Diary of a Jenova Witness

Disclaimer: Don't own FFVII or Advent Children. No suing, SquareSoft! 3

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April 3rd

Dear Diary,

Thinking of holding Cloud for ransom, but have decided against it for fear of his pointy hair and fangirls.

Have decided to kidnap little youthful children instead.

They will be good little Jenova Witnesses.

Kadaj

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April 5th

Dear Diary,

Yazoo, Loz, and I have succeeded in kidnapping youthful children.

Are in the process of brainwashing them.

Loz wanted to wash their brains until Yazoo told him the term was not literal.

Am taking into consideration the concept of firing Loz.

Kadaj

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April 6th

Dear Diary,

Plan to fire Loz is bust.

Loz cried to Mother and I got my ass kicked.

I now own him a pony.

Dammit.

Kadaj

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April 8th

Dear Diary,

Loz has forgiven me.

Thank Jenova.

I have been unanimously named High Priest of Jenovaism.

Well, I unanimously named myself.

Hurrah!

Kadaj

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April 9th

Dear Diary,

Yazoo is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Either that or he's just bugging me so I'll buy him more shampoo.

Plan to brainwash children is complete.

They now sing the theme song for Happy Tree Friends.

I will kill Loz for that.

Kadaj

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April 10th

Dear Diary,

I preached for the very first time in front of the children.

I was very seductive.

Yazoo reminded me that these were not fangirls we were converting, but children, and children do not need to be seduced.

Damn Yazoo ruined my fun.

Kadaj

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April 10th, Later

Dear Diary,

Tried to baptize little youthful children.

Children were afraid of murky black water.

I told them it was wine.

That did not help.

Damn little children.

Kadaj