Chapter 12

A week without Kyle, - pure torture. I hated sleeping alone. And what made it all worse was the fact that Kyle was visiting a place where he was going to be spending the next four years, without me.

Kyle called me before he was supposed to come home, since his parents decided that they were going to go to New York for a month. Great.

'So you aren't coming home first?' I asked over the phone.

'No…I'm sorry…'

'You're coming back before you go away to College, right?'

'I think so.'

'I hope so.'

'Yeah…'

'I miss you.'

'Miss you, too.'

'Love you.'

'I love you, too.'

Kyle did have a couple days home before he went to College for good. Unfortunately, I had to get packing off to UD around that same time. So he came over to help me clean out my room a couple times during the week.

'When do you go to Denver?' Kyle asked me.

I opened up my top dresser drawer and looked at all the crap in it.

'I start driving early Sunday.'

'Woow…you have some work to do! That's not much time.'

Kyle popped up behind me and put his head on my shoulder.

'You have so much crap in there.' he said, looking into my dresser.

'Yeah, I know…'

'An asthma inhaler? Do you have asthma?!' Kyle asked in surprise when he saw the device tucked back behind a bunch of papers that I threw into the garbage.

'Yeah. Well, I mean, I got over it sorta.' I shrugged.

'For real!?'

'Yeah, I thought you knew.'

'I had no idea.' Kyle's hands pushed through the rest of my belongings; assorted pens and pencils, scrap paper, lighters, small books and other little things that I didn't want to get rid of.

'What's this?' He enquired over a small locked box.

'Oh, dang.' A familiar box that I had used often when I was a little bit younger. 'It doesn't actually lock.' I said, flicking the fake lock to the side and opening the worn out lid. It was a good couple handfuls of cigarette butts, burnt to the very core of the filter.

'What the--' Kyle blurted.

'Before I turned eighteen, slash before my parents really knew I smoked. I'd do it in the bathroom with the fan on, or out my window, but I was afraid the toilet would clog up or something…So I just threw them into this box.'

'Holy shit, dude. You smoked a lot.'

'Not really.' I said, shrugging.

'But this is like, a hundred butts.'

'Yeah so? I started when I was fourteen.'

Kyle looked a little shocked, and slightly disappointed.

'Fourteen? I thought like…sixteen…'

'No, fourteen. I just didn't tell anybody.'

'Why?'

'Because it's really, really young.'

'No, I mean, why did you start at fourteen?'

'Dunno, really.' I put my arm around his waist and pulled him to my side. 'Does it really bother you that much?'

'No…' Kyle said, looking down. 'I mean, no not exactly…'

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you.' I kissed his cheek.

'It's not that you didn't tell me, I don't care about that. I just worry for your health. So do your parents know now?'

'Well of course by now they do. They found out when I was sixteen.' I started to remember it all too well just then…

'Stanley, we're home.' I heard my mom call up the stairs. I was sitting on the toilet, fully dressed, with a Camel in the side of my mouth. I was reading Hamlet for English class, and figured that it was just too boring without a smoke.

'Whaa--already?!' I called out in distress. I quickly put the cigarette out on the side of the sink and, utterly flustered, threw the butt out the bathroom window. I turned on the fan, flushed the empty toilet and left the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

'Yeah, sorry,' my dad said. He walked over close to me and said quietly, 'I got your mom a little angry, so, yeah…'

'Oohh, okay.' I said, feeling a trace of what may have been sweat start around my hairline.

I tried to act natural and went back into my room, but soon enough my mom came upstairs and into the bathroom. I locked my jaw tightly, afraid.

'Stanley, do you know what's on the sink in here?' She asked. My heart jumped and I felt nauseas.

'No, I don't. What's it…look like?' I asked nervously.

'I'm, not quite sure. It looks sort of like…'

Bang.

'Stanley, were you smoking in here?!?' She asked, anger rising in her voice. Storming out of the bathroom, she came to my bedroom door with her hands on her hips and stared at me. 'Were you smoking in the bathroom!?' She repeated. I didn't say anything.

'Stan, answer me! Were you smoking in there?'

I shuddered at the memory.

'You alright, honey?' Kyle asked, staring at me. I flew back into the present.

'Oh, yeah. Fine. Just…yeah.'

'What's in here?' His attention quickly shifted gears, and he picked up a little book-like photo album.

'Just old pictures.'

'Yeah, how old?'

'It differs.'

Kyle started to page through them slowly. Wendy, Kyle, me and Kyle, Kenny,…

'Wow…' Kyle said quietly. 'Pretty extensive. A lot of pictures of me and you in here.'

I nodded. 'Yeah. But you're always so nice to look at.'

He kissed me on the cheek and smiled.

'Thank you, you too.'

'Put the album in that box over there will you?' I asked him.

