Title: The War of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place
Rating: K
Genre: Humor
Setting: Summer of OOTP
Ships: Most likely none, though maybe something at some point if you tap your heels together three times and wish really hard.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: I've been wanting to write this for a while now. Hopefully it will be as entertaining for you to read as it was for me to think up. Some characters might end up being a little OOC, but not too badly. Please R&R! I LOVE constructive criticism. Flames will be used to light your house on fire. Enjoy!
It was a particularly boring summer afternoon at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Most of the house's residents and usual guests were
gathered in the drawing room, halfheartedly attempting to clean. Ginny Weasley had been polishing the same spot on the piano for about
ten minutes while her brother Ron was on the floor, lazily rolling a ball to Hermione's cat Crookshanks, who just as unenthusiastically
batted the ball back to Ron. Sirius Black and his godson, Harry Potter were laying on opposite ends of the dusty couch, one occasionally
lightly kicking the other, as if to make sure he was still alive. Even Hermione Granger, usually the responsible one, was curled up in an
oversized armchair, half asleep.
When Molly Weasley burst into the room, everyone immediately jumped up and tried (and failed) to make it look like they were
actually working. Fortunately for them, Mrs. Weasley didn't notice; she was too busy bustling from room to room spouting off instructions
for the evening: "We'll, I'm off to run some errands, won't be back for a few hours, Arthur's at the Ministry working overtime, owl him if
it's an emergency, Ginny, dear, do stop slouching, it's bad for your posture, there's lasagna in the ice box, put it in the oven about an hour
before you're ready to eat dinner, and don't forget to take the plastic off this time" – here, she glared at Tonks – "I might not be back
in time for the Order meeting, don't bother waiting, Fred and George, stay out of trouble, Bill, make sure Fred and George stay out of
trouble, when I get back I expect to see this room sparkling clean, Sirius, you're in char—" she stopped, thought better of it, and said,
"Remus, you're in charge, well, that's all, ta!" Remus Lupin looked up from the novel he was reading with a questioning "Hmm?", but Mrs.
Weasley had already left the room. He shrugged and returned his attention to his book. When the group heard the front door close,
everyone flopped down in their previous positions, and stared blankly at the door or the floor or something else that rhymes.
"So," began Sirius after several moments of silence, "anyone catch any of that?" A few people shook their heads, a few gave a quiet
"Nope" and the rest just continued to stare blankly. "Oh," he said, "good." And so the inhabitants of number twelve, Grimmauld Place
returned to being lazy.
After what felt like hours, but really was only a few extremely long minutes, Harry sat bolt upright on the couch, said "I'M BORED!"
and flopped back down again, startling Crookshanks who was now sitting on Sirius' lap, causing the cat/Kneazle to dig his claws into the
older man's legs.
"OW!" cried Sirius, picking the cat up and returning him to the floor. He stretched and said, "Me too. There's gotta be something other
than cleaning that we can do around here."
"Maybe," chimed in Hermione, "if we actually do clean, it'll keep our minds off our boredom." At this, everyone grumbled. Hermione
only shrugged and rolled over to a more comfortable position in her armchair.
"We should all play a game or something," offered Ginny. "That could be fun." Ginny's suggestion was met with slightly more
enthusiastic grumbles.
"What do we play then?" asked Ron.
Remus closed his book – trying to concentrate was useless at this point, which was really a shame, he thought, because it was quite a
good story – and said, "We could magic up some Muggle board games. They're a great cure for boredom. Maybe Clue or Risk or
Scrabble..."
"Oh, no," interrupted Sirius, "Not after what happened last time!"
Remus winced at the memory. "Good point," he agreed. "Well then, I'm out of ideas." Suddenly, Tonks perked up.
"I've got it!" she exclaimed. She waved her wand and on the floor appeared a large pile of brightly colored guns of all shapes and sizes.
"Guns?!" cried Bill. "Really, Tonks, it's not that bad!"
"Not just any guns, Bill," she corrected, picking up a small pink pistol, aiming it at his head and firing. Bill was shocked to feel cold
water running down his face.
"Water guns!" he laughed.
"Yep!" said Tonks, proudly. "I propose a good old fashioned game of Capture the Flag!" Everyone nodded their heads, slightly
awkwardly. Tonks sighed. "Oh, come on!" she said. "Don't tell me none of you have ever played Capture the Flag!"
Most of them shook their heads no, but Harry spoke up. "Well," he said, "I have with my cousin Dudley and his friends, but I always
end up being the only one to get shot and am the only one on my team and I usually end up locked in the washing room with no pants.
That's not how it's actually played, right?" he finished hopefully.
