(waves) Yayness! I'm back with another fanfic! As usual, this was supposed to be a small drabble. But it turned into something much more. SasuNaru are such a complex pairing, I need to write as much emotion as I can into their thoughts and feelings. And writing Sasuke is hard, I tell you! Anyone else find this? This fanfic is quite serious in tone: I hope I get the feelings across. This fanfic is different. I don't think it's been done before fuly in teh way which I've done it.
Disclaimer: Dreams give me Naruto and the characters to do what I wish with them (squee and winks) but reality puts them back into Kishimoto's world (sniff). They belong to him!
With further adieu, please read and review! And boyxboy action: SASUxNARU so no flaming because you weren't told!
Dreams Give and Reality Taketh Away
If Sasuke could call anything perfection, it was this.
The sun was blaring down upon the training ground, not a cloud in sight, the temperature not too hot and not too warm and a slight breeze which teased the tendrils of ebony hair that fell down his face.
He was lying on his back, the grass soft beneath him. He felt a small tug on his Uchiha top and he turned his ebony eyes to his right, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Sasuke, c'mon! Let's go, you promised me Ramen!"
Bright blue eyes, whiskered cheeks and locks of sun kissed blonde haired that fell over a Konoha headband looked at him with a pout on his lips. He smirked at Naruto, resuming his gazing at the sky that was a light blue, a colour he was used to.
"Teme! Don't ignore me."
The sun and his view of the blue sky were blocked by Naruto leaning over him from his left side, his arms flopping lazily over his upper chest. Sasuke watched flittingly as the blonde shinobi fingered his Uchiha insignia top before he turned his gaze to lock with blue.
"What, Dobe?"
Naruto sighed, flopping completely on top of Sasuke's chest, who lifted one hand and buried it in blonde locks, relishing how soft and tangle free it was. Sun-kissed perfection. He licked his lips subconsciously as Naruto gave a small moan at the massaging feeling he was receiving. He'd been extremely pleased when he'd found out that Naruto's secret fetish were head and hair massages.
"Sasuke…sometimes I wonder what I see in you. I mean, what boyfriend doesn't treat his boyfriend to Ramen?" he joked, grinning.
Sasuke tugged his lover's hair before gently flipping him over so that he was settled between the blonde's legs, blue eyes wide with surprise, "The kind of boyfriend that wishes that his boyfriend would eat something that's more nutritious."
He leaned down, placing small butterfly kisses down a strong, tanned jaw, already knowing how Naruto would react to his teasing. He inhaled the strong scent that was purely Naruto: a mix of sandalwood, masculinity and miso and revelled in his closeness.
Even in these times of when war was over between the villages and the threat of the Akatsuki was no longer a problem, not everything lasted forever no matter how stable it seemed…
He closed his eyes tightly, fisting his fingers that were embedded into the grass next to Naruto's head. Naruto responded to his gentle touches and sighed, "Sasuke, it's too hot, rollover."
Sasuke lifted his head and smirked, rolling off to the side and then leaning his head on a muscled shoulder, his other hand wrapping around Naruto's torso, "It's never too hot for you, Dobe."
Sasuke smirked as he saw the blush that tinted his lover's cheeks. Blue eyes met black and Naruto stuck his tongue out cheekily before cupping a pale chin and pushing their lips together into perfection.
Sunburnt yet soft lips moved against each other, devouring each other's tastes, tongue slowly skimming over lips, teeth and softly battling the other's. Sasuke lifted his head from Naruto's shoulder angling his mouth to explore deeper, a soft moan escaping from the blonde's mouth, hot breath tingling the sensitive skin around their lips. Sasuke reluctantly broke apart, leaving small nips upon a swollen lower lip and kissing it better with a chaste kiss, their heavy breathing taking the only perfect sound he could hear.
His breath was heavy in his chest, a tightening that he loathed beginning to choke his throat. But he pushed it down like so many other feelings, his thumbs tracing the perfect whiskers upon Naruto's cheeks. Their foreheads rested against each other at an angle, their noses teasingly brushing.
