Disclaimer: I don't own YGO. However, if you keep badgering me on the subject, I will come through this screen and own your ass. Got it, lawyers and suing-suey people?!

Author's Note: OMFG! I've made it to the tenth round of Compy's YGO Fan fiction Contest! I'm one of the final three! (squeals) This is so pwnsome!

The pairing for this one-shot is Fragileshipping or Ryou Bakura x Yami Yugi. Seemingly easy, surprisingly not. But such an awesome pairing. I love it now—it is officially one of my favs.

I hope you enjoy my Ryou x Yami one-shot (with some added Seto x Bakura yummies)!

#2 Author's Note: Thoughts are in italics. And Little Kuriboh is God. Those are the two main facts of life.

When Pharaohs and Kinky Thoughts Collide

By: Angel's Nocturne

Yami had known all along that this was the way things were meant to be. It was the ultimate natural order of the world—it followed the rules that guided animals to mate, for birds to fly, for things that go up to come back down, for Joey to have the mental capacity of a millipede…. It was the natural way of things….

But … he sighed. Well, it wasn't like he despised being on top all the time. It had just become monotonous. He wanted a little spice—a little bit of experimenting and a change of pace.

He wanted Ryou to gets some balls, Ra-damnit!

Was that too much to ask for?

Yami traced designs into the bed sheets with his finger. Surely he, the once-great Pharaoh of Egypt, could find a way to influence his boyfriend to get some backbone and finally hold his own in bed! Now, Yami wasn't complaining at first—it was almost, pleasurable, to have a lover who was obedient and willing to do whatever he asked, play whatever "games" he chose. He loved the way Ryou was so innocent and fragile—it was like a challenge to the strong and insistent Game King. Do not break the glass angel.

And so he didn't… a challenge well met, and successfully detoured.

But now… Yami had grown bored of not breaking the angel. It was the same old game, over and over again… one that he had grown very tired of. It was just like one of those modern hand-held games that Yugi had—once he had defeated it, he was onto the next game, ready for the next new test. Yami felt like Yugi did when he didn't have enough money for a new game… waiting, desperately, reluctantly playing the old one with the hope of finding something he missed the last 300 times he's played it.

…oh Ra and Osiris! Why must I be tortured so?

There was no doubt that he loved Ryou. The little hikari was so beautiful to look upon; fragile like a porcelain doll, delicate as a moonflower. His disposition was so much like Yugi's, but there was a deep innocence, a purity, that drew Yami towards him. While Yugi shown like a blazing sun, Ryou was the pale radiance of the moon… pure and full of light, but in such a way that the slightest touch could shatter him. He was… precious… in that manner. It made him, in a way, forbidden, and it was the allure of a challenge that lit Yami's desire.

Now, if only he could find what lit Ryou's desire… if only he could give the boy some of his vigor and aggression! Then he could have some fun again!

Yami flushed a light pink at the thought. Oh Ra, I am so selfish… bad Yami! Bad! He paused in his thoughts, gnawing on his lower lip as he eyed the door to the hallway of Ryou's apartment. Hmm… where did Ryou go, anyways? Did he not say he would be back in a few moments? Yami flopped back on Ryou's bed, curling up in the white cotton sheets as he watched the door mindfully. Oh well. Perhaps Bakura returned and he was forced to confront him. No doubt the damned Tomb Robber is complaining about my presence!

He snorted at the idea. And to think, he is not much better in any case—not when he keeps bringing Kaiba over all the time. I swear to the Gods, if they could for ONCE just stay at Kaiba's mansion! … Osiris only knows Seto has enough rooms to keep them pre-occupied for a while… and enough shiny objects to keep the "Thief King" amused….

It was true, as strange as it all seemed. Why Kaiba had taken a liking to the King of Thieves was beyond Yami's comprehension but, lo and behold, it happened. Maybe it was because they both despised him… he wouldn't but it past them to find love in their hatred for him.

What was that old saying? "The enemy of my enemy is my friend"?

