You're In My Thoughts Chapter 14, a csi: new york fanfic

Sunday passed in a blur of family and nerves. Lindsay grew increasingly withdrawn as the day progressed, dreading more and more what she'd have to do the next day. By the time evening came, she was holed up in her room, sitting on her bed with her back against the wall. Panda-rooney and her favourite pillow were held in the crushing grip of her arms and the rest of her stuffed animals were placed around her in a kind of surrounding fortification. When Erin came in, she was surprised to note that teddy bears could look kind of stern, given the proper lighting and circumstances.

Not saying a word, she carefully displaced Paddington, CheerBear, and a lime green iguana that had been won at a fair and subsequently christened, "Lucky." Snuggling up to her big sister, she wrapped her arms around her and cradled her head against her shoulder. Lindsay shook and sobbed against her sister's shoulder as Erin hushed her and crooned an old lullabye that their mother used to sing to them as children.

"Let it out, honey," she whispered, running a gentle hand up and down Lindsay's arm and back. "Let it all out."

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Sunday passed in a blur of work and exhaustion. Danny grew increasingly frustrated as the day progressed, wishing more and more that he could be there for Lindsay in her time of need. By the time evening came, he was alternately falling asleep at his desk or cursing inanimate objects for his own inability to operate them.

Finally giving up, he headed to the locker rooms in the hopes that a shower and a change of clothes might clear his head. He'd had no more than 4 hours of sleep in the past two or three nights, and it was definitely catching up to him. But with the team down a CSI because of Lindsay's trip to Montana, everyone had to step up. He was just stepping up more than most, was all.

Work kept him busy and stopped him from obsessing over not being in Montana. Well, it kept him busy anyway.

He swallowed a mouthful of water and spit it down the drain as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. But damn did his gut ever tell him that he should be in that courtroom for her. His gut and every other part of him. He should call her and see how she was doing.

It was as he was doing up the fly on his jeans that he noticed the message light flashing on his cell. He'd missed a call while he was in the shower. Punching in his PIN, he felt a stab in his gut as he heard the voice on the recording.

"Danny?" Lindsay sniffled. He could hear her trying to choke back her sobs. "I can't do it, Danny," she whimpered. "I can't sit there in that courtroom and face him." He clenched his fist over and over again as he listened to her break down and then try to regain control. "I'm so scared," she whispered in a voice that was so quiet he could barely hear it. He punched the locker in front of him, jaw contracting over and over again with the need to yell, but he couldn't say anything as long as he was listening to her cry. She was crying and he wasn't there for her. God fucking damnit, why hadn't he brought his phone into the shower room with him?

"Um. Hi? Uh, Danny?" a new voice took over. He could still hear Lindsay crying, but it was fainter now. Background noise. "This is Erin. I'm Lindsay's sister? Sorry to barge in like this, but… Well, she's…" he heard a particularly loud wail and then the sound of this new woman comforting his Lindsay. "I wanted to tell you that I'm taking care of her. She's not alone in this." He sat down on one of the benches. "We're all looking out for her." He stood up and started pacing back and forth. "Anyway, I'm going to put her to bed, now." He punched the locker again. Damnit, he wanted to talk to Lindsay! He was so frustrated, he barely heard her recite the phone number that he'd memorized as soon as he'd found it in the Montana state DMV records.

Hanging up, he abandoned all thoughts of sleep. He was too keyed up, now. He'd just go back to work.

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Monday morning dawned bleak and dreary. Lindsay raised her head from her pillow with a groan. Her head was pounding and her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Putting a hand to her face to wipe her eyes, she noticed that her cheeks were still sticky with dried tears. No doubt her eyes were puffy and red from crying. She rolled over and saw her sister sitting curled up in the corner of her bed between the headboard and the wall. Erin had stayed up half the night talking to her older sister and making sure that she was taken care of. Lindsay mentally thanked her as she gently pushed her to lie down in the bed and pulled a cover over her.

Steeling herself to face the day, Lindsay began to get ready.

