First, I would like to apologize if there are some errors of language. I'm French and this fic was originally in french. I've spent a long time to translate it with a dictionnary and I'm afraid that it's still not perfect. !

The story is setting during The Last Live, just after Yoshiki's solo drums.

Yoshiki :

I'm aching all over, I feel dizzy and I've a lump in my throat…Broken down behind my drums, I can hardly hear the audience's screaming. Doctors keep telling me that I should stop to play so violently but I don't care. I need too much these moments of outbursting when I pour out everything until my body gives out. And I need it more than ever tonight.

While I was playing, my drums were rising up in the airs, turning slowly on their base. They had moving forward, above the crowd before coming down several meters in front of the scene.

I've my back to the public and I'm facing the stage which is still plunged in darkness. I should go back now but my legs are shaky and I can't stand up. My hair are dripping with sweat and water. I'm staying sat down on the stairs, sodden with tiredness and pain at the idea that all is soon over.

Suddenly, Toshi's voice goes up, drowning the clamours. He's just lighted by a white spot and he's singing the first verse of Forever Love a capela. I think he's looking at me…His voice is so beautiful…It's one of the reason which makes me think that I was right to insist for having him with me in this adventure.

I feel like crying To-chan. Is it really the end ?

Toshi :

He's suffering. I see it. I could guess it through the fury of his playing. Yoshiki, my long-time friend, the one who knows me better than anyone else….if only you knew how much I'm sorry to cause you such a pain. X-Japan is your life, I know it. When you convinced me to give up my studies to follow you, you believed that the passion of music would take me as it had already taken you. Sure, I loved all these years spended with you, Taiji, hide, Pata and Heath. I'll keep our moments forever in my heart. But, I can't pretend any more. I'm not a rock-star and I'll never be. I'm not like you my friend. If this life has been good for you, I've worn myself out with it. I'm fed up with promotions, tours, interviews, rehearsals, all this infernal rythm that I can't manage and which swallows up me. Forgive me. Despite of all, I'm still Toshimitsu, the one who longed to become a doctor and dreamed of a peaceful life. I would like to shop to the conbini whithout stiring up all the whole neighbourhood. You've offered me a too big present Yoshiki.

Moreover, I've doubly desappointed you, haven't I ? Not only, I've broken your dream but I think I've broken your heart too. I keep thinking of this day when you craked and confessed me that you loved me. Would you believe me if I'd tell you that it was very difficult for me to hurt you one more time? I'm a married man and you' ll never be nothing else that my best friend. I don't have it easy. All I can do now, it's singing tonight better than ever.

Yoshiki :

I must get up before starting to cry. It seems Toshi is singing with his soul. So wonderful…. He's always told me that this song is the best I've ever written. I think it's rather the way he's singing it which makes it beautiful. He's leaning over me as if he's wanting me to come…

I stand up and walk toward him. I've the impression I have a thousand miles to roam and I'm afraid to collapse. But his voice is guiding me. My pain is almost unbearable. I don't want everything to stop ! No ! What am I going to do without X ? Without you Toshi? I'm sure that the best part of my life is ending and that all the rest will be only greyness. As when I was a kid, the futur is scaring me. Toshi, tell me it will be alright !

Toshi :

When I see his eyes sparkling with grief, my voice is breaking up and I hugge him in my arms as hard as I can. I feel he's exhausted and shattered. I've a hell of a job to retain my tears. Suddenly, I'm doubtful; am I right or not? Yoshiki is gripping at me:

- Toshi…

- I know…gomen Yo-chan, gomen…

He pulls back, taking a long breath. We can't crack up now because we have a concert to finish. But I'll have many things to tell him later. He holds my hand a last time then he goes to sit on his piano to continue Forever Love.

Yoshiki:

Going on this song is a real nightmare. Toshi's voice is filled with sobs and my heart is so heavy that I can't help dissolving in tears on my keyboard. I managed I-don't-know-how to find a rest of strenght to finish. At the last key, I look at Toshi and see he's fallen on his knees. In the first row, several fans have buried their faces in their handkerchiefs. I leave my seat and go to hide who is waiting quietly near his guitar. He smiles at me although his cheeks are wet by tears. He's the only one who knows my love for Toshi. He's like my little brother and I trust him blindly. He's crying the end of our dream too.

He points at Toshi with a look meaning " Go to see him and tell him everything !". I shake my head:

- Not now. Are you okay ?

- Daijobu, he replies softly.

- Come on, let's have a break.

It wasn't planned but we all need a little rest. Pata and Heath seem less upset than us but I know they interiorize a lot.