Tonks laughed. "'Course not!" she assured him. "Here's how it's played: There are two teams and each team has a flag that they have
to hide somewhere around the house. Only the people on your team can know where the flag is – the other team has to find it. If you get
shot, you're the other team's prisoner. They take you to their prison and can try to make you talk. Each team also has a base where
you're safe. The game doesn't end until you've gotten the other team's flag back to your team's base. Everyone got it?" The gang replied
enthusiastically yes. "Good. A few rules: No magic, except for refilling the guns. Leave your wands at base. The flag must be at least half
way visible, wherever you hide it. It can't be impossible to find. Also, anyone who happens to show up at any time is fair game. Except for
Moody 'cause that would just be unfair." Everyone nodded in agreement, fearing what it would be like if they had to face Moody in even a
fake battle, not to mention the advantage of his magical eye. "There are ten of us now, so teams will at least start out even. Speaking of,
we need to choose teams! Since it was my idea, I call dibs on being Captain of the first team."
Sirius grabbed a blue and green, three-tank gun off the pile and said, "And I'll be Captain of the other team!"
"Great," said Tonks, "You choose first." Sirius grinned mischievously and scanned the room for potential teammates.
"Remus!" The werewolf reluctantly got up from his chair and stood beside his friend.
It was Tonks' turn. "Harry!" she chose. He high-fived her as he stood by her side.
"Ron!" continued Sirius. The two of them continued like that until everyone had been chosen. Tonks' team consisted of Harry, Ginny,
Fred and Bill, while Sirius' was made up of Remus, Ron, Hermione and George. Members of both team chose their weapons, some
people arming themselves with small pistols, while others opted for a bigger gun, and still others chose a combination of both.
"All right!" said George, excitedly. "Are we ready to play?"
"Not quite," Tonks replied. "There are still a few things we need to do. First, we need team names." Everyone looked slightly confused.
"But why?" asked Bill.
"Because," she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "It's more fun that way!"
"Okay then," said Sirius, grinning madly, "we'll be –" he pondered his team for a moment – "the Ninjas!"
"The Ninjas?" asked Remus incredulously.
"Of course!" said Sirius happily. "Ninjas are awesome!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "You're not allowed to choose team names anymore." Sirius scowled.
"Fine then, "said Tonks. "We'll be the Pirates!"
"Oh, please," scoffed Sirius. "Everyone knows that Ninjas are better than Pirates any day!"
"No, they're not!"
"Yes, they are!"
"No, they're not!"
"Yes, they are!"
"No, they're –"
"STOP!" yelled Ginny. "We'll settle this on the battlefield." Sirius and Tonks glared at each other, but nodded in agreement.
"What should we use for flags?" asked Hermione.
"How about..." began Remus, waving his wand. In Sirius' hand there appeared a red flag with two crossed katana swords. In Tonks'
hand was the traditional Jolly Roger.
"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "Let's split up and chose our bases and prisons and hide the flags. Meet back here in ten minutes." The
Pirates chose Harry and Ron's room on the second floor as their base and the third floor library as their prison. The Ninjas chose the
kitchen as a base and the study as a prison, both on the first floor. Before returning to the drawing room, the Pirates held a quick meeting
at base. "Ginny, you hide the flag well?" asked Tonks.
"Yep!" she replied, and said in a hushed tone, "I hid it in mum and dad's room in a pair of dad's socks. Tonks laughed loudly.
"Good job! Shall we go?" The Pirates filed out of the room and met the Ninjas back in the drawing room. "You ready to lose, Black?"
challenged Tonks.
"If by 'lose' you mean 'win', then yes, I am ready to lose! I mean...wait..." A puzzled look came across Sirius' face. "Lose...you
mean...win..." he mumbled. "Yeah, that was right!" he finally exclaimed proudly, straightening up and crossing his arms, looking as though
he had already won the game, defeated Voldemort, and found a million Galleons lying in the street. Harry laughed at his godfather's lack of
eloquence. Remus sighed and had a hand-to-face moment.
"Before we begin," chimed in Bill, "I have an idea!" He waved his wand and the Ninjas were suddenly dressed as ninjas, while the
Pirates were in full pirate garb. Tonks got a hat since she was the Captain. Everyone admired their costumes except for Remus, who just
really wanted to go back to reading his novel.
"Well, then," said Sirius, "I do believe we're ready."
"Indeed we are," replied Tonks. "Five minutes to get into position?"
"Right," said Sirius. They shook hands, eying each other competitively.
"Let the games begin."
A/N: Yay, one chapter down! Hopefully I'll get the next one up at some point this weekend. 3