Danny woke with a start, sitting straight up and immediately regretting it. Hadn't he just learned that sleeping at a desk was a painful, painful thing to do? What kind of an idiot was he, anyway? Moving more slowly now to ease the ache in his shoulders and lower back, he wiggled the mouse on his computer and glanced at the clock. Shit.

"Stella!" he called as he pushed his way groggily into her office. He leaned on the door for support and blinked a few more times to get his eyes to focus properly. Noticing that Stella was hanging up the phone, he apologized. "Oh, am I interruptin'?"

"Uh, no, no. I was uh… I uh… I was just talking to Lindsay," she awkwardly explained.

Fucking goddamned piece of shit-ass fucking luck that was. Why'd he have to fucking forward his phone to Stella's when he was working in the print lab, earlier? Why for fuck's sakes didn't he fucking put it fucking back when he got back to his fucking office?

Out loud, he merely crossed his arms in an appearance of casual interest. "Oh really?"

"Yeah," Stella replied, sighing and shaking her head. "She doesn't sound quite the same."

No fucking shit. She's just gonna go into a room with a psycho dickwad who offed half her friends and almost did her, too, is all. You weren't exactly sunshine and roses after that whole thing with Frankie, now were you? He made a noncommittal noise and frowned, closing his eyes and trying desperately to stay awake. He couldn't fall asleep, now. There was too much to do.

"She'll be alright," Stella reassured him, not really knowing what she was talking about. "Said to say hello."

Danny nodded, half-smiling at the idea. Even when she was in the middle of a fucking mental breakdown, Montana was still polite. Get a load of that, would ya?

Lindsay sat still in the front row of the courthouse. Her mother had given her a tissue earlier, in case she felt herself needing to cry again, and she'd been twisting it over and over in her hands so much that it was now a shredded mess. Helen looked over at her daughter's lap and patted the nervously fidgeting hands there. Taking the ruined tissue from her, she replaced it with a fresh one and gave her little girl a bracing smile.

"I'm so proud of you, Linny," she whispered, pulling her daughter close and kissing her forehead. "So, so proud."

Her father reached over from the other side and took her limp hand in his large, strong one. He didn't need to say a thing. He just let her take his strength into herself.

Danny pushed himself to work through the day, despite numerous people telling him to go home and sleep. If he went home, though, he knew that he'd just lay awake waiting for Lindsay to call or email or IM or anything. Home was a torture of nothing to do. At least at work he could fill the hours while he waited to hear from her. Waited for her to tell him that she'd done it and she was okay.

Finally, he could wait no longer and he ducked into his office and called her house.

"Hello?" came a gruff man's voice. He sounded like he was not in the best humour. This was definitely not a man to joke around with, which was fine by Danny since he wasn't in the best mood, either.

"Yeah, hi. Listen, is Lindsay there?"

"Goddamned reporters," the older man cursed. "Stop calling here! You can't talk to her!"

Danny stared at the phone with his eyebrows raised. The dialtone droned at him until he hung up, but he immediately dialed again.

"Hello?"

"I ain't a reporter, alright? So don't hang up."

"Who is this?" Ted asked suspiciously.

"My name's Danny Messer. I work with Lindsay in New York."

"Did you say Danny?"

"Yes, sir."

"Hold on. I'll get her."

Danny licked his lips and got up to pace his office as he waited seemingly forever for her to come to the phone.

"Danny?"

"I tried your cell, but you didn't answer, so…"

"My battery died."

"How are… how was… " he cleared his throat and tried again. "Y'alright, Montana?"

Lindsay took a shaky breath and nodded, then realized that he couldn't see that. "Sure," she said with that fake-cheerful voice that didn't fool anyone.

"What happened?" Danny asked, concern permeating his voice.

"I… I couldn't do it, Danny," she whispered, her voice ragged. "I couldn't face him. I couldn't…" her breath shook again as she inhaled and a whimper broke through before she could stop it. "I couldn't … say it."

Danny had tried to comfort Lindsay as best he could, but he'd been interrupted. He'd hated that some guy getting set on fire forced him to hang up on her when she was still obviously in pain, but he had a job to do. He'd spoken to her dad again for a minute before hanging up. They spoke as men do, and he'd been reassured that Montana wasn't alone. He hated the thought of her being alone.

