that chair."
"You didn't know that."
"I know you. I knew that something would happen and you would lose patience with the chair and stand up. True, I didn't expect the 'something' to be sticking your hand in some kid's abdominal cavity, but I knew it would happen."
House studied her for a moment before commenting, "You've been very childish this week."
"Childish? By betting that you could stay in a wheelchair for a week? I agree, but that's the price I have to pay for dealing with you."
"No," he told her. "Childish because of the fact that you're punishing me because I disappointed you, yet again. If this were any other doctor, you would have given them a warning that they were getting a new parking spot, but not me. No, I get a nice surprise when I come to work in the morning." Cuddy looked away, and she could feel her cheeks turning red. House continued on in a falsetto voice that was obviously supposed to be an impersonation of her. "'That mean House just forced me to commit perjury for him and yet he insisted on continuing to take those nasty drugs that keep him from gnawing his leg off. Now I have to get my revenge by making his life even more miserable than it already is.'"
Cuddy shook her head as she fought the ever present guilt that was rising inside of her. It wasn't going to work this time. "House, you lost the bet. Deal with it."
"Hold on," he told her, and without warning, House stepped closer to her and wrapped his arm around her for support. She looked up at him in surprise.
"It hurts to stand, and my cane is still in your office. Let's go, Jeeves. We can continue our discussion on the way there." he said.
She looked pointedly at the wheelchair and back at him. He snorted. "Hey, the bet's over. I'm not going to ride around in that thing any longer than I have to." Cuddy rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything as she began to walk towards the doors of the hospital as she tried to support him without spilling her coffee.
"I wasn't really complaining, earlier, when I said that you were being childish," he whispered unnervingly close to her ear.
"Really," she said as she fought the shivers that ran involuntarily down her back.
He leaned in even closer so that she could feel his breath tickle her ear. "I like that I can make you childish. I like that I can make you forget that you're supposed to be the ever so proper Dr. Lisa Cuddy, M.D., Dean of Medicine. You get this evil glint in your eye, and I just …" he trailed off, and she – almost against her will -- turned her head to meet his gaze as they stopped walking. They stood there like that, and for a moment time lost all meaning as Cuddy found herself unable to look away.
House unconsciously leaned forward and shifted his leg. He suddenly lost his footing on the slippery sidewalk. Cuddy instinctively reached out to steady him, and he turned an angry glare at her, although she didn't know if he was angry at slipping or losing the 'mood.' "I swear to God, Cuddy, that if I fall and break something, I will sue you and this hospital for everything that you're worth and I will spend the rest of my days on my own private island eating caviar off of the stomachs of nubile young nymphomaniacs."
"House, you lost the bet," Cuddy repeated, struggling to regain her composure and feeling ridiculously disappointed and relieved that the previous moment of insanity had passed. They began walking towards the building again.
"You had no intention of giving me that space even if I had won the bet," he reminded her.
"You wouldn't have won the bet," she assured him.
"You don't know …" he started again, but then stopped as he examined her expression. "You do know. You would have done something to get me out of the chair and make me lose the bet," he said, impressed despite the situation. She merely smiled. "What were you going to do? Set the wheelchair on fire?" Cuddy chuckled as they finally made it to the front door.
"You'll never know because you lost the bet all on your own," she taunted.
Cuddy ignored everyone's curious glances as they made their way through the atrium and the clinic to her office. House felt no such compunction.
"I'm trying to decide which I like best -- the cane, the wheelchair or the high class hooker to help get me around," he told everyone within hearing distance. Cuddy tightened her grip on his arm as she opened the door to her office and half pulled House in after her.
"Your cane's over there," she said, gesturing to one of the bookcases. House limped towards it as she went to hang up her coat. When she turned around she was surprised to find him standing next to her.
"There you are, my pretties," he said, leaning down to talk to her cleavage. "You have no idea how much I've missed you the past few days. Did you miss me too?"
"You need help," she told him as she walked around him and towards her desk.
"I need a better parking spot."
He just wouldn't let it go. "House ..." she began shaking her head, not wanting to have this argument with him again. "I have no parking spot to give you."
"Why don't you just bump one of the other cripples like you bumped me?"
"House, I'll admit that I didn't handle the parking spot switch in a professional manner, but believe it or not, I didn't have a choice. You're the only one whose permit allowed me to move you to a further parking spot."
He scoffed. "That's what you get for hiring a bunch of crippled medical personnel."
Cuddy ignored him as she continued to make her point. "So unless you can convince one of the other doctors to trade spots with you – which I don't see happening since you spend all of your time alienating 99.9 of the people who work here – you're stuck where you're at."
House looked as if he were about to say something when he stopped and just stared at her. His eyes began to twinkle with an idea, and Cuddy got an uneasy feeling in her stomach. That look was usually followed by trouble.
"House …" she began in a threatening voice.
"Gotta go," he said as he limped out of her office. She got up to chase after him, but was stopped by the head of NICU who needed to see her about some emergency staffing problems.
Cuddy spent the rest of the day worrying about what House was up to as she went from one meeting to another. She kept expecting to be interrupted with news that House had done something outrageous and/or illegal, but nothing happened.
She had just finished her last meeting of the day and was heading back to her office when he suddenly appeared at her side. Dr. Chen, who had an artificial leg and whose parking spot was next to Dr. Whitner's, was with him.
"Dr. Cuddy," House said gleefully, "I'm happy to inform you that Dr. Chen here has graciously agreed to swap parking spots with me."
Cuddy opened her mouth, but she couldn't quite seem to make her voice work. She looked from a smug House, to a silently writhing Chen, then back to House again.
"Dr. Chen … are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.
"Yes, Dr. Cuddy," he said in a low, angry voice. "Give the son of a bitch my parking spot. I don't care." He turned and made a quick escape, punching the wall on his way out of the corridor.
She turned an angry glare back to House who looked at her with a pleased smile.
"What the hell did you do to him?"
His smile got even bigger and he leaned in conspiratorially to her. "Let's say that someone we both know has been doing things that both his wife and the IRS would just love to know about."
"You blackmailed him!"
"See, there's that pessimism rearing its ugly head. Let's look on the bright side, shall we? I have a parking spot that's much closer to the door, and our 'friend' can continue his extracurricular activities unimpeded. Everybody's happy."
Cuddy stared at him before shaking her head and closing her eyes. She was too tired to deal with this. "Fine," she groaned. "I'll call maintenance before I leave today. You'll have your new parking spot tomorrow."
"And all is right with the world," House said. "Although I will miss the great view of your ass that I got from the wheelchair."
"Shut up, House."
The End
A/N2: I am working on the next chapter of K&K, but this idea wouldn't let me go. If you haven't read it already, I highly recommend reading, 'The Science of Knowing' by eigna. It's a little smutty, but it's smut with heart.