My One and Only
Another chapter is done. I really meant for this to be only a one shot but well this took on a mind of its own. Plus, I'm sorry for the really late delay in updating. Please forgive me…?
Chapter 2-
It was quiet in the seventh year dorm. Most of the girls were still down in the common room. The students were shocked at the outbursts from Lily and James. Lily knew that she had overreacted but she just wanted to get her point across. She was sick of having to continuously tell him that she did not like him. Lily didn't want to hurt James, she just wanted him to leave her alone.
Now that Lily calmed down, she realized she had been a little mean. She did like Potter and from his speech before it seemed that he did too and wanted her to know…and the entire Gryffindor common room which would then turn to the Hufflepuffs and then, since the Hufflepuffs were just about the most gossipy group, the entire school…even the Slytherins.
Lily was getting frazzled. It wasn't like her to care what other people thought but just the thought of the entire school knowing about her fight with Potter just about caused her stomach to reject her dinner? It really made her wonder, what James' purpose was? There had to be some sort of ulterior motive. Maybe he wanted to humiliate her into dating him or maybe he was going to blackmail her into doing it. Some fresh thoughts she had said the last time they played truth or dare flashed into her head.
Or maybe he just wanted her to know the truth and it just came out the wrong way.
But it didn't mean that he wouldn't drop her the second they went out on a date. The second he found out that Lily was not interesting.
There were plenty of other girls that were beautiful and James could have a pick. Sam Turner who was the exotic beauty of the Ravenclaw house. Or maybe Heather Reynolds of Hufflepuff. James always seemed to tease the short blonde. It was a pity that Alexa was already taken by Sirius. James could have had her too.
Why was James so obsessed with her even though she didn't have shiny blonde hair and perfect blue eyes? Oh and don't forget the big breasts. James and other guys flocked like ducks to crumbs to the girls that had big breasts.
Lily was shocked at how she was acting. She was being ridiculous. Almost like she was jealous. Sure James had gone out with different girls through the years but that seemed like ages ago. He had broken up with Rose Martin, his latest girlfriend, at the beginning of their seventh year.
Remus had told her in Ancient Runes that James was laying low. He was on a…what did he call it…a "no girls" sabbatical. He was taking off time with girls until the right one came along. Remus had put an extra emphasis on the right one. It seemed that he too felt that James and Lily belonged together.
Lily sighed wearily. Why was life never easy? It couldn't be just black or white. It had to have all sorts of grays and colors. Lately Lily seemed to think she was in the multi-colored zone.
The creaking of the dorm door made Lily jump from her bed. It was Caralynn. She had a confused expression but her normally kind eyes showed disgust. That was what frightened Lily. Cara was a sweet little girl, the perfect angel. She helped everyone she could and was positively perfect in everyway. She was kind and patient. Unlike Lily she never lost her temper and always seemed to be happy.
She felt that everything happened for a reason, no matter how bad. Lily depended on her for support when things went bad. She was the one person everyone went to whether they had homework problems or more personal matters.
Since her mother died, Cara had acted as her surrogate mother. Lily considered herself to be independent and self sufficient but Cara always seemed to know when she was at her weakest point and needed help. She would help her solve everyday problems. From her boy crushes to the process of choosing her future occupation.
Disappointing Cara, was a terrible feeling. She had to fix this, no matter what the cost.
"Can I come in?" she asked. Lily sighed and nodded. She fell back on her bed, hiding her head under her pillow.
"Cara are you mad at me?" she whispered. She felt the mattress sink as Cara sat near her. Cara began playing with her hair a she spoke.
"No Lils, just confused," Cara said, "Lil, you shot down one person who loves you no matter what you've done," She said simply, her light Scottish accent accentuated. "No matter what you are. Why?"
"Why thank you for putting it so bluntly." Lily said dryly. "Is that true?" she whispered.
"What? That he loves you or that I spoke the truth?"
"The first part,"
"Lil…I think that's for you to figure out," Caralynn said sighing. "James is an odd person. He's mischievous and annoying. He's spoiled and arrogant. But then you know that underneath all of that is a smart, unselfish guy. Lil, you need to figure out, what he is and how he acts toward you. That will tell you,"
"How can I figure that out if I just told him off in front of the entire common room? Cara you know how fast news travel in here. I bet by tomorrow everyone, even the teachers will know." Lily picked up the pillows and her green eyes Cara's brown. "If I was him, I don't think I would ever want to talk to me."
"Lily Marie Evans, you need to talk to James no matter," Cara said. "I don't care how you do it, but you need to sort this out. I believe that some major communication misunderstanding is going on."
"Okay. So how do you purpose I do this? I mean in a secretive way that is just for me and James,"
"A poem or a letter describing you feelings. Apologize and tell him what you really want. That's what I would do."
Lily just nodded. She was already deep in thought. Cara had a good point. If she didn't want to make it known for the entire school, then why not a letter. It was perfect.
Cara tiptoed out of the room. She smiled. Maybe Alexa was right. Maybe she was good at pep talks. She sure got Lily moving. She glanced back into the dorm room. Lily was lying on her bed surrounded by parchment and quills. She looked like she was going to be there for a while.