Apparently he's also his bitch.

Yami rolled over, bored now of the door and bland white walls, instead contenting himself with the window with it sheer curtains and the grey sky beyond it. Tree branches laced with snow from last night's flurry fest remained, as a pair of Blue Jay birds landed upon the bare perches and cawed towards the heavens. Yami's crimson eyes watched them with no particular concern.

Maybe he would have been interested if the birds were doing it…. He smacked his face with the palm of his hand.

Oh Gods, this is pathetic… I'm turning into a hornball like Marik. He imagined Marik's psychopathic grin, with his lilac orbs eyeing him up, unsure whether he wanted to screw him or eat him… he shuddered, sticking out his tongue. Okay, I am NOT that bad… I hope….

"Shivering, are you? My, I hope you're not too cold…."

Yami jumped at the sound of Ryou's voice. It had been quiet for so long that even the hikari's meek tone echoed in his ears.

"Oh, Ryou!" Yami exclaimed, waiting for his heart to return to a normal pulse. He whirled around on the bed, turning to see his little koi. "It is only you! I was starting to think you—"

His amethyst eyes fell on the angel standing in the doorway… who didn't look very angelic at all. His voice breathed out the rest of his sentence but his eyes dilated, taking it all in.

"… had… left me…or something…."

A chuckle of an amused nature escaped Ryou's soft, pale lips. "Left you? Now why would I do that? Especially since you look so chilled—I suppose I ought to… heat things up a bit…."

The hikari sauntered into the room, swaggering his hips so that the many, many chains that hung from him jingled with his movements. Yami stared at him—was Ryou covered in… black leather? So it seemed, in the light of the mid-winter gloom… tight leather pants hugged his lithe form, while a skimpy silk black tank-top covered his snow-white torso. The former Pharaoh saw what looked like slightly defined abs, and his koi's once thin and lanky arms now possessed the soft curves of muscle. They were bare for him to see, adored only with gold bands like the ones he liked to wear.

Yami knew his mouth was hanging open, but he couldn't find the motor skills to close it.

His first thought: Where on Ra's green earth did Ryou get those ABS??

Next thought: … hell, where can I get abs like that?

He shook away the evil thoughts, watching the hikari draw closer… and closer….

"Umm—uh—urm—ah—Ry-Ryou—"

"Yes, my Pharaoh?" Ryou cooed seductively. He looked down at Yami, his doe brown eyes filled with something like… was it lust?

Yami gulped, trying to whet his now parched throat.

"I—I—what did you—what are you—?"

"Doing?" Ryou answered, his normally docile and timid voice replaced now by a sultry tone the likes of which Yami had never heard come from his Ryou. "I'm just trying to warm things up a bit… if you don't mind…." The boy ambled to the bed, from which Yami had finally drawn upon the use of physical movement and brought himself up to a sitting position—his eyes never left the teen, however, as the youth slithered close, his hands now mingling with the pure white sheets.

Yami felt his temperature rise as Ryou's lustful gaze linked with his, as he started to crawl in a slow and (for Yami) agonizing way towards him. He felt his chest rising and falling faster, and faster… he was starting to breathe heavy, for the air was suddenly so full of tension.

No… it was a good tension. It was the tension that he always wished he could be on the receiving end of. It was the tension of want….

A wanting for him….

A dark red blush engulfed his cheeks as he felt his heart thump in his temples. Well, this as certainly new…!

"Ryou," he breathed, "when… when did this happen?"

The other cocked an eyebrow curiously, his face for once resembling the innocent Ryou Yami thought he knew. Then the dark aura of desire swathed his eyes again, as he licked his pale lips playfully.

"When did what happen?" he asked, trying to sound like the epitome of innocence. He flashed Yami a long, amused grin, which made the other's skin prickle as if cold, despite the waves of fire that washed over him. Then he gestured to his clothing, slowly caressing one of the chain links attached to his belt. "Oh, this…?"