Sasuke's ebony eyes became heavy and serious as he placed a kiss on his nose, a feeling of loneliness welling in his limbs as he whispered, "Naruto…you…you know that I…love you, right? I never told you enough then…"
Solid arms wrapped around him, but the feeling of loneliness didn't go fully away. He quashed it away because it was wrong to feel that in this moment of perfection. He felt safe in the solid warmth of Naruto, the one who had made him see sense, the one who had brought him back to Konoha three years after he had left for Orochimaru, the one who had helped him defeat his brother, the one who understood him, the one who was always there for him.
Sasuke sunk into the crook of Naruto's neck, sinking into all that was Naruto. But he wouldn't hug too tight.
"Sasuke-Baka," the throaty yet joy filled voice of Naruto spoke, "Saying stupid things all the time."
Sasuke felt fingers running comfortably through his hair as he breathed in everything that was Naruto, knowing that everything was okay and that this was better than before: that this was finally real and perfect. He flexed his own fingers and sat up, his face calm and collected. He sighed before he laced his fingers with Naruto's, pulling him up to his feet, "C'mon, let's go to Ichiraku's."
The smile that blossomed on Naruto's face brightened even the already soaring sun and Sasuke felt all of his already fading worries fade away completely as the blonde shinobi leaned up and planted his lips firmly against his cheek and began to pull him away from the training grounds towards the centre of the village.
It was okay; everything was okay. So what as they approached the village the stares once again began. It was always the same since then, the same stares the villagers and shinobi alike gave them, the looks of disgust or incredulity; but Sasuke did not give a damn what they thought. He never had and he never would when they just didn't know. They could not understand this perfection.He tightened his grip on Naruto's hand, but his lover did not falter.
"You're slow, Sasuke!" he said as he quickened his pace, pulling him along. They soon arrived outside the Ramen Stand and as Naruto pushed open the flaps that covered the Stand and entered, their hands disconnecting, Sasuke's eyes connected with shocked green ones.
And the perfection started to break…
He bit his tongue inside his mouth as Sakura, her blossom coloured hair flowing around her face in the wind, walked briskly towards him. She had seen them together.
"Sakura."
She stopped in front of him and he felt the intensity of her gaze as she looked up at him. Why couldn't she leave them alone; why couldn't she leave him alone? In the background noise of the village, he could hear Naruto complaining that there was a queue.
"Sasuke-kun, you…you've got to stop this."
Her voice was calm and trying to be soothing; he disliked it. Her green eyes were intense too with a look that was both scrutinising and pitiful. They were not hollow like the eyes he had been seeing in other people lately…
"Just stop there, Sakura. I don't want to hear you," he replied.
Her eyes narrowed but her face remained the same and all he wanted was for her to walk away and leave him alone. But she had walked away too many times before and it seemed as if she couldn't take it anymore. But it was perfect; couldn't she see that?
"Please, Sasuke. You're just hurting yourself! You said that you'd end this…this tirade! It's wrong, Sasuke-kun, I-"
Sasuke felt his anger take control of his chakra as it swirled around his veins akin to adrenaline, "It's not wrong. It's not! Why are you acting all jealous; you know that we're together and-"
"-He wouldn't want this, Sasuke and-"
"-You have no idea what he wants, Sakura. He wants me, he chose me! I'm not going to let him go again, I'm not after I've already lost so much and-"
A bright voice that was almost fake cut through their argument, the streets around them virtually empty.
"Ne, Sasuke, they're not serving me again," sea deep blue hollow eyes locked with ebony black before the locked gaze was broken as Naruto noticed the other occupant of the street, "Hey! Saaaakura-chan!"
Sasuke watched closely as his trained shinobi eyes caught the fine tremor that passed through Sakura, her muscles tensing, her eyes closing and her fingers fisting as she looked down to the sandy ground at her feet. He grabbed the tanned hand that was closest to his with both of his own pale hands, gently squeezing and ignoring the questioning look that his lover gave him.
He had to hold on; not yet, it was too early…please, don't take him away from me…Stormy green eyes lifted harshly that were glazed with unshed tears and the atmosphere changed completely. The sun still shone though, the moment imperfect.