A year ago, Lily would have thought she was crazy if someone told her that she would be the one chasing after Potter. Now it seemed that she was truly insane. She flung another scrap of parchment into the trash bin.
She had only started writing about ten minutes ago and it was already overflowing with scribbled on, crumbled, half written parchments.
Lily stared at the note she had just recently started. Dear James, it read. She sighed. Who knew that writing one simple letter could be so difficult? She started writing again.
I don't know how to tell you this but—Lily shook her head and crumpled up that letter too. That wasn't the right thing to say to someone when describing your feelings.
Dearest James, that wasn't the most appropriate thing to say in a love note. She probably would remind him of his grandmother.
She sighed again and pulled at the roots of her red hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe if she relaxed enough the words would just come to her.
No such luck. She sighed for what seemed like the millionth time and picked up her quill again.
I know it seemed a little un-"Lily like" of me but James I have finally succumbed to my feelings for you. That caused her to giggle. It sounded like she was a damsel in distress waiting to be swept off her feet. She had never wanted to be that kind of person, the one that needed to be saved and helped.
She threw that out and she began to write. Every so often, peering back to her work and scratching out a sentence. Then, after thinking a moment, she would write another phrase of words over that.
In the end, she had a parchment filled with deep scratch marks and ink blobs. Yet, she was oddly pleased with her work. She had written almost a draft of the letter.
Carefully rewriting it, she crossed each 't' and dotted each 'i'. She reread it once more and before she had a chance to lose her confidence, she placed it in an envelope.
She placed it on her desk, and undressed. Once she was settled in her night clothes she snuggled deep into the blankets thinking carefully about what she had just done.
Cara seemed to have the right idea. Writing a letter made expressing her feelings that much easier. She could describe everything she was feeling in a simple note, tie it with ribbon and let the other person read it.
Yes, Cara was definitely one of the craftiest people Lily had ever met.
Lily's mind wouldn't let her fall asleep. Now in the quiet darkness of the night, she kept picturing the devastated look on James face, only minutes before he had replaced it with one of pure fury and stormed out. It made her feel horrible just thinking about it. In the seven years that she had come to know James Potter as an arrogant, manipulative, charming idiot she had never seen him look so vulnerable.
Awakening early the next morning, after only about two hours of sleep, Lily quickly showered and dressed. She picked up the thin envelope and held it between her fingers. It was a small envelope, only about 20 cm by 14 cm and it was very white against the pale silvery gray sweater she wore. On the front was James written in her delicate cursive and on the back it was clean. Inside it held her truest deepest feelings. It would be horrible if it fell into the wrong hands.
It didn't help that she wasn't sure if the charm that she had put on the letter worked. She had awaken from a light sleep at about 3 in the morning with the brilliant idea to put a charm to cover her writing. Thinking about it now, it probably wasn't her best work. But she still grinned at the thought of one of the Slytherins reading the letter out loud then suddenly turning into a steamy teapot. It was a nice thought to settle her feelings of regret and worry.
She clutched the envelope and silently exited out of the common room. Being only six in the morning, not many people beside the early birds were up. She waved to a couple of Ravenclaws and slowly walked toward the owlery.
She whistled quietly, digging two owl treats out of her pocket. A golden brown owl flew to perch on her shoulder. Using some spare ribbon that was in her other pocket she tied the letter to the owl.
"Hey Ares, I need you to bring this to James at breakfast, alright?" she whispered softly stroking Ares' feathers. The owl hooted and flew from her shoulder and into the rising sun. Leaving the room slowly she followed the comforting path to the library.
Lily crept carefully into the spacious room. Even though the crazy lady was the librarian and she seemed to enjoy booting children out at closing time she seemed to have a soft spot for Lily.
And she couldn't risk going back into the common room, now that James had a chance to wake up and watch her with angry eyes. No, she couldn't take seeing them. Sirius' too. Those gray eyes could trap you into doing something that you didn't want and she really didn't want to see them.
Sitting at a table she opened a used Charms book. Feeling relaxed, she allowed herself to stop feeling so tense and to give into the soft glow of the lights and the quiet meowing of a student's cat.
"Lily, Lily, Lily," someone was shaking her. "Oh, damn. Come on Lily, wakeup before she comes." Lily yawned and blearily opened her eyes."
"What are you doing Remus?" she muttered trying to fall back to sleep. She gently swatted the hand that was laying on her shoulder.
"Well, seeing as you're my friend, I decided to save you a trip to the hospital wing." He chuckled and continued, "Cara was sneaking around the Gryffindor girls bathroom and she heard that some of the girls were going to throw some curses and threaten you into apologizing to Pro—James. So I decided that I would help you out of this situation you just happened to pull yourself into."
"Ehh. I wouldn't put it past those girls and thank you very much for this information but I could have probably pulled myself out of this situation," she said.
"oh sure! And what will you do when your covered in boils because you got in the way of a hex? Come on Lily, even you know when you need your friends' help." He said.
Lily winced as he spoke. The words accented with his annoyance toward her stupidity. She knew that he wasn't talking about the mob of girls hexing her anymore. No, now he was on to the big picture.
