Disclaimer: I do not own Gilgamesh, or any other Squarenix character portrayed in the following story. If I did, I'd be rich. But I don't, so I'm not. Sucks, don't it? Credit to the characters and places featured in this story go the Squarenix.

Chapter I: Castle Woes

"Two pair." Gilgamesh said with a grin, slapping down a pair of cards, and moving to scoop up his winnings from the table top.

An emerald hand shot out and grasped his wrist. Enkidou smirked at him, his sharp fangs and flowing crimson hair made the smile that much more sinister. "Straight flush…" he told the warrior, quite triumphantly, before displaying the cards in his hand.

Sure enough, the demon did not lie. Throwing down his cards, Gilgamesh struck the table, rattling both the chips they played for, and the drinks they drank. "Hate this game…" he muttered with some contempt, which prompted more then a few snickers from the other warriors and demons with which they played.

Gilgamesh was in a sour mood. It had rained on his way in, stopping only once he had crossed the threshold of Exdeath's castle – Sure, he can rule half a planet, but he couldn't control the weather, some overlord – Which had left the warrior quite drenched. During his morning exercises, he had stumbled over his own feet and landed on his lord's flowing cape, which promptly tore it off him. Why they heck did he need such a big cape anyway? He already wore armor that could blind a man at fifty paces with its shine. And exactly what kind of evil overlord wore shiny silver armor anyway? Now, to top off his day, he'd just lost all the money he'd made pillaging last week. The one saving grace was that he'd lost to Enkidou, who usually ended up covering for him financially anyway.

"You're a little short there…" the green demon commented, tapping a claw on the table expectantly.

Gilgamesh snapped from his thoughts and glanced at him, "Oh come on, you know I'm good for it…" he murmured in a somewhat childlike voice.

Laughter seemed to erupt from the table all at once, and the man across from Gilgamesh, Gloff, slammed his mug down. "Aye, that's what yah said last week." He commented.

Silvia, the lillith, hissed her own laughter, "And the week before that and before that…" she chimed in.

Enkidou couldn't resist a small chuckle. Some friend he was… This was just an eternal humiliation that carried on week after week. How was it that he, Gilgamesh, great warrior to the dark lord Exdeath, could be beaten by something as trivial as… As playing cards!? It was infuriating! Gilgamesh rose from the table, his angered expression hidden by the scarlet scarf wrapped around his mouth and neck. "I don't have to stand for this!" he declared, turning so swiftly… That he stumbled over his chair.

The others howled with laughter, as the mercenary stormed off, both embarrassed and angry at the same time. Oh how his journal was going to hear about this! Before he reached his quarters, however, a great booming voice called his name. "Gilgamesh!"

The echo seemed to make the voice sound grander than it initially had been. The mercenary glanced around. Only one being had THAT voice. Exdeath had summoned him, and he could be sure it was some despicable, low quality job undeserving of a great warrior such as he. More than likely he was being called to clean up the mess he'd made in the eastern bathroom… Okay, so downing twenty eight beers while spinning in a circle wasn't the smartest thing he could have done to win a piece of gold, lesson learned. The warrior rushed down the central stairs, towards where Exdeath's voice had originated from. He desperately hoped this wouldn't be something trivial, like having to feed that monstrous… Thing that Exdeath had locked in the basement. It was the same emerald color that Enkidou was, but the similarities stopped there. After all, when Enkidou was pissed off he couldn't just bounce fire spells off himself at Gilgamesh. The damn monster had a real attitude problem… Of course, he probably would have had one too, had he had a bright shiny gem stuck to his head all the time.

"GILGAMESH!" Exdeath's voice boomed, much closer, and far angrier this time.

The mercenary grimaced. Great, now he was in trouble… Why the hell was Exdeath down in the dungeons anyway? Couldn't he have summoned him upstairs than WARPED to the dungeon? The man possessed flare for crying out loud; surely he could muster a simple warp spell! Gilgamesh raced by a set of cages, drawing ever closer to the dungeons where his master was… Or at least, he tried. As he dashed passed the second cell, a grey leg popped out between the bars, and tripped him. Gilgamesh fell forward, and rolled until he was flat on his back. The pain of the act in no way rivaled the embarrassment of it. From the sounds of the chittering laughter coming from the cell, it appeared that, in his haste, he'd moved too close to the holding cells… Again. Damn that goblin, he was going to pay for this… Tomorrow. Quickly leaping to his feet, the mercenary raced down the nearby flight of stairs.

When he FINALLY reached the basement dungeon, four floors beneath the entrance to the castle, Gilgamesh was very much out of breath, and staggered around the corner to see his master, lord Exdeath, tapping his foot impatiently. "Yes… Yes my lord?" the mercenary asked, managing a weak salute.