Naruto frowned, "Sakura-chan, what's wro-"
"JUST STOP IT! I can't bear to hear your voice!" Sasuke's heart tightened unbearably as she turned from Naruto to him and continued, "you're hurting yourself, Sasuke; you're hurting me and everyone around you! But most of all, you're hurting him…"
Sasuke pulled Naruto into his arms in one movement, burying his nose into the warm, blonde locks, trying to drive her voice away: her persistent voice telling him things that he didn't want to hear.
"…Sasuke, please, he's…"
He pulled his arms tighter around his lover, feeling the softness of his t-shirt beneath his skin and the hardness of his sinewy muscles within his lanky form. Tighter and tighter; that way she couldn't take him away from him. Arms wrapped around him in return.
Tighter.
I love him: he means everything to me so why can't you see that? He's mine…
Tighter…
Naruto's scent overwhelmed him, nothing could hurt him. His warmth threw away any insecurities: he felt safe, loved, wanted, alive…
"HE'S NOT REAL!"
Thud-thud. Thud-thud. That's the sound that the heart makes when it beats. When it's alive and beating.
And just with those words, the elongated moment was over. Desperately clinging to his lover, he tightened his strong arms further, willing the harsh words to flow over him.
Tighter. Tighter...
Blue eyes suddenly looked up at him with a startled expression, the depths more blue and more real than they had ever been, holding tighter and tighter, before Sasuke's arms met each other and his body; smoke obscuring his vision, a loud pop deafening his senses.
Thud-Thud. Thud- silence...
There was a dull clunk as a Konoha headband fell to the floor, the sun light glinting off the leaf insignia engraved into the soft metal.
And now the warmth was gone, the blonde's scent did not remain in the air, the insecurities came back: he was unsafe, dead-feeling, alone…
Sasuke trembled, digging his nails into his biceps as he cradled his body, his eyes obscuring in and out of focus.
Not this feeling again. Please, not this feeling again…
He vaguely heard Sakura calling out to him, feeling her reach out to him and pulling his fingers off of his own skin, the warmth of blood that did not frighten him in any way sliding down his muscles and trapped underneath his nails.
"I'm going to stay in your arms forever, Sasuke," a joyful voice whispered, "You got away from me before; I'm not going to let you go again…"
But all he saw were blue eyes, the light slowly fading into hollowness as they prepared for eternal rest, a hand gripped tightly in his own slowly losing its strength and a whispered assurance on a dying breath…
"Remember that I love you, and live on…for me, but mostly for yourself and this village…"
"Sasuke-kun…Sasuke; it's okay, I'm here…"
He felt his mind being pulled back into reality: a world that was scarred from shinobi war. Green eyes and blossom coloured hair filled his vision and he realised that her arms were clasped tightly around him, once again filling him with warmth, but not the warmth he recognised as the only one that had ever made him feel alive.
"Sakura…"
She pulled back, her facial expressions full of suffering and he realised that she was a mirror of his own feelings, though his were amplified. One being torn into two.
His throat was tight, a lump that he knew so well but hated with a passion choking him. His voice was hoarse as he breathed deeply, his eyes stinging, but he refused to cry. He was stronger than this, he was strong, he was…
"He's gone, Sasuke-kun. You…you've got to let him go."
He closed his eyes, balling his fingers into tight fists before opening pitch black eyes that were swimming in emotion and glazed with unshed tears, "N…Naruto…"
She took his hands in hers, but they were not a perfect fit like his had been. No hand would ever be able to perfectly fit the spaces between his fingers because after all, the spaces were created for that one and only soulmate.
Locking her gaze with his, she spoke softly, "He doesn't want you to suffer like this, Sasuke-kun. Let him go, but never forget him…"
His eyes were lost in a space beyond her, focusing on nothing and he wondered if and when the darkness would take him.
"Why?" Sasuke whispered, a solitary tear escaping his eyes and trailing down his cheek where it dripped to the sandy ground, "W…Why is it that when I hold him tighter, he just disappears? He said that he'd never let me go and we'd be perfect, so why? Why did he have to die?"
Why does everyone I love always have to leave me?
