Yeah…so…it's been a while since I wrote a chapter. And just so you guys know, I HAVE played Radiant Dawn and I know…well…a lot. However, I'm not including ANY of the stuff revealed in that game. Not even Soren's lineage. Oh yeah, one more thing. I have a research paper/satire due in a week so I need to work on that for a while. But my stories shall resume in March! So, with that being said, let's get this nonsense going.

Chapter 21:

Without a King

Ugh…another one of these ominous descriptions about what happened last chapter, if you weren't paying attention. I certainly hope you were because I am NOT recapping.

Anyway, in Daein Keep…

Some really ugly old guy named Kasatai was freaking out.

"O-M-G, faceless and nameless soldier!" he screamed. "Where's the king?! WHERE IS HE!?"

"Um…I don't know…" responded the meek soldier.

Kasatai stomped his foot. "THE CRIMEAN ARMY IS AT OUR DOORSTEP! Trying to sell us those stupid cookies! I have to watch my girly figure, yet they STILL try to push those Chocolate Mint Wafers on me! …although I do like the Caramel Crunchies…"

The soldier backed away a bit. "Sir…what are you talking about?"

"NOTHING!" he bellowed. "ANYWAY. We need to protect the capital! WE NEED ONE OF THE FOUR RIDERS!"

"Dear Ashera you crazy, senile old man!" shouted Ena. "Will you SHUT UP? My sanity is ripping in half."

"What's sanity!? IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY! I KNEW IT!"

Ena sighed. "Look, Daein soldiers are elite. They'll be fine."

Kasatai slicked back his nonexistent hair. "I'm fine, am I, Lady Ena?"

"Please Ashera…strike me down and put me out of my misery…" she mumbled.

"Well, flattery will get you nowhere," Kasatai warned. "You're inexperienced!"

"Yes, you're right."

Kasatai was taken aback, this was the first time in his life he was ever right. "I'm right!? HA! Take that, mother!"

"Look, if we are unable to hold the capital, I don't think the king will mad. He doesn't care about this country."

He blinked. "…wha? YOU'RE WRONG, WOMAN!"

"Do not avert your eyes from reality, General," Ena remarked.

"Reality!? What is reality!? IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY! I KNEW IT!"

"Well, why do you think Ashnard invaded Crimea?" she asked.

"For cookies?" Kasatai answered.

"No, to make the entire continent burst into war."

"That's madness!" he shouted!

"Let's return to Sparta…er…I mean the topic on hand," Ena continued. "We MUST stop the Crimeans here."

"Lunacy! LUNACY!"

Back to Ike's camp.

"Hm…it's the Daein capital," Ike JUST figured that out after having stayed there for 3 days. "We need to kill Ashnard, so this war will stop."

"Hello, Ike," Nasir greeted.

"Who are you again?" Ike asked.

"NASIR. I'm NASIR."

"Riiiiight. So what do you need?"

"Are you sure we have enough soldiers to siege the capital?" Nasir inquired.

"Well, the force between any two charges is equal to the absolute value of the multiple of the charges divided by four pi times the vacuum permittivity times the distance squared between the two charges," Ike answered.

"What?!" Nasir exclaimed.

"Ike's a FOOL!" Titania screamed. "Daein is planning something!"

"Most likely," Soren agreed. "I hope Ike gets killed in this battle."

"I am not a crook!" Ike shouted. "Um…I mean we are not invaders! We won't hurt anyone."

"Speak for yourself…" Soren said. "They probably think we're going to hurt them like how Daein devastated Crimea. Especially if they see YOU Ike, they'll probably take out the compound bow. And tell you to take those tissue boxes off your feet."

"Aww!" Ike pouted. "I didn't think anyone would notice my tissue box shoes."

"Hey, what happened to the Crimean people?" Elincia asked.

Oh man…Soren is ENRAGED by this.

"…You truly have no idea how to rule a nation. Do you know what happens to a country that loses a war? Everything is destroyed. Homes, land, crops…everything. And the citizens…They're not even treated as human. Crimeans, especially those near the capital where Daein's presence is strongest, are treated worse than laguz. The people understand this, which is why they pay for protection in the form of taxes. For the royals and nobles who are charged with protecting the people, there is no greater sin than to be defeated in war. It is the ultimate betrayal of the people's trust."

…I love you Soren. Mostly because you made Elincia cry.

"Elincia, you're an idiot and you need to restore peace to the country," Titania remarked. "Now…go eat your own leg or something."

"Okay!" Elincia squeaked, and commenced in doing so.

"Let's end the war, Spartans!" Ike exclaimed.