"Yes…," Yami whispered distantly, watching Ryou caress the chain with such a feather-like stroke that he felt his skin tingle with excitement. "This… change…."

"Well, let's just say I was getting rather bored of the same bloody routine. And I know you were as well…." Suddenly Ryou was leaning up into his gaze, his breath warm upon Yami's face as he interrupted the former Pharaoh's half-hearted start of a protest, "Now, now, don't be so modest. I could sense you growing weary of our… boundaries. So… let us expand upon them, shall we?"

Before Yami could even develop a thought beyond what the thing between his legs was insisting, Ryou had captured his lips in a rough kiss, pushing him down into the sheets as his slender, pale hands ran over his bare chest and back, making him gasp and grant entry to his so-called "angel". He felt Ryou straddle his hips, but the thought merely lingered in the back of his mind as his senses became enflamed with the wondrous feel and taste of his lover's mouth.

Inside his conscious, the battle had already ensued… as desiring (or in Marik's terms "horny") as the former Pharaoh was, the goody-two-shoes within said that this was WRONG. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, on SOOO many levels that it wasn't even funny. Something was not right with the universe.

His proof? Ryou dressed in leather and chains, coming onto him like Marik did to random people on the streets (Yami could easily testify… NOT something you wanted to see)… sure, this was what he wanted, but was it REALLY what he wanted? Was it just one of those dreams that could never be true in reality?

What in Ra's name do I do? Yami thought, the logical part of his mind still functioning despite the fact that Ryou's "enthusiastic" hands were now trailing down to his thighs. His moans were cut off by the delicious pair of lips that he couldn't seem to get enough of. Oh Gods, how do I decide?

Suddenly two mental chibis appeared in his thoughts. Both were mini versions of himself—one he recognized as the angelic, goody-two-shoes version of himself, and the other was the shadow-obsessed, sex-crazed devil.

Oh, this would solve his problems…uh-huh.

"What should I do?" Yami asked the two chibis.

The devil bounced up and down, obviously high on something. "SCREW HIM! SCREW HIM!" His voice sounded like he'd been sucking on helium balloons…

…AGAIN….

That was typical for an answer. Yami nodded and looked at the angel. "And you…?"

The angel showed a shy smile, giving him reassuring chibi puppy eyes of innocence, and then….

"HEHE! YEAH! SCREW HIM, SCREW HIM!"

"…."

Yami looked as if he should have been surprised… maybe even just a little dumbfounded. After all, wasn't he supposed to be the goody-goody of justice and light or something like that? Did his good side REALLY insist upon this immoral act?

Yami shrugged. "Well, that's two out of two, I guess." He grinned devilishly at the chibis. "Okay! Time to go screw!"

"YAY!" they cheered in unison. "Save some for me, YOU SEX FIEND!" the devil added.

"No. Go find your own toy."

"Aww, dude!" the devil groaned. Then he eyed the angel. "Hee hee hee…."

00

Okay… anyways… after his disturbing mental episode Yami returned in full to the pleasant "interaction" that he had taking place. Hmm… maybe having Ryou be more aggressive WAS a good idea, Yami thought with satisfaction as he let the white-haired youth remove his lips from his, letting his teeth run over the sensitive area around Yami's neck and bare shoulder. The sensation of warm lips on his slightly hot skin made Yami shudder with encouragement, his mind contemplating if this was what Ryou felt when he was in this position.

In some remote part of his brain the song "Bad Touch" by the Blood Hound Gang suddenly came to mind… Yami grinned deviously.

Ryou looked down at the Pharaoh, his eyes half-lidded with amusement as he breathed a little heavily. "What hangs on your mind? Am I not tempting you enough to encompass your every thought?" He leaned over, his lips brushing past Yami's earlobe as he hissed invitingly, "I'll just have to change that, now won't I?" He proceeded to nibble on the former king's ear, causing the spirit to stifle the impulse to moan.

Oh, whatever Gods brought about this change, bless thee!

"Umm, uh, y-yes, you really should d-DO, that…."