She tightened her grip on his bloody fingers and Sasuke finally focused on her. He doubted she had the answers that he had been looking for since he had been broken beyond anything he ever thought he could be. But after all, Naruto was the #1 surprising ninja.
"It hurts, ne, Sasuke-kun? Nothing can compare to the loss of a loved one, and you've had to suffer it more than anyone should ever have to," she sniffed slightly, "He shouldn't have died: no one with so much light and inner strength should ever die in youth, but, he did…and…and nothing you or I do can change that. We had our revenge but the bitter taste it left did nothing to satisfy our loss.
"The only thing we can do is move on," she continued, the breeze making her hair flap around her face, framing it perfectly, "and you can't do that if you keep recreating Naruto through his trademark move; his most favourite. Implanting your memories of him and making the Kage Bunshin Henge act doesn't make him real; doesn't it only hurt you more? He's in a better place, Sasuke. He wouldn't want you to carry on like this and suffer more than you have to…"
She trailed off, her voice lowering into a mere whisper. Sasuke looked on as he felt her loosen her grip on his fingers and his arms flopped uselessly to his sides, his blood dripping to the floor. He gave a weary sigh and suddenly ashamed of showing his unstable state of emotions, he wiped away his tears with the back of his hands, flecks of blood smearing on his cheeks, sniffing slightly. He felt the heat of his face and the lump in his throat was still raw.
Was…was it time to just stop? Reality was harsh and Sasuke knew, he knew, that Naruto was gone. It was just so difficult to accept, to enter reality where he could be bitten and pushed around and reduced to a shattered mess. Wasn't living in a dream perfect?
"It's just that," he spoke, not really trusting his voice, happy that the road around them was empty, the sound of happy villagers eating comfortably within Ichiraku's as if they were in another world, "It's just that I'm…I'm terrified that I'll forget what he looks like and all that he was."
She smiled sadly, "We'll never forget. He'll always be a brother to me, Sasuke, just as he'll always be your love. And I'm not saying that to move on we have to forget because that's impossible and we would never wish for that. There will always be a part of him in us so he's not truly gone. You just can't go on like this. I'm here for you, so are Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade-sama and Iruka-sensei and all of our other friends. You might not feel close to them, but they are there if you need them. We can preserve Naruto's memory together."
A sharp wind blew around them that was surprisingly warm, a few leaves twirling around them in a flurry. Carefully, Sasuke leant down and picked up Naruto's headband, the one that he hadn't been able to bury with his body because he felt as if it was the only part of Naruto he could physically keep. He recalled how he would delicately tie it to the clone almost every day, brushing blonde spikes from a warm forehead.
The surprisingly warm wind sprung up again, once more encasing them in its warmth as if it was bathed in perfect sunshine, its arms bringing comfort and an unbelievable feeling akin to assurance with soft incomprehensible whispers reaching their ears as it caressed their skin gently, sending tingles down Sasuke's spine, goosebumps rising on his pale flesh. He watched as the blue bands of the Konoha headband flapped and twirled in his hands.
His eyes widened as he saw that Sakura had a similar look in her face. He felt a small smile, a real smile, tug at his lips for the first time since he had been left alone in the world. The weight of something seemed to lift off of his shoulders and he physically relaxed, not fully, but more than he had done for a long time.
"Naruto…" he said quietly before he sighed, pocketing his lover's headband and raising his fingers into the hand signs of the Kage Bunshin jutsu. He stared at his fingers for a long while and then he separated them, looking beyond the curtain into Ichiraku's which had been somewhat like Naruto's second home.
"I've been…stupid," he admitted, looking up into the late afternoon of the sky, "Even if I put my memories of Naruto into a Kage Bunshin Henge, it's not perfect and it won't bring Naruto back. It just makes it worse and makes it harder to accept. But, you're right, because everywhere I look, there are parts of Naruto around. He's…he's everywhere in this village. After all, nothing really dies as long as it's not forgotten."
Sakura smiled, wiping her own teary eyes before replying, "Yeah. So, no more hurting yourself, okay? I promised myself and Naruto that I wouldn't let any harm come to you because I'm sure he wants you to be safe, happy and feeling alive. He…he knows you're hurt."