"What other job allows you to set your boss on fire?" Mac had asked him. Much as Danny appreciated that point, he couldn't help but wish, just for now, that he had a job that allowed him more vacation time and more flexibility in when to take it. At least Mac had given him a couple of days, though. They had a firm handle on this magician guy, now, and with the Noah case all sewn up and the paperwork finished, he was now allowed to go home and sleep. A full eight hours. Or more. In his own bed. It was Monday night, now, and he didn't need to back at work until third shift on Thursday. Hawkes had even volunteered to take his call pager because he looked so exhausted.

Walking into his apartment, Danny flipped through the mail that had accumulated in the past couple of days. Bill, bill, credit card offer, bill. He tossed his keys down on the table and sighed. This wasn't where he wanted to be. Shrugging, he finally gave in to what he'd been feeling for days.

"Go with your instincts," he said to himself before grabbing his keys and going right back out he door he'd just walked in. He had a plane to catch.

Lindsay tossed and turned in her bed. She couldn't sleep. She wanted to talk to Danny, but he wasn't at the lab, he wasn't at home, and his cell was turned off for reasons she couldn't fathom. How could he do this to her? Didn't he realize how much she needed him right now?

Danny shifted in his seat, wincing as his knees hit the chair in front of him. The arm rest was digging into his ribs, the "blanket" he'd been given was paper-thin, and the "pillow" was barely big enough for his ear, let alone his whole head. Grunting, he squirmed a bit more, thumping his head against the pillow in a futile attempt to plump it before finally giving up and just closing his eyes.

"Good evening, folks. This is your captain speaking. It's currently 11:23pm in New York City and we've been given the all-clear to begin liftoff. Our flight today will take you to Helena, Montana via Salt Lake City, Utah with a one-hour stopover to board more passengers before we continue on to our final destination. Our flight time tonight is seven hours and forty-five minutes with two hours of time change as we fly west. I hope you enjoy your flight, and thank you for choosing FF Airlines."

Lindsay was just restarting her testimony a little after 10am when her eyes widened in surprise. Her mental state must be worse than she thought because she could swear that looked like Danny walking into the courtroom. But Danny was in New York. How could he walk into a courtroom in Montana? She watched with her mouth slightly agape in disbelief, just waiting for her eyes to blink and show her that she was hallucinating. It was just some other man with a passing resemblance to Danny.

But she blinked, and it still looked like him. He walked closer, and he didn't change into someone else. He stared at her with those wonderful blue eyes, letting her know that he was there for her. He was going to help her through this. She sat up a little straighter and smiled slightly as she watched him take a seat. With a deep breath and a steadier voice, she told her story.

Danny held her hand as they heard the verdict read out. When she tilted her head against his shoulder and smiled like that, he knew that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. He didn't care if she wasn't ready, yet. He got it, now. He'd listened to her story and he'd paid attention and he understood what made her so hesitant. Seeing that smile, though, and feeling her warm hand squeeze his like that? He was definitely going to stick around and wait for her. Feeling her in his arms, he knew he'd be there for her until she could stay in his arms forever.

You did it, man. You showed her how much you want her. She knows you ain't going anywhere. She knows you're willing to put up or shut up. Now you just have to keep your pants on and not screw it up before she's ready. Turning, he moved to leave the room, but she pulled him back.

The look on her face as she moved up to kiss him said it all. He didn't screw it up, and he didn't have to wait.

She was ready.

Author's Note: Oh my God! The End! I seriously can't believe I actually finished a multi-chapter fic. And it's not even smut! My mind is totally boggling right now. Anyway, I hope you liked it. It was the plot bunny that just wouldn't die or shut up no matter what I did, and so I wrote it. Unfortunately for me, the plot bunny still isn't dead, so I'm willing to do a sequel if anyone wants to read it. It would take up pretty much from where this one leaves off, I think, and would deal with the rest of Danny's time in Montana and then Lindsay returning to New York. I have a tentative title for it, but it kinda sucks, so we'll see about that. Anyway, I'm offline for most of the month of April, so I guess if anything gets written you can look forward to it in May. Thanks for reading! You guys rock!