"Hmmm," Ryou hummed into his ear. He nibbled on it some more before adding, "Would you like to hear an important lesson I learned recently?"

If it has anything to do with what you're doing now, then yes by all means, SAY IT!

"S-Sure… anything…."

Yami could sense Ryou smirking as he chuckled. "Well, here's something you should ponder on more often, my Pharaoh…." The tone in Ryou's voice changed—it became darker, and the desire soon fell into something more… sinister. "If a dream is too good to be true…then believe me, it probably isn't… as true as you would like to believe…."

Soft locks of ivory sharpened and flew wildly—muscles became more defined and sculpted—the delightful chuckles of before now mulled into evil, hideous cackles of amusement—

Yami's eyes widened. This was not his Ryou.

"What the—?"

The room was suddenly dark, a mist filling it that seemed like the Shadow Realm. The form Yami had on top of him cackled, slowly pulling his face back up to where Yami could see it….

Bakura grinned at his stunned expression. "Why, hello Pharaoh…."

The Tomb Robber slid his hand down Yami's pants….

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Yami kept screaming—

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

… and screaming—

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

… and screaming, until he finally realized that for some reason, the room was WAY too quiet….

Yami unscrewed his shut eyes, thinking he would see Bakura watching him with torturing amusement—instead, however….

"Mr. Mutou," his geometry teacher hissed from where she stood by the blackboard, "if you're going to fall asleep in the middle of my class and scream like a banshee when you awaken, then I can gladly send you to the guidance office for a few hours, if you like."

The majority of the class giggled, watching him. Yami stared, looking around the classroom—so, he accidentally took a nap in class? It had all been a bad dream?

"Well, Mr. Mutou?" his teacher snapped curtly.

"My… apologies, Mrs. Amano," Yami said quietly, trying to hold off the flush of embarrassment creeping up on him.

Mrs. Amano nodded. "Very well—I'll let you slide, since it's your first offense. But don't let me catch you doing it again."

"Yes ma'am."

In the silence of the classroom, Yami thought he heard a familiar chuckle. Glancing a few rows away, he caught the gaze of Bakura, as the white-haired thief waved to him teasingly from his desk. Yami swallowed, trying to keep the bile from reaching his mouth.

Never again… Yami thought, his face turning green as he recalled how "Ryou" ran his tongue all over his skin and nibbled on his ear. Never again. Never, never, never, never, NEVER….

He rubbed his temples, trying to undo everything he just dreamt about. Oh Gods, the world is now going to end….

I just dreamt of making out with Bakura!

It took all he had not to start screaming all over again.

When the class bell finally rang, Yami was the first one out of the room, pushing past everyone so as to get some fresh air. He stumbled out, gasping for breath people walked past him, trying to get to their lockers.

At least class was over… anything to get away from Bakura, anything to stop the sick, sick memories from flashing through his mind!

Just the feeling of the tomb robber's gaze on his back made his skin crawl, but not in a disgusted way… Yami stood up, feeling the bile rise up again.

So, without further ado, he walked right over to a row of unattended lockers and promptly began to bang his head against them.

Never—bang!—never—bang!—never—bang!—never—bang!—never—bang!—NEVER AGAIN!—BANG BANG BANG!— I will never sleep again!

He would have continued, hoping a concussion might remove the images from his mind once and for all, until a small tap on his shoulder detoured his attention.

"Yami? What are you bloody doing—?"

"RYOU!!!" Yami turned suddenly, his face a lit with an overly-grateful smile. His eyes filled with tears. "RY-RY! MY LOVE!"

"Yami?" Ryou exclaimed, somewhat frightened at the hungry look Yami was giving him… it reminded him of how Malik stared at bacon. "Are you okay? You're not coming down with something, are you?"

To the British boy's surprise, Yami glomped him, nearly squeezing the life out of his thin, fragile form.

"Y-Yami… y-you're choking m-me…!"

"Oh RYOU! I'm just fine now!" Yami said gleefully.

"Uhh… b-but I'm b-bloody not…!"