"FYI, I've already taken Cara's help. She helped me write a letter to James expressing my true feelings," She said trying to control the urge to stick out her tongue and add a 'so there'.
"Oh, well that's good. Cara usually has good advice."
"Yea, she has good pep talks," she said, standing up, "Remus, is James alright?" Remus' generally relaxed appearance at their childish banter was gone at the notion of James. He bit his lip and sighed. He stood up also and pushed in their chairs.
"He's hurt Lily. You hurt him. A lot." Remus tried to stop his disgust from entering his voice but he couldn't. "I think deep down he's always known that you didn't like him but last night was the tip of the iceberg. Hearing you specifically say that you didn't like him in anyway was a little much."
She groaned and banged her head on the shelf in the bookcase. " But I've put him down before, what makes this time any different?"
"All of those times you were just responding to his question. He says it in a stupid immature way and you answer him in your sophisticated style. I think he felt it was compelling him to ask you again, and again." He paused and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Last night you said no in a cold, angry almost cruel way,"
"I was fed up and I thought that the first 50 thousand times he would get that I don't want him."
"maybe in your head but in reality you want him…a lot."
"When did you get so sensitive? You know me better than I do," He shrugged his shoulders and grinned.
"I have two sisters, I have to be "sensitive" to them during 'special times of the month'" he shrugged and used air quotes around the words. "I got used to it." She chucked softly. "Now I think we should go down to breakfast. It's almost eight."
"Oh Merlin. I have about ten minutes until James gets my apology. Remus if you do anything in your life for me, please I am begging you, you have got to let James read it. Force him if you have to. Remus you're my last hope in fixing this problem."
James sat at Gryffindor table silently picking at his eggs. He just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, which at the moment seemed hopeless. Sirius was babbling on about something, Maybe Snape's hair? Or was it something that had to do with mucus? He didn't know and honestly he didn't care.
Of course he would nod in the appropriate places maybe laugh when the other boys around the table did but all in all he was quiet. Unnaturally quiet and was attracting attention. Any other given day he would have loved being in the center of attention most of the girls were throwing him but today it was just annoying and it just about highlighted the reasons why Lily didn't like him.
Another flood of people entered the great hall, a good handful of Gryffindors and most of them all from different houses. The boys would pat his shoulder sympathetically, understanding his pain of being thrown to the side for unknown reasons, the girls would smile and flutter their eyes in a seductive manner, praying that he would look at them and maybe wink, and then the Slytherins. They were like a category in themselves. They watched him disdainfully. They all had good reason to. Most of them were undesirable to the women that they wanted and James to them was like a dead pig on a platter. Plus to them, he got what he deserved.
Rolling his eyes and turning back to the food, he settled once again with his thoughts as his friends continued to talk on.
Then, Remus seemed to appear just then looking flustered. He watched as the girl with the long red hair followed behind him and sat down next to Alexa.
Gosh, she looked gorgeous this morning. Her eyes were bright as ever but bluish bags under eyes were a sure sign that she hadn't gotten much sleep.
He exchanged good mornings with people around the table and ignored the questioning look the other three marauders were throwing his way.
"I'm guessing he hasn't said anything yet," Remus muttered to Peter.
"Not much anyway," Peter nodded his head and continued to eat. Remus getting no information turned to James and flashed him a grin. He put his back to the group and leaned down to check his school bag and get out coins for the Daily Prophet just as the morning owls rushed through holes in the ceiling.
Several appeared at the Gryffindor table. James and Remus' owls and even more to deliver the parchment.
James petted the soft golden feathers of his owl and left him nibble at his toast while he flipped through his mail. Nothing unusual. A letter from his mother, a subscription from Quidditch Weekly and another letter this one not in his mother's handwriting.
He put the others to the side and held the envelope in his hand, examining it carefully. His name was written in a dark emerald green ink that looked oddly familiar. Then it clicked, it was Ms. Lily Evans' favorite ink. She used it in every charms and transfiguration class. Damn, he was way to obsessed.
He had the first thought to just throw it away but catching a glimpse of her eyes farther down the table he could see that she looked generally sad. She was sitting between Caralynn and Alexa, looking very unfocused. Alexa and Cara were carrying the conversation, going into easy topics to talk about and Lily would nod and maybe mumble something. Maybe occasionally add a "right" or "I understand".
He tore the top off of the envelope and softly pulled the letter out from inside the envelope. He glanced upward and met Remus' eyes. Knowing that neither could talk without attracting Sirius attention, Remus took out a scrap of parchment and a quill.
Give Lily a chance. I just talked to her about ten minutes ago and she sounded genuine. Just give her a second chance, I think you might be surprised.
James nodded and opened the letter underneath the table.
Dear James,
James, I understand that I'm probably the least person that you want a letter from but hear me out. I never meant to hurt you. Seriously. I made a mistake, a very big mistake. The words that I said…shouted…to you well they can't be erased but they can be forgiven. Give me a chance to make up for it. Please. Meet me at the lake after classes.
Love, Lily
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any characters associated with them. How saddening.
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