Mamoru's Horrible Secret

By Luvdarain5

Disclaimer: Yes, yes I DO own Sailo-oh, who am I kidding?!? No, I DON'T own Sailor Moon. So stop askin', all right?

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"Oh my, what a long day." Usagi sighed as she let herself into her apartment. Tugging the keys out of the lock, she pushed the door closed behind her, locking it. "Mamo-cham, I'm home!" She called out happily.

No answer.

"That's funny, I could have sworn I saw his car in the parking lot." She said to herself, talking out loud. She hated being by herself, and often spoke aloud in order to keep herself company. Mamoru said it was charming, Rei said it was dumb. Mamo-chan was smarter than Rei anyways, Usagi thought smugly.

"Mamo-chan?" She called, slipping off her shoes in the foyer and sliding her feet into a comfortable pair of pink slippers. The apartment was dark, with no sign of her husband.

With a shrug she headed for the kitchen. She supposed she would need to find something to fix for dinner since she had arrived home first. She loved trying new recipes, and would sometimes create her own concoctions. Her loving husband often told her she was talented, and that he appreciated her enthusiasm-whatever that meant…. She wore a proud grin, married only a year and already she had mastered the art of being the perfect wife!

In fact, she worked so hard, between her job at the day care center during the day and her housework and wifely duties at night that Mamoru often beat her home and cook the meal for them. She hated to miss a chance to prepare a meal for him but he was always saying she worked too hard as it was and the least he could do was to cook for them once in awhile. He was so considerate, she thought happily.

She shrugged. Maybe tonight would be a good night to try the beef bourginon meal she had been wanting to try, only she wanted to use chicken instead, because she liked that better. She began pulling out various ingredients when she realized they were out of wine. Opening the refrigerator she searched for inspiration. 'Oh, maybe I can use beer instead!' She thought, pleased with her ingenuity. 'After all-' A faint noise caught her attention, and she shut the door and cocked her head in order to hear better.

Brow wrinkled, Usagi crossed the kitchen floor and walked though the swinging door into the dark hallway that led to their bedroom at the end of the hall, and to the right, the bathroom they shared. The place was small for now but they were saving up for a house, and with Mamoru making good money, it would only be a matter of time.

"Huh, that's weird." Usagi said to herself softly as she noticed that their bathroom door was closed, yet there was florescent yellow lighting shining out from the bottom of the door.

She padded softly down the hall, getting closer to the door, but something held her back from calling out to him. Why hadn't he answered when she had called him the first time? Why hadn't he cut on any lights when he arrived him? Why was he closed up in the bathroom when no one was home? Well, that last question was silly; Usagi thought to herself, he IS in the bathroom…

Still, something seemed off, and she cautiously turned her head to hear what was going on inside that closed bathroom. She felt silly, he was either taking a shower or using the ahem facilities, and she really didn't want to hear tha- 'What was that?' She interrupted herself with a gasp.

The soft rustle of fabric caused her to shake her head at herself. He was disrobing, probably wanting to jump in the shower as soon as he got in before coming to see her. 'Dear Mamo-chan,' She thought sweetly, 'you don't have to get all cleaned up for me, I love you just the way you a-what's that sound?'

The sound of his shoes scuffing a little on the floor. Wait, so he took off his clothes but not his shoes? That didn't make sense. What the heck was he doing?

Suddenly, she heard a low, faint moan. 'ooooyeah…' Usagi's jaw dropped. Mamo-chan, what are you doing? She wondered, bewildered.

Struggling to hear anything over the sound of her own breathing which seemed ridiculously loud at the moment she tilted her head to the door.

'mmmm…so good…' He exhaled, his sexy voice sounding like melted liquid.

She clapped her hands over her mouth in shock. What the?

Straightening up, her arms fell to her sides disbelievingly. He couldn't be doing what she thought he was doing. It was all-wrong, it didn't make any sense. They had only been married a year, darn it he couldn't be bored with her already! She wanted to whimper at the emotions welling up in her heart.

Then she heard something that eased her pain a little. "Ohhhh Usako baby, I bet you wish you were here right now…" He groaned naughtily.

"Oh Mamo-chan, my darling, I am here with you…" She whispered, laying her palm flat against the door, and leaning her head against it, somehow trying to transmute her presence to him without announcing herself. He would be embarrassed if she caught him, she realized. Perhaps he just hadn't been able to wait until she got home.

Then, a different sound caught her attention and caused her to straighten up and stare at the door. Was that the sound of…foil? But what would he need that f-

With an indignant gasp, Usagi suddenly put all the pieces of the puzzle together. 'Why that low down, no good snake!' she raged, her tenderness and worry for a moment before vanishing. In a burst of anger, she reached down and grabbed the handle, pushing in the door with an almighty force of violence.

Mamoru was sitting on the edge of the bathtub; at her abrupt entrance he looked up, scandalized.

"U-Usagi!" He stuttered. "I didn't know you were home!"

She tried to get into the bathroom but skidded a little over his suit jacket that had been handing on the other side of the door she had opened.

"Just what is the meaning of that?" Usagi shouted, shaking with rage and pointing at his lap.

"Wait, I can explain, its not what you think!" Mamoru said, trying to reason with her, trying to make her understand.

"I thought married people did everything together!" She bellowed, her normally sweet voice piercing his eardrums.

"They do! We do! Its just been a long day and I-Usagi wait!" He tried to stop her as she turned and dashed from the bathroom too angry to stay and listen.

Mamoru stood, gingerly moving the evidence of his transgression to the bathroom counter. 'I need a better hiding place' Mamoru thought as he gave one last longing look at his 'dirty secret'. He left to go find his wife to apologize and console her.

On the counter sat a small fancy box of Godiva chocolates, half empty of its foil wrapped caramel and chocolately goodness.

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The End!

(Bet you were thinking something bad, weren't you?!?)