"I'll never let you change, Ryou! You're absolutely perfect—just the way you are! I'll always be on top, I promise!"

Everyone in the hallway turned to stare. Ryou's pale face turned a deadly shade of crimson… either from embarrassment, or lack of oxygen.

"Y-Yami… I c-can't… breathe…Goddamnit…!" Stop bloody HUGGING me already!

But Yami didn't, and as the molestation continued Bakura and Kaiba watched quietly from the end of the hall, their sharp eyes content with the strange sight that left everyone else befuddled and bemused.

"I think I did a pretty damn good job," Bakura commented as Seto studied the two youths with intrigue. He glanced down at Bakura as the thief crossed his arms over his chest, looking smug.

"Oh really, now?"

Bakura smirked. "Well of course. Did you see the way that royal pain-in-the-arse was looking at me after that? I swear, the way his eyes kept bulging out he must have pissed his pants at least once!" Bakura cackled to himself, amused.

Seto rolled his eyes. His boyfriend could be so evil sometimes. "Well, I doubt I'll be the last one to tell you this, Kura, but maybe you should return that key thing to Mr. Turban or whatever."

"Not a chance." Bakura caught Seto's judging gaze bearing down on him. "Oh, alright, he'll get it back… someday." Bakura fingered the Millennium Key, which he held around his neck beside his Ring. "But for now I want to have some fun with Shadi's little toy."

"Don't you think he'll be a little pissed off once he gets out of the janitor's closet?" Seto mocked, waiting for his koi's response.

Bakura shrugged. "Perhaps, but it can't be helped. He would never have let me borrow the Key if it involved screwing around with the Pharaoh's head. He needed that, though—at least now he'll stop wishing that my hikari would take the lead in bed."

"I'm still surprised you even know that much," Seto remarked. "Even Ryou appears clueless."

"Ahh, but that is the beauty of the Millennium Eye." Bakura pulled it out of his pocket, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"… Not going to give that back to Pegasus, are you?"

"Oh, you know me so well."

Seto ran his fingers through his chestnut locks, sighing. "Well, then, that should be the end of that."

"For now."

"…I'd hate to be Yami right now."

Bakura snorted. "I'd hate to be him all the time."

Seto shook his head, a small smirk on his lips. He turned on his heel, heading down the opposite hallway.

"Hey!" Seto turned as Bakura yelled to him. The thief gestured to the Millennium Eye. "Don't you want to know what you're thinking about this minute?"

Seto cocked an eyebrow. "Kura, I believe I know what I'm thinking about."

"Then do you want to know what I know you're thinking about?"

Seto was about to argue that with the Eye in his possession it would be unnecessary and foolish, but he bit back the thought. "Fine. What am I thinking about?"

Bakura grinned, obviously happy that his normally aloof boyfriend was willing to play. He waved his free hand over the golden Eye and made creepy wailing noises… Seto was about to turn back down the hall when Bakura finally gasped.

"A-ha!"

"What?"

"You are thinking about… going into the science lab with me and making out on top of the teacher's desk!"

"…." Seto coughed to clear his throat (and stop from smirking). "Actually, I was thinking about going to lunch and making fun of whatever Jonouchi was doing. But…" he snickered, "those thoughts sound just as entertaining."

Bakura grinned, wrapping his arm around Seto's waist. "Ah, I knew you'd see things your way."

And so the psychopath and the billionaire sauntered quickly to the science wing of the school, leaving Ryou at the mercy of an over-exuberant, renewed Pharaoh.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you JUST the way you are…!" (giant squeeze)

"Y-Yami…?"

"My little angel, yes you are! YES YOU ARE!"

"… still can't breathe…."

"What was that? Speak, innocent one, SPEAK!"

"…."

"… Ryou?"

The End

"… Ry-Ry…?"

---

Author's Note: Okay, that one was just completely random with no real point. The plot bunny came, went, and came back again, so… yeah. It was just weird.

Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading! (points to review button) PLEASE??