"Remember that I love you, and live on…for me, but mostly for yourself and this village…"
Sasuke nodded his head and he suddenly felt as if he was being scrutinised under a microscope. Sakura seemed to see his unease, his emotions much more on display, open and unstable since his loss. She smiled, "Well, I need to see Tsunade-sama. If you need anything, you know where to find me. Tell Naruto that I said hello!"
She ran off past him and Sasuke quickly brought his hands into the teleportation jutsu, the village road transforming into grass and the monument where those who had fallen were inscribed.
He fell to his knees, raising his fingers and touching his lover's name softly, a sad smile on his pale face.
"I'm sorry, but, just one last time, Naruto," he whispered.
His hands moved through a flurry of different hand seals and within a few seconds, strong, warm arms wrapped around his shoulders, "Sasuke-"
"Don't speak; just…hear me out."
He kept his eyes fixed on the engraved names in front of him, seeing the translucent reflection of their entwined embrace in the stone. Just like their embrace, it was nothing but a dream. It was not perfection.
"I miss you, Naruto. I miss you more than anything I've ever experienced. I felt as if I had no purpose anymore. Itachi is dead, Orochimaru is dead and war is over, so what could I live for? I forgot what you told me until now, about how I do have something to live for. I have to live for myself and this village and for…for my friends. But most of all, for you."
Blue eyes locked with black through a stone reflection.
He continued, "As much as I don't want to, I have to let you go. I've been tarnishing your memory with this stupid farce for too long."
He looked down to the grass at his knees, the sun warming his body, "This is not goodbye; merely, I'll see you later. Then, everything will be perfect. I love you…"
Sasuke felt the Kage Bunshin hug him tighter and keeping his dark eyes locked to the grass, he released the Jutsu.
The bunshin disappeared, the tightness around him fading and with it was the end of the tight coil of pain which had taken a hold of him. He smiled sadly to himself, lifting his eyes from the green grass to look upon his lover's name, finally free from his bounds to remember everything that was Naruto.
Sky blue eyes that sparkled with life and energy, the vacant hollow look transformed into moving emotions, love and complete understanding reflected through stone right back into his own onyx depths, blinking and smiling.
A slight widening of eyes and Sasuke turned around to look over his shoulder.
But there was nothing but grass and fields, the three logs where everything had started the only objects that he could see.
"Dobe…" he whispered, and it carried on the warm wind, twirling leaves all around his form. The sun shone brightly.
Nothing really dies as long as it's not forgotten…
He stood up, his hand resting on the smooth stone. In the distance, he could faintly hear the bustle of the village as it recovered from war, the children who were the next generation of shinobi protectors growing and learning, shinobi re-building their home after the devastation of war, protecting their loved ones and most of all, their village.
Konoha. The home which he loved.
Sasuke would never forget Naruto. Without him, he wasn't sure where he would be now.
'But I have a future, because, you're still here looking over me…Hn, you did always say that you'd never let me out of your sight.'
With his hands swaying by his sides, his neck warmed by the strength of the sun, fingers tickled by the warm wind, his feet treading through the grass as he headed towards the village, his village, his home; he looked up at the cloudless sky.
It was a bright, exquisite blue, a vivid blue that was bluer than he had ever seen the sky before. It was a blue that he knew so well. He gasped, smiling.
He knew the sun would shine for many months to come.
If Sasuke could call anything perfection, it was not this. This was merely the start of a new difficult life: an imperfection. But that is what love is: seeing an imperfection perfectly because as humans, there is no such thing as perfection in their troubled lives. However, Sasuke knew that right beside him walked Naruto in a whole other world. If this wasn't imperfect perfection, if this wasn't love, then he should stop walking and be grounded in his suffering.
The warm wind blew and he continued to walk into the village they both knew so well.
OWARI
So, what did you think? Did anyone guess what was happening? I tried to give clues and I have no idea if it was really obvious or not, so do let me know!! (smiles) Damn, I feel like crying, hehe! Awwww, Sasuke.