Exdeath was far from impressed. "What took you so long? Fall down the stairs again? Or perhaps the goblin tripped you? It's always one thing or another with you…" he accused angrily, before shaking his head.

"There was also the time he lost his lance, my lord." A slithering voice chimed in from behind Gilgamesh.

Exdeath looked up, and nodded, "Indeed. What was the reason for that blunder?" he asked the mercenary, who sheepishly looked at the floor.

"I… Uhh… Was practicing my throw technique…"

The one behind the mercenary stepped into view, it was a Garlyle. He was of the same breed as Enkidou, only that his skin was blue, and his hair green. "Did it perhaps occur to you that facing the ocean was NOT a smart idea?" he asked the mercenary.

Gilgamesh said nothing. "Did you bring the great mirror?" Exdeath asked Garlyle.

The demon looked hesitant. "Well?" the lord demanded, tapping his foot impatiently.

Garlyle stepped to one side, to reveal the great mirror… Full of cracks and sticky tape. Exdeath was livid, "What… What happened to it!?" he demanded.

Garlyle said nothing, and glanced at Gilgamesh. Exdeath followed his gaze to the mercenary, who was still reluctant to look up. "Well…?" the evil lord asked.

"It was dark…" Gilgamesh began…

"Gilgamesh…" Exdeath said, more sternly now.

"Well it's not my fault! Who leaves a big mirror in the middle of the kitchen anyway!?" the mercenary cried.

Exdeath frowned, "It was in the mirror room, like it always is…" he pointed out.

Gilgamesh tilted his head slightly, "Then how come there was a pantry in there…" he asked in wonder.

Exdeath stomped his foot, "That was a supply closet!" he exclaimed.

"I thought those snacks tasted kind of funny..."

"GILGAMESH!"

Finally, after several minutes of yelling, and much enjoyment on Garlyle's part, the demon pointed out that the mirror could still be used in its condition. "It picture will be a little fuzzy… But it should serve." He warned.

Exdeath nodded, and gestured to the three unconscious beings lying in the cell behind him. "Focus it on the three of them. That should get Galuf's attention… Ha ha…" the evil lord explained, before moving into one of his trademark evil laughs.

Gilgamesh rolled his eyes. That evil laugh was so last week. What was that one fellow's name? Kefka, yeah, now HE had an evil laugh. "Gilgamesh!" Exdeath called, snapping the mercenary from his thoughts.

"Sir?"

"Watch the three of them, and do NOT let them escape." He warned.

Gilgamesh nodded, Exdeath went on, "That means no taunting them, no challenging them, no talking to them period."

Gilgamesh looked hesitant for a moment, "What about…"

"No."

With Exdeath, Garlyle, and the mirror cleared from the room, Gilgamesh slumped against the wall next to the cell. Why did he have to get stuck on guard duty? After all, why couldn't that snob Garlyle do this crappy job? It wasn't as if Gilgamesh had nothing better to do. After all, he WAS a great warrior. There were always big battles to be fought by people like him, right? That's what the pamphlet said anyway. He once again cursed the fact that he'd based his career choice off a paper that came in the mail next to "Scratch here and you could win big!" … He still wondered how he ended up owing money to that lotto scratch card. Stupid financial loop holes. A pebble rolled into view, causing the mercenary to look up, he saw no one else… At least, not at first. Against the back wall, a shadow moved unnaturally, almost as if someone was trying to… Yes! Someone was trying to sneak in! Grasping his spear, Gilgamesh leapt to his feet in time to see the intruder run around the corner, sword drawn.

"Why if it isn't lord Galuf…" the mercenary greeted, rather cockily, as his spearhead clashed against the steel of his foes sword.

"I'm here for my friends. Stand aside." The aged man commanded.

Gilgamesh grinned, and spun his spear about, turning and moving in sync with the maneuver. By the time Galuf had swiped out with his sword, Gilgamesh's spear was ready to absorb the blow. The two broke off from one another, standing a good few feet apart. Galuf charged forward, and brought down his sword in an arc. Gilgamesh raised his spear to block and… CRACK! The shaft of the spear split in two, and the steel blade cut through it. Gilgamesh fell backwards onto the floor, and looked at the two pieces of his weapon in his hands. "No, no, no! That's not fair! I was supposed to win this time!" he cried.

Galuf, who had come to stand over him, stuck his sword into the ground beside him and pulled a book from behind him, seemingly out of thin air. "No… Says here you're supposed to lose. Then I rescue my friends, and we waltz out the front door." He explained.

Gilgamesh dropped the spear pieces and snatched up the book, he read over what Galuf had pointed out, "You're right… Well that doesn't make a whole lot of sense…" he muttered.

His opponent shrugged, took back the book and set to work unlocking the cell. "What can you do? Can't argue with the script." He point out, causing Gilgamesh to nod slowly.

Galuf had a point…

… Stupid script.