"Ike, you moron, we're NOT Spartans!" Soren yelled.

After equipping nonsense, Ike and the rest arrived at the gate. Which was open.

"Oh fudgemonkeys…" Ike cursed.

"IT'S A TRAP!" Elincia screeched.

"Yeah…I'm going to have to agree with that," said Soren.

"NO BACKING DOWN!" shouted Titania.

Soren's eye twitched. "What is with everyone and screaming?!"

Over on the enemy's side…

"THEY'RE HERE?!" exclaimed Kasatai. "IT'S A GOVERNMENT-

"STOP SAYING THAT!" interjected Ena. "Well, their idiot General Ike fell for the trap. What a fool." Ena turned into a dragon randomly. "Well, I'm the secret weapon."

"GAAAAH!!! A DRAGON!" screamed Kasatai. "IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY! Oh well. I can live with that. LET'S KILL 'EM!"

Back on Ike's side.

"They've closed the gates!" yelled a nameless soldier. "Run! Ruuuun!"

"This is their trap," Soren informed. "They want us all to die together. Oh well, let's go for it."

Map Clear:

Seize

Nothing really happened on this map except…

A creepy General named Tauroneo was staring at Ike. Ike was afraid. "Um…why are you staring at me like that?"

"I AM TAURONEO!" he shouted. "I HAVE BUT ONE QUESTION TO ASK! WILL YOU MARRY ME!?"

Ike blinked. "Um…I…I don't know what that means, mister, but I'm going to have to say no."

"Oh, okay," he responded. "Well, who taught you to fight?"

"My loud and obnoxious daddy!" Ike said proudly.

"Are you Gawain's son?" inquired the creepy General.

"Um…gesundheit?" " Ike answered.

The man sighed. "I'm a friend of your father. How is he?"

"He's dead!" Ike responded cheerfully.

"Oh, okay. Well. I'm going to have to join you then," he decided.

"But I-

"I'M GOING TO JOIN YOU!"

Well, it was better than fighting him anyway.

So, after the fight, Ike met up with Ena, who was bested by the amazingness of Soren's Thunder spells.

"Yeah…so I lost…" Ena remarked.

"Surrender your booty!" Ike ordered.

"Yes…she should indeed…" snickered Gatrie.

"Not that kind of booty you idiot," Soren hissed.

"But I cannot," Ena responded. "I…I must go to the light! …oh wait, I mean him." Ena started running away, but Nasir confronted her.

"Grab her, Nasir!" Ike commanded.

"Hehe…I want to grab her," Gatrie snickered again.

Soren smacked him on the head with his spell book.

Nasir refused to grab Ena and punched Ike. Awesome.

"WHAT IN GREAT GRANDMA'S GRAVY ARE YOU DOING, NASIR!?" Titania screamed.

"Traaaaitooor!" Ike yelled. "A traitor amongst the Spartans!"

Soren face-palmed. "Why is he calling us Spartans?"

"You've been giving info and cookies to the enemy, haven't you!?" Ike shouted, but got no response. "Ergh…get him out of here! He's making me ill!"

"Go to Palmeni Temple," Nasir randomly said.

"Dot dot dot?" Ike responded.

At Crimea Castle…

"So the capital's fallen eh?!" Ashnard bellowed. "I KNEW IT! 15 bonus points for the kingy over here."

Petrine trembled in his presence.

"I overestimated Ena a little bit," Ashnard commented. "She is still but a piece of chewed gum with a tooth stuck in it on my boot! Even if she is a dragon! Anyway, where's that sword loving Black Knight?!"

"He was in the capital," Petrine replied. "And he gave me the Secret Santa gift he was supposed to give you at last year's holiday party."

"…I remember that party," Ashnard said. "Man…what a party it was. Remember when we all caught the Black Knight and his sword in the bedchambers? I'll never look at his sword the same way ever again. Anyway, LEMME SEE MY GIFT!"

Petrine unwrapped the medallion and showed it to him. "H-Here it is."

Ashnard laughed. "It's beautifuuuul. And it has a dark god in it that holds immense power. It caused a flood that drowned the entire world! Save Tellius, that is. And that blue light? It's called the title of this game."

"You mean Fire Emblem?" Petrine asked.

"Yeah. You know, in a story, you always have to put the title of it SOMEWHERE within it."

"Yes sir," Petrine agreed. "The Black Knight is trying to capture Princess Serenes."

The king nodded. "Cool, cool. So, uh, you need to pick up the pace Petrine so as to prove your worth to me. Oh yeah, if you see Ena, kill her for me, okay?"

"Yes, sir…" Petrine obeyed and left.

I hope this chapter was on par with your all's standards!