All five, we don't talk only echange some silent comforting glances before we retire our separate ways. I guess Pata is going to drink a glass of Jack Daniels, that Heath is going to smoke and that hide is going to change and make his best to come back with all his usual good mood.

In my dressing room, I wet my face with cool water. I'm trying to recover a bit of sereinity when somebody knocks on my door. It's Toshi. I pretend to search something in my bag to avoid his eyes.

- Am I disturbing you?

- No, get in…

I wonder why he's come.

- Do you want to tell me something?

- I just want….to talk. I'd like to know what will you do after X ?

I stop but I remain back to him:

- I don't know…I've just thought about a thing but…I have to discuss it with hide first. We could try to reform the band when we'll found a new vocalist as good as you.

I look at him because I'm curious to see how he takes the thing. But he has a sweet smile:

- It would be great. I'm sure know that you won't give up the music.

- Do you really believe I can live without music? But no matter what I will do, it will never be as great as with you.

His smile vanishes. I don't want him to think I'm angry. I don't forget he's given me 15 years of his life in the name of our friendship. Though the best is behind us. We'll never share any more that moments of complicity I liked so much. Now, there is his wife. She's stucked at him and she detests the band.

Toshi is bitting his lips in an embarrassed way.

- Yoshiki...were you serious last time? Do you really love me?

You wish I don't, do you Toshi? Sorry, I won't give you that relief.

I plant my eyes into his:

- Aishiteru Toshi.

He looks sad and he says:

- But why? You knew that…

- That I had no chance? Yes, but these feelings are not under control.

- You've been so hurt yet because of love…

I force myself to laugh:

- Oh yes ! It has come off some beautiful songs ne?

- I don't like when you become cynical…

Why do I react like this ? Maybe to prevent me for craking up. The truth is that I am bursting with love for him in vain. But it's not his fault and he mustn't feel guilty.

- Don't worry for me…I'll be right…

He doesn't look reassured. Am I such a bad actor?

- If only I could do something for you…

Two words bursts out my mouth:

- Kiss me.

He stares at me without a move. I should be ashamed but I'm not. It's really what I desire the most. I catch him by his arm :

- Kiss me Toshi ! Juste one time. Then I swear I'll stop bothering you ! I'll never talk you about my feelings any more and I'll never disturbed your marriage. I'll keep in the background, I promise !

- Yo-chan…if I do that…You're going to suffer more again.

- I don't care ! I scream twisting up his shirt's sleeve. Give me just this of you, please…

I'm so scared he'd go away. Maybe I'm disgusting him. Am I going to loose his friendship too? I even daren't to look at him but I'm still holding his arm.

Suddenly, he puts softly his forehead on mine. I close my eyes. He's trembling like me. Next, he takes my head between his hands and caresses me with his thumbs. The sensation f his breathe on my skin makes me shudder. He's so gentle…I want his mouth, I search for it. At least, he raises my face a little and puts his lips on mine. God…it's beyond everything. His mouth are warm and sweet. I think I'm going to fall..My body and my heart break off when he deppens the kiss by slipping his tongue to meet mine. I embrace him and suggle up to his body. I bury my fingers in his silky black hair. I feel like to cry, to scream until my voice breaks up that I LOVE HIM. Toshi !!

I don't know how much time is passed. I find myself being soothed in his arms. He has his cheek on the the top of my head. I realize my tears are flowing without restraint. Toshi murmures:

- It will be okay Yo-chan…I promise you. we'll always be friends, I'll be there for you as before.

I don't reply and snuggle up in the heat of his body. I know perfectly that such moment will never happen again. It's like…a last present. Our ultimate intimacy.

- Arigato To-chan…

- It would be me to thank you for the last 15 years.

While I stop crying, I feel a new courage rising in me. And it's good for hide calls outside:

- Yoshi ! Toshi ! It's time to go guys ! The live is not ended !

- Coming ! I shout.

Toshi is surprised:

- How did he know that I was here ?

I smile:

- I' ve told him everything.He has promised to keep the secret. And since he's not stupid, he's probably guessed that we'll meet during the break !

He looks at me with big eyes :

- You're lucky your make-up is waterproof !

We start to lauph. I feel better thanks to him.

- Come on. We have to back on stage.

I take a long leather coat then we go out for joining the others. hide is clowning around Pata and Heath to cheer the atmosphere up.

- Let's go dudes ! he says. We're off for some extra tears.

As the leader, I give some instructions about the following. When we return on stage, I glance at Toshi and we smile. I begin to believe that the futur won't be as dark as I feared. Who knows? I've got a life to live.But first, we have to close the story of X-Japan.

THE END.