'Yeah.' He did so, then came back and put his arms around my upper waist. 'So if you have, or had asthma, why did you start smoking? That can't be good for it.'

'No, and it wasn't…Isn't.' I said. 'For a while my asthma got worse. That's why I had so many sick days in freshman and sophomore year that I didn't explain to anybody.'

'Jeez…All because of smoking?'

'Sorta.'

'I wish you'd stop…'

'Sorry.'

I threw away a bunch of stuff, and put the rest that was in the drawer into a box.

'Well that's pretty much done. I suppose I don't need all of my clothes, right?'

'Depends.' Kyle said, sounding distracted.

'Are you still bothered by my smoking?'

'It's always going to bother me.'

'I'm sorry…' I put my hand on his back and stroked his neck with my fingertips. 'I'd really not like to stop though.'

'You don't have to. I know you like it.'

'I'm sorry.' I said again.

The next day we found it fair for me to come over and help Kyle get some of his packing done. We didn't really seem to be getting anything done though, since Kyle had an overbearing feeling of depression looming over him.

'What's wrong with you?' I asked him. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, propping his chin up with his palms.

'I don't want to go to College.' He said sadly.

'Don't want to? Well why not?'

Kyle sighed and put his arms around me.

'I don't want to be away from you for that long.' He said. 'I'm afraid to be away from you.'

'You don't have to go to Perdue,' I suggested. 'You did get into UD. You can still go with me.'

'I don't want to go to Perdue. I never did.'

'Then why are you going?'

Kyle snuggled up closer to me. He rested his head against my chest and closed his eyes.

'My parents want me to go,' he told me. 'They don't want me going to UD. That was for incase I didn't get into Perdue.'

'What if you tell them you don't want to go to Perdue?'

'I don't think they'd be happy.'

'Maybe it's not about them being happy….' I said. Kyle looked up at me. His eyes were slightly red from the beginnings are tears.

'What do you mean?' he asked with a sniffle.

'Didn't your parents already go to College?'

'Yeah.'

'Then why are you going to College for them?'

Kyle didn't say anything for a while. Of course I was right; he was going to go to a college he didn't want to go to, all just because his parents wanted him to. Perhaps it was from a deep insecurity, where he was trying to latch onto his parents for help and guidance.

'Honey, come to UD with me…' I said gently.

'What will my parents think?'

I softly put my fingers over his lips.

'Don't worry about what your parents will think. Tell them that you're going to UD, they can't stop you, and if they don't like it, you can live with me.'

Kyle's eyes glistened up at me. His lips opened ever so gently, and he remained speechless for some time.

'Live with you?' he enquired after a while, batting his eyes slowly.

'Live with me, yeah.' I said. 'I'm not staying at a dorm in the University, you know.'

'You aren't?'

'No, I'm going to live in Denver. We have friends there that are renting rooms near UD. Luckily, my parents offered to pay for the room, as long as I don't ask for any money for groceries or anything.'

'I c-can…live w-with you?' Kyle asked again, smiling a little.

'Yeah…' I ran the back of my fingers down the side of his face, and he nuzzled against my hand. Kyle sat up into my lap, facing me, and snuggled against my neck.

'I can really move in with you?'

'Of course.'

Kyle told his parents. They weren't very happy with his decision, but he finally had balls enough to tell them that he was leaving. We immediately got our things packed, and were driving on our way to Denver within a couple days.

'Bye mom, I love you.'

My mom was far too over emotional about me leaving, and she wouldn't let go of me when I was leaving.

'Make sure you call when you get to Denver,' she said, starting to cry. 'A-a-and take care of yourself.'

'Mom, I'll be fine.' I said, patting her back. 'Don't worry.'

'Bye Stanley.' said my dad, standing by the front door.

'Bye.' I said to him, smiling and nodding back. 'Mom, I gotta go. Kyle's in the car, and we have to go.'

'Okay…Okay, good bye honey. I love you.' She finally let go and I got in my car.

'Bye.' I said.

Kyle waved and smiled to my parents as we drove off. We passed his house and he flipped it off.

'Feels good to finally be leaving, doesn't it?'

'Yeah…' he said with a content sigh. 'I just can't believe I'm gone. Just like that, we've moved out and are now on our own.'

'Yep.'

'I guess it's not too bad. At least not yet, it isn't.' Kyle yawned and sat back in the seat further.

'Well you don't have to drive.' I teased. He stuck his tongue out at me. 'Ooh, and what do you mean by that?'

'Shut up!'

I laughed.

We stopped at a red light, and I leaned across to middle seat to Kyle.

'Give us a kiss.' I said. He met my lips and locked on. His arms slipped around my shoulders, and we ended up getting so involved that the person behind us honked their god damned horn SO loud when the light was green for two seconds.